“What if it never happened? Could I possibly be happy with you right now?”

15 Years Ago

Daehyun had the widest smile on his face today. Yongguk had finally agreed on going out on a date with him. It’s not their first, of course. But they had never been somewhere other than the school rooftop for their alone time. After days of asking, convincing and begging, Yongguk eventually gave up on refusing, or more like gave in to his one and only sunshine.

The reason was childish, in which Daehyun had whined about wanting to do what the other couples do. He wished to be like them, being all lovey-dovey in public, showing people how much they love each other. Though he did go on a lot of dates with Seunghyun, this one was different. This was the real time he fell in love with someone.

Daehyun’s stomach didn’t stop from having butterflies since he met Yongguk at their promised place. The older man was waiting for him, leaning against the wall on the sidewalk, wearing his casual clothes. When he caught the sight of a fine Yongguk in those jeans and shirt, totally unlike him in their school uniform, he started to feel all giddy inside.

Yongguk smiled as Daehyun approached him. His hand reached out to lace their fingers together. “You look cute,” He said before kissing Daehyun’s cheek which was slowly turning crimson. “Did you try hard to look good in front of me?” He teased.

“Well...” Daehyun sheepishly fixed his white cardigan using his free hand. “This is all I could pull off,” He meekly admitted.

“Cut it out. You’re perfect. I really shouldn’t go out with you looking like this,” Yongguk released Daehyun’s hand to stretch out the bottom of his shirt, looking very sadly at it.

Daehyun was annoyed. The older boy kept using the same reasons for not going out with him. So he crossed his arms against his chest as he scowled at the latter. “Really? You still gonna give excuses right now?”

Yongguk averted his eyes from his shirt to glance at Daehyun with raised brows. Seeing the adorable frown on Daehyun’s face made him laughed. He unfolded Daehyun’s arms to lock their hands again and brushed their lips together in a short sweet kiss. The flustered Daehyun immediately returned to his shy self.

“Let’s go,” Yongguk began the first step, followed closely by Daehyun at his side. Both were feeling warm and complete with each other’s presence.

Their walk was slow and aimless. It didn’t matter where their feet brought them to, as long as they were together. As always, Daehyun would tell Yongguk about every single thing that happened to him when they’re not spending their time together, from the spoiled rich kids in his class to his relationship with Seunghyun, and also the argument he had with his father. The narration would slowly turn into a rant. But Yongguk was pretty much used to it. He was doing a great job listening to Daehyun, not until they reached the town.

The lack of response coming from Yongguk got Daehyun to take a glimpse of him. His beloved boy was cautiously looking around as if he was afraid to see someone right there and then.

“Hey, Yongguk hyung! Pay attention to me!” Daehyun halted his pace.

Yongguk promptly turned to Daehyun, a tad surprised and confused with the junior’s behaviour. But it was just for a brief moment before he started to check on his surroundings again. “I wanted to,” He muttered without looking at the shorter lad.

“What are you so restless about?” Daehyun questioned impatiently.

Yongguk shrugged. “Nothing much except for when someone sees us.”

With a heavy sigh, Daehyun went to stand in front of the anxious boy. Taking Yongguk’s face in a firm hold of his hands, he made him turn to look at him before giving him a peck on the lips.

Yongguk’s eyes bulged out as he gaped at Daehyun. Just what the hell was this boy thinking when he was worrying over something else?

Daehyun giggled seeing Yongguk’s shocked expression, knowing exactly what’s in the other’s mind. “You’re cute when you’re nervous.”

Upon hearing that, Yongguk scoffed while rolling his eyes. He shot a playful glare but the younger was loudly chuckling at him, causing a smile to spread across his red face.

“But if you’re afraid to be outside, then let’s get inside,” Daehyun said with his cheeky smile before dragging the taller boy in his direction. Yongguk shook his head in amusement as he tried to catch up with Daehyun’s fast footsteps.

They entered the nearest restaurant, not caring about the food served or about the price. But judging from the fancy interior and the way the customers dressed, Yongguk knew the drinks would cost more than his whole wallet.

“Oh, wow. Are we eating here?” Yongguk asked.

“Yup, don’t worry, my treat,” Daehyun reassured nonchalantly.

They settled down in a booth and the waiter came to take their orders in a blink of an eye. Yongguk scanned the menu with various types of food written in a foreign language that he didn’t even know what they actually were. So he just gave up and let Daehyun decide it for him.

“What’s with that face? You don’t like it here?” Daehyun noticed Yongguk’s glum look as they wait for their orders to arrive, thinking if it’s because of something he did.

Yongguk shook his head. “I like it. But I wish that I’m the one who’d bring you to a place like this and treat you with delicious food as much as possible,” His lips were pressed together while he fiddled his fingers.

Daehyun was quick to place his hands over Yongguk’s. “Hyung, it’s okay. I was the one who asked you to go out today,” He smiled. “Besides, you can always treat me on our next dates.”

Yongguk sneered. “Yeah. All I’ll bring you to are cheap food stalls, or just buy you candies and ice cream, or ask you to hang out at my new orphanage because I don’t even have a real home,” He spouted off.

“Great! I’m gonna love it!” Daehyun exclaimed, making Yongguk looked up quizzically at him. “I always wanted to try those things. I really wanted to go to where you live. I want to meet the other kids and the kind people who have been taking care of you from Ijakdo till you moved here.”

Yongguk’s lips curved upwards. His thumbs began to rub circles on the back of Daehyun’s soft hands. He nodded to Daehyun’s words. “They’re nice. I bet they’ll like you as soon as they lay their eyes on your pretty face.”

Daehyun jutted out his lip because Yongguk was being cheesy. “You’re going to miss them when you’re adopted. But then you’ll have a real home, you’ll be happy and you can take me out on lots of dates.”

Yongguk snorted with laughter. “You and I both know that’s not gonna happen. I’m already seventeen. Who would want to adopt an old teenager like me?”

“Don’t you say that,” Daehyun chided. “You should’ve known that my words often come true.”

When Yongguk was about to talk back, the waiter came with their food. They pulled their hands apart to give room to the plates. It looked better than he imagined. His mouth watered seeing the grilled steak in front of him. He forgot about their previous conversation and thought that he would let it slide to devour the delicious piece of meat first.

The waiter was gone and he looked up at Daehyun. The boy was drinking his juice through a straw. That’s when something crossed his mind. “Does Seunghyun know you’re here?” He voiced it out.

“Of course not,” Daehyun stopped on his drink to answer. “He asked me to go out today but I said that I have family matters,” He shrugged his shoulders.

“When was the last time you go out with him?”

“The last time?” Daehyun’s brow raised before it turned into deep furrows as he tried to recall the past events. “Hmm, I don’t exactly remember. Last week, maybe?”

Yongguk blew out a puff of air, getting fed up with everything relating to Seunghyun. “Isn’t it easier to cut ties with him? Since, you know, we’re becoming a thing and such?”

Daehyun let out a heavy sigh. “It’s not as easy as you think it is. I have a thought about it too. But he and I have the same fates. We understand each other,” He stared into Yongguk’s eyes, wanting the latter to grasp on what he’s trying to clarify. “He’s already broken inside. If I split up with him, I’m afraid that I’ll just make it worse.”

Everything was stilled for a moment before Yongguk spoke up. “But what about you? What about us?”

Daehyun once again wrapped Yongguk’s hand with his. “We have each other but he doesn’t,” His grip tightened to make it clear for Yongguk. “I know you hate him with all the awful things he did to you and I shouldn’t have pity him but you must know, you’re the one I truly love. You’re the only person I want to be with,” His lips carved a thin smile as he gazed at the person in front of him with eyes full of love.

Yongguk thought that Daehyun really knew his weakness of hearing the love word from him. With a mirrored expression, he lifted Daehyun’s hand to plant a gentle kiss on it. “Let’s just stop talking and eat,” He proceeded to cut a small piece of the steak and fed Daehyun with it.

Daehyun gladly took it into his mouth and smirked. “Who’s worried about being seen again?”

###

The school bell rang and Daehyun got to his locker in incredible speed. He was so eager to see Yongguk in a couple of minutes after missing him all day. The bag was slung back onto his shoulder as he finished putting the books in the locker. But right after he shut it close, another student came to lean against the locker next to his.

“Where are you heading to?” Sounded a deep grunting voice.

Daehyun’s startled face softened once he recognized who the student was. “Hyung, you surprised me,” He huffed out a sigh of relief, though his expression was a complete opposite.

“You shouldn’t be,” Seunghyun fixed his stern gaze, almost growling as he talked to his boyfriend. “Now answer me.”

Daehyun just had to gulp down the lump in his throat before answering. “I… I need to… meet a friend. We uh… we have to discuss about this… project, an essay project we’re partnered up for English class…” He stammered severely while his eyes kept avoiding Seunghyun’s sharp ones which then narrowed as they descended closer to him.

“Really? Who’s this friend of yours?”

With his brain that couldn’t function properly when being stared at the older boy, Daehyun blurted out the first name wandering in his mind. “Son… Naeun…”

“Lies,” Seunghyun’s jaw clenched as he moved to shove Daehyun against the locker, causing the smaller figure to whimper in pain. He slammed a hand to the steel cupboard just beside Daehyun’s ear before gripping the younger’s face with another to make the boy looked at him in the eyes. Daehyun was quietly mewling, trying to pry the strong hold off his cheeks. The other students didn’t even try to interfere in the situation involving the two of the richest students in school.

“You seriously think I’d believe it after the other thousands of excuses?” Seunghyun snapped.  “We rarely went home together since what? Months ago? I knew something’s up with you telling me to stop messing with that poor kid and avoiding to meet me. I knew it but I just shrugged it off! I trusted you enough for not doing that behind my back! If it’s not because someone saw you and that stupid poor kid together, I wouldn’t have known it! You think I’m really that easy to be played with?!”

Daehyun couldn’t help but let the tears spilled from his eyes. So someone did catch him and Yongguk together. He really should have been more careful and listened to Yongguk. Seunghyun had found out about them and he was extremely scared right now. He wasn’t expecting the other to get this angry. Seunghyun looked like he was about to kill him.

Well, if things were going this way, it’s now or never for Daehyun to end their relationship. “I-I’m sorry… but I love – ”

“Don’t you dare!!” Seunghyun yelled to cut him off. He let go of Daehyun’s face just to grab his arm right after that. The boy was forcefully dragged by him along the hallways, earning sympathetic looks from the witnesses. They got out of school and went to an awaiting car. Seunghyun opened the back door before pushing Daehyun to get inside.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Daehyun shouted, anger seeping through his veins.

“Shut up!” Seunghyun tightened his claw on Daehyun’s arm to silence the boy. “Ahjussi, let’s go.”

The butler began to drive the car without saying much. Daehyun wanted to talk nicely and explain everything to the other but Seunghyun didn’t seem like he would allow him to utter a single word.

The journey continued in silence with the sound of Daehyun’s quiet sniffles once in a while. Soon, the car stopped in a place which was very familiar to Daehyun. They were dropped in front of the huge villa owned by Choi’s family. Seunghyun had always brought him here to do all sort of things that the other couples do.

Not letting Daehyun to escape from his hold, Seunghyun continued on pulling the smaller boy harshly to match his hasty pace. They went in through the main door, climbed a flight of stairs, and walked along lengthy corridors to reach a door in the furthest corner of the house. Daehyun was shoved inside when the door was opened and another rough push caused him to be thrown onto the large soft bed.

Seunghyun jumped on top of Daehyun, trapping him in between his legs when the younger tried to sit up. He pressed the struggling thin wrists onto the mattress before attacking Daehyun’s mouth with his. Daehyun groaned in protest as a tongue was forced to meet his own, his lips had already bleeding from being nipped by the boy hovering over him.

As Seunghyun moved to nibble on his neck, Daehyun could finally take some air into his lungs. “Stop it!” He panted while squirming underneath the larger body to get free from its hold.

Clamping the small hands together in a strong grip, Seunghyun began to rip open Daehyun’s school uniform, the shirt as well as the pants. He stared at the boy with fiery eyes that made Daehyun’s whole body shivered.

“I’m gonna show everyone who you really belong to.”

###

Daehyun kept his gaze on the white ceiling of his room, limbs tangled with sheets from all the tossing and turning he did on his bed throughout the night. He knew it was already morning without looking at the time, based on the sunlight penetrating the window. His parents must have gone to work but it’s okay. He rarely saw them in the morning anyways. Not even at the night too.

Seunghyun’s driver had sent him home right after they were done having . Or maybe it was more like Seunghyun forcing him to do it. Being manhandled by an aggressive Seunghyun yesterday was the scariest thing for him. Only one thought came through his mind after that. He was .

It’s been a long time since he last had with Seunghyun and they had never done it so hard before. Just walking from the door of his house to his room was a great suffer for him. So he didn’t move even the slightest bit from when he laid on his bed last night until this morning. Sleep never came throughout the night. He repeatedly blamed himself for not breaking up with Seunghyun sooner. Even after everything that happened, he still didn’t have the guts to do it. He couldn’t. Seunghyun had put a chain on him.

His heart felt tight thinking of Yongguk. How would the older boy react if he knew what have been going on behind him? Wouldn’t Yongguk think of him as disgusting? Because that’s definitely what he would do. Yongguk must be mad at him for disappearing without a word yesterday. It’s the first time he missed watching the sunset since they declared their love for each other. If he could, he would run all the way to school, hug him and ask for his forgiveness. But it seemed like Yongguk had to wait until tomorrow. Moreover when sleep was slowly taking over him.

Couples of knocks were heard at his bedroom door. “Young master, breakfast’s ready. It’s time to go to school,” One of his maid called.

Daehyun managed to reply just before falling asleep. “Not today…”

Luck was on his side when tomorrow came. Daehyun was thinking of all possible reasons he could give to Seunghyun for not going back together but then he remembered that the older boy would be attending his club activity today.

After sending Daehyun at the school gate, Seunghyun quickly left to the meeting room. If he’s not already that late, he would also wait for Daehyun’s chauffeur, just to make sure his lover really went home and not going somewhere else, or more specifically, meeting a certain someone.

A thing that Seunghyun didn’t know was that Daehyun never went home with his chauffeur ever since he preferred to watch the sunset everyday with Yongguk. They would gladly go home together after that.

As he was sure Seunghyun’s out of sight, Daehyun carefully made his way back into the school building. The closer he got to the rooftop, the faster he walked. By the time he turned to empty hallways, he started to run and run and didn’t slow down even a little bit when he climbed the stairs. Yongguk was already sitting at their spot when he got there.

Their eyes met and Yongguk was more than shocked to see Daehyun in front of him. The other could only gasp after having a glimpse of his battered figure.

“Oh my god,” Daehyun whispered, fear visible in his teary eyes. He dropped onto his knees in between Yongguk’s legs to take a closer look on the injuries, holding the elder’s face with trembling hands. “Who did this to you?!”

Daehyun’s slender fingers delicately caressed his bruised cheeks while eyeing his black eye, plastered nose, split lips and wounded temples. Yongguk remembered about their first meeting. He didn’t expect it would happen again. His hand began to rub soothing circles on Daehyun’s tensed back. Both of them knew the answer to Daehyun’s question. They knew this day would come.

“He found out didn’t he?” Yonnguk retorted with another question.

Daehyun froze. He lifted his gaze to stare into Yongguk’s. He got all the answers. Seunghyun must have beat him up yesterday, when he was absent at school. Tears gathered in his eyes as his hands fell on Yongguk’s shirt, clutching it tightly with shaking fists.

“I’m sorry…” He cried, bringing down his head as he couldn’t face the other anymore. “I’m so sorry… I can’t end my relationship with him… He doesn’t want to… He won’t let me…”

Yongguk looked up to the sky and sighed with all the air he could breathe in. He pulled the lighter body to hug it tightly. His chin was on the crook of Daehyun’s neck when his own tears spilled from his eyes.

“Maybe it’s just for the time being…” Daehyun sobbed against Yongguk’s chest. “He’ll get bored of me sooner or later… He’ll break up with me since he knows that I’ll never love him back.”

“Then we just have to wait. If we got each other, everything will be fine,” Yongguk finally retorted.

Daehyun seemed to relax at his words. The younger had unclenched his fists to hug him back. Both of them stayed like that until the last bit of sunlight, which was slowly disappearing behind the horizon. They eventually stopped weeping to treasure this moment to the fullest, while they still could.

“I love you,” Yongguk muttered along a kiss on Daehyun’s head.

“I love you too.”

###

Daehyun could feel his relationship with Seunghyun was turning into a meaningless affair. Everyday after school, if Seunghyun wouldn’t take him home, he would be at the villa again, being forced to have with the latter. No matter how hard he fought, Seunghyun could easily pin him down. Daehyun was drained, physically and mentally from Seunghyun’s doing. The amount of they had had tripled since his secret was broken.

But that didn’t stop Daehyun from seeing his true lover. During the days when he had the slightest energy left, he would run back to his school to go to the rooftop. He told Seunghyun that his parents wanted him home before dinner even though his family never had that meal together. So Seunghyun sent him home before the sun set and he would sneak out again after the older boy was gone. Seunghyun couldn’t be there for long anyway because he was forbidden to be near the enemy’s residence.

When he was finally settled in Yongguk’s embrace, Daehyun immediately calmed down. It’s like he returned to his place, a place where he really belonged to. And Yongguk would treat him like an angel from heaven. Though he never answered Yongguk’s questions on why did he look so tired, why did he become skinnier, the older boy didn’t complain or force him to say the reasons, not even once. He would just sit there with Daehyun, holding him like he’s the air he breathed.  If they could be together, even if it’s just on a rooftop, they wouldn’t ask for anything more. Something was telling Daehyun that this was all the time he got for Yongguk. He didn’t know the reason until the day he woke up with severe nausea and vomiting.

His body shuddered, his face paled when the most common thing came to his mind. He wasted no time to get some pregnancy tests from the nearest pharmacy. After getting the same results from them, everything seemed to crash down on him. His body crumbled on the cold bathroom floor, crying for hours without anybody knowing.

“I told you to use protection every time we do it!” Daehyun snarled at Seunghyun. He had asked the boy to meet on the very same day to inform him about the shocking news. And now they were at each other’s throats in the same villa.

“I did wear a ! Sometimes two of them!” Seunghyun retaliated, constantly eyeing the troubled Daehyun standing before him while he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Then how could this happened?!” Daehyun waved a pregnancy test with positive result in front of Seunghyun’s face. He even ran another test just now only to proof it to the other doubtful boy.

“How should I know?!” Seunghyun stood up, snatching the short stick from Daehyun’s grip to do the same thing to the younger. “How could you be so sure that it’s mine?? You could’ve probably done it with that poor guy!!”

“That’s impossible!” Daehyun shook his head as he sobbed. “You’re the only guy who has touched me in that way! I never did it with anyone else!” He caught Seunghyun’s shirt in tight grips, causing the larger body to rock back and forth with his outrage. “It’s you! It’s really you! You did this to me!” Daehyun cried his heart out. The weak smacks to Seunghyun’s chest were the strongest he could give.

As if the hits from Daehyun had made him awakened, he stopped the boy’s act by capturing the smaller hands. He stared at the top of Daehyun’s head as the younger was still crying and he recalled something. Slowly, he pulled Daehyun to sit on the foot of bed nest to each other.

“Maybe once…” He began. Daehyun listened without looking at him. “It’s that one time I forgot to be safe, when I first found out about your secret affair.”

Daehyun bawled louder. His cries echoed throughout the spacious room. He could only cover his face with his palms to slow it down. He always knew that the latter was responsible for this.

“Abort it. Abort the baby,” Seunghyun suddenly spoke up.

Daehyun whipped his head towards the other, his bloodshot eyes widened in disbelief. “No! That's a wrong thing to do!”

“Then what else could we do about it?” Worry started to show on Seunghyun’s previously irritated expression.

Daehyun gazed the floor, taking a moment to think of something. “I don't know... Tell our parents?” He asked with raised eyebrows.

Seunghyun returned it with a scowl. “You crazy? They hate each other.”

“But they'll know what to do,” Daehyun muttered timidly because Seunghyun was indeed correct.

“What if they told you to abort it too?” Seunghyun figured and Daehyun didn’t have anything to say in response. Heaving a deep breath, he turned Daehyun’s body to face him. “Look, we'll keep it as a secret until the baby's born. You'll deliver the baby and we'll give the child to someone to take care of it,” He suggested, staring into Daehyun’s eyes for an answer.

But whatever Seunghyun was saying didn’t make any sense to Daehyun. And he just couldn’t think straight right now. “But it's our child...” It’s all he could mumble out with a frown on his still wet face.

Seunghyun shrugged. “That's more preferable than killing it.”

###

Loving can hurt

Loving can hurt sometimes

But it's the only thing that I know

When it gets hard

You know it can get hard sometimes

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive

Loving can heal

Loving can mend your soul

And it's the only thing that I know

I swear it will get easier

Remember that with every piece of ya

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

Song : Photograph by Ed Sheeran

A/N:

Wow, it's literally the end of June. I didn't break my promise ^^

This chapter only contains the timeline of the past 15 years and none of the present time because I'm being lazy

but don't worry the next chapter will be up soon!

Thanks to all upvoters, subscribers, readers and commentors! I love you!!