Halmoni asked me to pass by the market to buy ingredients for white pasta.

As I got inside the market, I immediately grabbed a cart and put out the list of things that I need to buy.

The words of Luhan last week hurt me a lot. I'll understand if he told me that he doesn't like girls who likes him but telling me that my whole existence is his main problem is too cruel. I'm trying to understand him but I guess, that's the limit. That's what I need to really stop myself from liking him. Maybe he considers me as a virus, getting closer to me is fatal.

I suddenly gasp when I bumped into someone. Seohyun, can you not?! Your mind is full of Luhan! Aish!

"I'm sorry, ahjussi."

I bowed down and he grimaced at me. Not all people are in a good mood, I guess? I turned the cart to go to the other way when my back bumped another cart.

Aish, Seohyun! Pull yourself together!

"I'm sorry..."

Her voice made me looked at her.

"Mom?"

I muttered and she gasped in surprised. She let go of her cart and walked towards me to give me a hug.

"Hyun... How are you? Are you well?"

She cupped my face and I held her hand to remove it.

How can she ask me that like it's not a big deal? How can she ask if I'm okay if she left me with nothing? I understand, though. I understand that we parted in a civil manner but being this close is not so appealing to see.

"Yes, I'm more than well. I need to get going, halmoni is waiting for me."

I turned around and tried to hold back my tears. This is not the right place to cry.

"Seohyun-ie, did you change your number? I've been calling you but you're not picking up. If you need help, just tell me."

I nodded without facing her before walking away. That's my mother but I can't feel the rush of blood.

I stopped on an empty aisle to cry. I can't hold it anymore. I guess, there is no right or wrong place when it comes to emotions.

She used to visit me from time to time before but I'm the one who decided to seperate myself from her. I moved to a new apartment without telling her. I changed my number to avoid her. I just can't stand hearing her: 'I need to go now, my son is sick. I'll visit next month to give your allowance.'

What am I, a prisoner that you can only visit once in a while? No. I don't want to be just an option.

I closed my eyes to stop myself from crying before I continue on buying. When I turned, I saw Luhan choosing between two different shampoos.

It seems like he didn't see me so it's safe. But when I started walking, our eyes met. I wanted to look away, but his doe like eyes are calming. I looked away when I realized that he might think that I'm drowning in him again. When I pushed the cart, he blocked me and showed me the two shampoos.

"Can you choose for me?"

I frowned as I find it weird. I mean, it's not his first time buying or... It's his first time? Really? Whatever!

"The anti-hairfall one. They say that once you reach your twenties, men are prone to balding."

I said and moved away. I can't stand being that close to him. I still like him but like, 20%? Well it's already below half so I guess, I'm doing good.

After I bought everything, I stopped at a nearby mandu stall. Aigoo... Mandu will always be my first love.

I got home and saw grandma vommiting on the sink. I quickly approached her and slowly carress her back.

"Halmoni, what's wrong?"

She the faucet before walking towards her room so I followed her.

"It's nothing. Maybe I got food poisoned by the food I ate earlier."

She sat down on the floor and grabbed the scarf that she's making.

"Aigoo... That's what you get for not eating with me."

I and she pinched my cheek. We both laughed and it made me calm down.

"Did you buy everything?"

I proudly said yes before giving her the bag full of the ingredients I bought at the supermarket.

"But halmoni, why will you make white pasta?"

She grimaced at me and I smiled at her.

"Because your birthday is near. Aish, why are you so slow?"

I blink once and twice before laughing awkwardly. How can I forget my own birthday?! I'm such a fool!

"Of course, I know! I just want to ask because I don't want to assume."

My excuse sounds convincing! Lol!



Tomorrow will be my birthday. And I will announce proudly that I won't confess to Luhan! If I'm a problem for him then better yet let him be.

I guess my birthday will be boring this year. Usually, Yura will come to my apartment to celebrate with us but now that she's in Tokyo, we can't do it.

"Seohyun!"

I waved at Sehun. He asked if I can tutor him on his mandarin class and I said yes.

"Tomorrow is my birthday. Do you want to celebrate with us at the apartment?"

He is nodding as soon as I started talking and I can't help but laugh.

"Let's also invite Luhan-hyung or if you want, we can celebrate it in our house. You can tell that to your grandma!"

He excitedly suggest but I shook my head. Invite Luhan? If only he knows how his hyung hates me. Celebrate in their house? No way! Luhan might think that I want to meet his family.

"No need, Sehun. Halmoni already prepared for the party, she might get sad if we'll ask her to go somewhere else."

He agreed saying that halmoni should be our first priority. Thank goodness, he is so understanding.



I woke up in the middle of the night as I heard something fell. I quickly removed my blanket and go out my room. My eyes widened as I saw halmoni lying on the floor and a broken glass beside her.

"Halmoni! Halmoni!"

I shouted as I tried to lift her up.


"Miss, you should've admitted her as soon as you knew about her cancer."

"Cancer?"

I stuttered as I stood up to level with the doctor so I can hear him properly.

"Your grandmother is suffering from cancer. The worst is, it's already on the fourth stage."

My dry eyes started to water again. I understand him clearly but I don't want to. I don't want to hear such news.

I get inside halmoni's room and stared at her.

"Yah, halmoni! Wake up now! It's my birthday already. Where is the white pasta you promised me? Halmoni!"

I started sobbing hard as I landed on the floor. I leaned on the door and just continue on crying.

"Halmoni, I'm riding a scooter as a living. I bumped into mom earlier. I was bullied at school. Mr. Oh helped me because he saw how my classmates bully me. Halmoni, sorry for hiding all of these from you."

Am I that bad for fate to be like this to me? Am I really destined to be alone?

"Halmoni, please wake up."

After I whispered that, a deafening sound echoed inside the room. The next thing I knew, nurses began running inside and they pushed me aside. I saw how they're trying to bring back her life and when they all looked at me and shook their heads, I rushed in front.

"Time of death: 2:23 am of June 28."


I'm planning to move out of this apartment for good. All I did the whole month is to cry. I didn't come to school after halmoni died. I can't move on. I feel like my life is useless anymore.

I'm staying at an apartment just a few blocks away from my apartment before. I know that Sehun might go there. I don't want to talk to anyone right now.

Yura is the only one who knew about everything that's happening to me. She told me that she'll be back in two weeks and the first thing she'll do is to see me.

I thank heavens for giving me Yura. She knows everything about me and she's always there for me. I'll just stay here and continue my job as a delivery girl while waiting for her.

"I'm sorry but I can't deliver that."

I said as I saw the address of the Oh's residence. I don't want to see them. I don't want to see anyone right now.

"Why? Did that customer harassed you? That address is a regular customer..."

I don't want to make a big deal out of this so I just grabbed the box of pizza and told them that I was just kidding.

As I arrived at their house, I placed the box in front of the door before pressing the door bell. I've made a plan. If someone will come out, I'll start the engine and drive away.

I pressed again the doorbell and no one is opening the door! Whatever! I'll just leave that there. They will see that anyway.

I started the engine and was shocked when I collided with a bike. And even more shocked when I saw Sehun's aching face.

"Omo! Sehun..."

I helped him get up and he stared at me before giving me a hug.

"Where have you been?"

He asked and I saw that his elbow is bleeding so I told him to treat his wound first before I tell him everything.

"Mom and dad are out because it's their anniversary today. Luhan-hyung is also not around because one of his teammate is celebrating his birthday. Feel free to sit, I'll just get the first aid kit."

I nodded and sat on the couch. There are really people who can live at a mansion like this and there are people who can only look and dream, there is no in between.

"So, will you tell me now?"

I nodded after I put the band aid on his elbow.

"Halmoni passed away on my birthday. It was hard for me to accept it because she's the only one I have. I haven't paid her my loans yet. I haven't graduated yet. I haven't got a job yet. I feel useless that's why I chose to just forget about my past and continue living like a different person, but who am I kidding? Of course it's not possible so I just left everything behind."

Sehun patted my back and gave me a present.

"I haven't got a chance to give that to you."

I smiled and opened the box. It was a gold necklace. A golden star pendant to be exact. It even has my name carved on it.

"I actually got a hard time choosing what will suit you best, glad that Luhan-hyung helped."

Really? He helped? Well, maybe he didn't know that this is for me.

"You should attend class again. I asked dad to talk to the head office to say that you're sick so they excused you."

I looked at him and sighed. He is so kind. I guess, he'll be my other friend next to Yura.

"Sehun-ah, you don't have to do this. But, thank you. Thanks for everything. I'll see you around school tomorrow."

He smiled as he heard that. I bowed and he accompanied me as I go out. I rode on my scooter and waved at him.


I don't have anything to eat. I need to eat my dinner in order to not pass out.

I wore my coat and go out to grab some dumplings. One tray of dumpling can subside my hunger and it's cheaper than eating rice.

I ordered a bowl and started eating as soon as I got my serving. I'll go to school tomorrow. I need to make it up to the Ohs. They've been so good to me.

"Three trays of mandu please."

I almost choke when I heard that voice. It's Luhan! Why am i so unlucky today? Aigoo!

I tried to eat all of the mandu as fast as I can before he can even sit. But I'm too slow. He already sat in front of me.

I looked at him but he's busy on his phone. Our eyes met so I literally choke. Seohyun! You always lost control of your cool whenever he's around!

"I... I need to go."

And why did I even say that? He didn't even ask me to stay. Aigoo!

"Hey!"

He shouted so I have no choice but to look back. Eventhough there's a huge distance between us, I feel like he could hear the fast beating of my heart.

"Why?!"

I shouted back then he come closer. I moved back and showed my hand.

"Stop! Don't come near me."

He stopped and frown. The distance between us became smaller so I stepped back.

"I failed the seatwork on our lab class because of you. As a pair, our scores were combined."

Aish! I'm good in science, alright?! But I lost it when he told me that I'm his problem. He moved closer. I was about to step back again but he pulled my arm.

"If you've planned to drop out of school, don't drag me with you."

He's looking at me with anger in his eyes. Why is he so grade conscious?! It's not like he'll fail that class just because of that one freaking seatwork!

"Alright! I'm sorry, alright?! I'm stupid that's why."

"Stop dragging me. Just stop it."

He said before leaving me.

What the heck is your problem?! Aish! I should've said something braver. Enjoy your mandu! I hope you won't choke!

"Argh!"

I shouted and kicked the sidewalk bench.

__________________________________

I'll post all the chapters that were saved on my pc!

What do you guys think? :)