Because Of Me

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Krystal ran her fingers through her hair while she stood at the counter waiting for their drinks. Was that a wrong move? She repeatedly asked herself. Turning to give Taeyeon a quick glance, she only ended up mumbling to herself, “You’d better not screw this up sis…”

It took a few minutes more for Krystal to return to her seat with the drinks. “Here’s your vanilla latte unnie,” she said with a wide grin on her face, perhaps an exaggerated one.

“Thanks,” Taeyeon replied with a smile.

Krystal unknowingly let out a sigh the moment she sat herself down, and Taeyeon instinctively dropped her a look of concern.

“Are you okay? Are you feeling unwell somewhere?” There she was, Taeyeon, being all sisterly again.

Krystal looked into her eyes, if only Taeyeon could see that helplessness she was feeling. She was feeling so rotten inside, feeling as if she had just betrayed the older sister figure in front of her. She let her eyes linger for a moment longer, and then she looked back down at her coffee, shaking her head. “It’s nothing.”

“Aigoo our Soojungie,” Taeyeon teased, the corners of her lips gently tugging upwards.

“Unnie,” Krystal suddenly called out, before her eyes found Taeyeon’s again.

“Hmm?” The older girl hummed in response, closed in on the straw while she savoured her coffee.

“What if, as in what if, you happen to see Sica unnie again?” Krystal asked, caution obvious in her voice.

Taeyeon’s face was blank for that split second, and then she found herself looking away as she lowered her coffee back onto the table. “Beats me,” she replied, almost indifferently. “What should I do if I see her again?” Automatically, her mind brought her back to that night when she bumped into Jessica. With a forlorn smile, she looked back at Krystal. “If I see her again,” Taeyeon spoke again, with a tinge of sadness. “What can I do?”

Suddenly, Krystal regretted everything. She regretted asking Taeyeon that question. She regretted agreeing to Jessica’s request. She regretted even telling Jessica that she was with Taeyeon. “Unnie, let’s…not stay here. Let’s go somewhere else.”

“What? Why?” Taeyeon was slightly taken aback by Krystal’s sudden suggestion.

“Just…” Krystal tried to think hard, but nothing came to mind. “Forget it…”

The girls made small talk, and with each minute that passed, Krystal only found her heart pounding faster and harder. Nervously, she glanced around, but she didn’t know that Taeyeon was eyeing her. Her eyebrows knitted, she too looked around, but there was nothing odd.

“What’s wrong with you?” Taeyeon brought herself to ask. “You’re really restless today.”

“H-huh? Uh…nothing…” Krystal’s reply was as good as telling Taeyeon the exact opposite.

“Soojung ah…” Taeyeon was doing that again. Krystal could never bring herself to not do what Taeyeon wanted her to do, as long as she gave that sisterly look.

“Ok... You have to promise me that you won’t get angry with me…”

Taeyeon pursed her lips for a second or two, and then she let out a soft sigh. “Ok, ok. Tell me, what did you do?”

Krystal took in a deep breath. “It’s just that I—”

“Taeyeon.”

Krystal’s eyes widened the moment she registered that voice. Both girls turned their heads towards the voice. Jessica Jung was right before their eyes. Krystal switched her gaze towards Taeyeon just as the girl turned to look at her.

“She… This… You didn’t… Jung Soojung,” Taeyeon almost muttered in disbelief.

Krystal couldn’t reply. Instead, she nervously bit her lower lip as she swallowed her saliva.

“She didn’t want to do it. Don’t blame it on her,” Jessica spoke up on behalf of her sister.

However, Taeyeon didn’t respond. In fact, she acted like Jessica wasn’t there. She kept her eyes fixed on Krystal, whose guilt was written all over her face.

“Unnie…” Krystal could barely bring herself to even call Taeyeon ‘unnie’.

“Taeyeon ah,” Jessica called out yet again.

Taeyeon stared for a while more, and then abruptly, she rolled her eyes and stood up, before turning to go.

Shocked, Krystal too stood up. “Taeyeon unnie!”

Taking a quick step, Jessica managed to grab Taeyeon’s wrist from behind. “Let’s talk.”

“Let go,” Taeyeon replied coldly, her back still facing Jessica.

“Taeyeon ah…”

This time, Taeyeon turned as she stood face to face with Jessica. “We…” Taeyeon weakly began. “We don’t have anything more to talk about, so please, let me go.”

Jessica only shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t let you go. Not this time, Taeyeon ah.”

“I really don’t know what more do you want from me. I’m giving all I can now to face you. I’m giving all I can now to walk away from you. It’s difficult enough. Would you please stop making it more difficult for me?”

“I need you to listen to me. Please I just need you to listen to me,” Jessica was almost begging.

Taeyeon’s eyes fell on Krystal instead, and the younger Jung only gave her a sad nod, which was enough to tell her that Krystal too hoped that she would listen to Jessica. Her eyes back to Jessica, she only stared blankly for a few more seconds. “Just this once.”

***

Jessica and Taeyeon sat on the bench at a quiet part of a park. Jessica turned to look at Taeyeon, studying that face which she had longed to see for the past three years.

“I’m…” Jessica found it so difficult to complete her sentence. “I’m married…since…two years ago.”

Taeyeon kept silent.

“I went over and took over the business we had there. Then my mom just…made me meet Taec, as in Taecyeon, my…husband. We didn’t— I didn’t...think much. We were both alone—” Jessica stopped at the word ‘alone’. She wasn’t really alone at that time. In fact, she chose to let herself and Taeyeon be alone. “As in… I just… It happened. The marriage.”

“So?” Suddenly, Taeyeon spoke up. “What’s your point? Why are you telling me all these now? So that I can congratulate you? Well then congratulations. I hope that you’ll be happy in your marriage. If there’s nothing more, I shall take my leave.”

“I can’t forget you. I can’t get over you. I can’t do that no matter how hard I try.” Taeyeon was almost ready to stand up when she froze. “I can’t. I just can’t…”

Taeyeon only let out a sardonic laugh. “What? You…” She was almost struggling to find the right words to say. “You left for the States without telling me about it. Then you get married. And now you’re back and you’re telling me that you can’t get over me? How do you want me to react to this? Are you actually expecting me to run into your arms and tell you how happy I am that you aren’t over me?”

Taeyeon’s words completely silenced Jessica. She knew that Taeyeon was right. She could do nothing but to press her lips together as she looked down, trying to hold in those tears because she knew that she had no right to cry. Taeyeon, on the other hand, found her tears welling up just looking at the petite figure beside her. The wavy brown hair. Those shoulders. She looked away, her tears gently falling.

“That moment you left me, my world… It collapsed. I kept telling myself that I could do it, I could pretend like it didn’t hurt when I see you in the office. But…” Taeyeon’s shaky voice came to a halt. She swallowed her saliva before she attempted to speak again. “But I never got to see you again. Soojung said that you had left. I didn’t…” She paused yet again, her tears choking her. “I didn’t even get to stop you at the airport. You were just…gone.”

Jessica accidentally let out a sniffle, unable to hold it in any longer.

“I didn’t plan to wait for you. But I somehow did, even though a part of me knew that you weren’t coming back. I just kept thinking of you no matter what I did. I couldn’t— I didn’t want to, but I still did. The moment I saw you again… I was exhilarated. And then…my world crashed down once again. You’re…married. I really should hate you…” Taeyeon wiped her tears off with the back of her hand. “But why am I…” She cleared in a futile attempt. “Why am I still missing you so much? Why am I such a fool for still wanting someone like you…?”

Jessica looked up at Taeyeon in surprise, in disbelief. She hadn’t heard wrongly, did she? Their eyes met, and the hurt in Taeyeon’s eyes was torturing to look at.

“What am I supposed to do…if my heart keeps choosing to love you…? What am I to do, Jessica…?”

Jessica was no longer in control of herself as she threw her arms around Taeyeon, sobbing her heart out. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry that you had to be hurt because of me…” She repeatedly said as she cried, and Taeyeon’s soft cry gradually grew louder. “I…I love you Taeyeon… I love you so much that many times, I felt that death would be better than life without you. I lived like that… I... I love you… I really love you Taeyeon… I’m so sorry…”

[A/N] 5/12/2014

First of all, happy birthday to Yuri! :)

So, I'm not in the country next week and I was planning to finish writing this and release it next Friday instead since the update that I had promised before was already updated earlier last week. However, I felt that I'd rather leave you guys hanging on this instead of the previous chapter since you would be wondering how the TaengSic meeting would turn out to be so...here it is. Speaking of which, I won't be updating or writing any new story next week since...I won't be in, so I'll "see" you guys the following week. :) Write me something! And you like the story, you can upvote it because it actually means a lot to me. :)

Remember that you can follow me on Twitter to get easy updates. ;)