“Why is he my sunshine? He’s the first person I see every time I wake up. He lights up my world.”

– Junhong –

                “Junhong-ah… Junhongie…”

                He woke up to the same warm and gentle voice, just like any other day before. Junhong’s eyes squinted open to see a smile brighter than the ray of sunlight shining through the windows of his room. It was his favourite smile, owned by the person he loved the most in his life.

                In spite of that, he still hated Mondays and groaned as a wish to get more sleep before pulling the covers over his head.

                “Junhongie baby… wake up…” Daehyun cooed near the boy’s exposed ear.

                “Eomma…” Junhong whined. “I told you not to call me like that…”

                “I’ll call you ‘my baby Junhongie~’ until you wake up,” Daehyun giggled, knowing his son’s weakness by heart.

                “I’m up already…” Junhong pushed the covers away and began to stretch his limbs.

                “Go take a shower then. Quick!” Daehyun patted Junhong’s bottom repeatedly.

                Junhong whimpered as his was being abused. He groggily sat up and got off the bed to go to the bathroom. Daehyun shook his head, amused chuckles escaped his lips. The boy just wouldn’t wake up unless he heard his mother’s voice. Even if Daehyun had placed the loudest alarm clock right beside his ear, Junhong would still be happy in his dreamland.

                After making Junhong’s bed, Daehyun went to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast. The apartment they were living in wasn’t big; enough for the two of them. They moved there a few months ago, when Junhong just entered high school. And they were doing great.

                Daehyun was standing by the stove when he’s startled by an arm sneaking around his waist. He turned to his side, looked up a bit and found his son with an impish smile on his face.

                “Morning, eomma,” Junhong chirped, feeling fresh after taking the shower and dressed up in his school uniform.

                “Morning,” Daehyun grabbed the nape of Junhong’s neck to bring him down before kissing his cheek. He still needed to stand on his toes though. “Aigoo… It’s getting hard to kiss my own son,” He ruffled the boy’s hair.

                Junhong pouted as his perfect hair was messed up. He tried to fix it as best as he could. “It’s not my fault that I keep growing.”

                Daehyun smiled, noticing how his son hated it when his hair was touched by anything. But the boy never complained if it’s because of him. So he stared at Junhong fixing his hair. He thought of praising himself for doing the only right thing in his life even if everybody thought it was a wrong thing, a mistake; for giving birth to Junhong. And he stared a little more.

                “Eomma…? Why are you looking at me like that?” Junhong’s brows knitted together in confusion.

                “I never want you to stop growing…” Daehyun uttered. “You’re my son. You should be standing tall…”

                Junhong stopped his acts and Daehyun smiled at him. As if it was contagious, he returned the smile. “Of course, eomma. Because I’m your son…”

                Junhong hugged his mother. Daehyun’s height had slightly reached over his shoulders by now. Day by day, he would grow taller and bigger and Daehyun would feel smaller and shorter in his arms. He felt like he was the one who should protect Daehyun instead of the other way around. He really didn’t want his mother to be hurt anymore.

###

                A beeping sound came from a telephone on the desk in the large CEO’s office. A man sitting there immediately pressed a button to answer it. A familiar voice replied.

                “Excuse me, sir, but Mrs. Park wants to see you.”

                The man directly granted for the person to come in despite being occupied with his paperwork and computer. Shortly after that, a sophisticated middle aged woman made her way into the office. She went to sit at the sofa provided for the guests.

                “Yongguk, come here,” Mrs. Park beckoned her hand to him.

                Yongguk slowly got off his chair and walked to have a seat across the woman. “Yes, mother. Why do you want to see me?” He asked with a fixed expression.

                “I found someone,” She was scrolling her phone screen while Yongguk sighed heavily. He laid his back onto the sofa, rubbing his face couple of times. He was tired of this never ending matchmaking plan by his mother.

                “Here, take a look at her,” She placed her phone on the low table in front of them so that Yongguk could take a better look at the picture.

                Yongguk reluctantly leaned his body down, gazing at the beautiful girl without any interest. “Mother, I thought we’ve talked about this,” He glanced at the older woman and she quickly retreat her phone back.

                “No, wait. I have another one,” This time, she chose an image of a young pretty boy to show to his son.

                “Mother, I told you I’m not going to marry any of them,” Yongguk stated, annoyed and weary.

                “But Yongguk, look at you. You’re thirty-three. When do you expect to get married and settled down with your life?” Mrs. Park began to nag as her effort was in vain again.

                “It’s my life. I know what I’m doing,” Yongguk muttered with his eyes casted down.

                She shook her head, knowing exactly what’s going in Yongguk’s mind. “Until when you’re going to wait for him? How could you find him after so many years? How would you know if he’ll come back to you?” She wasn’t mad but she was so done with her son being overly faithful in his love for that one person.

                Yongguk had told his mother about him, the one and only person conquering his heart, the person he loved more than anyone else in this whole world. He’s the one Yongguk wanted to be with throughout his life. He would wait for him, even if it takes forever.

                Yongguk stood up, going to the window before pulling the blinds down, causing the evening sunlight to penetrate into his office room. “I don’t know…” He closed his eyes, hands shoved into the pockets.

                “Maybe if you look at the sunset, you’ll remember me.”

                Taking in a deep breath, Yongguk opened his eyes back. I’ll look at the sunset everyday so I can always remember you…

                “But what I do know is that…” Yongguk spoke up while his mother kept on listening. “…I still love him…”

###

                Daehyun was a little bit lost once he arrived at Junhong’s school. He had never been there since his son went to and fro the school on his own. Now, he needed to find the principal’s office in order to have a talk with him.

                He was working as usual at the restaurant when he got a call from Junhong’s school.  It shocked him to be told that his son was involved in a fight at school. Before, the previous schools would call him if Junhong was injured from being bullied. But today, it’s something else.

                After asking one of the staff he met midway, Daehyun succeeded in finding the place and then another staff guided him to the principal’s office.

                “Mr. Jung…?” The princinpal, also could be known as Mr. Won, approached him who was standing at the door.

                Daehyun bowed. “Yes, I am. Anyeong haseyo.”

                “Oh, anyeong haseyo,” Mr. Won bowed back. “You’re a lot younger than I thought,” He was indeed amazed to see the man looking not much older from his own son.

                “Yeah… I get that a lot…” Daehyun scratched his head while smiling sheepishly.

                “Please, come in,” The principal gestured to a chair in front of his table for Daehyun to sit. When they were finally facing each other, he put his hands on the table as his expression turned serious. “So, Mr. Jung, as I already informed you, your son, Choi Junhong had taken part in a fight.”

                Daehyun actually didn’t know what to say. “Was it serious…?”

                “No, not really. There were three of them against your son alone. But I’m pretty sure Junhong’s wounds are not as bad as them.”

                “Oh my god,” Daehyun clasped his mouth, feeling both surprised and worried. “Did my son really beat them up?”

                Mr. Won nodded in a hesitant manner. “To tell you the truth, it’s not entirely his fault,” He paused and Daehyun frowned. “They’re making fun of him, saying that… he’s an illegitimate child…”

                Daehyun turned silent. His heart clenched. He tried to say something, that it’s wrong to say something like that to his son, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t say it’s wrong when it’s right. Tears welled up in his eyes and he had to divert them down from the principal’s view.

                “Don’t worry too much,” Mr. Won said, noticing the sudden emotional change in Daehyun. “We won’t take any action on him. He’s a good student. We believe he’s just trying to protect himself. It’s just the school’s policy to call the parents if their child is involved in a fight. We’ve called the parents of the other three students too and they might arrive later.”

                “Thank you,” Daehyun nodded without looking up and asked, “Where is my son?”

###

                Junhong was keeping his distance from his mother as they walked down the streets. The boy’s head hung low and he never said a word. Daehyun had seen Junhong’s face when he walked out of the office. There were bruises and cuts. The infirmary had treated them. But Daehyun didn’t know why the boy was acting this way. So he was thinking on how to approach him.

                “Junnie… Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?” Daehyun asked, though being left behind by a couple of steps, only to receive a shake of head as an answer.

                “We can go to a restaurant. I have enough money for you.”

                Junhong knew it was a lie. Even if his mother had enough money to buy him something, Daehyun would end up starving for days, just to make sure his son was full. He couldn’t bear to watch Daehyun getting skinnier because of that. Even now, because of him, Daehyun had to skip one of his jobs.

                He should have held himself from throwing a punch to the bullies. He could just ignore them like hundreds of times before when they were calling him names. But not until one of them said something about his mother.

                  “You’re really son of a , your mother sure is a to have an illegitimate child like you.”

                That’s when he burst out his anger, furiously attacking the bullies because nobody, and he meant nobody should ever said that to his mother. Call him everything; an illegitimate child, an adopted child, a throwaway child, whatever, but not his mother, or he would never think twice to rip their souls from their bodies.

                “Or do you want some ice cream? I know you love it.” Daehyun asked again.

                Junhong halted his steps and Daehyun thought he agreed to it.

                “Yeah? I’ll go get it for you.”

                But Junhong grabbed his arm before he could walk away. “Eomma… Let’s just go home…”

                Junhong’s voice was so quiet that Daehyun almost missed the words he said. Daehyun knew. His son was sad. But as a mother, he should be strong for Junhong. At least when he’s in front of him.

                Daehyun lowered Junhong’s hand at his arm before holding it firmly. And they silently made their way to their home.

###

                “You should take a bath,” Daehyun said, going closer to his son after closing the door.

                Junhong put his bag on the floor. He just stood still in the middle of the house, not showing a hint to comply with his mother.

                “Junhong…?” Daehyun ran his palm across the boy’s back, his brows furrowed worriedly.

                In a blink of an eye, Junhong turned around to pull him into a bone crushing hug. He stumbled back a little but Junhong’s embrace was pretty solid to hold him from falling.

                “Eomma…” Junhong sobbed, his chin rested on Daehyun’s shoulder. “Eomma, I’m sorry…”

                Daehyun rubbed the boy’s back. “Shhh… Why are you crying?”

                Because I troubled you, I made you worried, I put a shame on you, I can’t never be a son you’re proud of.  Junhong wanted to say them all but only chants of “I’m sorry…” escaped his mouth.

                “It’s not your fault, Junhong… It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong…” Daehyun muttered. It’s my fault…

                “Stop crying… Please, don’t cry…” Daehyun finally broke into tears. His effort to hold it in had failed. He could never be strong enough for his son. He was a bad mother.

                “I’ll sing for you if you stop crying…”

                Junhong tried to reduce his sobs. He loved to hear his mother’s singing voice especially at times like this.

                “Come stop your crying, it will be alright

                Just take my hand, hold it tight

                I will protect from all around you

                I will be here don’t you cry”

10 years ago

                “For one so small you seem so strong

                My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm

               This bond between us can’t be broken

               I will be here don’t you cry

               ‘Cause you’ll be in my heart

                Yes, you’ll be in my heart

                From this day on, now and forever more

                You’ll be in my heart

                No matter what they say

                You’ll be here in my heart, always”

                “You got that?” Daehyun Junhong’s head as the boy pressed his face onto his chest. He found his son weeping on the bed when he was supposed to be asleep. And now, his shirt was wet from the tears. “So don’t cry anymore.”

                Junhong had completely stopped crying after Daehyun sang to him, though his face was still had the tear stains when he pulled apart from his mother, looking up with slightly swollen eyes. “But why does appa never pick me up at school? Appa doesn’t come home for a long time. Every other kid has their appa to pick them up. Why not me? They said I don’t have any appa.”

                Daehyun’s heart shattered hearing that. He took a deep breath before holding his son’s face in between his hands. “Junhongie, you know you do have appa. Appa just can’t pick you up because appa is busy. But it’s okay. Eomma is here…”

Present time

                “Eomma, I love you,” Junhong croaked, still not letting go of the other. He had stopped crying. His mother’s voice had a strange soothing and calming effect to him.

                “I love you too,” Daehyun whispered, smiling faintly even though the other couldn’t see it.

                “You know, eomma…it’s not your fault too…” Daehyun was his mother, his guardian, his angel, his everything. Those bullies knew nothing about them.

                Daehyun shut his eyes, tears rolled down his cheeks, wetting the boy’s shoulder. He tried biting back his sobs. Junhong always could read his mind. Sometimes he hated it because he didn’t want his son to worry about him but sometimes, he was glad that there’s somebody who understand him. Junhong could understand him more than himself.

                “I only have you in this world… You won’t leave me, right…?” Junhong tightened his grip around the smaller figure just to make sure Daehyun was still there for him.

                “I won’t,” Daehyun turned his head to plant an assuring kiss on Junhong’s cheek. “I’ll be with you forever.”

###

Song : You’ll Be in My Heart by Phil Collins

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