[UPDATE- You didn’t give me a name so I went with Hana. Enjoy!]

Hana sighed, her eyes throwing daggers at the clock as she waited patiently for it to hit three o’clock. She bit her bottom lip, growing nervous by the minute. If it wasn’t for her date afterschool, she would probably be less frightened than this.

“You okay?” Her friend, JiYoon, asked, elbowing her side. Hana gave her a nonchalant wave.

She heard her friend grunt in frustration beside her and then she went silent.

“What?” Hana frowned, turning to face her. Her gaze followed the girls and she noticed someone had just walked in. Not just anyone of course, it just had to be Junhoe.

She had to hold back a small groan also. This was the ultimate ‘king’ as the girls would call it. The guy everyone in school either wanted to be or wanted to be with. And she was okay with that; she was okay with all the googly eyes and over exaggerated “Hello’s”. She was used to all of this and soon she learned to ignore it. Of course being the only girl in school who wasn’t head over heels about him did turn some heads when she shrugged of his waves and side smiles.

But again, being the only girl that wasn’t all lovey dovey about him caught his attention. And so, that was how she, the unnoticeable and completely normal Hana ended up with a date invitation from the completely known kingka Junhoe.

“I can’t believe you even agreed to go out with that bastard!” JiYoon fumed, glaring at the boy as he leaned against the teacher’s desk and began flirting with the woman.

“I don’t know, I guess I wanted to give it a chance…I don’t know,” Hana replied, also watching him as he held Ms. Choi’s hand in his and gave it a small peck.

She watched in disgust as Ms. Choi flushed a deep red and cleared almost seconds after. It was disgusting. Disgusting.

“I mean, who the hell kisses up to a teacher just to pass a class?” JiYoon was still complaining.

“Why do you hate him so much anyways? He hasn’t done anything to you,” Hana tried defending him. If she was going out with the idiot she might as well make him seem like a decent human being.

JiYoon scoffed, her arms crossed over her chest in a huff, “You don’t hate him?”

Hana was caught off for a second and she spluttered, blinking furiously, “What? No, I d-don’t hate him at all!

“And why not? Because he had the guts to saunter over to you and charm you with his nonexistent looks and immature pickup lines?” She spat, now glaring at Hana.

Hana blinked, confused as to why her best friend was mad at her. Wasn’t this about Junhoe? Seconds ago weren’t they on the same page?

“What are you even saying? What does that have to do with anything JiYoon?”

“It has everything to do with everything! You’re always saying how you hate that he gets all the attention but you give it to him! Don’t you realize he’s feeding off of your vulnerability? You agreeing to go on a date with him shows that you’re exactly like those girls!” She responded.

Hana almost choked. That wasn’t true at all, the only reason she agreed to the dinner was because she wanted to try something new. It wasn’t like she was in love with the kid.

“You’re acting like I want to marry him. You’re insane if you think that and I can’t even believe that you don’t know how I feel about all this,” Hana spoke slowly, trying to find a rational viewpoint to the argument.

“How you feel about all of this or how you feel about him?” JiYoon had said and that hit Hana, hard.

“What the hell?” She said, her voice dropping to an icy whisper, “You better not be telling me who I can and can’t go out with because last time I checked you should be the one getting the advice. At least the boys I date aren’t trashy erts who see me as an object rather than a person!”

She watched JiYoon’s expression go from shock, to fear, to anger and then sadness for a moment before it flickered back to anger. And in that moment, Hana knew she was wrong and she had wanted to bite back her tongue and force back the words she had just said.

“Ji, I didn’t mean that-“

“If you really can’t see that all I’m trying to do is protect you then I’m done. I’m done with you and your constant to keep up with the fact that I’m right. I’m trying to keep you away from him so that you don’t end up like those heartbroken s that walk around half begging to go back to him and if you really can’t see that then I don’t know what else to say to you.”

Hana felt her eyes stinging and she swallowed a heavy lump at the back of . This wasn’t what she wanted. No, no, no, no.

“JiYoon, wait-“

“Actually,” Her friend let out a bitter laugh. One that caused goose bumps on Hana’s skin, “Save it, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. Unless of course, I find my way into the hands of another ert who wants me for my body and I need to come back to you for advice.” Was the last thing she said before walking of the classroom, slamming the door behind her.

And that was the last time Hana had spoken to her best friend in one whole year. 

 _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“You wanted to speak to me?” Junhoe frowned, his eyes casted over her face and his left hand in hers.

It felt numb and bare. It was freezing outside, colder than Seoul had ever been. The two were in the alley of a local cafe down the road from her house. She texted him five simple words that had her breath in and her heart leaping out of its place: I need to see you.

“Junhoe, listen,” She looked away from him, hoping he wouldn’t see through her and figure out what she was going to say, “I hope this doesn’t change anything.”

When she left her house, scarf knitted tightly around her pale neck, she prayed that when she laid eyes on him her feelings would change and she would come back to her senses. But seeing him now only reminded her of everything she had been through, everything she had lost.

“Well it depends...on what you’re going to tell me,” He managed to speak, his tone thin like paper.

She gulped; there was no way out of this. It was literally now or never, “You know I care for you right?”

He paused for a moment but nodded afterwards. A simple shake of the head to let her know she could keep going.

“And all I want to do is protect you and your feelings. But lately, it’s been harder for me to do that...” She wasn’t looking at him. She couldn’t look at him.

“What do you mean?” His words were slow and he brought a hand up to her chin to force her to look at him.

She shook it off, her eyes back on the ground. Funny how the sight of the snow under her feet made her feel powerful. The thought of JiYoon made her feel comfortable and all at once, like a surge of mist or some sort of push she began to speak.

“I’m saying I’ve been with you for a full year Junhoe. Twelve months of seeing you side glance at other girls and let your skin brush against the skimpy teachers. I’m not stupid at all. I know I’m not the only one you think of or...touch.”

His silence only pushed her to continue,

“And I’ve been thinking about this a lot actually but I don’t think it’s fair for me to be with you anymore.”

Junhoe gave her a look for a moment, a look that seemed to be waiting for her to start bursting out laughing and begin telling him she was joking. But it didn’t come. And so he laughed instead,

“You’re kidding right?” His shoulders bouncing slightly as if he was enjoying all this, “After everything I’ve done for you?”

She shook her head. He had done a lot for her. In fact every moment of his life was dedicated to spending time with her and buying her flowers and clothes. But it was his heart that did nothing; it didn’t even beat as fast as hers did when she hugged him or pecked his lips. It wasn’t fair to her to stay with a man who only wanted her because he wanted someone to flaunt to the world. Because he wanted someone on his arm to show that he just could get anyone he wanted.

“Thank you, I really do appreciate what you’ve done for me and I couldn’t ask for anything more,” Her eyes stung and she was scared. It wasn’t that she couldn’t break up with him. It was just that she would miss him as much as she didn’t want to admit.

“Then what the hell is the problem?” He was getting angry; his hand wasn’t in hers anymore.

Damn, she would miss him. It knowing that after this fleeting moment she wouldn’t have anyone in her arms anymore. No one to kiss or hold hands with.

“The problem is I’ve lost too much with you. My sense of direction and the people that I love,” Her heart skipped a beat as she thought of JiYoon. Oh JiYoon.

A few cars drove by, the sound of slush on the road was getting louder as she spoke. She knew traffic hour was coming and she didn’t want to stay any longer. She didn’t want an audience.

“You love me,” She caught the quick break in his voice and she matched his eyes.

Red, burning, anger. He was upset. But what she did notice was that he wasn’t hurt. He seemed fine that she was breaking off the relationship. She could read it on his face that the only emotion he was feeling right now was frustration. Frustration because for the first time Junhoe didn’t win. He didn’t get the girl he wanted or the satisfaction he needed.

And for a second, Hana lifted her shoulder back and titled her chin. This whole dating thing they had was a game. A game that meant Junhoe would hold her for as long as he could, have her fall deeply and madly in love with him and then drop her. The next day he would come to school holding a grand assembly about how sad she was when he broke her heart and how badly she begged to be back with him. And the last step of the game was him clinging onto the arms of another, smiling widely and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.   

Hana hated this. She hated this routine and she hated the fact that she fell for it. She hated that she actually believed it that day when he held her hand, staring into her eyes and told her he really truly liked her.

“I’m sorry,” Was the last thing she said before turning on her heel and leaving him behind her in the dark alley.

She could have cried. Right then with her back turned to him and walking away she could have cried and he wouldn’t have even noticed. But when she looked down at the snow beneath her, now more grey than white she felt a little bit better, more powerful.

She knew that tomorrow he would be at school with another girl, glancing at Hana sideways to see if she was watching with that knowing smirk over his lips. She would have looked. Right then when he would be kissing the other girl she would have looked. But she promised herself she wouldn’t.

She was worth so much more than that.