Sehun

“You’ve been sulking around all week,” Suho noted. “I know that it’s hard…but please don’t be like this, Sehun.”

I gazed ahead at the TV, pretending like I actually cared about the drama that was on. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” called D.O. from the kitchen. He came out, taking off his apron and sitting down next to me and Suho.

“Denying it isn’t going to make anything better,” D.O. said.

“I’m fine,” I repeated. “Leave me alone.”

“On the bright side,” Lay said, walking over, “We don’t have to fight Big Bang and their allies anymore, since you’re not dating Yoona anymore and that was the only reason why they were after us in the first place.”

“No, that wasn’t the only reason.” Kris was leaning against the wall, a dark expression on his face, fire in his eyes. “Gangs are always competing with each other for the top spot. Even if Yoona isn’t the issue now, I think we should still battle with Big Bang and their allies to knock them out of the way. That way, we can become the number one gang in all of Korea!”

Chanyeol shivered. “Kris, you’re scary…”

Suho shook his head. “No, no. We should just forget about them for now and move onto new things. We can fight other gangs and do business as usual.”

“That’s not my style,” Kris scowled. “I’ll make them pay! They’ll be sorry that they ever messed with Exo!”

I stood up from the couch, irritated. “Can’t you all just leave me alone for a minute? I’m not in the mood to deal with this right now!”

“Hey, that’s no way to speak to your elders!” scolded Suho.

I stormed out of the apartment, angry and confused. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted Yoona back. I shouldn’t have let her go to G-Dragon. She deserved so much better than that jerk.

I walked on the streets without a direction- I was good enough just getting away from the apartment. I wanted to breathe for a moment. I just wanted a break.

Then I saw froze in my footsteps, staring ahead down the street. Yoona was walking with G-Dragon, holding hands, smiling, laughing, talking. She looked happy. I couldn’t believe it. She was happy…with G-Dragon.

I quickly turned around and sat down on a bench near a bus stop. I felt sick- my chest was tightening up in knots, like I couldn’t breathe properly, and it hurt. Why did it hurt so badly? I shouldn’t be like this. I was a gang member. I could take way more pain than this. I had to stop being so weak. I needed to be strong, and prove to everyone that they couldn’t mess with me…I should be focusing on the gang, not out here by myself, sulking around.

But I couldn’t help it for some reason. At times like this, I missed my aunt and older brother. I missed my parents, even though I didn’t have any memories of them. I wondered how life would be if they were still alive. What kind of people had they been?

Tears welled up in my eyes. I wanted to go back to high school, to when life wasn’t so stressful, to when I could just be carefree and break the rules without there being many consequences. I missed being in the dance club at school with Kai. We’d won competitions together, and performed at school events. But since our families had both been poor, we got mixed up with the wrong crowd, and started stealing, gambling, and partying. I guessed it really changed us. That was how we met Exo, and became members of the gang.

My tears were falling down without stopping. I tried to get a hold of myself, but I couldn’t. If she wasn’t here by my side, how could I get through this life? The memories I had of her were tearing me apart now, suffocating me, drowning me. The other Exo members had told me to let go of her and move on with my life, but that was impossible. I couldn’t get away from my thoughts, couldn’t escape the loneliness I felt being without her. I couldn’t hear her voice. I couldn’t see her smile. I was going to go crazy.

 Was time an antidote? Or was it just a poison I was taking? Would this pain fade as the days passed by?

 “There you are,” a voice said. I glanced up to see who it was.

Luhan was standing there in front of me. He reached out his hand to me. “I was searching for you, Sehun. Don’t cry. Let’s go home, okay? Come on.”

Wordlessly, I took his hand, and we walked away from the bench. When we reached the apartment, as I started to follow Luhan inside, I paused to look up at the blue sky. The sun was shining brightly.

If the sun still rotated without the earth, I could still go on without reason, right?

It was just my late realization.