“The past is a history that I wish I could erase because it makes my tears fall.

But I couldn’t.”

 – Daehyun –

Present time

                Craning his neck, Daehyun looked at his son at the door from the couch he was sitting on. Junhong would’ve called him out if it was his friend. If it was his own friend, Junhong would let them in. But the boy did none of those and it made Daehyun eager to know who was their unanticipated guest.

                He walked towards Junhong, his son’s tall figure was blocking the whole opened door. Placing a hand on the boy’s back, he asked, “Who is it, Junhong?”

                Junhong promptly stepped aside to let his mother see the stranger for himself. "I don’t know. I’ve never seen him before,” He said without noticing how Daehyun’s face changed once he saw the person standing at their door.

                Yongguk’s eyes went large as he stared at shorter man in surprise and disbelief. Daehyun was really here. This was where Daehyun lived. How could this be possible?

                Daehyun’s lips quivered, looking at Yongguk unblinking. He wanted to ask him what he was doing here, how did he know where he lives, what did he want from him, but all of the words were stuck in his throat. Moreover when the older man had seen him living in this state and also, his son.

                “Do you know him, eomma?”

                Daehyun looked up to Junhong before turning to Yongguk again. The older man had a shocked expression on his face while staring at his son. Though a lot of other people had the same reaction when Junhong called him eomma since he was too young to be a mother of a teenage boy, Yongguk was in a different case.

                Yongguk averted his eyes to Daehyun in search for an explanation. The said man quickly avoided it by looking to the ground. Daehyun cleared his throat. “Junhong, this is Bang Yongguk, the owner of the house I’m working at as a housekeeper. And Yongguk-ssi, this is my son… Junhong…” He introduced them to each other without lifting his head.

                Junhong immediately bowed to the now known stranger. “Nice to meet you, Yongguk-ssi.”

                Yongguk just observed the boy’s act. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything to him. He eyed Daehyun, wishing for him to say that it was just a joke or something like that. But of course, both of them know it wasn’t.

                “I need to talk to you,” He muttered to Daehyun before going to the stairs.

                Daehyun’s head jerked up at that. He watched Yongguk slowly leaving them. Was he mad? Should he follow him? What did he need to talk about?

                “Wow, arrogant much? He didn’t even say a single hi to me,” Junhong complained. He was narrowing his eyes at Yongguk’s retreating back.

                Daehyun shook his head. “He isn’t always like that…” He murmured as Yongguk descended the stairs. He knew the other man was not one of those conceited rich people. He’s the actual reason for Yongguk to behave like that.

                Daehyun turned to Junhong. “You stay here, okay? I’ll go have a quick talk with him.”

                Junhong didn’t have a chance to say anything when his mother began running to catch up with the other man. None of Daehyun’s superiors had ever come to their house. Usually, it would be the landlord asking for the month’s rent money, or Jongup to take him out, Jongup’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Byun, or else, his father.

                Junhong got irritated at his own thought. The man who was supposedly to be his father hadn’t appeared at their new apartment yet. Maybe he was still searching for them and he really wanted it to stay that way. But when he saw Yongguk earlier, the elder reminded him of his father; his age, his cocky personality. He just wished his mother could handle this one better.

                Daehyun went down floor by floor until he reached the ground. He looked around for Yongguk and found him standing by his car. The man was gazing to the street with hands in his pockets. Daehyun slowly stepped towards him but he stiffened when he was just inches away behind Yongguk. He didn't know what to say.

                “Is he really your son?” Yongguk asked out of the blue without turning around to the younger.

                Daehyun chewed his lips. He couldn't look at Yongguk even if it was just his back. Hanging his head low, he pulled a deep breath. “Yes...he is...”

                Yongguk closed his eyes as he inhaled the cold air. “So that’s what you mean when you said things are different now?”

                Daehyun slightly shook his head even though Yongguk couldn't see it. “It’s...not really what I meant but..." He looked up at the other, hoping that Yongguk would listen to him this time and not burst out in anger like last night. "...everything’s not the way you think it is...”

                Yongguk breathed out, long and heavy. He stayed silent, staring off into a distance again before speaking up. "I"ll count today as a day off for you. You'll have to come back to work tomorrow."

                Daehyun’s brows creased in confusion. "But I quit, remember?"

                "You can't," Yongguk retorted while opening his car door. "You’ve signed the contract to work for me at least for three months before you accepted the job,” He got into the driver's seat and closed the door.

                Daehyun cursed inwardly at himself. He really forgot about it. But why didn’t Yongguk just fire him? Daehyun stared at the older man. What was he thinking? How could they keep seeing each other like this? He wanted to object because he didn't think this was a good idea. He tried to open the car door but it was locked. He knocked on the window but Yongguk started the engine and sped down the road, leaving him alone at the pavement.

###

15 Years Ago

                Daehyun rubbed his cold arms for a little heat. He didn't remember to bring along his jacket when he ran out of the house just now. All he could think was leaving the place as fast as possible. He didn't even think about where he should go after that.

                A warm cloth suddenly enveloped his shivering body. Daehyun turned to his side, looking at his boyfriend who was kind enough to lend his thick jacket. He had asked Seunghyun to meet here, at a bus stop to talk about their huge problem. The latter also had told his parents about Daehyun’s pregnancy and the response he got was not much different from his lover.

                "Thanks," Daehyun carved a flat smile.

                Seunghyun fixed the jacket, making sure it covered the smaller body totally. Not enough of that, he brought Daehyun closer to wrap his arm snugly around the younger for extra warmth.

                "Are you sure you won't get rid of the baby?" He continued their unfinished conversation which had started half an hour ago.

                Daehyun glared at the other. "Of course I won’t. He's my baby."

                Seunghyun kept running his hand up and down the thin arm as the other hand was holding to both of Daehyun's. "But it'd be easier that way. You and I can both go back home."

                He didn’t run away from home. His father told him to end his relationship with Daehyun and abort the illegitimate child. He wasn’t sure about the abortion but he definitely wouldn’t break up with Daehyun. They had been together for more than a year and not a single one of his previous relationships lasted longer than this. He wasn’t ready to let Daehyun go.

                "You can go home but I'll never return to that house again," Daehyun stated firmly.

                Seunghyun sighed. "But what can you do with a child in you?"

                Daehyun shook his head. He himself didn't know what to do after this. "I don’t care," He stared at Seunghyun with teary eyes. "I'll prove to them that I can live better off without their money."

                Seunghyun gazed into his lover's eyes before shifting his view for something else, blowing out a loud puff of air. Daehyun was carrying his child. He was going to be a father. So how could he let Daehyun leave him and live on his own? He was responsible for both the child and the mother.

                When a bus arrived in front of them, Daehyun put Seunghyun's hands away. He stood up and took off the jacket. Seunghyun didn't know where Daehyun was going by taking the bus. Daehyun said nothing to him as he gave the jacket back before going to board the bus. But he quickly went after the younger and grabbed Daehyun's hand.

                "I'll go with you.”

###

Present Time

                Not having a choice, Daehyun reluctantly returned to Yongguk’s house. He took a minute standing in front of the gate, just admiring large building from afar. He did wonder how Yongguk had reached to this point but he was too immersed in their past to ask about it. But then he didn’t have any right to know more about Yongguk. He was just a housekeeper now.

                After punching the password he had already memorized, he walked past the gate and found it odd when Yongguk’s black BMW was at the porch. It’s only twelve o’clock. He should still be working and have lunch an hour later.

                Daeyhun got into the house, looking around for the older man. The TV was on but there’s nobody watching it. He decided to turn it off before going to the kitchen to prepare the lunch. It turned out that Yongguk was reading a newspaper at the small table.

                Daehyun stopped at the entrance. “What are you doing here?”

                Yongguk flipped to another page. “If you could have a day off, I can have one too,” He said, not tearing his eyes from the news articles.

                Daehyun sighed. He stepped inside the kitchen as he took off his coat and hung it on another chair across Yongguk. He went to the fridge to look for the ingredients he should use to cook.

                “Why don’t you read it somewhere else?” He uttered while bringing the vegetables to the countertop, giving his back to face the latter.

                “I usually read it in here,” Yongguk retorted. “Don’t worry, I won’t disturb you,” When he got no reply, Yongguk lowered the newspaper, peering at this housekeeper. Daehyun was busy washing the greens.

                Yongguk was actually relieved when Daehyun showed up today. He didn’t know what he would do if it was the other way around. Daehyun didn’t come just for a day but he was missing him and couldn’t get the younger out of his mind. Even when he had met him for a short time, it was not enough. He couldn’t sleep last night, thinking about Daehyun and the boy he just knew to exist, Junhong.

                Why didn’t he fire Daehyun? He was asking the same question over and over to himself since yesterday. He knew Daehyun could already have belonged to someone else, he could be married with another person. But he had found Daehyun back after so many years that he was not willing to repeat the same thing again. And there were so many other questions running in his head. He really wanted to know the answers but if he pushed them all to Daehyun, he’s afraid the man would run away from him once more.

                Yongguk folded the newspaper and put it on the table. He crossed his arms as he leaned back against the chair. “Your son…” He began and Daehyun immediately tensed. His body was frozen for a moment. The tap water freely flew down straight to the drain hole.

                Daehyun’s heartbeat rapidly increased. He thought this topic had ended after he talked to Yongguk before. But he should’ve known Yongguk wouldn’t let it go that easily. He tried to calm down because truthfully there’s nothing for him to be scared of.

                Seeing Daehyun moved his hands again, Yongguk took it as a sign for him to go on. “How old is he?”

                “He’s turning fifteen in less than three months,” Daehyun said as casually as he could.

                Yongguk nodded to himself. It’s more logical to know his real age since his figure made the boy looked a lot more mature than he truly was. Whereas his mother seemed too young to be in thirties. If other people had a look at them, they must have thought that Daehyun and Junhong were brothers.

                But if he counted the fifteen years back, Yongguk realized that Daehyun was only sixteen that time. “You gave birth to him when you’re sixteen?” He sounded bemused.

                Daehyun shrugged. “True.”

                “Weren’t you studying in Japan that time?”

                Daehyun closed the tap and closed his eyes. He heaved a long breath before starting to cut the vegetables. “I told you, everything’s not the way you think it is.”

                The answer he received caused Yongguk to be more curious than before. He got up and went to stand near the younger, leaning his hips against the countertop. “Who’s the father?”

                Daehyun froze for the second time. Yongguk was staring at him, waiting for an answer and somehow, this situation reminded him of his dad. Tears were gathering in his eyes but he forced himself to hold them in.

                “Choi…” His voice was just a whisper, so he forced it out more. “Choi Seunghyun.”

                Daehyun didn’t dare to look up Yongguk. Though from the corner of his eyes, the man was not moving at all.

                “We’re not together anymore. Just so you know,” He added quickly.

                The unbearable pain in his heart slowly faded away once Daehyun said that. Really, Yongguk didn’t expect to hear that name again after so many years. And it was exasperating how his heart would still clench painfully when the name left Daehyun’s mouth.

                “Why?” He asked.

                Daehyun shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

                Yongguk stayed quiet after that. He had promised to himself not to force Daehyun to give him the answers he wanted. It was Daehyun’s choice. Maybe the younger needed some time to be able to tell him and he would gladly let Daehyun be. Even though he was still trying to accept that the person he loved had a child with someone else, a little part of him was relieved to know that Daehyun was no longer together with Junhong’s father. His mind was creating many assumptions but he chose to believe none of them until Daehyun himself told him about it.

                “You’re living in that apartment with just the two of you?” Yongguk spoke up after a while.

                “Yes, just the both of us.”

                “So why don’t you just move into here?”

                Daehyun looked up at Yongguk with wide eyes. He didn’t think the elder would be serious about it but the solemn look on his face told him otherwise. This man was seriously unpredictable.

                “I can’t. I’ve paid the deposit for two months,” He refused.

                Yongguk arched up an eyebrow. “Deposit? So you only moved in recently? Was it because of Seunghyun?”

                Daehyun huffed. He was getting annoyed with all the questions. “Yes, and that’s it. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

                Yongguk stood on his feet. He could see Daehyun was getting pressured by him. “Okay, I’m sorry,” He slowly backed away and grabbed the newspaper on the table. “I’m just asking to know how you’ve been doing in these past years. I’m sorry if I asked too much.”

                Daehyun kept his head low. His tears were going to fall in anytime. He wished Yongguk would just go away from there. There’s nothing he should be sorry about.

                Yongguk only walked a few steps when he turned his head to look at Daehyun. “You know, I’ve figured it out last night. I wasn’t really mad at you. In fact, I forgave you a long time ago. I convinced myself, what you did back then was not on your own will. And maybe, you still love me like you used to.”

                As soon as Yongguk left the kitchen, Daehyun released the tears he was holding in. Yongguk already forgave him while he didn’t even have the slightest courage to say his apology. How pathetic was that? Yongguk knew him too well that he couldn’t hide his feelings from him. Maybe there’s no point in keeping things from him anymore.

###

16 Years Ago

                Today was the eleventh day after their first meeting. Yes, Yongguk really counted. And throughout all those days, he had never met Daehyun again even if they were studying at the same school. So when he was climbing up the stairs to the rooftop, which he had been doing since that day, he hoped the younger would be there. He noted that Daehyun only came to the school rooftop during bad days and it’s not like he was hoping for the boy to have one, but this was the only chance he could be with Daehyun, to talk to him with just the two of them.

                His wish came true. As he reached the rooftop, the first thing that greeted him was not Daehyun’s small frame. It was a singing voice; honeyed, smooth and soulful. He could immediately recognize it as Daehyun’s. The boy’s voice was just angelic.

                He padded forward before peeking from behind the wall. Daehyun was sitting at his usual spot, looking at the setting sun. His beauty took Yongguk’s breath away. His face and his voice were too much for Yongguk to handle at once.

I wandered through the night all night as I swayed with stumbling steps

Drunk off my black tears, I cried for a long time

The moon is so cold, there’s no place to lean

I look for a love that will embrace my thinning shoulders

Lonely you lonely you, do you know my heart?

Lonely heart lonely heart, no one is by my side

Again today, La La La Lonely La La La Lonely

My heart drenched in rain is La La La Lonely La La La Lonely

Will you hold me?

I’m weak from being hurt by the scarring love

But will you still love me?

                Yongguk just wanted to shift his feet. But the scratching sound of it made him regretted his act. Daehyun stopped singing and turned to him.

                “Yongguk hyung?” Daehyun tilted his head. “What are you doing over there?”

                “I… I was… I was just…” Yongguk stuttered like a fool while scratching the nape of his neck.

                Daehyun giggled. “What are you being so nervous about? I’m not going to eat you,” He patted the empty spot next to him. “Aren’t you going to sit down with me?”

                Yongguk didn’t intend to stare at Daehyun’s beaming face but he did anyway. It was just for seconds though. He collected himself before going to sit beside the other boy. “Your voice is beautiful,” He managed to say that normally.

                “Thank you,” Daehyun smiled to him. Yongguk knew his ears were turning red but he wished the younger didn’t notice it.

                “Your wounds have healed,” Daehyun said as he scanned Yongguk’s flawless face.

                “Yeah,” Yongguk admitted. He tried so hard to avoid those bullies till today. “I want to thank you for treating them the other day,” He added.

                “You’re welcome.”

                Not wanting to end the conversation, Yongguk think of something real quick. “So…bad day?”

                Daehyun’s smile disappeared, his shoulders slumped as he gazed back to the horizon. “Sort of.”

                Yongguk was irritated at himself. He shouldn’t have said that. Thinking on how to cheer Daehyun up, he remembered a thing. He brought his head down and took off his cap. He picked a tiny thing in it before holding it out in front of Daehyun. “Here, you can have this.”

                Daehyun’s eyes focused to the green thing before they widened in amusement. “Really? A four-leaf clover?” He took it from Yongguk to observe it closer. “How did you find it?”

                Yongguk pursed his lips to think. “Meticulously?” He said with a grin and Daehyun chuckled. “I hope it can brighten up your day.”

                “It does,” Daehyun nodded. “Though the day’s about to end already,” He gestured to the setting sun. His thumb felt each of the heart shaped leaves. He glanced at Yongguk and showed him his genuine smile again. “But still, thank you.”

                “You’re welcome,” Yongguk replied. His eyes didn’t leave Daehyun’s face. He’s glad he boy liked his simple gift. Daehyun was indulged in studying the clover leaves. But slowly, he seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

                “You know that feeling when you think no one really loves you?” Daehyun spoke up, still fixing his gaze at the tiny plant, swirling it between his fingers. “It’s like living alone in this world, without anybody who cares for you. I think I’m going to be like that for the rest of my life.”

                “That’s absurd,” Yongguk remarked, making Daehyun to look at him quizzically. “Of course there’s someone who loves you. At least your parents. You should be thankful to still have both of them, not like me.”

                Daehyun gasped. Those were the most words Yongguk had ever said to him but he didn't expect it to be something like that. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t know…”

                Yongguk shook his head. “It’s okay.”

                Daehyun bit his lip, feeling guilty. “But truthfully, my mom is the only one I have. It feels like I don’t have a dad even though I do have one.”

                “So…this is all about your dad?”

                “Him, and another guy. It’s my boyfriend.”

                Yongguk’s breath hitched at the last word. “Boyfriend…?”

                “He too is rebelling against his family. He doesn’t receive enough love just like me. Plus, he’s the second son. He can’t be the heir to his family’s company. So he started to go against his family by dating their enemy’s son. And I agreed with him since I’m desperate to be loved. He said that he loves me. But I don’t know if it’s true,” Daehyun explained.

               Yongguk tried to take in all the information. He caught it when Daehyun said that he’s desperate to be loved, not desperate to love. So he braved himself to ask the younger. “Do you…love him?”

                Daehyun stared at the latter. He didn’t expect that question. And he didn’t know why it was so hard to give an answer. “I do…” He murmured.

                “You do or you think that you do?”

                “I…don’t know…” Daehyun was hit by a sudden realization. He couldn’t understand his own feelings. “I don’t know…”

                Yongguk thought he still had a chance. “May I know who is he?”

                Daehyun’s brows knitted together when he gazed at the older boy, looking like he was about to cry. “He could be the guy you hate the most. I’m sorry I make you listen about him but I can’t hold it in anymore. I have to let it out.”

                Yongguk frowned. “I hate him?”

                “It’s Choi Seunghyun,” Daehyun said directly to Yongguk. “I’m so ashamed to tell you this but, he’s actually my lover.”

                Yongguk almost scoffed in disbelief. Of all people, why must it be that jerk whose hobby was to beat people up? How could someone like Choi Seunghyun deserve to be with the soft-hearted Jung Daehyun? Daehyun was precious and Yongguk didn’t want him to be with a person who didn’t know how to appreciate him. He would show Daehyun what love really felt like.

###

Song : Lonely by Hyorin

Hi, there! As always I took a long time to update but I guess you guys are used to it by now ^^||

since this story is doing better than the others, I've decided to update it first. omg i'm so sorry for the readers of the other stories T.T

don't worry I'll make it up to everyone of you when I have the time

I hope this chap could clear things up even if it's just a little :)

thank you for the upvotes, subscribes, reads and comments! I love you!! <3<3<3