Krystal’s grandma’s death had traumatized her severely to the extent where it had paralyzed her wholly. Her anger was turned into complete numbness, her mind that once functioned restlessly turned blank, and her thoughts and questions were left abandoned.

Krystal’s parents thought that her anger would eventually lead to sorrow therefore they were startled when they saw her calmness the next morning. Unlike what they’d anticipated, she didn’t show any emotions; no sadness, not even anger. They couldn’t fathom her reaction, and her reticence had agitated them so. She, too, didn’t know where this coldness had come from nevertheless she liked it.

No matter how much her parent’s tried to capture her attention, it was to no avail. She was never fazed by their attempts and instead stared into nothingness ahead.

Her eyes were void; without any sign of emotions, and it had worried her parents very. They knew where this would lead; a break down and they dreaded it.

They wanted to snap her out of this and let her grief for she needed to let it all out, but they failed. Their soothing words never affected her; even their raging shouts from helplessness were pointless.

The only reaction that they’d gotten from her was whenever they asked if she was okay. She’d merely nod for she truly felt like she was okay because she’d finally stopped living.

Her lifeless body had resembled one of a corpse, and she believed that this was indeed how she felt; like a dead person. Her body was the only thing alive for her soul had died long ago.

For weeks, Krystal had lost span of time because her days were pretty much all the same. There wasn’t any change; except for the date that only moved forward. For her, time had frozen since the moment she felt unwilling to live anymore, and she waited for the clock’s hand to move and awaken her soul again.

Getting released out of the hospital was the only major event that had taken place in the past month, and Krystal hadn’t detected any difference except for the privilege of lying in her own bed. Since her body wasn’t fully recovered yet, she was obliged to rest in her room until God knows when.

It wasn’t until one morning when she finally managed to stand up without her mother’s helping hand that her façade had finally crumbled into ruins. The reality of it all finally dawned on her and snapped her out of her prolonged reverie.

She felt like the place where she’d bottled everything inside was finally jerked open; spilling all of its contents at once. Her mind was once again overwhelmingly flooded with thoughts and questions, and her numbness was finally turned into unbearable misery that left her chocking on uncontrollable sobs. Her once void eyes were gradually becoming puffy and red from all the tears that fell freely down her face, yet she couldn’t to stop them.

She failed to take another step forward for her vision was blurred by her tears therefore she felt abruptly on the floor where she spent the next few hours crying continuously.

Amidst it all, she somehow managed to lock her room because she felt the need to be left alone while she finally let herself grief. She didn’t acknowledge her parent’s helpless shouts to be let inside or their failed trials to open the door; she wasn’t aware of any of her surroundings anymore for she felt like she’d been pulled into a hole of misery that swallowed her wholly and surrounded her with nothing but darkness.

She longed to see her grandma one more time; to feel her warming touch that had usually lulled her to sleep, to hear her soothing voice that was like a lullaby to her ears, and to see the smile that graced her face beautifully.

The tears never stopped as the impossibility of seeing her again refused to register in her mind, and she struggled to decipher the possibility of losing someone so dear with only few words.

She cried; cried for what felt like eternity, but unlike what she’d anticipated, the tears only increased her despair. It was like they’d confirmed the validity of what had taken place, and it left her in a state that couldn’t be possibly described. The once beautiful memories had turned into despair that scarred her wholly.

When she’d thought that she was finally drained, her thoughts were diverted towards the accident and the night that had turned her life into tragedy.

Few tears spilled when she’d thought about everything that had happened, but she then wiped them off furiously with the back of her hand.

Her misery was turned into furiousness that had spread through her body, and left her trembling with rage.

She was overwhelmed by her emotions that changed with the direction of her thoughts. They alternated between sadness and anger until she eventually cried herself to sleep.

Krystal’s mother had found her room’s key, but she couldn’t bring herself to enter because she’d wanted to give her daughter the space that she needed. It wasn’t until midnight that Krystal’s crying was finally turned into steady breaths. When her mother could no longer hear her sobs or whimpers, she slowly unlocked the door, opened it partially and peeked inside.

When she made sure that her daughter was indeed sleeping, she tiptoed cautiously inside and tried to be as silent as possible since she didn’t want to wake her.

Ever so softly, she lied down beside Krystal on the bed and wrapped her arms around her. She stared at her daughter for few minutes as a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

What Krystal’s mother hadn’t known was that Krystal was fully aware of her presence and she appreciated it very, and that night Krystal had slept to her mother’s soothing touch that brushed her hair softly; an action that formed a pained smile on her face for it reminded her of her grandma’s.

Krystal’s physical health had improved drastically since then, and after few weeks, she was finally able to move without anyone’s aid. Nevertheless, she still found great difficulty with continuing with her life normally. There were times when her legs would give up on her, and other times were she felt dizzy and nauseous because of the medicines that she was still taking.

This had only increased her parent’s vigilance since they’d refused to leave her alone for even few minutes and watched over her 24/7 like a young kid who needed supervision. They were undoubtedly scared of leaving her alone, and their fear controlled their actions. They were unaware of the fact that their actions were slowly leading to Krystal’s insanity for they treated her like something vulnerable that could break with the slightest touch.

She had sympathized with them at first and appreciated how much they cared about her. She never complained, on the contrary, she tried to enjoy their presence. But soon, their company was becoming more suffocating because they managed to invade her needed space.

True, they supplemented her with pretty much everything she needed but with only one exception; her freedom.

She wasn’t allowed to leave the house even when she pleaded desperately. The only place that she was allowed to go to, more like obliged, was the therapist’s office.

The first time she’d gone was the most tiring. Since she’d stubbornly refused to go there, she was practically dragged by her parents. Nervousness spread through her as she stood in front of the office’s door, and she took a deep breath to calm herself slightly.

Her eyes were immediately fixed on the young man that greeted her warmly and offered his hand the moment she stepped inside. She hesitantly took it, but her eyes never left those deep brown ones that paralyzed her in her place. She’d expected an old grumpy man with white hair and wrinkles; one who looked like her grandpa, not a young blonde that came straight from a model magazine. With his dazzling quiff and frameless glasses, he looked in his mid-twenties, and Krystal had silently questioned how he’d managed to become a therapist in such a short time.

His voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she grabbed the chair that he’d signaled for her to take. She regretted doing so the instant she sat because she felt self-conscious under his fixed stare.

She tried to busy herself with her surroundings, and she managed to do so as she inspected the things on his desk. Amidst so many things, she found a small black device and eyed it confusingly. “It’s a recorder; it’s mandatory to keep track of the patient’s state.” She just nodded and resumed with what she was doing earlier.

He cleared his throat as he tried to grab her attention, and she reluctantly met his gaze. He introduced himself as Doctor Yi Fan and then gave her a brief summary about himself. He confirmed that he was in his mid-twenties, and answered her earlier question when he told her that he’d managed to skip few years and graduated early.

He talked as he tried to ease her nervousness a bit. And his tactic must’ve worked because Krystal soon felt herself relaxing. True, she felt slightly awkward at first when she too began introducing herself, yet it wasn’t as uncomfortable as she’d imagined it.

Towards the last fifteen minutes, they’d managed to switch places with Krystal talking and him listening intently to her words. And Krystal had found his genuine interest in her words refreshing and thrilling.

When the hour was finally over, Krystal felt slightly disappointed. But it was short lived because he’d informed her that she needed to come daily.

And due to this command, she’d spent an hour there every morning. The hour pretty much consisted of him asking all sorts of questions and her answering them. Sometimes, he’d even ask her about private stuff and his bluntness would leave her transfixed. Nevertheless she’d eventually answer them truly.

She’d always answered his questions to the extent where she’d felt like she could entrust him with pretty much everything. And in all honesty, she’d started to look forward to those visits.  

Yi Fan didn’t treat her like a patient that needed help like her parent’s did; on the contrary, he treated her like he genuinely cared. Whether it was an act or not she couldn’t know, and honestly she didn’t care. She was just happy to have someone to help her get through this.

Thanks to him, she took her time to grief. She’d managed to vent most of it all out during those visits since she’d let herself pour all her emotions out by talking, crying and sometimes even yelling. And this had helped her greatly.

What she’d been completely oblivious about was the fact that her parents were the ones who had supplemented the doctor with the questions he needed to ask. And after many visits, they’d visited him one morning behind their daughter’s back. They’d spent the entire morning listening to all the tapes that he’d recorded and jotting down her words in a small notepad until they eventually managed to list the events that she’d forgotten.

The visits had become a ritual to her, and she’d gotten so used to his office to the extent where she felt like it’d become her second home. And so, for weeks, her life felt like it consisted of one day being replayed continuously because her days were alike. She’d spent her morning with the therapist and the rest of the day would be spent with her moping around the house and slumping from a coach to another.

She felt imprisoned between these four walls that had kept her detached from the world outside. It was like; she’d lived in another realm; one with tightened boundaries.

It wasn’t until this morning that she’d felt herself on the verge of erupting from everything. To say that her parents were surprised when she’d yelled furiously was an understatement. They were stunned to speechlessness and were unable to reply.

Her eyes were fixed on their widened ones for few minutes until she finally turned around, grabbed her phone and keys and slammed the door shut behind her.

Krystal was greeted with the winter breeze when she went outside, and she shivered as she tightened her scarf slightly around her neck. The temperature outside was in complete contrast to the house’s; it was way colder, yet she preferred it.

A smile crept on her face as she inhaled a deep breath of the fresh air. She relished the feeling of the wind enveloping her, and with a contented sigh, she started walking. She didn’t glance back at the house to make sure that no one followed, honestly she didn’t care because for the first time since so long, she wanted to be selfish, and she chose her happiness over everyone’s.

Her smile widened the moment she passed the gate and stepped a foot on the pavement. She felt ecstatic; like a kid who granted his wish on Christmas. For the first time since so long, she felt liberated; like the chains that had hampered her from moving freely were finally broken.

She was familiar with those streets before her nevertheless she took her time while she walked through them and inspected every inch. She watched the life around her moving, and she felt utterly thrilled for being a part of it. Her earlier despair was replaced with glee since she finally managed to push aside anything related to the past weeks. She didn’t want anything to spoil her joy today therefore, she only focused on her surroundings like it was the first time she’d seen them.

For the first time since so long, she didn’t curse herself for not dying in that accident; on the contrary, she felt like she’d been given another chance. And she silently vowed to make the most of it.

She focused on the smallest things that she’d once taken for granted, and her miseries were long forgotten while she walked slowly.  She leisured the feeling of the ground beneath her as she walked, the wind that blew her hair, and the sun above her head that spread its warmth through her body, and the feeling of just being alive.

No matter how long she walked or how many blocks she passed, she felt like she couldn’t have enough of it. She’d locked inside her house for so long that she now felt her body craving this. She felt the need to continue, and consequently, she didn’t stop, not even when her legs screamed to rest. She’d even ignored her mother’s calls and only answered with a small text. She didn’t want anything today to spoil her joy, and so she continued walking aimlessly through the streets with a smile on her face.

It wasn’t until hours later that her steps abruptly came to a halt when she saw a small library in the farthest corner of a street. Her facial muscles threatened to hurt because of her widened grin that appeared on her face. She couldn’t get rid of it as she stared with eyes full of delight at the books that were displayed in front of her.

She must’ve looked like a complete fool standing in the middle of the pavement with a widened smile while she stared at the familiar place, but she couldn’t care less. Few minutes later, she found herself practically rushing towards the place that’d become more like her haven throughout the years.

She stopped abruptly on the doorstep and her hands rested on the door. With a contented sigh, she pushed it open only to be greeted ringing sound that announced her entrance.

Unfortunately, she’d been too overwhelmed with her place to notice the pair of brown eyes that followed her. 

AN:

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