“Dear God, please hold them when I no longer can.”

– Daehyun –

Present time

                When Junhong got to his apartment from the hospital in the middle of the night, he felt empty. He slowly walked towards the living room, the tears were already dried on his cheeks. Everything in there was in the same state as the last time he came here. His eyes landed on the spot where he found his mother lying on the floor after getting hit by his father.

                Junhong went there, dropping onto his knees. He ran his hands on the cold floor before clenching them into fists. How he wished he could turn back time. He would help his mother get up from this chilly floor and treated his wounds. He would put his mother to rest in bed and stayed by his side. He would never go out to find his father on his own and left his mother to worry about him here.

                Tears spilled from his eyes again. His heart was in so much pain that he was not sure if he could carry it in the next coming days. His mother was just here during the day. They even had breakfast together this morning. How could his mother stopped breathing within the same day? How could he believe it?

                “No…” Junhong whispered while shaking his head. “It’s another bad dream… It’s just a bad dream…,” He chanted in sobs before screaming his lungs out. “Somebody wake me up from this nightmare!!”

                Jongup finally rushed towards the boy after watching from the back all the while. He kneeled in front of Junhong to take him into his arms. “Junhong, please calm down. Please, come back to your senses,” He pleaded though he was also trying hard to accept the sudden huge change.

                Junhong hid his face in Jongup’s chest. “I want to wake up from this nightmare…” His cries were muffled by the shirt.

                Donghae too had come to give the boy a hug, a hug that only a mother could have. Jongup released Junhong to let his mother take over whereas Hyukjae was squatting down next to the crying boy and tried to sooth him by his back.

                “It’s not a nightmare, Junhong,” Donghae said even though he was crying too. “It is frightening and it feels surreal,” He caressed the boy’s hair and Junhong gradually calmed down. “But we will get through this together. We will be by your side.”

                Yongguk arrived at his house in daze. He took quite a while after getting in just because he was staring at Daehyun’s pairs of shoes arranged neatly on the rack. His house was dark when it was usually very bright with voices and laughter from the lounging room. He could even faintly hear it in his mind.

                He switched on the lights one by one. The TV was off. Neither Daehyun nor Junhong was there on the sofa. The silence was deafening so he quickly found the remote and the TV. When he put it back on the table, he saw all the wedding and honeymoon brochures that he and Daehyun would have a look every night before going to bed.

                He slumped onto the sofa behind him. Everything in this house reminded him of Daehyun. It felt like Daehyun was still alive. He couldn’t believe his lover was already dead. He couldn’t marry Daehyun. He really couldn’t make it before his fiancé left him forever.

                Before his mind could drift any further, he decided to call his mother to tell the news. But when his mother picked up, he knew it would turn out to be like this. For the first time in his life, Yongguk broke down. He was alone in his house and he was crying his heart out into his phone. Instead of talking to his mother, he let his mother hear his painful cry that he had never did in front of her before.

                “Yongguk, what’s wrong?” Mrs. Park asked full of concern.

                “Mo-Mother… How… How sh-should I…” Yongguk was sobbing so hard, he couldn’t even say what was in his mind properly.

                “What is it?” She started to sound anxious.

                “What should I do? Daehyun is…” Yongguk shut his eyes tightly. The grip on his phone was firm as he said it. “Daehyun’s gone…”

                Yongguk should have known it. He said it himself. Daehyun was really gone. Forever.

###

                The day the funeral was held, the sky was grey. The sunlight was totally clouded and the trees were swaying in the cold wind. A group of people wearing black stood in the middle of the graveyard, surrounding the coffin in grief.

                Yongguk felt numb. Junhong was still crying. He wasn’t aware of anything or anyone around him. He just stared at his mother’s coffin getting lowered into the earth. He wasn’t aware of an old man crying harder than him on the other side.

                Junhong’s hand was trembling as he collected some dirt before throwing it into the grave. He did it for three times according to the ritual and each of the time, he kept reminding himself that this would be his mother’s last moment in this world. His mother would disappear from this earth and go to where he belonged to; the heaven.

                Yongguk pulled the crying boy into a hug. The grave was being filled and Yongguk convinced himself that Daehyun was really down there. He would stay there from now on so Yongguk whispered his promise to not leave Daehyun alone for long. He would come for a visit once in a while and they could release their longing for each other.

                The Lee family came up to them when they saw Junhong still didn’t stop crying. Jongup had no idea how much it hurt to be in Junhong’s shoes but he never left the boy’s side. He made sure Junhong would have a shoulder to cry on and he was willing to take all the pain if he could.

                As Yongguk was still calming Junhong down with Jongup rubbing the boy’s back, the previous old man who he noticed to be crying as hard as the boy approached them. He was in a wheelchair, mobilized by Himchan behind him while Youngjae walked beside him.

                Yongguk slowly broke his hug on Junhong. When the boy looked up quizzically at him, he gestured to the three of them. They were all strangers to Junhong.

                Donghae came to stand next to him, grabbing his arm in the process. Yongguk turned to his side, gaining the same puzzled look from Donghae and Hyukjae who was standing behind his spouse. The answer he could give was just by mouthing ‘I know’.

                Both Himchan and Youngjae offered their sincere condolences. Yongguk and Junhong thanked them. Only then the old man spoke up.

                “Are you… Junhong…?”

                The boy nodded as he wiped the tears off. The old man seemed familiar to him and he was very curious about who he was. He always knew every single friend his mother had but he didn’t remember about this man.

                Yongguk noticed the confusion in Junhong’s face. He placed a hand on the boy’s back, making Junhong turned to him. “Junhong,” He averted his gaze to the other two men and the boy followed his act. “This is Kim Himchan.”

                Junhong politely bowed at the man.

                “This is Yoo Youngjae.”

                Junhong bowed at the man too.

                “He is your mother’s cousin,” Yongguk added and Junhong snapped his head towards him. When their eyes met, he saw thousands of questions in the watery orbs but he just gave a simple nod as the answer.

                “And this,” Yongguk looked at the old man. “Is your grandmother, Kang Minhyuk.”

                Junhong’s breath was caught in his throat. He was frozen in his spot that he couldn’t bring himself to look at the said man. He was shocked, obviously, but he didn’t know whether he was happy or sad to meet his alleged grandmother, the person who gave birth to his mother.

                Jongup realized the sudden news was too much for Junhong to handle. He was also very surprised to hear that though he could guess his parents already knew who the man was based on their agitated look. He took his lover’s hand before giving it a reassuring squeeze, receiving a thankful look from the latter in return.

                “Junhong…?” Minhyuk called when the boy wouldn’t look at him. “Junhong, I’m sorry…” He cried. It broke his heart to receive zero response from his grandson.

                Junhong casted down his gaze, slightly facing the other side instead of the old man. He was not sure if he was angry or not but he could feel blood rushing to his head. Why did this man only appear now? Where was he in the last fifteen years? Why didn’t he come here while his son was still alive?

                “Junhong, I know you might not want to see me right now. My son too was taking his time to see me again but he couldn’t make it. I thought I would be the first one to go. If I knew this would happen, I would find a way to see him earlier,” Minhyuk poured his heart out but Junhong didn’t seem to be affected by it.

                “I’ve done terrible things to you and your mother,” He continued. “I realized my mistakes and I wanted to apologize to both of you. I wanted to start over.”

                Junhong almost scoffed at the man. “Eomma’s gone,” He uttered to make the man know that there was no point apologizing when the person was already dead.

                Minhyuk cried harder. “I’ll do anything to redeem my mistakes,” He pleaded desperately. “I want to ask you to come with me. I’ll treat you like how you deserve to be.”

                Donghae’s eyes widened. He turned to his husband behind him, his face was questioning on what should they do. Hyukjae shook his head, murmuring ‘I don’t know’ dejectedly. Donghae knew Minhyuk had the right to do something like that to his own grandson but it wasn’t fair in his view. He had treated Junhong like his own son since the boy was born and if anyone who would be taking of the boy after Daehyun was gone, it should be him.

                Taking a deep breath, Donghae stepped forward to declare his wish but he was halted in the first move. Yongguk’s hand that was previously grasping his shoulder gave it a pat, telling him everything would be okay with a thin smile.

                Initially, Yongguk just silently watched over them talking but after hearing Minhyuk’s offer, he couldn’t keep quiet anymore. The reluctance was clearly shown in Junhong’s figure and he couldn’t bear to see the boy in that state if Minhyuk really took Junhong with him.

                “Pardon me for interrupting,” Yongguk spoke up and all of them gazed at him. “But as you know, I am Daehyun’s fiancé,” He put his arm around Junhong’s shoulder, causing the boy to cluelessly look to the front, breaking his hold on Jongup’s hand.

                “Junhong will be under my care,” Yongguk stated sternly. “It’s Daehyun’s will.”

                Later that day, Junhong was back at the apartment again. This time Yongguk was the one to bring him there. He was told to pack the rest of his things, as well as his mother’s. He would leave this apartment for good. He would continue to live in Yongguk’s house starting from tomorrow onwards.

                It was easy for him to pack his own things. It didn’t take that long since most of his stuffs were already at Yongguk’s house. But when he needed to pack his mother’s things, the tears fell again. He carefully folded his mother’s clothes, taking more time than he should for each of them.

                He would bring Daehyun’s shirt to his face, breathing in his mother’s scent as much as he could. And then there would be his tear stains on Daehyun’s shirt and he would repeatedly say sorry to no one in particular in that empty room.

                Yongguk stood by the door, watching the boy folding Daehyun’s clothes on the bed while crying quietly. Maybe he shouldn’t let the Junhong do it in the first place but he was at the other parts of the apartment, cleaning and tidying every corner that also reminded him of Daehyun. He absolutely knew Junhong’s feelings when he himself had cried for a couple of times.

                Yongguk padded towards the bed, the bed that he and Daehyun had shared their longings and love to each other. He sat down next to Junhong and without uttering a word, he took the shirt in the boy’s hand before folding it to put into the box.

                “What do I do now?” Junhong sniffled, gazing at the boxes on the floor, full of Daehyun’s things and scent. “Eomma’s really gone… Forever…” The last word came out as a whisper, something that he wished he didn’t need to say.

                Yongguk breathed out, another shirt of Daehyun in his hands. “Just do what he wanted you to do,” He said before turning to the boy. “Live and be happy.”

                Junhong looked up at the elder. Yongguk was carving a small smile and he knew the man only did that for him. He could clearly see the pain and the sadness behind it. The agony was obviously shown in Yongguk’s eyes. The older man was trying so hard to be strong for him and he could only be grateful to have Yongguk, as well as Jongup, Donghae and Hyukjae by his side.

                Junhong circled his arms around Yongguk’s waist before resting his head against Yongguk’s chest. Then he felt Yongguk’s arms tightened around him and a kiss was pressed on his crown.

                He slept on Daehyun’s bed that night while Yongguk slept on the couch with a blanket. Daehyun’s scent was lingering all over the room, lulling Junhong to sleep. He snuggled the pillows, noting himself that he would be waking up with his mother’s smell, not his mother’s voice anymore.

###

                “Junhong… Junhong…?”

                The voice flew pleasantly into his ears. It was soft and silvery, just like his mother’s voice but a little bit raspier, as if his mother had aged by 20 years. And then there was some warmth enveloping his cheek, causing him to slowly lift his lids.

                Everything was blurry but he could make out someone’s figure staring at him. The man sat by the bed, leaning forward to call his name. The longer he looked at the man, the blurry face had sharpened and for a second, he thought that his mother had come back to life. Daehyun was smiling at him, like he usually did everyday when waking him up.

                “Good morning, Junhong…”

                It was the same voice that awakened him just now. Slowly gaining his consciousness, Junhong found that the voice was actually different from his mother’s. He rubbed his eyes, blinking them a few times until the blurriness faded away. The man was actually his grandmother.

                “What are you doing here?” Junhong croaked courteously while sitting up on the bed.

                “I come to say goodbye,” Minhyuk smiled when his grandson was not acting so cold toward him anymore. “I’m going back to Ilsan.”

                “Already?” Junhong raised his brows.

                Minhyuk nodded, the smile never leaving his face. He had studied Junhong’s face since the boy was still asleep and now he couldn’t stop doing so. “You look just like your eomma,” He suddenly muttered. “So beautiful…”

                Though Junhong had heard that from a lot of other, it felt different now that his mother was already gone. But for him, his mother looked more alike to his grandmother. “He looked a lot like you too…” He said it out loud genuinely.

                 Minhyuk weakly shook his head, diverting his gaze to his lap as he was in his wheelchair. “I’m a bad mother…,” He began in a brittle voice. “I let him go when he’s pregnant… I let him raised a child at such young age… I don’t deserve to live longer than him…”

                Junhong saw the tears dropped onto Minhyuk’s hands on his lap. Maybe it was not only him that was left in regret after his mother’s death. Maybe his grandmother was having a worse feeling than him and he couldn’t imagine how painful that would be.

                Junhong slipped from his bed before kneeling on the floor in front of his grandmother. He started by rubbing the old man’s back to calm him down, just like what everybody else had been doing to him in the past days.

                “I rarely talked with your mother like this,” Minhyuk sniffled, feeling a little better with Junhong’s touch. “I rarely wake him up every morning or put him to sleep. I regretted it, so much. I hate myself.”

                Junhong quietly sat on the floor, lending his ears to his grandmother as the elder poured every single thought to him. He could hear the regret in his words, he could feel the hatred Minhyuk had for himself.

                “Your mother and I actually shared the same birthday. I’m so happy the day he was born. I made a promise to myself to treasure my baby and raise him to a good person,” He placed his hand on his forehead with his elbow resting on his thigh as he recalled about his past. “But I forgot that. I gave him money, clothes and everything in exchange for my affections. I was so stupid. He must’ve hated me,” He was wailing harder and harder with every sentence he said.

                “I don’t think so,” Junhong objected instantly. He took a hold of his grandmother’s hand and the old man eyed him dubiously.

                “He never mentioned that he hated you. He just said you couldn’t be together with me. He didn’t say you’re dead,” Junhong assured the elder, a vague smile rendering his lips.

                Minhyuk knew he should feel better with that but instead, he felt even guiltier towards both of Daehyun and Junhong. Maybe he really didn’t have the right to apologize to them. He should be punished for what he had done by living in the guilt and regret for the rest of his life.

                Minhyuk wrapped his arms around Junhong, catching the boy by surprise as he pulled him into a hug. Junhong had not accept his apology before and now he realized that an apology was not worthy of his mistakes. So he decided that if he wanted to redeem, he would do what Junhong might want him to do; let the boy live without him.

                “You can come visit me sometimes,” He uttered after releasing Junhong from his hold. “But I understand if you don’t want to,” His lips pulled a dim smile.

                “Maybe I will,” Junhong returned the smile. “Someday.”

###

                Finally, Junhong officially moved to Yongguk’s house. He had a look around after days of leaving the place. Everything looked the same to him, except it was missing someone, someone who could fill the space with laughter and lit the house with his bright presence.

                Yongguk came from behind him, snaking an arm around his shoulder. “There’s just you and me now,” He sighed, also looking around the quiet living room.

                “I guess so…” Junhong muttered in response.

                “But we’re still a family, right?” Yongguk tightened his hold, causing the boy to turn his head towards him.

                The tears started to form in his eyes again. Junhong had to press his lips together to prevent them from falling. He threw his arms around Yongguk as he whispered. “Thank you for taking me in…abeoji.”

                The air was knocked out from Yongguk’s lungs. For a moment, he just stood there, trying to comprehend if he had heard it correctly. Hearing Junhong addressed him as a father made him broke into tears. He then returned the boy’s hug. “Thank you for accepting me,” He whispered back, secretly wishing for Daehyun to be able to see this moment.

###

                A few days later, it was the last day off for Yongguk ever since the day Daehyun left the world. It had almost been a week and finally Seunghyun was caught by the police. That man received equitable punishment for his act. He would never see that man again after the punishment was done not much longer from the time being.

                To spend the day, Yongguk decided to go to his old school’s rooftop. He promised himself that this would be the last time he would go there because Daehyun was not by his side anymore. He would say goodbye to the rooftop just like how he said his goodbye to Daehyun.

                Yongguk sat in his and Daehyun’s usual place. His knees were pulled close to his chest and his arms were perched on them. The golden sun was halfway through the skyline. He took in the beauty without missing any single moment of the sunset.

                Then, Daehyun appeared beside him.

                Yongguk whipped his head to the side when he felt someone’s presence close to him. There was Daehyun, looking stunningly angelic in white, sitting while leaning against the wall. His folded legs were tucked against his chest as he circled his arms around them. Daehyun was looking at him, smiling ever so brightly that it almost blinded him. Daehyun looked much younger, much happier and much more beautiful.

                “Bad day?” Daehyun asked, his melodious voice echoed in Yongguk’s ears.

                “Not anymore,” Yongguk breathed out. Unknowingly, beads of tears started rolling down his cheeks.

                “Why not?”

                “Because you’re here,” Yongguk stated directly.

                And Daehyun laughed. His lilting voice filled the air, covering any other sound that could never match his mellow laughter. Yongguk just gazed at the gorgeous man, believing that this was very real in his eyes.

                “Are you sad?” Daehyun asked again after he stopped laughing, much to Yongguk’s disappointment.

                “I don’t know…,” Yongguk said under his breath. “All my life… I’ve been living because of you. Now I’m not sure anymore. What do I live for?”

                “Live for me,” Daehyun simply answered, still having that beaming smile decorating his lips. “There’s still a part of me with you. He needs you to be with him,” He paused to give Yongguk a moment to decipher his meaning. “I need you to be with him,” He emphasized, placing a hand at his chest.

                Yongguk knew Daehyun was referring to Junhong. Daehyun had entrusted Junhong to him even before he died so he would always kept that promise. However, he didn’t have any clue to fulfill Daehyun’s latest wish; him living for Daehyun.

                “But how can I live without you…?” He wondered out loud, using the same tone as Daehyun did. He cried harder, not minding if Daehyun saw him in this horrible state. He just wanted Daehyun to know how much he needed the younger in his life.

                “I’m always with you,” Daehyun replied almost immediately before getting up on his feet. “In your heart, as your angel,” He said as he started walking backwards towards the rail, or more accurately towards the setting sun.

                Yongguk also stood up, his breath was caught in his throat as he watched his lover getting illuminated by the last bit of sunlight. He wanted to run after him, catching him in his arms but his feet stayed rooted to the ground.

                “It’s my turn to wait for you. You’ll see me when the time comes,” Daehyun reassured, his smiling face vanished along his whole body and also, the sun. The sunshine was completely gone. His sunshine was really gone.

                Yongguk was alone again. It got darker and colder by the second. And eventually, the black frost engulfed his heart. He clenched his shirt over the left side of his chest. It was painful, as if Daehyun had taken half of his heart along as he went.

                “I love you…” Yongguk whispered into the air, staring at the glowing horizon which would be the place he would find Daehyun again one day.

                He had once asked Daehyun if the younger regretted everything that happened in the past. And Daehyun had honestly said that he wouldn’t change anything. Now, Yongguk was questioning the same thing to himself. All he ever did in the past was loving a person named Daehyun. And he always knew that would never regret it, even until the day he dies, the day he would meet Daehyun again, because after all, his love for Daehyun wouldn’t have an end.

###

Following the flower petals that yield to the sky

When I meet you, I can tell you now that I longed for you

I long for you so I couldn’t forget you

My love has all burned up and

The only thing remaining is the exhausted scars from waiting

I cannot forget a person like you

Only tears fall

When my love has all washed away

Only the longing scars remain

Only the words, “good bye” remain

So I cannot forget you

Song: Hurt by Ali

A/N:

I'm sorry if this story is not anything like you've expected since the first time you decided to read it, I'm sorry for making you guys miserable at the end. I'm sorry if it's too much >,<

I want to say thank you to all upvoters, subscribers, readers and comments. Thanks a lot for keeping up with this story for more than a year, patiently waiting for an update no matter how long it took. I really appreciate all your supports and I promise to reduce the amount of tears in my next stories ^^'

The epilogue will come next! It'll be up within this week so stay tuned :)

I love you guys!!! ♥♥♥