Sorry for the long wait. Here's a long chapter as an apology. 

“What are you doing here?” Chen’s worried voice interrupted her thoughts, and she followed his gaze until she realized whom he was talking to.

They both stared at the latter that was now standing in front of them while trying to catch his breath. Chen sensed that there was something wrong and he impatiently waited for him to speak.

“Chen, Luhan… He told them about today.” 

Chen completely froze, and the color drained off his face. He had a lot to ask, but he was tongue tied. He could only stare at Lay helplessly. His mind was in a mess with all the thoughts that swarmed in it, yet he failed to form anything to say.

“Ho-how did they react?” He stuttered after few minutes of complete silence.

The shop’s door suddenly opened revealing a breathless Sulli. All the eyes fell on her momentarily, and from their deafening silence, she realized that Lay must’ve told him already. She smiled awkwardly before reaching them and mentally cursed Lay for not waiting until they were alone. She knew that Krystal would start asking too many questions, and her expectation was right.

Not seconds later, Krystal turned her gaze towards Chen and inquired. “Who are ‘they’? And what did he tell them?”

Her questions finally snapped him out of his trance. He didn’t acknowledge them though and directed his attention to Sulli. “Would you mind staying with her for a while? I need to speak with Lay.”

“Chen, you’re not going anywhere until…”

“Sure, go.” She cut-off Krystal’s loud outburst and practically shooed them out. He smiled appreciatively before muttering quick thanks. His smile fell though the instant he turned around and started walking out.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Krystal shouted frustratingly at him before he left. She huffed in annoyance before glaring at Sulli. “You better tell me what this’s all about.”

Chen sat on the pavement outside. He sighed miserably before his gaze fell towards the ground. Lay stood in front of him watching him in helplessness. He hated to see his friend in this state knowing that he could do nothing about it. Even though he had things to tell Chen about, he gave him some time. He didn’t want to dump everything all at once; he knew that the revelation itself was too much for him.

“Do they hate me?” Chen whispered after some time.

“They want to, but they can’t.” He flinched upon hearing Lay’s reply. It would’ve been a lot easier if they did; he wouldn’t feel so guilty for what he’d done. They were once his friends; the closest people for him. They practically shared everything together, and he had memories of a lifetime with them. Yet he left. He selfishly left because he was too pained.

They’d all agreed to stay together. They were all hurt after all, and they thought that if they shared their pain together; it will somehow lessen it. It never did with him. He couldn’t tolerate being surrounded by them when he wasn’t there. The feeling of self-loathe would wash over him whenever they were together; it felt wrong staying with them when he couldn’t.

He couldn’t deny the fact that it was hard for him to be separated from them like that, but he thought that it was the right thing to do. Nevertheless, he never stopped caring about them. He would always take furtive glances at them and always asked Lay about their whereabouts. Ironically, they did too. Even though they hated it, they had to let him go with the hopes that he’d return back if he was given some space, but he never did. And sorrowfully, instead of losing one, they had to lose two of the closest people in their lives.

“But they hate her, don’t they?” The question lingered in the air waiting for a reply, but it never got any. Lay wanted to deny right away, but he couldn’t. Sadly, they did. After all, they couldn’t realize why he was with her when he wouldn’t stay with them. They felt like he was choosing her over them, but they couldn’t hate him for this. They could hate her though, and they did for they believed that she was behind all of this.

Chen took Lay’s silence as a confirmation. He laughed bitterly before shaking his head in self-disgust. A huge part of him believed that he was the reason for all of these misconceptions; for making them more miserable than they already were. He knew that they wouldn’t help but have high expectations after hearing that he’d sung earlier. He knew that they’ll start making assumptions that would only turn into disappointments later.

They wouldn’t understand that it was a one-time thing. They wouldn’t understand him if he explained how he couldn’t subside his urge to sing when he saw her playing that. It was like a silent call that begged him, it’d been a while; a very long torturing while for him. But they wouldn’t believe that; they’d only see it as hope, and he dreaded it.

“I’m selfish and pathetically weak, aren’t I?” He chuckled humorlessly before wiping away the tear that managed to fall. He raised his head slightly at looked at Lay. “God… you think so too, don’t you? I mean how can you not? Look at me? I couldn’t even keep my vow because of my weakness over her… a girl.” Lay knew that he was on the verge of breaking down, but he was incapable of doing anything about it. He could only watch him in sadness because he knew that his words would be meaningless. He knew that whatever he said would be completely pointless because he wouldn’t listen.  

“Chen…” He breathed.

“Can you.. tell me exactly what they said?” He cut him off with a desperate plead.

“So you’re really not going to tell me anything, are you?” Krystal sighed for nth time already. She’s been bombing Sulli with so many questions since the minute they were left alone, but she was as stubborn as Chen.

Krystal was getting infuriated with this; they were all hiding something from her and then treated her like she was their friend. How could she be even considered a friend when she was left out like that?

“Asking a million times won’t change anything.” Sulli replied in exasperation.

“Wouldn’t you want to know if it was something about Lay?”

“Of course… Of course I would.” She rubbed her temple in frustration. Frankly, she didn’t know what to do. She really wanted to tell her; to explain everything, but she didn’t have the right to do that. It wasn’t her secret to tell, and besides, she feared that it’d only make things worse. But then again, she knew how unbearable it must be for her.

When she only received silence as a response, Krystal gave up. And it wasn’t until few minutes later that the silence was finally interrupted by Sulli.

“I have no right to say anything, and Chen would be really pissed if I did.” Krystal’s gaze fell upon hearing her words. “But…” she raised her head and looked expectantly at Sulli. “But…” she echoed urgently.

“But… I know how torturing this must be for you, so I’m going to say one thing. You’re not allowed to ask any questions after that; okay?” Without hesitating, Krystal instantly nodded.

Sulli inhaled a deep breath as she tried to think of a way to explain this.

“Something happed a while ago, and it’d affected Chen deeply.” Panic washed over her when she noticed how Sulli struggled to find the right words, and the fact that she refused to meet her gaze increased her worry.

When Sulli realized that there wasn’t any way she could sugarcoat this; she straightforwardly blurted out.

"Someone died, Krystal; his best friend died."

The shop’s door abruptly opened revealing Lay and Chen leaving no time for Krystal to react. Sulli glanced at her nervously not really sure if Krystal would be able to act naturally after what she’s just heard; they were undoubtedly caught. “Missed us already?” Chen joked. Weirdly, it didn’t take long for Krystal to react; she turned around with a frown.

“Actually, no. You’ve interrupted a very serious conversation.” She replied honestly, but they only thought she was kidding. Sulli gulped mentally stranggling Krystal so she could shut up. Chen only laughed at her reply while Lay chanced a furtive glance at Sulli, but she only shrugged innocently when their gazes met.

‘Someone died, Krystal; his best friend died.’ Her words echoed in Krystal’s mind. Her head was in a mess right now; in complete contrast to her calm exterior. She had a hard time believing these words. Never in her wildest dreams would she’s ever imagined Chen as someone who’s hurt.

He looked like the happiest person to her. Undeniably, he’d been hiding things from her, but she never knew that it’d be this tragic. ‘I’m the fat kid, Krystal.’ She recalled his words from earlier. She now understood where his words came from. He lacked happiness in his life, and now he hungrily searched for it.

Frankly, she was greedy. She wanted to know more about his friend, but she knew that she needed to wait for the right time to bring the subject up. With his greatest secret being laid on the table, she figured that he’d finally share everything with her; that he’d finally talk, and she wanted him to. That’s why; she was determined on keeping shut about it… for now.

Throughout the rest of the night, she didn’t mention anything about earlier which was something didn’t go unnoticed by Chen. He thought that she’d ask questions as soon as he walked in; he didn’t expect her to act like nothing had happened.

He kept stealing glances at her as she talked and joked around with them all. She looked okay; happy even, or maybe she was just faking it; he couldn’t tell. It was frustrating him trying to guess what she was thinking, but one thing he was sure of; Krystal would never brush something off like that without any questions.

That’s why; during the whole time he kept waiting for her to bring it up, but she never did.

An hour later, after parting ways with Lay and Sulli, Krystal and Chen began their long walk back home. Admittedly, she’d fun with them; they kept her mind distracted for a while which was something she was thankful for.

But now that she was alone with Chen, she remembered Sulli’s words. Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to keep shut until tomorrow, she thought that now was the perfect time to bring it up. 

She started by talking about Lay and Sulli and heard him as he shared few stories about them. He told her that he hadn’t known them for long, but it didn’t take them long to become close. Apparently, they’d helped him when he needed it most, and it made Krystal silently question if he was talking about his friend’s death.

She then asked if he had any friends before them, and he nodded. He just mentioned something about a group of friends that he used to hang out with but drifted apart from. His mood seemed to change upon the mentioning of them, and he refused to give her any details.

“So you never had a close friend?” She inquired cautiously.

“I have…. Or had…” He trailed off but suddenly froze. Her steps came to a halt when she realized that he’d suddenly stopped. He looked thoughtful for a minute before he finally met her nervous gaze with a glare. “That’s why you’ve been silent.” he noted angrily.

“Silent about what?”

“When I walked back in, you didn’t bomb me with endless questions like you usually do. Sulli told you, didn’t she?” She stiffened but stayed silent.

“She told you about him, didn’t she?” He shouted angrily. God, how he hoped right now that she’d deny it. He waited for her to say no… to ask who was he talking about… but she never did. She only nodded.

He felt like everything right now was crumbling in front of him. As if it wasn’t enough already for him, she had to know. He was furious; utterly so, but he was also hurt and scared. He glanced at her one last time before spinning around. He needed space…. He needed to stay away from everyone and everything to think things through.

“Where’re you going?” She frantically asked. She started following him but stopped when he heard him whisper. "Anywhere far from you."

She stood there waiting for a while. She waited for him to come back because she refused to believe that he’d just leave her alone like that; not like that. She waited; hoping that he’d be the next person who’d show up, but he never was.

Why was he so worked up over this? She failed to understand. She knew that he’d be mad; he had the right to. After all, she sought someone else for something that was related to him; his secret. Nevertheless, she didn’t think that it’d turn out like this. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. They were supposed to talk. He was supposed to share everything with her, and she was supposed to listen to his every word; to drink his misery if it’d make him better.

“He’s really not coming.” She whispered bitterly. He had the right to be angry but not to this extent. He didn’t even stop for a minute and think about her; how she was going to go home when she knew nothing of her surroundings. 

She glanced at the street he walked in a while ago before turning around and walking the other way. She didn’t know where she was going exactly. Hell, she didn’t even know where she was or if this was the right way. She’d come here many times, but she’d always come with her parents. Therefore, she never focused on the road for she didn’t need to know where the restaurant was. She cursed inwardly and continued walking hoping at some point she’ll find a cab that’d drive her back home.

She’d the urge to turn around every couple of minutes; to check if he’d come after her, but she refrained herself from doing so. Instead, she tried to focus on finding a taxi, but it seemed like it was futile for there wasn’t any. She stopped whenever she heard the sound of a car only to resume walking with disappointment afterwards.

She was getting frustrated and tired with this, and she wanted to go home to the warmth of her bed, but it seemed like this wouldn’t happen any time soon.

She thought about calling Chen but then decided against it. She wasn’t going to ask him for help when he was the reason for this.

She stopped momentarily when her phone beeped announcing that she received a text. She fished her phone out of her bag and swiped the screen to unlock it.

From: Chen

You’re probably going the wrong way.

She scoffed upon reading it. That’s it? That’s all he got to say? What? He sent the text to mock her? 

“Of course I’m going the wrong way because you left me alone you moron.” She snapped furiously at her phone.

Upon noticing the couple that was standing not far from her, she smiled at them awkwardly before averting her gaze towards her phone again. They were probably thinking that she was going mad; and maybe she was, and he was undoubtedly the reason. Her fingers hovered over the screen as she thought of a reply. She deliberated telling him that she was already in a cab on her way home, but before she could type anything, her phone rang again signaling that she’d received another text.

From: Chen

Walk back… Take the same route I’ve taken; walk for a little until you reach a small shop then turn right. Lay will be waiting for you there. Take care of yourself, please.

Please? “If you were so concerned about me you would’ve come yourself.” She whispered before shaking her head disappointedly. Reluctantly, she started walking again, but this time though was towards the other direction.

Somehow, she succeeded into returning back without getting lost. She sighed in relief when she spotted Lay leaning on his car waiting for her. Nevertheless, she couldn’t shake away the feeling of disappointment when she realized that Chen wasn’t with him. She expected that she’d find him waiting for her with Lay, and also the thought of Lay being an excuse to bring her there crossed her mind. How foolish of her. She silently scolded herself for having such high expectations for they eventually turned into disappointments that brought her down.

“Sulli told me.” Krystal announced suddenly after few minutes of driving in silence. “And he got angry; like really really angry.” She wanted to talk to someone about it, and she couldn’t think of a better person that Lay. He was his best friend after all, and he knew about Chen’s lousy temper. “I knew he was going to get angry… but not to this extent.” She spoke her earlier thoughts.

Lay was silent for a while unsure of what to say. He opened his mouth ready to say something when she spoke again. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to treat him. One minute he’s ridiculously happy and the other he’s not. And when I ask if something’s wrong, he refuses to talk.”

“Give him time, Krystal. He’s obviously not ready to talk about his friend with you, and you should wait until he is; not force him." He paused momentarily and took a deep breath. "Someday, you’ll find the answers to your questions, so don’t seek them right now. Your goal shouldn’t be about knowing his past. It should only be about relishing the time you spend with him; just like he does… So can you do that? For his sake?” He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes and saw her nodding as a response. 

He announced few minutes later that they’d arrived. She thanked him appreciatively while unbuckling her seat. She was about to close the car’s door when he suddenly called her. She bent a little until she reached his eye level and met his gaze.

“He called me after your fight… One thing I can assure you about him is that he cares about you, Krystal; more than you could imagine.” She couldnt' think of anything to say after this. She couldn't protest; she already knew that he cared, and she did too. She only smiled appreciatively. “Thank you, Lay… for everything.”

She watched him until he finally took off, and her smile fell when he disappeared out of her sight. She heaved a sigh. Today’s events finally took their toll on her. Right now, she didn't want to think about anything and just wanted to rest. Groggily, she headed towards her home.

Her steps came to a halt though when she noticed a figure leaning on the fence. Her interest piqued on the idea that it might be Chen waiting for her to come home. She was about to walk over him when she suddenly stopped. What if he wasn't?

She started to panic as stories about various kidnaps and popped in her mind. She looked around searching for any help, but there was none. Her street has always been known for being quiet and empty during the night which was the perfect spot for a crime scene; she mentally noted.

They smell your fear. She remembered her mom telling her once. Exhaling a shaky breath, she started walking again. She tried to muster as much confidence as possible and to act like she was the least bit phazed by him, and it worked until he suddenly straightened his back upon hearing the clicking sound of her heels.

Fear washed over her, and she was about to sprint those last few steps when he suddenly grabbed her forearm. She opened ready to scream bloody marry, but he quickly planted his hand on to silence her.

‘Krystal, wait.” He breathed in her ear as he tightened his grip around her. Hearing her name, she suddenly froze in her place and stopped struggling in his arms. His voice… it wasn’t Chen.

He loosened grip, and she slowly turned around to face him. “This wasn’t how I planned for us to meet.” He scratched the back of his head and smiled guiltily. Her eyebrows rose in surprise upon realizing whom he was.

“Hey, I’m Luhan… Chen’s friend.”

Chen sighed in relief after ending the call with Lay. In all honesty, he was worried sick about her. He hated himself for leaving her alone like that, but he couldn’t return back. He feared that he’ll hurt her more if he stayed a little longer with her; he needed to stay away for a while even if it was so hard for him. He was pissed; utterly so, and he had no control on the things that he’d say. It felt like the words would roll off his tongue automatically whenever he was angry without him realizing it. It was a state of drunkenness and unawareness, and he despised himself for that.

Nevertheless, his furiousness towards her wouldn’t subside. He didn’t want her to know; she wasn’t supposed to. He wanted to spend more time with her without complications. He wanted to fulfill the promise they made earlier; to create their little word without the interruption of the harsh reality. But it didn’t seem like this was possible for she already knew.

He feared that she’d treat him like he’s vulnerable; no he knew that she would. It was inevitable; a human nature to show stupid sympathy and pity to people who experienced loss. Whenever he’d laugh or smile, she wouldn’t stare at him in delight; instead her eyes would glisten like it was a ing miracle.

God only knew how it’d been so hard to act like everything okay; especially around her. She was the only one who didn’t know; the only one who treated him like he was the brightest thing, and he cherished that; he absolutely loved it. It eased his pain a little because for a while, it reminded him of the old times; in a good way. It didn’t remind him constantly of death; it reminded him of the times when everything was alright, when he was there, and when everyone used to look at him like that; the school’s prankster and the one who drew smiles.

Alas, he was now the one who made everyone’s eyes well up. He laughed bitterly; how delightful. 

He grabbed his phone to check the clock only to realize that it’s been an hour since he’s ended the call with Lay. Time has passed in a blur because he was too absorbed in his thoughts. Raising his head a little, he looked around his surroundings checking if he knew where he’d gone.

He suddenly froze when his eyes found the small pub across the street. Sorrow washed over him as he continued staring at the familiar place. Out of all places, his legs had to carry him here.

The lights were all turned off indicating that the place was closed. He silently ordered his legs to move, but he wouldn’t budge. He silently pleaded his eyes to look away, but he couldn’t tear them away. It felt like his body paralyzed upon seeing this place. How could it now though? This place marked the beginning of everything for him; it’s where everything started; everything that ended in the most tragic way.

He let out a shaky breath. Even though all the lights were out, he could perfectly see everything inside. Right now, he was witnessing it all; the best night of his life felt like it was being replayed in front of him all over again.

Flashback.

The wooden tables were placed in front of the small makeshift stage; entertaining the customers while they drank cheap liquor and smoked cigarettes. The place wasn’t perfect for a performance; hell, it was horrible, but they couldn’t find a better place, and for once they wanted to be heard by someone other than their family members.

Men snickered upon seeing their figures climbing the small steps to the stage; while the females squealed in delight upon seeing their handsome faces.

Chen gulped upon seeing the crowd in front of him. He wiped his sweaty palm in his jeans and picked the mic that was placed in front of him. They’d come earlier when the pub was still empty to place the instruments and prepare everything for the mini show. It felt exciting standing on the small stage and imagining that there was a crowd, but standing in front of a real one now made his stomach twist into knots.

He flicked his eyes towards his hyung when he heard his voice. He stood in the center, the leader’s spot, introduced the band and then began pointing at each member to introduce him. Chen was the last one, and when his turn came, his hyung winked at him in reassurance. Chen couldn’t help but mirror his smile, and he silently thanked the heavens for having him by his side.

Chen diverted his gaze back again to the crowd. Around thirty people were now staring at them in anticipation. He knew that probably half of them were too drunk to remember them tomorrow, yet he was still a little scared. He was never confident when it came to his voice; sure he got tons of comments from his friends about how great it was, but he always felt that he needed to train more because he wasn’t good enough yet.

In fact, if it weren’t for his hyung’s constant nagging, he wouldn’t have been here right now. He would be still hiding in the shell of his; dreaming and striving to become famous, yet too much of a perfectionist to outlook his non-existent mistakes and flaws.

His hyung looked around to make sure that everyone was ready and then signaled for them to start. Chen inhaled a deep breath and joined them as they all began singing the song they’ve practiced million times. In no time, the song managed to bring everyone on their feet; the drunk and the sober. The song was catchy; and halfway through it, everyone was already dancing.

The place that was once dull became lively with all the laughs and cheers. The boys glanced at each other while singing; they were still having a hard time believing this reaction. They expected few claps towards the end; not the entire place turning into a delightful scene.

The nervousness turned into absolute ecstasy. Everyone was simply having a blast; including the boys who couldn’t wipe their broad grins off their faces. They put everything into this performance like it was their last, and everyone was amazed by them.

Chen’s stomach churned when he realized that his turn, the last part of the song, was nearing. It was the same high note he mastered in front of the boys so many times; he just needed to remember that. With a pounding heart and trembling hands, he tightened his grip around the mic. His eyes instinctively fluttered close when he started singing. Everyone stopped dancing momentarily and watched him in awe as he yet again perfected it. The place erupted into deafening cheers the instant he finished. But he didn’t spare a glance at anyone.. except him. He turned his head towards his hyung instantly not caring about those cheers.

Chen didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion except his. He was the reason for all of this; the first one to believe in him, and no matter how huge the crowd was; he’d always search for his face amongst everyone to know if he’d done good.

His hyung was staring at him with eyes twinkling in admiration; he was undoubtedly proud of him. He lowered his mic and released it from his hand; he held Chen’s gaze as he joined the crowd. While everyone was cheering for the entire band, his hyung was clapping and whistling for him only. He knew how important his opinion was for Chen, and he was determined to make him see how incredible his talent was.

And just like that; the rest of the night continued. Everyone was restless having the time of their lives; even the waiters swayed to their songs while moving around to get everyone’s orders. By the end of the night; the place was cramped with so many people that Chen eventually lost count. There were even ones who stayed outside taking glimpses of the boys who managed to turn the place into chaos; a delightful chaos.

‘Tonight… is only the beginning.’ His hyung whispered.

And it was... but with every beginning comes an ending. A tear trickled down his face as he recalled every detail. His earlier anger now dissolved into sadness.

“I’m sorry.” He chocked. He bit his lower lip to stop the tears from falling, but then released it from his teeth when he tasted his blood. 

“I tried again today...I tried, but I realized that I can’t do this anymore.” A sob escaped his lips. He placed his hand on his mouth as his head fell. He stopped fighting the urge to cry and finally let it all out. Today’s events crashed on him like a rough wave that drowned him in misery. He continued crying for what felt like eternity until he felt like all his body fluids were completely drained.

He was tired and pained. He needed his hyung with his reassuring smile; he needed him to pat his back and tell him that’d be alright and that his pain would eventually go away. He needed him to scold him for falling apart like that; to tell him to stand back up again with a straightened back. And of course; to hit him for leaving Krystal earlier like that. He smiled sadly.  He simply needed him...

“I can’t do this without you, hyung." He whispered. 

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