“Dear heart, please show me the right way so that you wouldn’t be in pain again.”

– Daehyun –

Present Time

                "So he's having dinner at your place?" Daehyun asked through the phone. He had finished preparing the meal for Yongguk and now he was cleaning the kitchen with the phone cradled in between his shoulder and ear.

                "Yeah. Jongup will send him home later. You know he'd never leave you alone at home," The person on the other line spoke.

                "Really? Isn't it a little bit far? I could go pick him up on my own," Daehyun washed his hands and wiped them with a dry towel. He leaned his back against the countertop as he held the phone with his hand.

                "Nah, don't worry. Jongup can drive his car but you? Do you think I'll let you come all the way here and then go back? Of course not."

                Daehyun chuckled, easily giving in to him. "Okay, okay. Thank you, hyung."

                They chatted with each other for a while. It’s been quite a while since Daehyun last visited the latter. There’s so much to talk about. But based on their conversation, Daehyun doubted if Junhong told Jongup’s parents about their fight, because if he did, they would be interrogating him right now. Maybe they had given a lecture to his son for skipping school, but he knew that’s just it. They couldn’t be mad at Junhong for long.

                Usually, Jongup and Junhong would hang out at each other's house. They lived in the same neighborhood before. Sometimes Jongup would stay over at their place. However, Junhong never did the same to the other boy. It's because he didn't want to let his mother to be alone. And that didn't change till now although Jongup rarely visited Junhong here since they moved to this quite far apartment.

                Daehyun remembered how his son found out that he's an illegitimate child. He's talking on phone with Jongup’s parent at that time, telling about what Seunghyun had done to him while crying his heart out. Sitting on his bed with his back to the door, he wasn't aware of the little boy standing in the doorway.

                “Eomma and appa are not married...?”

                Daehyun gasped and snapped his head around. His heart was beating so fast seeing his son with a confused look, nervously fiddling with his fingers.

                “Then what about me? Am I adopted?” Junhong asked again, frowning sadly at his mother.

Daehyun was quick to hang up the phone before going to kneel in front of the boy. “No, no... You are not. You are my son, my real son whom I love so much,” He soothed while holding to the small arms.

                “What about appa? Is he my real father?”

                “Yes, of course he is,” Daehyun answered immediately. His mind wondered if a ten-year-old should really be asking such questions.

                “But you two aren't married... So what does that make me?” Junhong continued to ask innocently, not knowing about the thing called illegitimacy.

                Daehyun shook his head. “It doesn't matter. Don't think about it. It doesn't make any difference,” He looked into Junhong’s eyes fondly as he cupped the boy’s round face. “You're still my son. I love you no less, even more than myself…”

                "You're still here?"

                A deep voice broke Daehyun’s reverie. He lifted his head to see Yongguk standing at the kitchen entrance.

                "Doesn't Junhong need to have his dinner?" Yongguk asked while loosening his tie.

                Daehyun stood on his feet and shoved his phone into the pocket. "He's having it at his friend's house. I'm gonna stay until you finish your dinner to do the dishes," He retorted.

                Yongguk nodded. He had done ing the top two buttons and was now rolling up his sleeves. Daehyun was trying hard not to think on how y Yongguk looked like that.

                "Join me then,” Yongguk spoke up. “Let's eat together. You need to have a dinner too."

                "No, I'm fine, thank you. I'll just eat something at home later," Daehyun politely refused.

                Yongguk sighed before going to Daehyun, tugging the younger’s arm. "I insist."

                Daehyun pulled back. "But it's inappropriate..."

                "What's inappropriate?"

                The taunting look Yongguk had on his face was causing Daehyun’s voice to be stuck in his throat. “I’m... I'm a housekeeper...” He stuttered out a timid whisper.

                Yongguk arched up an eyebrow. "So? Just think it as a part of your job."

                “But...”

                “Come on,” Yongguk moved his grip from Daehyun’s arm to Daehyun’s hand, their fingers lacing together. He pulled harder, making Daehyun stumbled forward to catch his steps.

                “I didn't have lunch with you this afternoon. It's so lonely to eat alone.” Yongguk added. He pulled a chair on the left side of his seat, telling Daehyun to sit there.

                Daehyun glanced at the older man as he tried to release his hand from Yongguk’s. Yongguk got the message with an ‘oh’ before letting go of the smaller hand, reluctantly. Their hands always fit perfectly that he forgot about their relationship situation. It felt so right and comfortable, just like old times.

                That caused both of them to have a red shade on their faces. Yongguk quickly went to sit on his chair. When Daehyun was still hesitantly standing in front of the table, Yongguk pulled down his wrist. Daehyun flopped into the chair, shyly thanking Yongguk as the older man gave him a plate and put the food in it.

                “So you really make chicken soup?” Yongguk asked, eyeing the steaming pot on the table.

                “Ah, yes. Have a taste,” Daehyun ladled out the soup into a smaller bowl to give to the other.

                Yongguk took a sip before letting out a satisfied moan. “Delicious!” He exclaimed. “Is it because of the scary ginger? Please tell me you really killed it and put it in this.” He said with a pleading face.

                Out of a sudden, Daehyun burst out laughing. A hand was placed on his stomach, his shoulders were shaking with laughter. Hearing the ringing voice he used to love back then, Yongguk forgot how to breathe. He stared at Daehyun’s happy face, the way his lips stretched into a full grin, showing his pearly teeth, the way his cheeks pulled up, revealing his whisker-like laugh lines, the way his eyes turned into tiny slits with little wrinkles at the ends.

                Yongguk felt like he’s falling in love again.

                It took a while for Daehyun to finally calm down. He finished the last bits of his laughter by wiping the small tears at the corner of his eyes. He hummed in content after having a good time of laughing but it immediately stopped once he looked up at Yongguk. The man was staring at him like his life depended on it. Daehyun’s smile slowly faded out before averting his eyes away.

                “I missed that…” Yongguk breathed out.

                Daehyun took a glimpse of the other's soft expression. He was suddenly feeling awkward to be there and he really hoped that Yongguk wasn't talking about him or moreover, about them. “W-What?” He murmured his question.

                “Your smile, your laughs, your voice… Your happiness… Just you… I missed you…” Yongguk carved a faint smile even though the younger man wasn't looking at him.

                There goes his hope, Daehyun thought. He didn't know how he's supposed to act on that, so he just kept his eyes to his plate, playing the broccoli with a fork.

                Seeing the unresponsive Daehyun, Yongguk shuffled in his seat. Maybe Daehyun didn't see that coming from him. Pursing his lips, he lowered his head to think of something before staring at Daehyun again and broke the temporary silence. "I just... I still can't believe you're here, in front of my eyes..."

                Daehyun was still taking more interest on his meal. Yongguk sighed. "Have you ever wondered why did we meet again? After all of those fifteen years?"

                Everything was quiet again but Daehyun knew Yongguk was actually waiting for his answer. He did wondered about it, but then shrugged it off, assuming that it was just a coincidence. "I don't know..." He said with a little frown.

                "I'm glad... I've waited for you for that long.”

                Daehyun's head shot up, bulging out his eyes at the smiling Yongguk. “You…waited for me…?” He asked in disbelief. “But why? Why would you do that?”

                “Because it’s you…”

                Daehyun shut his eyes close before shaking his head. Everything Yongguk said didn't make any sense to him. "Do we really need to talk about this?" He asked while looking down to his lap.

                "We have to. We must," Yongguk pressed, leaning closer and closer to Daehyun. "Aren't you tired of hiding and running away from me? I thought you love me as much as I do."

                Those words left a pang in Daehyun's chest. He bit his lips, holding the tears that were threatening to fall. "What do you want me to do...?" As soon as he said that, a warm large palm engulfed his hand on the table.

                "Let's have another chance," Yongguk stated firmly.

Daehyun looked up with wide eyes filled with tears, puzzled by Yongguk's request. "I have a son," He reasoned.

                "And why does it matter? I can always treat him like my own son. If he doesn't like me, I'll try to win his heart, just like I won yours one time ago," Yongguk tried to convince the younger. He was also in the brink of tears after seeing the droplets rolled down Daehyun's cheeks.

                "I've waited for years to see you again, even when my parents introduced me to many persons to get married, I'd always reject them because I know I only want one person in my life. You," He looked straight into Daehyun's glassy eyes as he confessed his feelings for god knows how many times in his life.

                Daehyun blinked his eyes before turning his face away. His hand squirmed to be released from Yongguk's grasp. "I need time... I need to think..." He whispered.

                Yongguk slowly withdrew his hand, weakly nodding his head in defeat. He got rid of the forming tears as he took a deep breath. "Then I'll wait,” He mumbled, not looking at the other. “Just like what I've been doing before."

                The rest of the dinner proceeded in silence. Sometimes, Yongguk would complement Daehyun’s cooking, or tell him to eat more. And Daehyun would say his thanks or shaking his head when he’s already full. Yongguk wanted to help Daehyun clean up after they finished their meal but Daehyun told him to have a shower instead. Although he tried to be persistent again, he had to surrender to Daehyun’s death glare.

                Yongguk came down once he’d taken the shower. He was drying his hair with a towel, his body clad in shirt and pants. Going straight to the kitchen, he almost bumped into his housekeeper. Daehyun almost lost his balance but a strong grasp help him to stand back on his feet.

                "Sorry. Are you going home?" Yongguk asked, seeing everything was cleared and Daehyun carrying his bag.

                "Yeah. I'll leave now," Daehyun retorted.

                "I'll give you a ride," Yongguk decided, throwing the towel onto the couch as he walked past it to take his car key on the small table.

                Daehyun hastily went after the other. "No, you don't have to. I'll take the bus."

                Yongguk turned around to the younger. "I insist," He said smugly before pulling Daehyun by his hand to the door. When Daehyun was about to protest again, Yongguk cut him off in advance. "I can go fill up my gas tank too."

                Daehyun knew that was just an excuse. Yongguk could just order his chauffeur to do that for him. Just because that’s what every rich person would definitely do. But Daehyun didn’t say anything. It’s not like he would win if they argue over something like this.

                Yongguk opened the door of his BMW for Daehyun. He released the smaller hand to graciously asked Daehyun to get in. The said man couldn’t restrain his face from getting flushed at the gentleman gesture. Daehyun carefully enter the car and the door was shut. He was making himself comfortable in the leather seat when Yongguk went around getting into the driver’s seat.

                Daehyun couldn’t help but feel small in the luxurious car though this had been his life long time ago. So he just sat there, clutching to the tote bag on his lap.

                Yongguk started the car while glancing at the person beside him. Daehyun was tracing the bag with his finger and Yongguk knew that act so well. It’s either he was nervous, or he didn’t know what to do, or he was just simply awkward. Yongguk smirked. He moved his body closer to Daehyun, extremely closer that their shoulders were touching each other and their faces were just inches away from one another. Daehyun gasped, flinching away in reflex.

                A chuckle came out from Yongguk. “Relax,” He said before reaching over for Daehyun’s seatbelt to buckle it up.

                Daehyun’s face was so red that time but Yongguk didn’t bother to see it. He kept the smile on his lips as he put on his own seatbelt and began to drive the car.

                They stopped at a gas station after five minutes of journey. Yongguk turned off the engine and went out to fill the tank, telling Daehyun to wait for a short while. Daehyun nodded and stayed put in his seat. His eyes trailed to Yongguk’s back. A blush easily reappeared on his cheeks as he recalled how close they were just now. He could distinctly smell Yongguk’s fresh scent, maybe because the latter just got out of shower. But still, he really liked it.

                Daehyun shook his head, trying to throw everything about the older man out of his mind. He averted his view to the window, watching any other people except Yongguk. There were not many customers at this time of the night. Some were filling their tanks, some were inside the shop and some were just standing outside the shop.

                But there’s one man who managed to grab Daehyun’s attention. He frowned as he looked at the smoking man, his back leaned against the wall. He was not sure whether it’s just him or the man was staring at him too since he’s wearing a cap. Daehyun narrowed his eyes, studying the way the man shoved a hand in the pocket as he took a drag from his cigarette because somehow the man looked familiar to him.

                As if he knew what Daehyun was thinking, the man lifted his head to send a smug smile to him. It hit Daehyun hard, he recognized the man without doubt.

                It’s Seunghyun.

                His body abruptly slid down and sunk into his seat. His head turn away from the window, just to avoid from being seen by the man, though he was sure they had already noticed each other.

                Yongguk got in shortly after that. He the engine and put on the seatbelt again. “Sorry to keep you wai-”

                His eyes widened when he saw Daehyun curled up next to him. The younger man was sweating, his eyelids were tightly shut and every part of his petite body was trembling.

                “Daehyun?” Yongguk shook Daehyun’s figure but he didn’t seem to be in this world. “Daehyun!” He called again, this time cupping Daehyun’s face. “Daehyun, come back to your sense!”

                At last, Daehyun’s eyes snapped open. He blinked a couple of times while staring at Yongguk. His breaths came out as pants.

                “You okay?” Yongguk asked worriedly, wiping the sweats off Daehyun’s forehead.

                Daehyun swallowed thickly. He seemed to be thinking on their current situation. But then, he suddenly whipped his head towards the shop. The man was nowhere in his sight.

                “Hey, what’s wrong?” Yongguk softly inquired, full of concern.

                Daehyun straightened up in his seat, shaking his head. “N-Nothing…” He said without looking at the other.

                As much as Yongguk wasn’t buying that lie, he guessed that Daehyun didn’t want to talk more about it. So he decided to shrug it off for now and continued to drive Daehyun home.

                "I'll walk you to the door," Yongguk spoke up right after the car came to a halt in front of the apartment.

                "No, it's okay," Daehyun refused as he unbuckled his seatbelt and jumped out of the car. He turned around and crouched down to look at Yongguk. " Thanks for the ride," With that he closed the door and literally ran towards the stairs.

                "Wait!" Yongguk lowered the window. "See you tomorrow!" He shouted out loud but Daehyun had disappeared into the building. It's weird for Daehyun to act like that in his thoughts. But the younger had always been complicated and hard to comprehend. That's what Yongguk liked about Daehyun. He's like a living challenge for him.

                Daehyun leaned against the door after he had locked it from the inside. His breaths were raging from the running he did to get into his home. The thought of Seunghyun following him all the way here made his skin crawled. He prayed to god that it would never happen. Really, for real, he did not want to see that person ever again.

               Throwing his bag on the couch, Daehyun took off his outer clothes while his eyes roamed around the house. Only the light in the living room was on. He wondered if his son had come home and was fast asleep in his room.

               Daehyun went to take a look. Junhong's room was dark and the boy wasn't there. Daehyun looked at his watch. Junhong should be home by now. So he went to search another place his son might be at. The balcony, in which the door leading to it was in the kitchen.

                Junhong was standing there, his arms rested on the rail as he admired the scene of dark roads and alleys. He obviously heard the door slid open but he made no effort to turn around and see the other person.

                Daehyun stared at his son's back, still holding to the door's handle. “It’s getting cold out here. Don’t you wanna come in?” He carefully asked.

                Junhong dropped his head. The air he heavily breathed out was clearly visible because of the cold weather. Slowly, his head turned around to look at his mother. And Daehyun just give a soft smile to him.

                Junhong's feet made his way towards the older man. In a blink of an eye, Daehyun was enveloped in a warm hug from the boy. His smile grew wider, his hands moved to rub Junhong's back, completely forgetting about Seunghyun.

                “Eomma…?” Junhong croaked and Daehyun hummed in response. “Have you ever thought, if you didn’t deliver me into this world, you wouldn’t live like this right now?”

                Something was not right, Daehyun knew it. Maybe this was what Junhong meant. He didn't know his son well enough. He should've talk to him about whatever that was bothering Junhong's mind before and listened to every word coming from his heart.

                Daehyun held the boy's shoulders as he broke the hug. “Junhong…” He began and waited until the boy locked eyes with him. "To have you in my life was the best choice I’ve ever made. I didn’t regret a bit about it.”

                “But what about me?" Junhong asked, his voice cracked and the sadness was clearly visible in his eyes. "Nobody loves me except you. I have no friends at school. Dad hates me, he hates his own son. You’re the only family I’ve got, eomma…”

                Junhong's rant had somehow clicked something in his mind. It's like an old video being played again in front of him. And he could literally see himself in Junhong's place.

                “That’s absurd. Of course there’s someone who loves you. At least your parents. You should be thankful to still have both of them, not like me.”

                Yongguk. The man who convinced him that he deserved to be loved. He showed him what love felt like, he thought him what love really is.

                “You’re wrong," Daehyun protested. "What about Jongup? Uncle Hyukjae and Uncle Donghae? They’re our family too and they love you," He tried to convince his son just like what Yongguk had once done to him. He stared at the boy, who was shaking his head, telling him that it's not the same. Daehyun heaved a breath. "It’s okay if there’s only me. I’ll love you till the day I die.”

                Junhong’s face contorted in irritation. “Eomma, don’t say something like that…”

                “And when I’m gone, just know that you’ll find someone who’d love you as much as I do, someone who would make you feel loved, someone who would make you happy, someone who would do anything for you, someone who would wait a whole life just to be with you…”

                And Daehyun had found that someone. Yongguk loved him. Yongguk loved him more than anybody else would. Yongguk waited for fifteen long years. Yongguk loved him more than he loved anybody else. Yongguk was there when he needed him, even if they weren't supposed to be together. Yongguk loved Daehyun more than he loved himself. But what did he give in return? Nothing.

                So maybe it's time to change it.

###

15 Years Ago

                It's the second night for Daehyun to be sleeping away from his home. He was sitting in the kitchen of his tutor's house. The man, whose name was Lee Donghae, was responsible to tutor him at his home during the weekend. They were pretty close to each other and Daehyun saw him as a brother more than a tutor. Donghae listened to his boring stories everyday and gave some life advices which his parents had never did. No wonder the man was the first person Daehyun thought of on asking for help.

               "Your parents called," Donghae uttered, walking into the kitchen.

               Daehyun looked up from his hot coffee mug to the other who was taking a seat across him. "Really? What did he say?"

               "I'm afraid you need to stop coming to my house from now on. My son doesn't need a tutor anymore. I've sent him to study abroad," Donghae imitated Yonghwa's grumpy voice.

               "What?! For real?" Daehyun asked with large eyes.

               "Mhm. You technically went to Japan I think," Donghae nodded, rubbing his chin. "And from what I heard, Seunghyun's gone to UK. The students at your school kind of making up a story, saying both of your parents had to split you up with your boyfriend since your families were enemies."

               Daehyun slumped back into his chair. So his dad wasn't even trying to find him. It's only been two days since he ran away but the old man didn’t seem to mind at all.

                "Hey, don't think too much," Donghae reached out for Daehyun's hand. "It's not good to stress yourself, especially for the baby."

                Daehyun nodded. Donghae was right. There’s no need for him to think about his parents anymore. He had already cut all the ties with them.

                "Why don't you go play with Jongup while I make the dinner?" Donghae suggested.

                "I can help you," Daehyun offered.

                "Okay. Then help me look after Jongup," Donghae said with a grin.

                Daehyun huffed at the elder’s capability to make him listen to every word of his. But soon a smile formed on Daehyun’s face. “Hyung, thank you.”

                There were so many things Daehyun wanted to thank the older man. For not telling his parents about him, for supporting him, for helping him and for letting him stay there. He was forever grateful to Donghae and his husband for all the deeds they had done to him.

                Donghae smiled, totally understanding the younger. “You’re very welcome.”

                Jongup was in the living room, playing blocks by himself on the floor. Daehyun gladly joined the boy. They had made a great bond from their few meetings before. And now Jongup was delighted to be spending time with his favourite hyung everyday.

                "Are you building something?" Daehyun asked curiously.

                "Yeah. I'm building a building," Jongup chirped.

                Daehyun laughed at the kid's cuteness. He helped Jongup in arranging the wooden blocks, until it’s time for his boyfriend to return.

                Seunghyun said hi to Jongup while ruffling his hair and the little boy sent him a wide smile. He then plopped down next to his lover on the floor. Jongup had quickly run off to greet his father at the door, knowing that both Seunghyun and Hyukjae would come home together.

                "How's your first day?" Daehyun asked.

                Seunghyun pecked Daehyun's lips before answering. "Let's just say I have no talent as a carpenter," He shrugged.

                Daehyun chortled. "Well, it's just your first time. Maybe you'll get used to it."

                “Hmm... No. I think I'll find another job. I'll still work with Hyukjae hyung though, until I got a new job,” Seunghyun spoke out his plans while starting to play with Jongup’s toys. “And when I have enough money, we'll move to our own house with our baby," His lips curled up into a smile as he turned to Daehyun. His gaze then dropped to Daehyun’s stomach before placing a hand on it, it gently with a lot of affection.

                “I love you,” He muttered and kissed Daehyun again. As always, there’s nothing in return from the other man.

###

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all

You never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me the chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

Song : One And Only by Adele

A/N :

So, my brother is getting married next week (yeay!) and I have finals starting from the week after (no yeay)

I'll be back by the end of June to give you loads of updates cause it's sem break! (/^▽^)/

Thank you to all upvoters, subscribers and comments! (^3^) ♥