Hanbin [12:05AM]

Are you at the studio yet?

Shinmi watched her phone with annoyance. This was the third time Hanbin texted her in accordance to where she was. She knew he was stressing as it was his responsibility to lead the subunit his group was forming. Being trainees under YG was already pressure enough as her good friend Hanbin had already trained to be under a group debut while she was training for a solo. She and Hanbin, being close, had often asked for collaboration between the two and eventually with effort it was granted. And so the first iKon-Shinmi subunit was formed. But with the way things were, it was looking like more of a stress subunit.

She walked down a long hallway, the thumping music audible from all the way down. She could also hear the sounds of laughter emitting from the room as well. A smile danced on the tip of her lips and she fastened her steps, excited to see the boys she hadn't spoken to in a while. 

The door creaked open a bit and she stepped back in shock for a moment before a small face peeked out of the doors and she laughed,

"Dong, get out here!" Shinmi opened her arms lovingly as the tall boy strode towards her. 

He wrapped his arms around her in a huge bear hug and sighed against her. Shinmi could almost feel the tiredness of the boy seeping through her skin. 

"You're broken," She mumbled, releasing from his tight grip.

The latter shrugged causally, "Hanbin hyung works us to the limit."

Shinmi tapped his cheek encouragingly as the two walked into the practice room. 

The other six boys were engaged in a serious practice as the song on the stereo played continuously. Shinmi watched as the boys practiced their routine for their song and she was left in awe. She was never worked that hard as a soloist and would mainly focus on her vocals which wasn't too challenging. 

"Noona!" Junhoe was the first to notice her and he walked over, giving her a quick hug.

"Ah, my favorite artist!" Bobby piped in, giving her a sly high five. 

She punched his shoulder lightly, her cheeks heated from the compliment. 

"Thanks, hello Jinhwan," She smiled and gave a quick side hug to the attractive male.

"Hi beautiful, how are you?" He laughed.

"Whoa..she's cute," Chanwoo mumbled from behind the computers. Nonetheless, he still gave her a formal bow and wave as he hadn't gotten to know her like the rest of the boys did. 

Hanbin was the last to walk over, his cool collective aura taking over the room. She loved Hanbin and was best friends with him during their childhood years and even through high school. But, with their careers and dreams in the way, communication became a burden and the more they began to spend less time together the more that bond began to fade.

"Let's get started shall we?" He smirked, a sense of determination flickering in his eyes.

Shinmi had come to the room already dressed to dance and so she was more than ready. She gave him a quick nod, throwing her phone in her duffel bag and dropping it beside the set of speakers. 

The artists had gone through the collaboration routine a few times and so they both had a rough idea of how things would go.

"Don't trip," Bobby laughed and she stuck out her tongue playfully. 

Chanwoo moved to the speakers without a moments worth of hesitation and began to play the music. 

The first few beats came easy and she nodded her head along. With a quick glance, she noticed the other boys were feeling the melody too and so when the first beat drop came to the hit song Yolo, she began to move. Her body was naturally able to hit each beat with profound movements and strict expressions. She counted down in her head, waiting for every step to come to her and she played along, her blood thick and sweat beginning to drop. 

It was only when she heard a grunt that her step faltered but she shrugged it off and continued to dance. She did a spin and closed he eyes, not wanting to distract herself with the boys. The grunt came again but this time, she stopped. 

"You still can't do it?" Hanbin's voice echoed in the dim lighted room and Shinmi shifted her gaze to Yunheong.

He was looking down, slightly embarrassed and annoyed. 

"It isn't only me, Jinhwan hyung has difficulty too," he argued, making sure to keep his tone respectful. 

Hanbin ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "One more time," he sighed, "Chanwoo!"

The youngest ran over to the speaker again and pressed replay. As the beat began to start up again, the boys mirrored their actions and began dancing and finding their flow. But Shinmi looked over at Jinhwan who quickly caught her eye. She gave him a reassuring thumbs up and he nodded back before turning his attention to the music. 

As Shinmi danced, she watched the two boys move as well. Her eyes always found a way to catch their movements and she nodded whenever they did a step correctly. Still, her breath began to hitch when the music dropped to a slow bass. She noticed Jinhwan bite his lip in concentration and that's when she looked over at Yunheong. 

Because her gaze was strong, he felt it and soon his eyes were on hers. Just as she was about to turn away, he let out a quick smile that distracted his movements and his foot fell out of place. Shinmi was the first to notice.

"Yunheong!" She called, a sound of apology in her voice. 

Hanbin signalled for someone to stop the music and Chanwoo ran straight for it.

"Again? How many times do we have to go over this?" Hanbin's voice was hoarse and his eyes were barely open.

"Take a rest," Bobby put a hand on his shoulder but he shook it off.

"How can I rest knowing the dance isn't perfect?" He responded. 

Noticing his vulnerability, Junhoe spoke up quickly, "At least get some water hyung."

Hanbin shook his head, turning his attention back on the other two. 

"Jinhwan hyung you aren't doing that second step right after the chorus!" He started, moving his body to illustrate his mistake.

"And Yunheong hyung, you didn't do that bridge move correct! Your foot fell too early!" He continued.

"But I moved my right leg first, that's what everyone else did," Jinhwan countered, copying the move also.

Hanbin shook his head, his face was turning red and Shinmi knew on the spot that he was going to get angry. 

"No, it's wrong. We all started with our left foot hyung!" He cried. 

 

Jinhwan kept quiet. He knew it was better not to stress the latter and accept his scolding no matter what. It was the only mature and reasonable thing to do.

 

"Can you guys leave me and the guys for a while?" Hanbin requested. 

 

Without a word, everyone began to file out of the practice room. Each of them gave the leader a silent praise or apology before they took their leave.

 

But Shinmi didn't want to move. She knew Hanbin was upset and she could deal with that but her real issue was the fact that it was her fault she had distracted Yunheong. If she hadn't been watching him, he would have done the move correctly. She drew away his focus and she couldn't let him get in trouble for that. 

 

"Shinmi?" Hanbin looked at her, his mouth dry and body weak. 

 

"Don't be mad at Yunheong. It was my fault he made a mistake on that move," She began.

 

Yunheong shook his head quickly, not wanting to get her in trouble, "No, it was my fault! I wasn't focused."

 

Hanbin glanced between the both of them before furrowing his brow in confusing, "What are you talking about?"

 

"Don't yell at Yunheong because he messed up because it was my fault!" Shinmi tried to reason. 

 

"And did you make Jinhwan hyung mess up too?" His sarcastic response threw Shinmi off for a second but she stood her ground.

 

"No, I didn't," His attitude was starting to irritate her. 

 

Jinhwan tilted his head, ready to jump in if an argument were to happen. But Hanbin scoffed,

 

"Why were you looking at him?"

 

"Because I wanted to make sure he was doing the move right!" Shinmi replied.

 

"Why?" 

 

"Because you treat these guys horribly and I didn't want them to get yelled at!" She spat.

 

Hanbin bit his lip for a second but laughed. His laugh was a menacing, mocking sort of laugh.

 

"Why are you laughing?" Shinmi questioned. 

 

Hanbin shook his head, "Because you're a sick excuse for a dancer-"

 

"Hanbin," Jinhwan warned, his tone signalled he knew where this conversation was going. 

 

Hanbin ignored him and continued,

 

"Because you're a sick excuse for a dancer. You don't even know when to point out someone's flaws but instead you defend them like they did something right!" He blurted. 

 

Shinmi let the words sink in, each letter stabbing at her stomach and paining her. These words were so intense even the way they dropped off of his tongue was icy. 

 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She spoke, her voice shaking. 

 

Yunheong took a step forward but she stopped him, throwing him a daring glare. The last thing she wanted was to look weak in this situation. It was already bad enough she was on the verge of tears.  

 

"What the hell is wrong with you. Stop acting like you know what you're doing because by the looks of it, you don't!"

 

That was enough for Shinmi to break and she gave him one last smile, a heartbreaking 'thanks a lot' smile before making her way out of the practice room. She didn't forget to slam the door on her way out as her feet led her through the hall again and down a flight of stairs that led her to the dormitory. 

 

It didn't take long for her to feel her pockets for the key. After stepping in, she hurled herself at the nearest bed and began to release any sort of anger, sadness, hurt and pain she had endured. In all honesty she wasn't the crying type but something about the words he said had made everything worse. Maybe it wasn't even the words that hurt her, maybe it was who said them that did. 

 

If it had been Yunheong who she thought was adorable, Jinhwan who she looked up to, Junhoe who she found hilarious,  Bobby who she loved dearly, Donghyuk and Chanwoo who she couldn't take her eyes off of then maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. But for it to have been someone she called a best friend, someone she thought her heart was owned by and beat for was insane. She had always been comforted by Hanbin whenever she did cry but she never expected him to ever be the reason. 

 

She lifted her eyes off of the blanket sheet and sniffled. The thin fabric was stained wet and she groaned, throwing her face back over it. 

 

A small creaking sound indicated that someone just walked in and her heart stopped beating for a second. She mentally prayed it wouldn't be Hanbin but she let out a small sniff of relief after hearing the voice of the intruder.

 

"I left the door open if that's okay," Jinhwan tried to joke, seating himself next to her.

 

At the feeling of a body beside her, Shinmi sat up and pouted.

 

"Don't," Jinhwan breathed, his voice drowned in concern and fear. 

 

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and reluctantly, she leaned her head against him. 

 

The soft sound of his heartbeat played a tune against her ears and she closed her eyes, the tears subsiding.

 

"I never expected that," She spoke.

 

"Yeah? I kind of did." Jinhwan shrugged against her small frame. 

 

"I've known him forever and he never blew up on me like that," She complained, looking up at him. 

 

Jinhwan took his arm off of her and looked her back in the eyes,

 

"Well, Hanbin has changed a lot you know," he tried to reason. 

 

Shinmi thought this could be true. People could change in a matter of seconds and maybe Hanbin was just another example. She hadn't spoken to him in what seemed like a thousand years and even though she thought she knew him, he could have always turned into something...someone different.

 

"This is not the same Hanbin I knew," Shinmi began, her thoughts clouded with images of the both of them joking around together. 

 

"Elaborate on that."

 

Shinmi shrugged, "Well, the old Hanbin used to joke around and never take things seriously."

 

Jinhwan thought for a moment before responding, "Well he is the leader of a group so he needs to be serious all the time."

 

Shinmi tightened her lips, "Fine but the old Hanbin used to have time for me and speak to me every hour of the day."

 

"Now his time is taken up by songs he has to produce and choreographed dances he has to make up."

 

"Okay but the old Hanbin never used to yell at me and would always respect my decisions no matter what!" Shinmi grumbled. 

 

"Yes, but he is stressed and has to yell or his point won't get across."

 

Shinmi crossed her arms over her chest. The expression on her face was sour and a part of her regretted leaving the door open. 

 

"Are you siding with him?" She asked, a hint of nervousness in . 

 

Jinhwan let out a laugh and shook his head, "No, not at all. I don't think what he did to you was right, I accept that he's wrong."

 

Shinmi's forehead creased, "Then what's the point of you backing him up?"

 

"Because I understand where he's coming from. I mean I know I can't speak on his behalf but holding the position of a leader at only eighteen isn't easy," Jinhwan pointed out. 

 

Shinmi looked down, maybe he was right. It wasn't a simple task that Hanbin had to deal with and there was a huge burden on his shoulders. Even though she was upset, she had every right to be but she still had to understand that it wasn't totally his fault. 

 

"And," Jinhwan added, "He loves you, he's always talking about how much he misses you. He would never lose his cool on purpose." 

 

Shinmi nodded, a sense of rationality running over her. She did understand where Hanbin was coming from and she decided she would let it go. It was the only thing to do actually and she was okay with it. Jinhwan did have a valid point. 

 

"Thanks, I owe you one," She smiled, leaning in towards him so she could give him a hug.

 

"Nothing needed," he returned the favor by hugging her back. 

 

At that moment, Hanbin had decided to apologize to Shinmi at the dorm. His initial plan was to write her a letter but he decided it would be more sincere if he did it face to face. With the guts, he walked over to her room in which she was sharing with Jinhwan. With the door open, he thought it would be okay to walk in, expecting she would be alone. But the minute he saw Jinhwan with his arms around her, all movement in him froze. 

 

Something about that image made him want to push his hyung off and send him flying somewhere else. He had known Shinmi longer, he had loved Shinmi more, he cared for her more and it was only fair if he was the one holding her. It was only a friendship thing right? He forced himself to believe this building sensation of anger and hurt in the pit of his stomach was a friendship thing. 

 

With that in mind, he turned off and backed down from the whole apology idea. There was no point, Jinhwan could just apologize,  he was doing a lot of things Hanbin was suppose to do in the first place. 

 

"Hanbin!" He turned back after hearing someone call his name and immediately his heart dropped. 

 

Shinmi was standing at the doorway of her room and she waved a hand over at him. He didn't move, his thoughts jumbled in his head and speech stuck in his throat. 

 

Slowly, she moved towards him, a look of confusion on her face.

 

"Where are you going?" She asked, her voice raspy and tired. 

 

"To my dorm," His response was sudden and quick. 

 

Shinmi gave him a look, "Oh."

 

He waited for her to say anything, anything that would ease his pain and this feeling of envy growing inside of him. 

 

"Listen, I understand that you're stressed and everything so no hard feelings on what happened earlier," She finally spoke.

 

Those weren't the words he was looking for and so he continued to watch her silently. As he did, he noticed the small mark on her right temple and the tiny dimple that appeared at the left side of her cheek when she spoke or stretched a letter. All these little things grew apparent to him and a strong feeling of nostalgia washed over him. This girl, this angel he had grown so fond of over the past few years was standing right in front of him. Seeing her this close and in arms reach allowed him to remember the little things about her and the small marks she had on her face and arms. This was the Shinmi he had grown to love and care for. This was the Shinmi he could never let go. This was his Shinmi and nothing could change that. 

 

"Shinmi, I missed you," he managed to speak. 

 

His pulse began to beat visibly as he waited for her words too, and they didn't come in too long,

 

"I miss you so much too."

 

Without waiting any longer, he fell into her arms in a heap. Every ounce of emotion in one hug was just enough for him. In fact he was pretty sure she was carrying his weight. 

 

It wasn't perfect, it wasn't what he expected but he would leave it at that. Maybe one day he would tell her she meant something so much more than this and that she was the reason he was happy. But for now, he had wounded her in ways he couldn't think of and he would deal with it with time. 

 

Slowly, with time.