JinYoung woke up in Mark’s embrace as he laid his head on the other’s arm. He spent his precious time staring at the red hair. Mark has always been so beautiful to his eyes. His heart is full of happiness when he thought of what happened last night. How their lips felt so right together. How their bodies fit perfectly. How warm Mark’s body was.

However, there was still doubt in JinYoung. He still couldn’t believe this wasn’t a dream. Mark had finally came over his denial stage and admitted his feelings for JinYoung. But wait, did he? The black hair remembered that Mark said he broke up with his girlfriend. Then he kissed JinYoung. But that doesn’t mean Mark loves him right? That could mean anything..

That could mean Mark was still in denial again.. Was JinYoung just a game for Mark? The one whose feelings he could play whenever he wants? Suddenly the black hair boy was too aware that THIS may be the sad truth. There was no realization here. Mark was still the same. Even if he broke up with Yumi, it wasn’t sure that the one he loved was JinYoung. And JinYoung felt like he fell right back to hell again. The confusion is killing him. He wished Mark could be straightforward about this and tell him what he wanted to hear. But asking that directly would be too pathetic..

JinYoung, you’re too pathetic… He realized he still lied in Mark’s embrace and he quickly stood up, waking up the red hair. Mark rubbed his eyes, waking up to Jinyoung’s gorgeous being next to him. He wanted so bad to pulled the other boy in and kissed him again like he did yesterday. Before he could this so, he noticed something was off in JinYoung’s eyes. His hands tried to find the other’s ones to hold but JinYoung snatched his hands away.

“JinYoungie… what’s wrong?” - Mark asked with nervousness.

“I..” - JinYoung didn’t know how to explain all the turmoil going on in his head right now. Suddenly his phone rang and the name shown on the screen didn’t surprise him at all.

“Hello Jackson? Yes… Yes.. I’m fine. I’m at my friend’s house yesterday so I’m safe from the storm.  Yes.. Yes.. Sorry for not calling you, I know you’re worried. I’m sorry.” - JinYoung was too immersed in the phone call with his boyfriend that he totally forgot Mark was still here in the same room with him. When he caught Mark’s disappointed eyes, he finally stopped. “Hey sweety, I will call you later when I get home okay? The snow is still too thick right now. ...Sure. Bye.”

Jinyoung got off the phone and once again, silence filled their room. Mark excused to get into the bathroom and wash himself up when Jinyoung was left alone again with his thoughts. What was that? Why did he see disappointment in Mark’s eyes? Did it mean anything, again? He sighed heavily. Still the phone call from Jackson woke him up from this fantasy and reminded him that he had a boyfriend who loved him already. Why did JinYoung always have to desperately seek love from someone else and then got hurt even more?

Mark slammed the door behind him and took a deep breathe. He couldn’t believe in what he just heard. “Staying at a friend’s house” ? So he’s just a friend to JinYoung now, isn’t he? A friend who can kiss him deeply and hug him tightly then sleep on the same bed with him? Mark felt angry and sad at the same time. But what could he do? It looked like it was what he deserved for taking JinYoung for granted the whole time.

The whole breakfast they shared with Mark’s mother went on in the awkward mode again, despite what happened last night. They still avoided each other’s eyes as if they did something terribly wrong and embarrassing. Mark couldn’t stand it anymore. The way JinYoung fidgeted his fingers made Mark want to hold them. The way the other bit his lips made Mark want to kiss them all over again. But he couldn’t. He thought he knew why, but he still need a talk over this with JinYoungie, to clear the air. He won’t allow anymore confusion right now. It’s either yes or no, in or out. They can’t just keep staying in between.

Mark asked JinYoung to sat down with him when they walked into the room again. He took a deep breath before letting everything all out.

“JinYoung, what is this? Why do you still avoid me? Are you still mad at me?” -Mark’s voice reached the highest level of sadness that JinYoung thought he might broke into tears right then.

“No Mark, no, I’m not mad at  you.” - he quickly answered and held the red hair’s hands, despite fighting against it all this long. - “I’m just… I’m just not sure. I don’t even know what is going on right now..”

Mark squeezed JinYoung’s hands in his and talked in the most soothing voice as possible. “What is bordering you, Nyeongie? You need to tell me. Let me know if my guess was right or not.”

JinYoung took a deep breath, avoided Mark’s eyes once again and he said “I’m not sure if this was real. Your feelings to me, are they real or they just confusion again? I’m not sure I want to get back to that uncertainty of yours and get myself hurt again. Jackson loves me, he loves me so much Mark and I know that. And I don’t know if you love me like he does, more than that, I don’t know if you love me like I do…” - he felt weak but JinYoung tried hard not to let any tears fall. He was a strong man and he can’t let his tears fall for this. He felt pathetic, his feelings were desperate, it was like he begged Mark to give him some mercy. JinYoung was afraid he couldn’t hold it anymore so he stood up and tried to leave before his wrists was held back tightly and Mark pulled him back to his embrace.

Mark pushed his lips again the black hair’s again, wishing to the entire universe that he could pour his heart out through the kiss, so that JinYoung could see how real his feelings were. He felt relieved that the other didn’t push him away. He didn’t reply the kiss but at least he accepted it, it was the first step. Mark let go and looked straight into JinYoung’s eyes.

“I know you can’t trust me right now. I deserved that. But I’m gonna make you do. I will be here, always wait for you until you accept my love. Until you yourself, JinYoung ah, …” - he palmed the other’s cheeks - “realized that you love me way more than Jackson. I will win you back. I promise you.”

And that was the promise Mark made to himself as well.