Chap 12: Realization

It was a torture for Mark to see they carried JinYoung away, to the infirmary. He had never felt so useless. It should have been him. He should have been the one to take care of JinYoung, just like the black hair used to take care of him. He shouldn’t stand here, motionless and clueless of what to do. And honestly, he shouldn’t be the one to hurt JinYoung in the first place.

“Are you freaking out of your mind?” - Jaebum flung forward and almost gave him a punch if YuGyeom and BamBam didn’t hold him back.

Mark didn’t even try to protest. He was speechless. And how his legs carried him here, to meet JinYoung, to make sure the black hair was okay, he didn’t know either. It was his instinct.

“What’s wrong with you Mark? Just few days ago, you and JinYoung seemed like you two are inseparable, now you’re hurting him, on purpose! What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you know that he lo..”

“Jaebum, stop!”- YoungJae made the right move to interrupt, but Mark already knew what Jaebum was about to say.

“Let’s go Mark. I need to have a talk with you.” - the red hair let YoungJae dragged him away. His mind still wandered somewhere.

JinYoung loves him. That’s what Jaebum said earlier. Mark should know that , right? JinYoung even confessed to him. He had no idea how much courage it took for the black hair to even say it. But he didn’t know his feelings. Now he does. And those feelings were killing him. They tore Mark apart.

“Hey, have u calmed down now?” - YoungJae’s voice pulled him back to reality. The other boy patted a seat and signal Mark to sit down.

“I guess. I’m sorry, YoungJae.” - he kept his head low. He knew he had disappointed YoungJae and all of his friends. And most importantly, JinYoung.

“I’m not mad at you. And I’m not the one you should apologize to.”

Mark knew for sure who was that one. But was he ready? He didn’t know. He was still in denial. More like stepping a foot over realization stage. The truth hit him hard and he just couldn’t accept it yet.

“I… I can’t…” - his voice cracked. Mark didn’t even know what his problem was. He loves JinYoung. He came to know it now. He couldn’t stand seeing the black hair mentioning Jackson. He couldn’t even stand the thought of losing JinYoung. All this anger, it was from love. But then….why had he accept it yet? He never imagined of falling in love with his best friend, who is a boy. He…

“Stop freaking out Mark. Every time you do, bad things happen…” -YoungJae said without looking at him.

“Then tell me how to stop…”- Mark hid his face in both his hands. Never before had he felt confused like this.

“Do you love him, Mark?” - now this was the question Mark feared of.

“I .. I don’t know. I grew used to having him by my side. I don’t care naming that kind of feelings. Then suddenly he confessed. And suddenly he avoids me. Suddenly I became mad like this….”

“That’s your problem. You always take JinYoung for granted. You’re using him, without knowing. You hurted him and he wanted to end this.”- YoungJae shook his head and sighed.

“I’m not using him!!” - the red hair snapped. “I care for him more than anyone else. I treasure JinYoung like no one else can. He is my best friend. He is the most important person to me. And now he cut me off like this! This is just unfair!”

“Unfair?” - YoungJae still used his calm voice. Mark really admired his friend for that. “So is it fair that you said you treasure him but you put your reputation before him, Mark?”

“I...don’t..” - the red hair shuttered and suddenly he realized what was wrong.

“Choose for yourself, Mark. What are you willing to lose, the popularity you have- the one you keep staying in denial to keep, or JinYoung, if you truly adore him that much.” - YoungJae put an hand on Mark’s shoulder before walking away, leaving the red hair back with so many thoughts.

He closed his eyes and here it went again, the scenes of him being teased by people, just like what he saw they do to gay people. Just like what he does to them. Disgust. He felt his heart clenched in the fear of being laughed at, being avoided.

But then again, he remembered JinYoung’s smile to him. The way JinYoung’s soft lips planted on his cheeks and how that gave him strength. The slight breeze reminded him of how much he loved JinYoung’s warmth. It hit him hard that there is no torture as painful as when JinYoung was taken away from him.It’s only been a few days and he had gone crazy like this.

Mark couldn’t believe that it was him. He had chosen popularity over his feelings. He chose to cover them, to hide them in the deepest place of his heart. He pretended that this was all a play but Mark knew it meant more to him than that.  And suddenly, Mark couldn’t wait to kiss those lips again.

So there he chose.

“JinYoung, I love you”- he mouthed to the wind, hoping the black hair would know it.

*

When Mark reached the infirmary after running as fast as he could, he found no one was there. Maybe since it was the end of the class and everyone had headed back home. Or maybe YoungJae knew he would return here so he saved Mark and JinYoung some privacy.

“You come to visit Park JinYoung?” - the nurse asked and Mark slightly nodded. - “Come in. I had called his family but it took too long so he fell asleep.”

Mark was stunned when he saw the black hair lying there on the bed. Mark felt his heart broken into pieces as he realized he was the cause of this. He couldn’t control his anger. He was being ridiculous. He couldn’t forget the stare JinYoung gave him. Will the black hair ever forgive him? The fear suffocated Mark. He didn’t know he was crying.

Until JinYoung opened his eyes and immediately looked worried.

“Mark….” - the black hair totally forgot that he was having a fight with Mark. He raised his hands and wiped away a few drops of tears on the red hair’s cheeks.

“Don’t cry….”

That just made Mark bursted out more. Tears were overflowing.

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A/N: So....I'M BACK!! Omg! It feels so good to be back, honestly! I miss MarkJin so much and all of you too *group hug* Thank you so much to those who had waited patiently for me. I know this was kinda short but I will updated faster now! I won't let you wait for more! But please leave a comment or any kind of support! They give me lots of strength! Thank you!