The wedding was filled with sounds of all. The happiness that overwhelmed every tinge of saddness that may had lingered. I soaked in the whole atmosphere. This, in a way, was like living. Looking at the mass, I felt more alive then I ever had. It was a parameter filled with joy. Suddenly a hand coldly grabbed mine. Startled, my body took a moment before it assist itself for the bigger surprise. 'We need to talk.' Her words void of any excitment that the surrounding was filled with. Overly stunned, my body didn't move. So she pulled and lead me out of the celebration. 

When in the car, she simply sat in the passenger seat. Setting the navigation, she said not a single syllabus. She simply let the device do its job. I, on the other hand, was already back as that silly puppet that she owns. Driving as per the voice of the machine, I stole a few glances in her direction. When we had arrived, she lead the way once more. 

Through the many doors, she just walk by without holding a single one for me. However, I followed. Went through every shutting door before it had closed on me. Sometimes, I believe that it isn't love that made one dumb. Love simply highlights the stupidity one had. Despite all that, I remained stupid. The last door passed. In her room, we were. I took note of the air conditioner remote and took charge by turning it on. A quick beep and the cooling air begins to flow. I heard her sigh. 'Don't act like I have not changed.' she says without turning around. 

'Would you rather it be off?' I asked in a manner that sounded overly indifferent. She faces me. 'No.' That sole word was all I got in reply. 'Ok.' I answered as a form of acknowledgement. To what? I have absolutely no idea. So there we were, in her room, just looking at each other while the tension rises. 'I remembered all of you so clearly.' I suddenly expressed.

My eyes watery but I refused with vengence of allowing such emotional release. It would have been to cheap an expression for me. 'I love you.' I said the fact I knew overly well. She doesn't flinch. Not one of her facial muscle had the right politeness to even show signs of acknowledgement. 'Use the past tense.' she commands. 

I look away. Faced the same ceiling light that was the only one who shed some light in the darkness that you smeared over my sight. 'You are concern with grammer or are you concern with the truth.  Because, honestly.' I stared at her straight at those damn indifferent eyes. 'Don't tell me that we need a conversation and demand me to still hide all of my expression! I am fine. I want to be ing fine. I want us to be fine!' I spat out the words. In fact, I hurled them all out. 

Finally a slight twitch in her zygomaticus. It was her turn to avoid eye contact. Our conversions has always evoked a sensation of avoidance. 'Taengoo. Don't love me.' she meekly requests. The silence that rides the familar tune of her leaving soon. 'Call me shallow but I can't. I can't admit that I love you. I just can't.' she continues on. 'Then leave like before and use the damn past tense you so desire.' The words squeezes its way out the clenched teeths. The old wounds reopening was too hard for my mind to properly forge out the confidence of moved on individual.

'I'm not good for you. You know that!' she says in exapperation. I'm merely overly exhausted by the thoughts. 'I'm not good for myself too. However, I don't have the previlage of walking away from that.' I mumbled. Staring at her eyes, 'I don't have such luxury.' I guess I tried to cause the sharp poison edges of guilt to really stab her by faking a smile. 'Taeng, don't make this about me.' she argues. She sits on the bed and my demons tells me to screw humanity over by being the biggest irony. To simply take her then whisper the most sincere sorry I had ever heard. My right heart twitching is seriously indicating how sanity and humanity does have a perfect correlation. 

I clench my fist, in an attempt to re-hire my conscious that alcohol had heartlessly sacked. 'I will leave. Just push me out and I will go.' I confessed. 'Taeng, I'm that crazy connection. You always wanted to understand him. I'm the venom in your system. Can't you see? Yes, it was wrong that I ran away. It is even more insane that you love me. It is total ridiculous that you want me to stay!' she pleads to my sane side. Sadly, she forgot that I am mentally unsound. The twitches evolves, my whole right hand is having brilliant spasmes. I know it is psychological. Still, the act of controlling the inappropraite actions is having an effect of crazy on me. My wind pipe starts to close in. The doctor in me forcing me to relive the trauma. 

Forcing my eyes to not shut is causing difficulty. At the same time, the very knowledge of knowing that I will relive that autumn night isn't exactly a preferrence. 'Taeng...?' I heard her. I did. Honestly, I did. However, my damn heel is beginning to feel the eeky pricky nature of grass. A cold metal object slightly being pressed onto the side of my neck. I know this is over. The bloody kid already went to jail. 20 over years have passed. Still, there it was.  Bitting down hard on my lower lip, visioning the face that no longer exist. Through the black hole of past becoming present, every damn tiny detail of every single thing hits like a train crashing into my pathetic frame. His face and now I'm just wishing to the bloody moon that he doesn't have an STD. Praying to some God that I am not going to be someone's mother. I felt the excruciating pain inbetween my hips. The hips can't lie. There they were. Those eyes without a soul and blacken by the dilation of lust. 

'Taeng!' A high piercing noise abuses my ear drums and serves as the kick. My eyes blink. I was being hugged. My right shoulder was dampen. My whole body was on the bed, her weight was barely imposing its distribution onto me. 'Please. Don't. Please. Let me go. Let the whole thing go. Let it go. Please. I can't. I can't live through you pushing yourself like this. Please. Taeng, understand. Please.' she kept going on pleading in incoherant sentences, phrases. 

I her back. My earlier distress strikes off as child's play. 'I'm fine.' I stammer as a source of potential comfort to alleviate her worries. She stops her chant. She merely tears silently in my arms. Soon she tires herself out. Gently, I place her on the bed. Tucking her in, like every good person would, I then took my seat opposite her. I shall let temptation be the devil looking through the peephole. So here I sat awake, just creeply watching her rest as per the description of Billy Sunday.