CHAP 15

“Do you feel jealous?” -YoungJae sat down next to his friend and handed him a coke

“I don’t know. What does jealousy feel like?” - Mark sighed and received the can.

“Hey, you’re the one who had several girlfriend among the group. Why ask me?” - the chubby guy blushed.

“I’ve never felt like this before.” - Mark opened his notebook but he couldn’t get a word into his head.

“Like what?” - YoungJae leaned backward, took a good look at his friend. They were sitting on a bench in the schoolyard. It was the break but Mark sneaked his way out here not with his friends like usual. Then YoungJae noticed and followed. He has never seen Mark like this. He is always the quiet type so it wasn’t abnormal that he doesn’t talk. But he didn’t smile and his handsome face always showed a frown.

“My heart always felt painful when I see them together. But as the same time I know I have no rights to be angry. For one moment, I just want JinYoung to be back as my friend. But the next I realize I don’t want to be only friends, I want to be at Jackson’s position. I want to be the one who cuddle with JinYoung and kiss him. I don’t think I can hold the urge back if I still stay in the same room with them.”

“That’s why you avoid the group recently?” - YoungJae asked concerned.

“Yeah. I think not only you realized the reason.” - the red hair sighed again. And YoungJae really didn’t feel used to seeing his friend like this. He had to do something to change this.

*

JinYoung was sitting in Jackson’s lap. It’s been a habit since the day the foreign came back. The smile still appeared frequently on his face when Jackson made jokes. When his boyfriend embraced him tightly and kissed him deeply, he still returned them, though slowly. But it was inevitable that he caught the red hair’s eyes sometimes. He saw pain in them, and sorrow. JinYoung never knew he would affect Mark’s that much when he said they should stop.

So he tried to get things back at least to the normal ‘Normal’ - he and Mark being best friend. However, things were more difficult than JinYoung thought. Before, he was so sure that he read Mark like the back of his hands. Now, he wasn’t so sure. He knew Mark chose popularity. Mark abandoned him, rejected his feelings. He didn’t see how hard it could be for Mark to forget what happened. Absolutely it couldn’t be harder as it was for him.

JinYoung….he was suffering.

As if forgetting something that you have attached of is easy. Not to mention this is someone. Someone he met everyday in class. Someone whom his heart still beat fast when thought of. The reason why he still couldn’t look straight into Jackson’s eyes and said he loved him. Mark was that someone. But JinYoung would rather suffer alone than let everything between Mark and himself fell apart. He would try when he could. The matter was….Mark wasn’t thinking the same.

“Hey!” - JinYoung was brought back to reality when he heard Jackson’s voice.

“What are you thinking love?” - Jackson brought his hands up and kissed them, making JinYoung blush slightly.

“Nothing. Just some silly thoughts.”

“Well, if it is, I need to warn you” - suddenly Jackson’s face turned serious and JinYoung felt a little bit worried. Could he read his mind? - “When you’re with me, don’t think of anything else okay! I need all your attention” - he held JinYoung’s face between his hands - “On ME.” - and he crashed their lips together.

They were sitting in front of all their friends. Yet Jackson always acted like they were in their own world. It supposed to be good, but JinYoung still didn’t get used to this. Not when back then, he and Mark was so secretive about affection display.

And again, Mark was not here today. JinYoung knew the red hair was avoiding him. And he thought their friends knew it too. That explained why YoungJae ran away to keep Mark company. That should be him. JinYoung couldn’t help thinking that way. Though he knew he could not leave Jackson’s side. That would raise tons of questions that he couldn’t give his boyfriend the true answers. But isn’t not saying anything lying too?

*

“Let’s break up. I don’t love you anymore. I’m in love with….with…. with….” - he couldn’t seem to say those words. That he loves JinYoung. Because Mark still hadn’t believed in that himself. This was so new to him, so unfamiliar. He wished he had JinYoung by his side, the black hair always knew how to solve the problem.

Mark sighed and slumped back down to bed. staring at the reflection of himself in the mirror. He’s been practicing the break up scene with Yumi for a thousand times. Still he got stuck at one sentence. He still had not gained enough courage to do this, to break up with her, to finally come out and said that he was gay. Not enough courage, nor motivation.

The rumors, the gossips, all would come to haunt him. Mark felt dizzy just thinking of it. And what would he get if he face the truth? Was he really that silly to believe that JinYoung would leave Jackson’s side and come to his when he admitted that. He was late. Too late to return. Maybe he should let it be. And that forgetting everything they had was the best way for both of them.

Mark was suffering. He noticed he had lost several weights lately. He hadn’t had enough sleep nor food. Most importantly, he slowly lost himself. He was the cool boy that everyone admires. He emitted a confident aura that everyone would be jealous of. And now he was losing it. He became depressed, desperate. All because that he lost JinYoung.

A warm tear fell out from his eyes and landed on his cheeks. Mark started to feel the worst he had ever felt in his life. Pain of love. Unrequited love.

A/N: I won't say sorry anymore because it has been so long! I really really feel guilty that I did this to my readers TT_TT I was busy with the university application (and I passed wonderfully btw) and suffering from writer's block! I will keep the update going from now on! And I have some few plots in my mind which means new stories are coming! Please continue to support me! Love u guys!