He sat upright on the blanket, looking puzzled as ever. That shocked expression was apparent all over his face. I knew he wanted to run after me but if he ever walked beyond the limits of his body he might collapse right there and then. There was a tiny dot of concern that he might actually do it so I sat on the bench not far from where he was. From a far I looked at him. I was trying to catch my breath. I pulled my knees to my chest, feeling the wind blowing pass me, in deep thought. I looked up to his direction and once again I panicked. Seunghyun wasn’t where I left him but our things were still there. I stood up immediately and traced back my path. My heart literally stopped when I saw him sitting on a bench with his head bowed down, trying to catch his breath. I ran up to him. I touched his wrist and timed his pulse. His heartbeat was increasing. I ran back to our stuff and scrambled through my backpack. I told him to bring his meds but he argued with me that he didn’t need them. Luckily I was the strong headed kind of girl so I secretly brought all his medicine. I sprinted to him that panted and gasp for air on the bench. I fed him his medicine. His face was pale and he was tired as if he has run a thousand miles. I sat next to him on the bench and pulled his body so he rested his head on my lap. I continuously monitored his pulse for a few minutes until it slowed down back to normal. I caressed his jet black hair as he rested on my leg. The things he said to me before was ringing in my head over and over again. He took my hand and planted a kiss at the back of my hand.

“I’m sorry for freaking you out that way. I shouldn’t have said the ‘L’ word.”

“No, I’m at fault. I shouldn’t have stormed off like that. I should have thought that you would come running after me. And you shouldn’t push yourself that way. Never again. Please. Promise me you won’t drive your heart too hard. ” I begged. Soon I felt warm tears trickling down my face. He stared intently at me. His thumbs then wiped my tears and he slowly nodded. I sniffed and took a deep breath.

“It’s not that I don’t want to say or hear the ‘L’ word but it’s just that I came to realize that life and love is actually a really sad and pathetic thing. It’s so sad to think that you know nothing will be the same after your first love because with your first love, nothing was in your head. There wasn’t the thought of someone hurting you and that everything was sweet and pure and it’s such a lovely and innocent relationship. You’re like a little kid, clueless and oblivious to the fact of how bad, how cruel and how painful it feels to be hurt by someone because you don’t think they can hurt you. Because.” I paused and looked away from his staring eyes. He got up from my lap and sat next to me, positioning his body to fully face me, with his right arm over my shoulders trying to comfort me. He remained silent to allow me to continue. His intense stare and creased forehead showed me he was listening to every little word I had to say. Tears continued to stream down my face.

“Because everything feels right as if it’s meant to be. Then after you get hurt, it’s like an innocent child seeing death for the first time and you can no longer see the world in the same light like it was before. As if everything was grey and dull. Then you feel like your world plummets, crumbling six feet under because now you see that bad things do happen