Hidden Feelings
Tell Me You ExistIndex:
(YJ) – Young Jae speaking
(DH) – Daehyun speaking
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After spending about three hours window-shopping at the mall, Daehyun and Young Jae had decided to head home. After all, if they weren’t even going to buy anything, why bother spend any longer than necessary there? Yes, window-shopping was nice and all, but it can become rather depressing to see so many things that one can only look at, but can’t purchase. Well, either way, at least they had their fill of social interaction despite their failed attempts at getting Young Jae to converse with various store employees. Heck, they had even tried to get Young Jae to flirt with a few girls, but it ended up becoming much more awkward than what had been anticipated.
So, there they were, waiting for the bus to arrive to bring them back to Young Jae’s apartment. There were only about two other people also waiting for the bus, so it gave them ample enough space to feel comfortable there. At least the sun was shining, slightly warming up the rather cold day. Young Jae was shivering a little, but whenever he looked at Daehyun, he could see that he was sitting comfortably with little to no regard towards the cold. How could he just sit there without a care in the world?
While Young Jae was battling his cold battle, Daehyun was thinking about a variety of things. What those things may be, it depended on his mood, but otherwise, he just seemed to jump from one topic to the other. When he finally looked over at Young Jae, he could see just how cold he currently was. At the moment, Daehyun was perfectly fine in his own jacket, so maybe he could help Young Jae warm up a bit. It made sense, right? If he was perfectly fine, then if he shared his body heat, then Young Jae would be able to feel as good as him.
Scooting closer to Young Jae, Daehyun wrapped an arm around Young Jae before pulling him closer. Young Jae’s eyes widened as he stared at Daehyun’s hand first before looking up at Daehyun. Daehyun grinned at Young Jae as he rubbed Young Jae’s arm in an attempt to warm him up a little bit. “Is it helping? I heard sharing body heat is the best way to warm someone up.” (DH)
“Y-Yeah… um… thank you…” (YJ)
“If you want, you can rest your head on my shoulder.” (DH) Young Jae quickly turned his head away as he found himself feeling a bit embarrassed by the idea. Would it… really be alright for him to do that? He really was already feeling a little warmer just by being next to Daehyun, so… maybe it was alright to rest his head too. He might be able to warm up his head that way, right?
“Is it okay…?” (YJ)
“Of course! Go ahead.” (DH) Hesitantly, Young Jae leaned his head towards Daehyun before he soon felt his head come into contact with Daehyun’s shoulder. With a shy smile, Young Jae unintentionally snuggled comfortably up to Daehyun before folding his arms. Why was this so comfortable? Young Jae knew that resting his head on a lap was comfortable, but this was very comforting as well. Plus, it was very warm too. Okay, not very warm, but it did make him feel a little warmer. He really did like this and he kind of didn’t want to get up now. “Comfortable, right?” (DH)
“Mhm…” (YJ) After a few minutes of sitting like this, Young Jae soon felt something resting on top of his head. Looking up a bit, he could just barely make out Daehyun’s hair and small bits of his face, but it was most definitely Daehyun. Was it really alright for two friends to do this? It wasn’t weird or anything, right? Though, that thought left his mind as he felt Daehyun rubbing his arm again. Maybe Daehyun was just trying really hard to keep him warm. In his book, Young Jae was completely alright with that. It was a nice gesture after all and Young Jae didn’t want to say anything that might hurt Daehyun’s feelings.
“Hey… What are you studying to become?” (DH) Young Jae thought for a brief moment as he thought over Daehyun’s question. Technically, he was studying to become a doctor… or a lawyer… or an engineer, but those weren’t things that he wanted to become. Of course, Daehyun did ask what he was studying to become, not what he actually wanted to become.
“I… I’m still deciding. My mom wants me to become a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer.” (YJ) A brief chuckle escaped from Daehyun, which had confused Young Jae a bit. Was it because of his three different choices? Okay, so neither one of those career choices had anything to do with one another, but at least they were each admirable career choices to strive for. He almost would have preferred the possibility of becoming an astronaut, but his fear of heights had quickly crossed that off the list of choices.
“Alriiiight… Let’s make it easier then... What do YOU want to become?” (DH)
“Me…?” (YJ) Young Jae rolled his thoughts around, debating on what he should say. He felt like he had already been asked this question, but Young Jae couldn’t remember if it was from Daehyun or someone else. Either way, it felt kind of weird being asked what he wanted to become as opposed to what felt like he had to become. “I… I want to become a manga... or an anime artist.” (YJ)
Daehyun smiled as he lifted his head a bit to look at Young Jae. When Young Jae lifted his head to look at Daehyun, he stared at him out of confusion. Reaching up, Daehyun ruffled Young Jae’s hair a bit before leaning back in his seat. “See? That wasn’t so hard. Now… why don’t you become a manga artist then? Can you draw well? It sounds way more fun than those other three options…” (DH)
“Um… my mom wants me to become a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer though…” (YJ) That was basically the only reason why he wasn’t pursuing a career as a manga artist. Yes, he hadn’t said anything to his mother or his grandmother, but he felt like he didn’t have a choice in the matter.
“So? Just tell her that you don’t want to become any of those.” (DH)
“But… what if she gets mad?” (YJ) Daehyun looked at Young Jae, whom was still staring at him. Now, instead of a confused look, he had an almost sad and worried look. Daehyun chuckled a bit before reaching forward and pulling Young Jae towards him. Putting Young Jae’s head back onto his shoulder, Daehyun rubbed Young Jae’s arm a bit before talking.
“It’ll be okay. She’s your mom, right? She should be understanding.” (DH) Young Jae nodded a bit as he adjusted his position a bit. His mom should understand what he wanted, right? That’s how most parents should be, but he didn’t really know if he could actually bring himself to try. For now, he would remain quiet about it, but… he knew that he was going to have to bring it up sooner or later. If not, then it might be too late to have a say in the matter.
As he began to finish those thoughts, his mind began to drift back to Daehyun. It was odd how uninterested Daehyun had seemed when they first met, but now… it seemed like Daehyun cared a lot about him. Was it weird that they’ve only known each other for a little over a month? Well, that just meant that they became friends much quicker than he had anticipated. Of course, spending time together at lunch everyday did help quite a bit, though… he still didn’t know much about Daehyun. “Um… what do… you want to do when you’re older?” (YJ)
“Me? I plan to take over my parents’ bakery.” (DH)
“Your parents own a bakery?” (YJ) Daehyun hesitated for a moment, but he hummed in response. Young Jae was rather surprised that Daehyun was planning to take over his parents’ bakery. It was a nice thing for him to do, though Young Jae was rather curious if Daehyun even knew how to bake. Though… something was starting to bother him. “Um… What’s your last name?” (YJ)
“Jung. Why?” (DH) Young Jae’s eyes widened as he bit his bottom lip. It was the same name as that bakery that Jongup worked at! There HAD to be a reason as to why Daehyun refused to go in there and it may be because Daehyun was having a bad relationship with his family at the moment. Maybe that’s why Daehyun also didn’t want to give him his home phone number. “…-u listening? Why do you ask?” (DH)
“Hm…? O-Oh, um… I-I was just curious…” (YJ) He couldn’t ask Daehyun about his situation. It was personal and Young Jae doubted that they were close enough to where Daehyun would be willing to tell him his secrets. Even then, Young Jae knew that it would be difficult to talk about personal problems.
He just hoped that everything turned out alright for Daehyun…
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“D-Daehyun!” (YJ) Young Jae tightly closed his eyes and yelped before they crashed onto the floor. Letting out a small groaned pain, Young Jae opened his eyes a little before tilting his head downwards to look at a grinning Daehyun. He reached down and attempted to push Daehyun off of him, but Daehyun had both arms currently around him and with their combined weight, it was rather difficult to get him to let go. “T-That hurt a lot!” (YJ)
“Sorry! Just playing a little.” (DH) How was this playing?! Young Jae didn’t understand, but he only let out a small whine as he looked back up towards the ceiling. With a small sigh, Young Jae set his arms out to the side as he felt Daehyun’s arms pulling out from underneath him. Before he knew it, he found himself staring up at a smiling face. “Whatcha thinking about?” (DH)
“Nothing… But why are you on top of me?” (YJ) Young Jae pursed his lips as he watched Daehyun look off to the side for a moment. He was curious what Daehyun’s answer would be, but the longer they stayed in this position, the more awkward things would become.
“No reason. Do I need one?” (DH) Daehyun looked back down at Young Jae before tilting his head, his smile resurfacing as the two stared at one another. Young Jae slowly began to feel his face heating up and for whatever reason, his body was becoming very sensitive. He didn’t understand why he was acting like this, but he didn’t exactly want it to progress any further.
“C-Can we… get up now… please?” (YJ)
“Will you cook lunch?” (DH)
“It’s four in the afternoon…” (YJ)
“… Is that a no?” (DH)
“W-Well, no… but…” (YJ)
“Great! I can’t wait!” (DH) Daehyun quickly got himself up to his feet before holding his hand out to Young Jae. Young Jae propped himself up onto his elbows before looking up at Daehyun. Daehyun nodded a bit, waiting patiently for Young Jae. When Young Jae finally reached up and took hold of Daehyun’s hand, Daehyun pulled Young Jae up onto his feet before dusting himself off. “So, what are you going to make? Will it be good?” (DH)
“I-I don’t know yet… I have to think. Can’t we wait until my grandma comes home?” (YJ) As much as he would have liked to cook, Young Jae was currently feeling lazy. They had just gotten home and changed into their pajamas when Daehyun had suddenly decided to cause the both of them to fall over. It was strange and… painful, but Young Jae didn’t mind it as long as they weren’t in too much pain.
“That’s so long… but okay…” (DH) Young Jae hadn’t heard Daehyun sound so disappointed before, but he seemed to shrug it off as he began walking back towards their bedroom. More out of curiosity than anything, Young Jae quickly followed after Daehyun as he watched him go into the bedroom. Peeking his head around the corner, his eyes landed on Daehyun, whom had just flopped onto the bed. When Daehyun noticed that Young Jae was there, he pat the spot on the bed next to him. “Lay down with meeee… Your bed is soooo comfy…” (DH)
“Um… shouldn’t we study…? Our finals are in a few months…” (YJ)
“That’s so far… We can study tomorrow.” (DH) Young Jae let out a small sigh before he made his way over to the bed. Once he was standing by Daehyun’s feet, Young Jae crawled onto the bed and laid down where Daehyun had been patting. In that instant, Daehyun jumped on top of Young Jae and entangled his limbs around Young Jae before he began to rub his cheek against Young Jae’s cheek. “You’re so squishy. I like it a lot.” (DH)
“T-This is uncomfortable…” (YJ) Besides the fact that Daehyun was on top of him and rubbing their faces together, he felt completely restricted and lying on top of Daehyun’s arms and legs (to which he still has no idea how Daehyun had managed to get those underneath him) was quite uncomfortable. “H-How long do you plan on doing this…?” (YJ)
“Mm… ‘Til I get bored, I guess.” (DH) A small sigh escaped from Young Jae as he closed his eyes. It would have been nice if he was at least comfortable, but there wasn’t really much he could do at the moment. Well, at least his grandmother wasn’t here at the moment. If she had walked in on this, Young Jae wouldn’t really know how to explain this to her. “Hey… Uh… I’ve been thinking…” (DH)
Young Jae felt the bed shifting as the weight on top of him lifted. Pushing himself up a bit, he looked up at Daehyun, whom seemed to be thinking seriously. What was he thinking about so seriously that made him act this way? It felt weird to see him acting like this, but it at least showed him another side of his. “Ah… Never mind. It’s not important.” (DH)
“Tell me anyway! I wanna know.” (YJ) Daehyun chuckled a bit as he looked at Young Jae. He was tempted to tell Young Jae, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Daehyun needed to keep all necessary secrets a secret; otherwise things might not go the way he hoped it would. Even if it might go the way he wanted it to, Daehyun still had another secret that would challenge this secret and… well, he didn’t want to hurt anyone.
“You really wanna know? Well…” (DH) Daehyun let out an evil laugh as he jumped up to his feet. Folding his arms, Daehyun smirked as he looked down at Young Jae. Young Jae slowly pushed himself up to a sitting position as he stared up at Daehyun out of worry. “I just remembered that you have to do whatever I say! So go cook for us!” (DH)
“Nooo…! F-Fine…” (YJ) Young Jae reluctantly got to his feet before making his way out of the bedroom. Daehyun sat back down onto the bed as he gave a small smile, a brief chuckle escaping from him as he rubbed the back of his head. If it was that easy to trick Young Jae, then he might do it much more often.
Turning his head to the side a bit, his eyes landed on the fish bowl that was currently on Young Jae’s desk. Rolling onto his stomach, Daehyun used his elbows to keep himself propped up as he looked at the two little fish in the bowl. He was rather glad that Young Jae seemed to actually be taking good care of the fish. Maybe he should catch more fish for him, just to make it up to him for treating him like a slave.
Or… he could just continue to help Young Jae out.
Now that he thought about it, why was he trying so hard to help Young Jae? It’s not like he owed Young Jae or anything. Heck, even when they first met at the library, Daehyun found him kind of boring, but… kind of interesting. He didn’t really know why, but… well, he was attracted to Young Jae. Yes, he didn’t really understand his own feelings about this kind of thing, but Daehyun was at least certain that he LIKED liked Young Jae. He just… couldn’t bring himself to telling him that just yet. It would make things awkward, wouldn’t it? After all, Young Jae seemed to be into girls… possibly… maybe. Okay, so he wasn’t sure about it, but that’s what this stay here was for.
It’s not like he had been completely random with his actions. In a way, Daehyun was testing the waters and seeing if things would go the way he hoped for it to go, though… would he want things to go that way? That was exactly the kind of thing that he wanted to avoid and yet… he found it difficult.
No… It was just better to continue testing the waters and seeing where it goes from there. He can ignore his feelings for however long it takes. After all… it was better this way. It would avoid the potential heartache that would ensue if he did end up acting on his feelings.
With a sigh, Daehyun pushed himself off of the bed before stretching a bit with a grin. Regardless of the situation, Daehyun was still rather happy to at least be able to spend time with Young Jae. After all, he has gotten to sleep in the same bed with Young Jae. He also managed to get a nice view of Young Jae’s body, though… did this make him seem like a creep? Well, he could worry about that later. “Young Jaeeeee! Make mine first and extra tasty!” (DH)
Daehyun yelled out for Young Jae to hear before he ran out of the bedroom. Might as well get the most out of this lunch, right? Sure, they could have just waited for Young Jae’s grandmother to come home, but where was the fun in that? “Yah! Young Jae! Did you hear me?!” (DH)
“I-I did!” (YJ)
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“Hey… It’s snowing.” (DH)
“… Where?” (YJ)
“Right there.” (DH) Daehyun leaned closer towards Young Jae before pointing with his left hand. Young Jae looked and although he didn’t see anything at first, his eyes soon spotted the drifting bits of snow. With a smile, Young Jae leaned closer towards the railing as he stared up at the snow. Although November was considered the fall month, sometimes it would snow earlier than intended. When mixed with the trees that still had its leaves, it looked quite pretty. “Do you like the snow or do you only like the rain? (DH)
“I like the snow too… It’s really pretty to watch, but it’s always really cold…” (YJ) If it wasn’t for the fact that the balcony had a wall on each side and a roof above it, they probably would be feeling the full effect of the wind. Of course, they could have easily avoided it by staying away from the edge, but Daehyun had wanted to get a better view of the city. If it hadn’t been for the snow, Young Jae probably would still be by the wall at the moment.
“I’ll warm you up. Come here.” (DH) Daehyun pulled Young Jae into his arms before pulling him off to the side where they were well hidden from the inside. Young Jae, at first, was grateful that Daehyun was warming him up, however… once he realized what they were currently doing; his face began to turn red. What were they doing?! Why was Daehyun hugging him like this?! Was it okay for two friends to be in a position like this?! “Warmer?” (DH)
“W-Well, yes, but… I-Is this okay…?” (YJ)
“Does it bother you?” (DH)
“A-A little…” (YJ) Young Jae waited, but Daehyun didn’t seem to say anything. Just as he begun to look up, he felt Daehyun remove one of his arms while he moved the other arm around Young Jae’s shoulders. He let out a relieved sigh as he comfortably stood next to Daehyun now. Young Jae was at least used to having just one of Daehyun’s arms around him as opposed to having both of them pulling the two of them far too close to one another. “T-Thank you…” (YJ)
“No problem! Don’t want to make you feel too uncomfortable.” (DH) Daehyun held his grin as he reached up and gave Young Jae’s chest a quick pat before sticking his hand back into his pocket. Young Jae rubbed his chest a bit before looking back up at the sky. “Say… What’s your mom like? Is she a nice woman?” (DH)
“Mm… I think she is…? I only get to talk to her on face time or on the phone though... So I can’t really say.” (YJ) He wanted to give a straight answer, but Young Jae just couldn’t. The last time he saw his mother in person was back when he was about… maybe six or seven years old. His mother has been working hard to support him and his grandmother, so he didn’t have a definitive idea on what his mother’s personality is like.
“Must be hard… You don’t even have a brother or a sister! You must get really bored with just your grandmother around.” (DH) Young Jae hadn’t really thought about it that way before. He was used to his grandmother’s company and he was usually studying most of the time anyway, so it wasn’t all that easy for him to get bored or anything like that. At least now he wasn’t bored or anything. He has friends like Himchan and Daehyun to keep him company!
“No… I-It’s fine. I like my grandma’s company.” (YJ)
“Well, now you have my company. Great, right?” (DH)
“Mhm…” (YJ) Daehyun rubbed Young Jae’s arm a bit before tilting his head and resting it against Young Jae’s. Young Jae attempted to look at Daehyun, but he didn’t want to turn his head to make things awkward. He didn’t understand why Daehyun liked being so close to him and yes, Young Jae felt embarrassed by this, but if he were going to live with Daehyun for a while, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt to at least try and get used to it.
They stood there for a few minutes, watching as the snow continued to gently float downwards. It was rather nice to watch, but the cold was starting to get to Young Jae. Once he shivered a little more than usual, Daehyun pulled away for a bit as he turned to face Young Jae. “Hey… Let’s head inside and get something warm to drink.” (DH)
“O-Okay...” (YJ) The two turned around before making their way back inside. Once they were safely inside, they shed their jackets off and brought it back to the bedroom before making their way into the kitchen. As Young Jae went around to gather whatever they needed to have some warm hot chocolate, Daehyun watched as he sat at the small table to the side of the wall. He grinned a bit as he leaned against the wall with his arm resting on the table. After Young Jae had gotten the water to start warming up, he made his way over to the table before sitting in the chair opposite of Daehyun. “Um… Are you okay with hot chocolate?” (YJ)
“Sounds great! I like chocolate.” (DH) Young Jae smiled a bit as he leaned against the wall, his gaze drifting off towards the pot on the stovetop. It would be a while before the water would even start boiling, so they still had quite a lot of time to waste before they could enjoy their hot chocolate. Sure, they would have warmed up by then, but an extra boost wouldn’t hurt.
Briefly glancing over at Daehyun, Young Jae was about to stare at the pot again, but he slowly turned back to return Daehyun’s stare. Daehyun currently had both his elbows on the table with his chin in palm of his hands. He was smiling at first, but when Young Jae had turned back to stare at him, that smile turned into a grin. Young Jae looked here and there for a moment, but when it was evident that Daehyun wasn’t going to look elsewhere, Young Jae turned a little red as he shrunk in his seat a little. “W-What is it…?” (YJ)
“Nothing.” (DH)
“Then… um… why are you staring at me?” (YJ)
“No reason.” (DH) Young Jae turned a slightly deeper shade of red as he tried to keep his gaze off of Daehyun. This was rather awkward, but it probably wasn’t as awkward as this morning’s encounters. He was hoping that the water would start boiling, but he knew that that wasn’t going to be happening for maybe another five or ten minutes. Since he had just put the pot of water on the stove, it wouldn’t be pulling him away any time soon. So, in order to at least give Daehyun a reason to stare at him, he decided to at least try and attempt to start up some sort of conversation.
“Um… What’s your… Do you… um…” (YJ) What was he supposed to ask?! Young Jae just couldn’t think of anything that would be of help. There were a plethora of topics to select and yet, none of these topics seemed to want to come to his head and tell him what was correct. Looking over at the pot, Young Jae bit his bottom lip before looking back at Daehyun. “D-Do you like pots?!” (YJ)
“… Pots?” (DH) Young Jae was mentally slapping himself as he watched Daehyun turn to look at the pot currently on the stove. He stared for about two or three seconds before he turned back to Young Jae and chuckled a bit. “Sure, I guess I like pots. They’re useful for cooking and I like food. What about you?” (DH)
“U-Uh… Y-Yeeeaahhh…” (YJ) Even though he had been the one to ask the question, Young Jae couldn’t help but know that this was still quite awkward. Was there something else that he could ask about? Maybe there was a topic somewhere that would be alright to talk about to make things, hopefully, less awkward.
“Would you… be happy if you dated a male?” (DH)
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[[ My Own Thoughts:
Slowly, but surely, at least Daehyun is figuring out his feelings. X3
As for Young Jae…
Well, it’s going to be a little longer before he begins sorting anything out.
Buuuut… At least things are beginning to move in terms of relationships x3?
Comments are loved >3
I love talking with everyone. X3
I also like to see how I’m doing with these chapters >3< ]]
So... I don't know if I should edit Ch. 18 & 19 or not. It's pretty angst and I cry.
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