‘So after some consulting, Ms Hwang will be grading your script.’ I told her as she sat upright opposite me. ‘Understood.’ She replied. I observed her eyes to be clear and pure. I’m so going to stain them. I let out a sigh. ‘So. How should we proceed?’ She asks. I look straight into her eyes. ‘I have no idea. Device a plan, something off the books, so that I will be unaware of the settings. Take note of what are the variables. Present your paper with clarity but not state the obverse. Guide your grader to see the inner complexity of human emotions.’  I advised. Within, it felt as if I had taken my first step into the lion’s cavity. I'm going to rot and make a virus strand go all around her. 

My eyes close briefly. When they opened, I faced her examination. She doesn’t hold any subtlety in her evaluation. I guess robots doesn’t have the capacity to identify the amount of heat that radiates off their cold logical hearts. ‘I’m going to be driving without steering. You are going to be the intellectual one observing and understanding.’ I let out a breath to claim the enraged logical minions yelling in my head. Silencing the tiny murmurs of possible fatality. If death seeks me, I think I'm prepared. I'm an idiot. 

I stretch out and grabbed the clock on the desk. Next placing the clock face in her view and away from mine. ‘Let the time move in one direction and memory in another.  William Gibson.’ I started us off with a quote. ‘So love. Love is pure. Love is kind. Love is something defined as the most powerful tool of the good. Yet acts of love are of variety. Love can make a mother lift a car. Love can also make one put a direct bullet in another. We do many things for love. It is humanity that dictates our perception and, indirectly determining how we classify that act. To me, love is beautiful. To me, human corrupted it. To me, I have shadows drawn and darken by the hands of time. You are still a young adult. Maybe, to you the world is a rosy. Maybe to you, a more intelligent individual is the one who is appropriate in advising you.’

I paused for a moment. Watching how her attentiveness didn’t dimmer. I smiled. ‘Either way, I have become a pawn of this game of life. It can be fate. It can be coincidental. It doesn’t matter. You sitting here listening. Gathering the information that may not even be useful. At the end of the tunnel, maybe it is simply a dangling sign of no access. I’m overly bored of my predicament that I have embarked and allow indulgence of selfishness. Still I speak on. By this divulgence of my inner thoughts, we have placed the first bricks of this shaky bridge. I may not love you as of yet, but I certainly am impressed by you. So here is the start of my commitment in this madness.’

I noted that she barely blinked. It was as if her eyes were the sponge that soaks all that I’m spilling. An open filter with the intention of not corrupting her, I must be near the brink of insanity. ‘Seo.’ I called her by a term of endearment when we are still distinguished, at best, as acquaintance. ‘Don’t understand love. Just feel it.’ I stood up and walked over. Kissing the crown of her head, I look back down at her widen eyes. ‘If there is warmth in that little action behind the curtains of shock, then take your time in sitting here. Let the silence wash over you first. Then go against the hands of time and go back to the memory of when you first met her. Think back to the times of the two of you. Analyze yourself as how you analyze my mannerism now. If there is love in those personal folders that you keep, then bask in its glow. Don’t overthink it because when you do, hesitation sets in and maybe regret awaits for you at the end. Regret will be the knife that locks you in the opposite direction of time.’

Her round eyes doesn’t shift away. I don’t know what I’m saying. Proceeding to walk away, I gently close my office door. Allowing her the time and peace, away from the another's eyes, providing the space that is required when one really wishes to locate their true emotion. Looking at the hallway, I wonder what washed over me. Somehow through the ramble, I have the speech for Fany’s wedding in my head.