Not Knowing

Love Assumed

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Jessica cried hard with Taeyeon in her arms. Those tears didn’t stop even after Taeyeon had stopped crying. Almost automatically, Taeyeon raised her hand, before she started patting Jessica’s back in a slow rhythm. Taeyeon was always a softie, especially when it came to Jessica.

 

“I’m sorry…” Jessica kept on apologising as she sobbed.

 

“It’s okay. Stop saying that you’re sorry,” Taeyeon comforted her, her hand still patting the girl’s back.

 

Slowly, Jessica pulled herself away from the hug as she looked into Taeyeon’s eyes. Trying hard to stop crying, she forced a smile, brushing her thumb across Taeyeon’s cheek. “You’re still as beautiful,” she said in a shaky voice.

 

Taeyeon only blinked a couple of times, tears showing up in her eyes again. Then, her hand closed in on Jessica’s, before she unexpectedly pulled it away from her face. She looked down, letting out a heavy breath. “Don’t do this,” she muttered, her hand unknowingly squeezing Jessica’s hand.

 

“I am—” Jessica’s words got stuck in . “I am too late, isn’t it?” She asked with tears in her eyes.

 

Taeyeon slowly lifted her head as she looked into Jessica’s eyes. Her eyes shining with her tears, she surprised Jessica when she shook her head. “It’s because I’m not good enough for you…”

 

Jessica furrowed her eyebrows, her tears falling gently. “Is this…” she began weakly, “…what you were thinking all these while? That you were not good enough for me?”

 

“Isn’t it?” Taeyeon’s words almost came out as a croak.

 

All of a sudden, Jessica didn’t know what to say. Of course not. She knew it, yet she didn’t know how to explain herself. She found herself looking away, and just when Taeyeon least expected it, Jessica spoke. “There is one person. Whenever I get sad, she always tries her best to make me feel better. Whenever I am happy, she is always the first one to share my joy. Whenever… Whenever I feel like my life is worthless, she makes me feel like I should hold on to life for just a little bit longer, so that I can still see her. I was a strong person who wasn’t afraid of anything, even death, but all of a sudden, I’m so scared of losing her. I’m so scared that she will come to harm. Someone like her… Someone who is so kind… All I ever did for her is to leave her without telling her anything. Yet she… She’s telling me that she’s not good enough for me...” Tears rolling seamlessly down her cheeks, Jessica turned to look at Taeyeon. “I’m the one not good enough for you Taeyeon ah.”

 

“I…”

 

Jessica gently grabbed Taeyeon by her shoulders. “But right now, I don’t care what the world thinks of me, I don’t care about anything. I just want you back to my side. I can’t live like this without you any more. I can’t do this…”

 

“You’re married, Sica ya.” Taeyeon’s words were cold, but they couldn’t hide the pain she held because she still loved the girl before her.

 

“He told me to look for you. I told you that we aren’t involved in the way you think we are. We don’t feel anything for each other. I rejected the idea initially but he kept telling me that it was okay…”

 

“You’re married to someone else. Even if he says that it’s okay, are you really going to do this? Date someone else behind this marriage? What are you thinking?” Taeyeon asked in disbelief.

 

For a while, Jessica was taken aback by Taeyeon’s reaction. “I… I thought that we… I just…”

 

“No.” Taeyeon shook her head. “I’m not doing this. I can’t do this no matter how much in love I am with you Jessica.”

 

“But I—”

 

“No matter how much I want you, no matter how much I long for you, no matter how much it pains me to not have you by my side, we can’t do this.” Taeyeon took in a deep breath as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Sorry. I hope we…we’ll never cross paths again.” She stood up to leave, and Jessica only stayed where she was, her tears falling again. Taeyeon took a few steps before she stopped abruptly with her back facing Jessica. “I…love you too.”

 

Jessica only cried harder as those words were replaced by the sounds of Taeyeon’s gradually disappearing footsteps.

 

***

 

A click at the door told Taecyeon that Jessica was home. Anxiously, he quickly made his way to the door.

 

Jessica’s face appeared just as he opened the door. “Hey Jessica how did—” Before Taecyeon could complete his question, Jessica collapsed into his arms. “Hey Jess!” He held her tightly with his strong arms as he closed the door. “Careful…” He supported Jessica and carefully sat her down on the couch. Jessica was still crying. He left her for a while, and returned shortly with a glass of water. “Come on, drink up.” Jessica reached out for the glass with shaky hands and Taecyeon pulled it out of her reach before she managed to touch it. “Forget it. Let me do it,” he said as he gently brought the glass to , slowly tilting the glass so that she could drink.

 

Taecyeon left the glass on the coffee table, sparing Jessica a look. Then, he left her alone while he moved off somewhere. It didn’t take long for him to return to her side. He looked into Jessica’s soulless eyes as he sighed. He lightly took the clutch out of Jessica’s hand, before he moved on to remove the watch on Jessica’s wrist.

 

“I prepared your clothes. Go have a bath and let it all out, okay?” Jessica’s eyes met Taecyeon’s for the first time that night. She didn’t know why it hurt so much looking at Taecyeon’s warm smile. All of a sudden, she bursted into tears as she wrapped her arms around Taecyeon. “Okay, cry it out. Just cry it all out,” Taecyeon coaxed, his hand patting Jessica’s back like how Taeyeon did not too long ago. Without warning, Jessica suddenly pulled away as she cupped Taecyeon’s cheeks. Still crying, she dived in for Taecyeon’s lips. “Jessica.” She was just less than a centimeter away when Taecyeon’s stern voice stopped her. “You promised,” Taecyeon spoke from where they were. “You promised that you wouldn’t do this to escape any more.”

 

Jessica’s tears kept flowing, and then she suddenly blurted, “She doesn’t want me any more… She doesn’t want me any more…”

 

Taecyeon pulled Jessica’s hands away from him, and then he cupped her cheeks instead. “Jessica…” He called out softly. “She wants you. It’s just… It’s just like how you felt bad when I told you to go look for her. She’s gonna feel even worse than you did because she’s gonna feel like she’s coming in between us. The way you used to tell me about her, I’d have expected her to reject you. Sweety… This is exactly why you fell for her. And maybe, this is why she’s been waiting for you all these while. You need to give her some time. Then you’re gonna have to convince her. And I can help. If there’s no one else on your side, you always have me, and Krys.” Smiling, he wiped away the tears on Jessica’s face. “Is this what I get once I drive Kitty away? A crybaby Jessica?” Taecyeon teased. “Woman up, babe. Stop crying and start thinking of how to make things work. That’s the Jessica Jung I know, and the one I agreed to marry.”

 

Jessica sniffled, and then she couldn’t hold in her laugh. “So you’re regretting now?”

 

“Maybe? You can go for Taeyeon for all you want. Maybe I’ll try dating Krys.” Taecyeon shrugged, and it earned him a stinging smack on his arm. “Ouch!”

 

“Don’t you dare!” Jessica scolded.

 

“Then go and have a bath now before I really do,” Taecyeon commanded in a father-like manner. “No seriously, it’s getting late. I don’t want you to catch a cold.”

 

This time, Jessica stood up and took in a huge breath before letting it out. “What would I do without you?” She finally smiled and landed a peck on Taecyeon’s cheek.

 

Watching Jessica as she made her way to the bathroom, Taecyeon’s grin faded to a sad smile. “What am I gonna do when you’re no longer mine?” He muttered under his breath.

 

 


[A/N] 16/12/2014

I may be discontinuing regular updates for a while because I'm caught up in my personal work. That doesn't mean that I'll be taking really long for each update, so don't worry. Follow me on Twitter for easy updates.

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JarOfStories
Chapter 21's dropping on Friday ;)

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taen9sic22
#1
hello authooooor.. i miss you! T.T
lalalavieenrose
#2
Chapter 33: Wow, I really hope you can continue this beautiful story :)
Justmydelusions
#3
Chapter 27: Okay i think it is hard to tap the next chapter
I can't imagine what will happen next !! OMG !! I CAAAAANNNTTT !! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Fidz_03 #4
Chapter 33: Still waiting for an updateee
moonsun_ship #5
Chapter 33: Just make them live a normal happy life and be done with sksksksk gosh I am still waiting for an update author nim, let the misery goooo
kookieshun
#6
Chapter 30: Aww i can't wait for the update
JooNa0309 #7
Chapter 33: Re reading for the nth time.. Hayyy..
JooNa0309 #8
Chapter 33: Still waiting for this update.. hayyy..**
Multifandomlover #9
Chapter 33: Chapter 33: This was so fluffy and I love it