JunHong

The difference between nightmares and night terrors is this; one happens during REM sleep, the other occurs during NREM sleep. Nightmares tend to wake you up from your dream, feeling panicked, and your heart will be pounding and your body to enter fight-or-flight mode. Night terrors on the other hand will leave you with a bad dream, heavy sweat and although they seem the same, your body knows that you don’t have such high anxiety during these night terrors.

According to Freud, dreams are subconscious wants, unconscious wishes and desires that are hidden behind the strange plot of a dream. The strange disturbing plot that doesn’t seem to make sense to anyone. Freud often believed that a lot of these unconscious wants were to do with ual orientation and deep seeded issues involving fathers.

Although Freud may have been wrong about ual orientation and daddy issues, his theory was never proven incorrect when it came to the subconscious mind delivering  messages to the conscious mind.

All people dream, you may not remember it, but you do. You have nightmares and night terrors, you have desires and needs that you wish to fulfil, problems that need fixing. Dreams help you to see what you have done wrong, to show you what it is that you want most in the world. Even if it doesn’t make sense straight away, your mind does tell you in its own way. In a way that consists of moving pictures and fantastical sounds that seem so real and yet so implausible.

I don’t remember the first time I dreamt. I was too young, too sick, and too sore to even consider remembering it. After my surgeries, I dreamt. I dreamt of going to school, of making friends, like normal people. But then, when I did go to school, when I did try to make friends… I destroyed all potential hope I had of even keeping them. One single punch to the gut and it was all over for me.

When it happened I thought my mother would have me sent away to stay in the hospital. A failed project. A humanoid that couldn’t even use the simple human act of control.

I had been taught control, Doctor Bang himself had taught me how tight to hold a person when I was hugging them – so as not to hurt my mother with my new found strength. He demonstrated how hard to throw a ball, he showed me how to not break things. And yet, I still managed to break four of my classmate’s ribs. It was as if I had suddenly forgotten how to keep in control.

There was a glitch in my system.

When my mother did end up sending me away, four months and two new school’s later. She sent me to Doctor Bang’s son. One of three of his children that I had probably met before. I remembered all their names, but not once do I remember meeting them. YongGuk, at the time, was studying neuroscience and biomechanics. His twin, YongNam was studying engineering and health science, while their older sister Natasha was doing some freelance art somewhere in Korea.

I remember Doctor Bang telling me about how, although never together, his family was always close. When he told my mother that his son had asked if he could look after me in his house instead of at the laboratory, my mother cried. I remember how she had cried when we met HimChan and YongGuk. I remember how she cried when she told them why she was letting me go. She even cried when she said goodbye.

YongGuk, although having been warned about my glitch and the issue that followed, was not prepared for when it happened the first time.

Not even four days into my new school routine some kids were making fun of HimChan and YongGuk. At first I had no idea what was going on, they had just dropped me off at school and were holding hands like any normal couple would. It was normal to me, to see two people who liked each other holding hands. Love, to me, had never been about gender. It was just love.

But to these kids at school, Channie and Guk’s potential relationship – I don’t even think they were really dating yet – was wrong. It was disgusting to them.

I don’t really remember what happened all too clearly. After the words “fags” and “disgusting homo’s” left their mouths everything became a blur swinging my arms a couple of times and trying not to do too much damage but as soon as the blur started it stopped and I was being pulled into HimChan’s car while YongGuk dealt with some issues.

YongGuk thought that that would be the end of it. That after the initial glitch everything would be okay. That I would have calmed down enough that I wouldn’t hurt anything or anybody else.

Now, this is where Freud and his theory come into play with nightmares and night terrors.

After some experiences, like injuring a person or two in my case, we can create scenarios in our dreams that represent what we have done to others. However, these scenarios can be turned around and we then we feel the pain that we have inflicted upon others. Sometimes we can multiply the injuries. We can make what we have done a thousand times worse.

You told someone that they were ugly? Well your dream could make it so that the world believes you are ugly and no one finds anything attractive about you. Of course, as you are in a dream you can never check if what they are saying is true. You just know, somewhere in the back of your mind that you are what they say you are.

I would say that these dreams could be considered night terrors. I wouldn’t know for sure, it depends how you deal with the situation to be honest. You could jolt awake and covered in sweat, then it would be a nightmare. However you could just wake up normally to find that you are surrounded by sweat, and then it would be a night terror.

The only real way to tell is through scientific means.

And with me, everything is hooked up to some sort of machine somewhere in either my room or YongGuk’s office, and so, my sleeping patterns are monitored. Every heartbeat, every brainwave is recorded onto a computer. That was how YongGuk knew that I suffered from nightmares.

In my dreams, the nights that would follow any incidental violence brought on by anger towards those who hurt either my feelings or those who I am close, I am the one that is being hurt. And it isn’t hurt by just anyone. No, I dream of having to fight my way through people, just like me, only stronger in order to try and free my friends from any kind of harm.

When it happened the first time with YongGuk, I nearly destroyed the house. Although I am dreaming, because I am having a server nightmare and my body has been majorly altered, I cannot help my movements. My body cannot seem to register the difference between awake and being asleep and so if I punch in my dream, I tend to punch something in the waking world.

By now, YongGuk is used to the warning signs, HimChan has created a chart to help everyone and knows the drill. After the second or third time everyone understood what they had to do. As soon as I injured someone I try to shut down. I can’t stop myself anymore, but as soon as I do YongGuk is there, with DaeHyun or someone else, strapping me down to stop me from injuring anyone including myself.

This time though, this time no one was there to stop me.

This time I did the unforgivable…

A'N:: Sorry its so late and also I am sorry if there are mistakes ^^ 

I will try to update again soon~!