God knows how long she had been crying. By the time the sun rose, her tears had gone dry. She wasn’t even able to cry any longer. She sat on the bed, eyes dejected. She had lost everything, except Taeyeon. She knew that everything was real, but it was as if her brain had no intention to convey the message to her heart. A part of her was glad that she could finally love Taeyeon the way she wanted to, yet at the same time, it felt awfully empty. She felt miserable.

Jessica turned her head weakly to look at her phone. The battery had gone dead. The messages from Taeyeon and Krystal the previous night, or whenever, were all gone unread. She could almost feel the weight on her eyelids as she heaved a huge, long sigh even though it did nothing to help in clearing the congestion that she was feeling in her chest. She climbed out of bed, all signs of radiance missing from her face. She had to charge her phone, had to retrieve her things from the house she used to share with Taecyeon that she could no longer call her own.

The girl had her shoulders slightly slouched as she took the elevator down. She had barely arrived at the lobby when she reached into her pocket, wanting to retrieve her car keys. Right. Another wave of helplessness flashed across her eyes while she stood where she was. This was real. Way too real for her liking.

The cab ride seemed to take especially long. It just felt more bumpy than usual and it was almost making her carsick. Just how long had it been since she last gone anywhere without her car or Taecyeon’s? When she finally arrived at the apartment, she almost alighted without paying up. After apologizing profusely, she cursed herself internally as she made her way up the now unfamiliar place – the place she used to call home.

Jessica didn’t enter immediately. What if Taecyeon was in there? She her lips nervously. She didn’t even have enough time for her own emotions to settle down. She wasn’t ready to face Taecyeon. Not yet. Things just kept going back and forth in her mind, and when she got sick of it, she decisively opened the door. She would be killed by her own thoughts before anything.

There was no sign of Taecyeon and it brought slight relief to the girl. She took a quick scan around the house. For some reason, something seemed to be tugging at her heart. She almost felt forlorn. The thoughts beginning to get to her again, she tried to shake them off as she made her way to their room.

It wasn’t Taecyeon who gave her the shock of her life when she set foot into that room. fell open at all too unfamiliar sight. The figurines that Taecyeon loved were missing from their desk, so were the documents that he would always leave lying messily around, his laptop, his headphones, that mug that was almost always half-filled with water. She could not explain why her eyes were suddenly b with tears. Clenching hard on her jaw, she took small steps towards their wardrobe. With a forceful swallow of her saliva, she opened it with slightly shaking hands. They were gone. His clothes were all gone. There wasn’t even a single trace left. Eyebrows furrowing, lips trembling, her tears fell uncontrollably. She felt rotten inside. So rotten.

Feeling her knees going weak, she took a seat on the bed. It was then that a white envelope lying on their bedside drawer caught her attention. Her heartbeat was going crazy. There was no way that the envelope could mean good news. Her heart unsettled, she dared to pick it up with her trembling hands. She bit the inside of her cheek as she retrieved the letter from within. She regretted it instantly, because the moment she recognized Taecyeon’s handwriting, tears welled up automatically yet again. It didn’t take her further than the second sentence for her tears to flow seamlessly.

"Jess,

You must have been shocked. I didn’t mean to remove all my things without telling you beforehand, but I couldn’t bring myself to call you. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to feel now. Everything happened so quickly. I was too flustered.

So… I was packing just earlier on. Do you remember that pair of koala bear plush toys that we got during our trip to Australia? I took the one with your name and I hope you won’t mind. I just wanted something to remember.

And Jess, I have something to tell you. I never planned to tell you this. But at this point in time, I don’t see a reason why I should keep it from you any longer.

I’m sorry that I lied, Jess.

I loved you. And now too. I don’t know when it all started. To be honest, I never realized it until she came back into your life. I never knew what jealousy was, until I saw how easily she could affect you. I never knew what helplessness really was, until I saw that look in your eyes when we talked about her. You are still madly in love with her. Even a blind man would be able to see that. I can blame no one. I just didn’t have the luck to be the one who met you first.

It was difficult, almost painful. But it was more difficult, more painful to let you go, so I pretended like it didn’t hurt so that I could keep you by my side. I guess it didn’t work out that well in the end…

I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell it to you earlier. I didn’t want you to stay by my side out of guilt, even though it wasn’t a nice feeling to see you with her… I’m frustrating, right? But she is a nice woman. Most importantly, she loves you. That’s enough for me, I guess.

I know that she’s going to take very good care of you. I also know that you’re going to be much happier without even trying. I still hope that you will take care of yourself. Don’t overwork yourself. You know how your anemia’s a . Eat your meals on time. Don’t forget to eat your vitamins. Don’t sleep with your hair wet. Don’t try to keep everything to yourself. You’re not a superwoman. You can’t carry all that burden on your own. Stop acting like you’re all strong when you’re not. It’s okay to cry. It’s not difficult to hold you when you cry, so let her hold you. You’re not difficult to love, you know? Loving you was great for me. She’s lucky. She’s so lucky.

Thank you for everything.

And, I don’t want you to be sorry. There’s nothing that you have to be sorry about. Loving someone is not a mistake. You were brave. You still are. I never regretted the times I got to spend with you as your husband. They will remain my most precious memories.

Jess, no matter how much I hate this, I guess there is no escaping this time. The divorce documents are in the drawer... I’d wanted to give it to you personally but I told you, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I hope you will be happy. You have to be happy, ok? It’s time I take that exit from your life. The house is yours. Take it as a last present from me.

Goodbye, Jess.

Taecyeon"

The tears that fell from Jessica’s eyes further stained the already smudged ink on some of the words in the letter, probably caused by Taecyeon’s own tears. Not too far away, a koala bear plush toy wearing a shirt that read “Taecyeon” sat atop a pile of other things in cardboard box on the floor.

***

TAEYEON

Why was it getting so difficult to breathe? I hit my chest with the base of my palm. How did things become like that? I closed my eyes.

“Quit doing that. Come on, leave this little girl alone, yeah?”

Her voice. My eyes opened before I knew it. I could almost picture it. That very first time we met. Coming to think of it, we had both changed a lot, hadn’t we? I had been defenseless, and she had been the princess in shining armour.

“But she’s my girl, Yongguk.”

She didn’t mean it at that point in time, but it had somehow come true.

I wasn’t so sure now if it was a good thing.

At this point in time, I had lost everything. My eyes travelled to the box of belongings that I had just retrieved from the office. I had lost my job. I had also lost contact with Jessica. She had not been picking up my calls or replying to my messages.

Something didn’t feel good inside. Was it guilt? Even as I try hard to convince myself, it was a fact too painfully obvious to ignore – she was living fine with Taecyeon, and that was before I messed everything up.

It was a mistake, wasn’t it?

I had already known that it was a mistake, but I let her come back to me. I took her hands. I took her away from the person who would have been a much better choice, who could protect her and give her what she needed. As much as I hated to admit it, they looked perfect together. Their family backgrounds, their social statuses, even their looks. They were nothing less than perfect. I, on the other hand, was the poor girl who had nothing to my name, nothing to offer her but this heart of mine. But what could my love do?

I let down both Jessica and Taecyeon. I could see how my return brought hurt and dilemma to Jessica. I took away her happiness.

She wasn’t selfish.

I was.

***

It was barely nine in the morning when Jessica’s phone started buzzing. She hadn’t checked her messages or get back to her calls, not that there were any calls for her except from Taeyeon which had surprisingly stopped since yesterday morning and that should have been weird. Still, she didn’t let that bother her. Her world had just turned upside down and she was just not ready to face anyone. She wasn’t even ready to face herself. However, when the buzzing just wouldn’t stop, she reached out to grab it angrily. Her eyebrows furrow slightly when the caller alert read “Yoongie”. Letting out a huge breath, she decided to pick it up.

“What’s up Im Yoona?” She made sure to hide her slight annoyance. Afterall, Yoona was like a precious little sister, someone who always reminded her of Krystal.

“Unnie you’re finally picking up! Gosh!” The overly loud noise only made Jessica pull the phone away from her slightly before she brought it back to her ear.

“What’s the matter exactly?”

“Did you hear?”

“About what? Make yourself clear.” By this time, Jessica was beginning to sound frustrated, whether she meant it or not.

“Taeyeon— Your girlfriend was fired!”

“What do you— What?!” Jessica’s eyes shot wide open at Yoona’s words. “What are you saying?! What do you mean she was fired?!”

“I got Soojung’s message a while ago. She only just found out that Taeyeon was fired yesterday. I don’t know why she couldn’t contact you herself but she wanted me to tell this to you immediately. Did something happen?”

The colour was drained from Jessica’s face as she stared blankly into space. It was only seconds later that she snapped out of her trance. “Y-Yoona I’ll call you back.” With that, she hung up immediately. Slipping into a pair of jeans, she didn’t even care if she was still wearing the singlet that she had worn to sleep.

Jessica rushed down to hail a cab, heading straight towards Taeyeon’s apartment. Her hands were trembling when she dialed Taeyeon, but the girl just wasn’t picking up. She had just lost everything – her career, Taecyeon, even her family. She couldn’t lose Taeyeon too. “Pick up… Please pick up…” she mumbled to herself as tears began to well up in her eyes.

When she was at the door to Taeyeon’s apartment, she was practically a mess. She knocked hard on the door, pounding with so much strength like her life depended on it. “Taeyeon. Taeyeon ah… Taeyeon!” Her calls were becoming louder, desperate. “No… Taeyeon!” Her knocks became weaker as her cries soon turned to heartbreaking sobs. “Taeyeon please…” Jessica didn’t know to whom she was pleading at that very moment.

Because there was no response.

There was no Taeyeon.

[A/N] 25/8/2015

Oops. Almost two months?! I've taken a little long for this one, haven't I? To be honest, I never had a writer's block this long before, I think. In fact, I took 6 hours or so, writing on and off before I finally managed to get this chapter out. Write me something, especially since I haven't heard from you for a month too. :)

P.S. Anyone wants to volunteer to give Taecyeon some love? :(

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