You woke up by the sound of your alarm clock.

"Aish~ This stupid alarm clock"

With slow motions you stopped the ringing and got up until you noticed something flat laying on top of the desk next to you.

Hm? What's that? A letter?

You reached out to grab the letter and read the name written onto the front. It was your name in a bad handwriting.

Jimin?

A cute smile appeared on your face realizing that the handwriting could be his.

But why should he write a letter? And...how did it get here? He didn't walk in while I was sleeping, did he?

But you still decided to read it after all.

As soon as you carefully ripped it open to not tear the letter apart, you took the paper out and started to read.

'Hey,

uhm...You know I don't like talking about myself or about my past but since you wanted to know everything, I'll just write it down for you because that's easier for me. But always remember...if you dare to tell anybody... you'll have a big problem.

So how do I start?  let's start at the point of where I was still little. I like thinking back to that time to be honest. It was the most peaceful time in my life. The with my father started a few years later... I was a brave boy back then..always smiling and trusting everyone. The total opposite of what I am today. I always had fun, whatever I was doing and I had a lot friends who even liked me. Until my father started drinking... At that point, everything changed.

I already told you my mum started to hook up with other men. That was particularly because my father drank. He was drunk the whole day, not only during nights... He already started in the early morning. It was horrible for my mother and for me. He got a serious problem with alcohol until it came to the point where he abused us whatever we did... 

My mother was a really friendly and loving person just like you. She always helped me in every kind of situation and I liked her a lot... She was my guardian and the only person who was always there for me. I miss her. But since she couldn't take it anymore, she began to meet other guys. Well, this is the part you already know so I won't repeat myself again.

I was young and thought of my father as my role model, I wanted to become like him when I'd grow up... But that changed.
He crashed my mind and my heart with his actions.

I started to get disappointed in him at first but as soon as I realized what was acutally happening, I changed completely. I hate him so much for that. I didn't meet up with my firends anymore. I just stayed at home and cried most of the time. I didn't want anyone to see me, neither my face nor my bruises. I started to get more silent, I didn't want to talk to anybody...

My age was around 6 back then... And I already started to hate him, although I didn't really know what hatred was at that time.

Since it only got worse, I got serious depressions and never left the house and just let my father hit me whenever he wanted to... I didn't even know why he punched me, since I did nothing wrong, but I've just let him continue. I didn't even think of defending myself.

My friends were worried about me. They called me everyday, they even came to visit me. But I never wanted to see them.

After the incident with my mother, I got really sick of him and didn't want to be depressed anymore. Although I was afraid of him, I wanted to become stronger. I was sick of him hitting me, I was sick of his  face, of his being, of everything that had something to do with him. I didn't want to sit there and watch him abuse his own son anymore, I wanted to fight against him, no... I actually wanted him to die. I hated him so bad and that didn't change until now. He destroied my entire life, I just wanted to make him realize that his actions were slowly eating up my heart.

So I started to go outside again but I still didn't manage to talk to anybody. At least not about what has happened.

That was when I was like 11 years old. Yes, 11.

But since I went outside again, I somehow made new friends, although I only thought of my father.

You remember this group of guys who harassed you, and this one guy called Namjoon, who held onto your arm so that you couldn't back off? I know you do.
They became my new friends back then... Now you're probably wondering what has happened to us.
It's just...that I ...eventually became even more like I am now. It's even worse than in the past. I started to make up ideas how to take revenge on my father, how to fight him without getting hurt. But at that point, I didn't feel that kind of pain anymore. Whenever he hit me, there was nothing except hatred. I just threw my own fist back at him and let myself go. I couldn't control myself, it was always dangerous between the two of us but I didn't give up. I didn't want to be the weak guy anymore. I wanted to win. I wanted to be the stronger one, not the victim. I was tired of all this. So I started to get agressive really fast, he's trained me well, and it became worse over the years...

Namjoon-hyung and I had a disagreement once and since he also is quite dominant, it degenerated because I didn't change my opinion. So we got into a fight with each other and the others had a hard time seperating us. But that was the flashpoint for them, or at least for Namjoon-hyung, to...well...hate me. I don't know how the others think, they probably share his opinion though, but I actually don't care about them anymore.

Since then, nothing big has changed. I still am the aggressive boy...at least on the outside. I can't do anything against it, I don't wanna be like this... But I can't stop myself even though I want to.

I realized just now, that I've become like I've never wanted to...Well, at first, as everything still was alright, I wanted to become like him, but after that, i actually regretted wishing for that when I was young...But I have to admit myself...that my attitude somehow became like his... And I hate myself for that. I hate myself just like I hate him...

I'm sorry...this is probably really depressing for you to read but you wanted me to tell you...and so I did.
I...don't know what else to say so I'll just end it here....'

I'm sorry

Your vision blurried as you felt your tears rolling down your cheeks. Your whole body was shaking and you didn't know what to feel. All you could do was to cry. Your heart hurt while thinking back to the scene where you accidentally saw such a kind of fight. It hurt so much that you felt your chest tighten. You couldn't breathe properly and you felt like your whole word just crashed down. It was horrible.

I'm sorry

You wanted to apologize to him for having thought of him like all the others still do. You regretted it so badly, you wished that he'd never knew what you were thinking back then.

Your body urged for him, you wanted to pull him into your embrace and never let him go. You wanted to show him what it feels like to be loved. You wanted to make him feel warm inside and tell him that he wasn't a bad person, that he wasn't a monster. You wanted to show him what it feels like to live. And you wanted to remember him of what if feels like to be happy from deep down in your heart...

___________________

A/N:

Hi guys~ First I gotta say that I don't hate Rap Mon, so don't believe that XD I actually don't know why I took him...probably because he's the leader lol BUT I LOVE HIM JUST LIKE I LOVE EVERYONE ELSE ♥ XD Well....back to the actual topic xD...I know it took me long again >.< But I wanted to write a good chapter because it's an important one. I did my best lol And since my History exam is over now, I finally have the time to continue writing with a happy smile on my face :D Ugh I'm so done with History right now... I'm really sick of the second world war..gosh..it's our topic in like almost every ing subject for already more than 2 months! SOMEONE KILL ME PLS!  .......ANYWAY~ XD Hope you guys like this chappie~ Don't forget to leave a comment, subscribe and upvote~ I'd really appreciate that ♥ Love y'all and see you in the next chapter~ ♥