Yoochun taps his pencil thoughtfully against his chin as he runs through the notes he wrote on his music sheets. Biting the pencil in between his teeth, he began to play the notes again on the piano wincing as he released the pencil from between his lips then erased the entire bar he just played. Suddenly his celphone began ringing distracting him from the melody that’s been running through his head.

Rubbing his palm over his face, he decided to rip out the entire page he’s been working on and threw it on the garbage bin beside his piano. Picking up his phone from the desk beside him he couldn’t help but smile when he saw who was calling. “Junsu-yah!” He exclaimed as he answered.

“Chunnie!” Came the affable reply. “Are you busy?” Junsu asked.

“Not really, what’s up?” Yoochun asked as he stood to stretch.

“I was wondering if you had time to meet for coffee or lunch or drinks.” Junsu said.

Yoochun laughed. “You called just in time. I need to get out to clear my head. Why don’t we meet at Jaejoong hyung’s restaurant and have lunch?”

“Uh…” Junsu hesitated.

“Why, is there something wrong?” Yoochun asked sensing Junsu’s hesitation.

“Um… well, Jaejoongie hyung doesn’t like for me to go there during the day.” Junsu mumbled.

“Eh? Why?” Yoochun asked as he stood up totally abandoning the piece he was working on.

“It’s a long story hyung, one that would require a loooong lunch.” Junsu said with a sigh.

Yoochun smiled. “Well, as long as it’s on you then my time is all yours Su-ah. Tell me where we should meet and I’ll see you in 20?” He asked.

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Yoochun waved at Junsu who grinned at him from the door of the restaurant. Junsu was about to head over to him when he was waylaid by a couple of fangirls who asked for his autograph. Yoochun had to smile as the girls giggled while Junsu signed autographs for them and even posed for a couple of pictures. “Junsu, fighting!!” The girls said as Junsu smiled and waved at them before heading to Yoochun, his blonde hair gleaming under the restaurant’s ambient lighting.

“Look at you all popular.” Yoochun teased Junsu who laughed out loud.

“And how many autographs did you sign before I arrived?” Junsu asked with his eyebrow cocked.

It was Yoochun’s turn to laugh. “Five.” He admitted modestly.

“Yah, that’s more than mine!” Junsu said pouting mockingly.

Yoochun grinned as he leaned over to squeeze Junsu’s cheeks. “Yah, stop pouting or your face will freeze like that.”

Junsu rolled his eyes as he swatted Yoochun’s hands away. “Yeah like I’ll believe that now.” He said.

“You remember!” Yoochun chortled.

“Of course I do!” Junsu said animatedly. “You used to tell me that all the time when we were kids. How was I supposed to know that it wasn’t true, huh?”

Yoochun chuckled. “Well, you were always an easy going kid which is why pouting never suited you.” He said while reaching over to pinch his cheek again.

“The only reason why you never wanted me to pout was because I always got my way if I did.” Junsu said with a smirk.

Yoochun nodded. “True.” He said with a smile.

“So you admit it?” Junsu asked.

“Admit what?”

“That you just told me that so I wouldn’t have to pout because it meant I’d always get my way?” Junsu asked.

Yoochun grinned at Junsu and raised his eyebrows twice without saying anything. Junsu could only laugh as he rolled his eyes at the older man. “Ah, I can see that I’m sitting with greasy Yoochun.” He mumbled.

“Wha… Greasy what?” Yoochun asked, a look of surprise on his face.

“Greasy Yoochun. G-R-E-A-S-Y.” Junsu teased.

“Yah, I am not greasy. I can’t help it if I’m just naturally charming.” Yoochun said.

“Charming my !” Junsu said as the waiter came to take their orders. After giving them their orders, Junsu looked around and said, “Nice place, eh?”

Yoochun looked around and shrugged while noticing how many people were stealing looks at them. “I still would’ve have preferred eating over at Jaejoongie hyung’s.” He said.

“I know.” Junsu said softly as he nodded. Playing with the sugar cubes on the table he sighed then said, “It didn’t used to be a problem, us going out together in public, I mean. When he would come over to visit me from Japan, he’d take me out and we’d go to the amusement park or watch a movie or shopped. But when I started playing football and people started noticing me, he began to refuse being seen in public with me.”

“Why?” Yoochun asked as the waiter came with their drinks.

Junsu thanked the waiter and took a sip of his drink before answering, “I don’t know. I think maybe he was afraid that people would ask questions about who he was in my life. He said that it was just easier to have people know that Leeteuk hyung adopted me when I was five and that I grew up with him and Sora noona as my parents. I guess he was ashamed of the fact that he had to leave me or something.”

“But that’s preposterous! He didn’t leave you because he didn’t want you! He left because it was a good opportunity for him to learn and have a career. Besides, you yourself said that he always took you out whenever he was here and I can’t imagine you and him not being in contact while he was in Japan. Jaejoong hyung never abandoned you. Why would he think other people would see it that way then?” Yoochun said drinking half of his drink after his rant his face bearing the look of frustration.

Junsu smiled. Yoochun has always been defensive of his Jaejoong hyung. “I know that. But the truth is I think hyung has always been more afraid of something else which he never talks about.”

“Yeh?” Yoochun asked.

Junsu sighed. “I think he’s afraid of what people may think if they learn that I have a brother who’s gay.” He said.

“J-Junsu!” Yoochun sputtered.

Junsu looked at Yoochun inquiringly. “Why? Didn’t you think I’d know my hyung was gay?” He asked.

“B-But you were really young then. I mean, I don’t think I even thought about you knowing.” Yoochun said looking flustered.

Junsu smiled and shrugged. “I guess I didn’t really know immediately as it was happening. I mean, I remember seeing Yunho hyung kissing Jaejoongie hyung,”

“You saw that?” Yoochun asked flabbergasted.

“Saw them kissing? I was right there with you Chunnie. Of course I saw it. I even saw you kiss Jaejoongie hyung too.”

Yoochun’s jaw dropped. He was so shocked at Junsu’s revelations. “H-How... I mean... I didn’t see... W-What... It d-didn’t mean any... I mean...” Yoochun stammered.

Junsu had to giggle. “Oh stop it. It wasn’t a big deal. Besides, Yunho hyung came in and stopped you right?”

Yoochun blushed deeply. It was one of the most humiliating things in his life. “Yah, it was a big deal to me back then. I really was in love with Jaejoong hyung.” He said with a pout.

Junsu rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t matter Chunnie. You didn’t stand a chance against Yunho hyung. They only had eyes for each other back then.”

Yoochun shook his head, “Yunho hyung only has eyes for Jaejoongie hyung until now.” He muttered.

Junsu’s eyebrows shot up. “What did you say?” He asked.

Yoochun stopped. “Uh... N-Nothing. I was just wondering where our food is.” He motioned to waiter.

Junsu frowned. “I heard you say that Yunho hyung only has eyes for Jaejoongie hyung until now.” He said his eyebrow raising.

“W-Well... So what if he does?” Yoochun challenged.

“Aish... Are you telling me that Yunho hyung has never been in a relationship since then?” He asked.

Yoochun didn’t respond. He knew that he had no right to talk about Yunho hyung’s love life with Junsu. But maybe if he did then Junsu would pass on the information to Jaejoong hyung and then maybe just maybe the two still had a chance at something. They certainly deserved love after everything that’s happened. “Yes.” He replied curtly.

“Yes, what? Yes he’s never been in a relationship or yes he’s been in relationships?” Junsu clarified.

Yoochun sighed. “Look Junsu, when Jung men fall, they fall hard. Mostly we’re like emperor penguins, love is a once in a lifetime thing. Even when Jaejoong hyung was in Japan, Yunho hyung would go see him,” Yoochun said shocking Junsu. “Secretly of course.” He added while Junsu gaped at him.

“So, how could he not have contacted Jaejoong hyung all these years? I mean, 15 years Yoochun. If he really loved Jaejoong hyung, he could’ve I don’t know at least dropped him a note or something!” Junsu said.

“I don’t know what to tell you Junsie. I swear I did everything I could.” Yoochun said pleadingly.

Junsu sighed. “I guess you’re right. Every time Jaejoong hyung came to visit me I asked him why he never asked Leeteuk hyung about Yunho hyung too. He would just shrug and say, ‘He knows where to find me if he wants to talk to me.’”

Yoochun shook his head, “Dare I say we have idiots for our hyungs?”

Junsu shook his head and said, “You can say that again.” As he finished his drink.

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Jaejoong shifted nervously in his seat. The law firm’s receptionist ushered them into Siwon’s office and asked for him to wait there as he lawyer was running a bit late from another meeting. He smiled when Yoochun reached over for his hand and squeezed it. “Relax hyungie.” Yoochun said calmly.

Jaejoong took a deep breath and nodded. “I know, I just...” He said trailing off as Siwon entered his office with a file folder in hand.

“Siwon-ah!” Jaejoong said standing up.

“Ah, Jaejoong-shii, Yoochun-shii.” Siwon said acknowledging the two. “Please have a seat.” He said as he went around his desk and sat.

Opening the file folder and looking at the two he said, “So we got the court to agree.” He said with a smile.

Jaejoong whooped with glee as Yoochun looked at him happily. Turning to Siwon who was grinning as well, Yoochun asked, “So what now?” He asked.

“Well, Changmin’s files are still kept confidential however the court will now order a confidential intermediary to contact him. Then, it’s up to him whether he agrees to meet with you or not.”

“And if he doesn’t?” Jaejoong asked suddenly all serious.

Siwon leaned back on his chair as said, “Well then, that would have to be that.”

Yoochun looked at Jaejoong who nodded and said. “Well, we’ll just have to cross that bridge if we get there won’t we?” He said positively.

Yoochun smiled. “Well, we’ll just wait for your call then Siwon-shii.” Yoochun said standing up.

“W-Wait!” Jaejoong said. Reaching behind his neck, he unclasped his necklace and handed it to Siwon who received it and looked at him inquiringly. “Please tell her or him, the intermediary, tell them to give this to Changmin. He... He dropped this when I gave him my music box at the orphanage.” He said shakingly.

Yoochun reached over and squeezed Jaejoong’s shoulder. That box meant a lot his Jaejoong hyung and himself. It was the song that made him remember everything in his childhood. It was the song that taught him of love.

“I’ll be sure to pass this on Jaejoong-shii.” Siwon answered.

Jaejoong nodded as he stood up. Allowing Yoochun to guide him out of the office, they rode silently all the way back to the restaurant.

For a few days after that, Jaejoong was so distracted that he barely noticed the days passing. He tried to keep himself as busy as he could which is why he was so surprised when one day Junsu demanded that they watch a movie together.

“You’ve kept yourself so busy that you forgot we were supposed to have our dinner tonight. And since Mickey said that it didn’t look like you were in the mood to cook that I should just take out.” Junsu said.

Jaejoong sighed. He has been working himself to exhaustion. Maybe a movie wasn’t going to be that bad. He couldn’t help but smile as his younger brother practically skipped to the theatre with him in tow. Between them Junsu ordered so much junkfood that they still had leftovers when they left the theatre.

Junsu drove them back to the restaurant and parked right in front of the building. Jaejoong noticed that the restaurant seemed dark from the inside. “Is the power out?” He asked as he looked around only to notice that the other buildings didn’t seem to have the same problem. “I wonder if we blew a fuse.” He muttered with worry.

Junsu grinned as Jaejoong fumbled with his eyes. “Aish! Let me hyung.” He said impatiently.

Jaejoong raised his eyebrows at his brother but let him anyway. Patting the young man’s cheek, he entered the dark room after Junsu said, “After you hyungie.”

“SURPRISE!!!” Came the shouts as light flooded the tiny restaurant and the people who suddenly jumped from the shadows began singing happy birthday.

Junsu was jumping up and down excitedly and said, “Were you surprised hyungie? Were you surprised?” He asked as Yoochun came closer to them with a cake chock full of lit candles.

Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile happily at Yoochun after blowing out his candles then looked around the room and saw Mickey and all his restaurant staff clapping and cheering along with Leeteuk hyung and Sora noona with Siwon and some staff from the law firm. Jaejoong thanked everyone of them. Junsu then asked everyone to take a seat as the restaurant crew began serving food and drinks. Junsu and Yoochun took to the small stage someone set up on the corner and soon people were singing songs on the karaoke. Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile as he watched his friends have a good time. But then he noticed Mickey on the otherside or the room by his lonesome. Grabbing a drink, he walked over to his apprentice and sat beside him.

“You okay?” He asked.

Mickey smiled and nodded. “Uh yeah. Am just not good with parties and all that.” He said with a shrug.

“To each his own.” Jaejoong said as he tilted his glass and tapped it against Mickey’s who drank to it in return.

They sat there for a while without talking as Junsu and Yoochun took to the stage once again and began to sing a silly song while dancing along with the music. Jaejoong smiled and chuckled softly then said, “Silly boys.” As he turned to a very serious looking Mickey.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay? Wanna talk about it?” He asked softly.

Mickey looked up and gave Jaejoong a small smile. Shaking his head he said, “It’s not hyung. There’s just something on my mind. I don’t want to ruin the mood by talking about it.”

“You’re not going to ruin anything. I really don’t mind dongsaeng.” Jaejoong said. Mickey looked at him when Jae called him dongsaeng. “I’d like to know if you’re going through anything. I want to help. You’re part of my family now and being part of my family means helping each other out.” Jaejoong said earnestly.

Mickey didn’t say anything for a while as he considered Jaejoong’s words. Smiling again, Mickey reached over and took Jaejoong’s hand and squeezed it saying, “I appreciate that hyung. I really do.”

“Good. So, is it girl trouble?” Jaejoong asked as he wiggled his eyebrows at the younger man.

Mickey laughed as he looked out on to the revelry. Raising his eyebrow, he turned to Jaejoong and said, “Look at you all curious about other people’s love lives when you obviously don’t deal with yours.” He said snarkily.

“Wha...” Jaejoong looked at him in shock.

Mickey tipped his head and Jaejoong followed the motion only to see Yunho standing near the door with a huge bouquet of flowers obviously looking for him and looking quite uncertain.

“I... I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jaejoong said as he took his bottle and downed the drink in one gulp. Standing up unsteadily, he rushed to the back of the restaurant and made his way to the kitchen where he immediately ran to the freezer and opened it to cool his heated face.

As expected, he heard the kitchen door open and close with a muted thud. Slowly closing the freezer door, he took a couple of deep breaths before he faced a nervous looking Yunho.

“H-Happy birthday Jae.” Yunho said as he walked slowly towards Jaejoong and reached out to give him the flowers.

Jaejoong took the flowers and put them on the kitchen counter. “Thank you.” He replied coldly.

Sighing deeply, Yunho ran his fingers through his hair breathed out in sad frustration, “I know I may be too late, after all these years. But please Joongie, please know that I really am deeply sorry for leaving you. I don’t what I was thinking leaving you like that.” Yunho said looking at Jaejoong pleadingly.

Jaejoong crossed his arms over his chest and just looked at Yunho silently. “What were you thinking?” Jaejoong asked curtly.

Yunho sighed as he looked up at the ceiling and exhaled. “I thought... I just thought that maybe you’d be better off without me. That your life would be better off if you didn’t have me or my brothers weighing you down. You and Junsu were doing just fine before we came. But afterwards, after me, after us, what life could I offer you?”

“I never asked you for anything.” Jaejoong hissed.

Yunho nodded slowly. “I know... I know that. You were never the problem Jae.” Yunho said silently.

“Don’t Yunho. Don’t give me that lame excuse.” Jaejoong said slapping his hand on the kitchen counter his eyes flashing with anger. “You said you loved me. If you really loved me you would have never left me. We would’ve worked things through. You’re right, I was never the problem. The problem was you were a coward.” Jaejoong spat out.

Yunho winced but nonetheless agreed. “You’re right Jae. I was afraid. I was afraid that you’d regret being with me. I only caused you trouble and pain after I asked you to love me in return. I was afraid that you’d get tired of me and my brothers and you’d leave.”

“So you left me instead?” Jaejoong asked incredulously his voice raising.

“I... I left because I wanted you to live your life, the way that it could have been, the way that it is now. I’m not sorry for leaving you if it meant that you became what you needed to be. But I am sorry for hurting you because I left. I just wanted to you live Jae.” Yunho implored.

Jae shook his head, a sad smile gracing his lovely features. “I was living Yunho but I was a shell. I lived every single day for the past 15 years knowing that the man I love decided that I wasn’t worthy enough to fight for. I lived every single day for the past 15 years praying that you’d realize how big a mistake it was for leaving me and that you’d want me back. But you never did Yunho.” Jaejoong said as tears fell down his cheeks. “You never asked Leeteuk hyung where I was.” He added his voice hitching in his throat.

“That’s not true Jae.” Yunho said quietly. “I... I knew where you were. I even went to see you several times in that restaurant you worked at in Japan.” Yunho said as he slowly approached Jaejoong. “I don’t think I could have survived those 15 years without knowing how you were. I never asked Leeteuk hyung but I had my ways. I even went to every game Junsu played hoping to see you there. Jae, I never stopped loving you. I may have been stupid in how I went about things but I have never loved anyone else, only you, just you.” Yunho said as he stood closely to Jaejoong whose gaze was now on the floor.

Jae’s shoulder shook as silent tears dropped from his chin onto his chest. “I hated myself so much because even when I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand seeing you in pain because we lost...” But Yunho never to got to finish that sentence because the next thing he knew Jae pulled back and Yunho was sprawled on the floor clutching his right eye. “J-Jae?!?” He asked in surprise.

“You selfish prick!” Jae said as he held onto his fist which was quite red after the punch. “You knew where I was and not once did you talk to me? I was pining for you Yunho. I cried for you because I was scared that you were hurting and I wasn’t there to help you with the pain. I prayed for you because I didn’t know if you had anyone to take care of you if you were sick. I cooked for you on your birthday because I didn’t know if you had someone at least make you seaweed soup. You selfish, cowardly bastard, you knew where I was and not once did you think to ask me if I needed you because if I mourned for him then I was mourning for you too! I was scared, so scared to be alone Yunho. Did you even think that maybe I didn’t have anyone to take care of me when I was sick, that only once, just once for the past 15 years, I wished I had you to sing me happy birthday. But no, you weren’t even here earlier when everyone sung for me.” Jae cried as Yunho slowly stood up, hands raised.

Slowly, Yunho reached for Jaejoong and folded him in a hug. At first Jae struggled, pounding his fists against Yunho’s chest, but then Yunho tightened his arms around him and began to sway back and forth much like when Jae used to comfort a crying Changmin. Jaejoong continued to sob into Yunho’s chest effectively wetting his shirt. Yunho began to hush Jaejoong as his body still wracked with 15 years worth of painful sobbing. After a while, Jaejoong’s sobs subsided and all there was left was Yunho humming some random song into Jaejoong’s ear as they continued to sway in the kitchen floor.

“Please forgive me Jae. I never meant to hurt you.” Yunho whispered.

Jaejoong stiffened in his arms. Pulling back and extracting himself from Yunho’s arms Jae shook his head sadly once again and looked into Yunho’s eyes. Reaching out and lovingly Yunho’s eye where he punched him, Jae whispered, “But you did Yunho. You hurt me so much and I am scared that you would leave me again and I can’t live through that, not again.” He said as a fresh batch of tears fell from his eyes.

Yunho began to protest when Jae stopped him. “We had our chance.” Jae said as Yunho shook his head and tears fell from his own eyes. Jae looked at him sadly as he began to wipe the tears that fell down Yunho’s cheeks. “You were the only man I have ever loved Yunho and you will be the only man that I will want to ever love for the rest of my life. But if you leave me again, it’ll be the end of me and I can’t be selfish because Junsu loves me too and it will devastate him. I won’t do that to him Yunho. I already left my brother once because of you. I won’t do it to him twice. I’m so sorry Yunho.” He said. Stepping closer to Yunho, Jae reached up and pulled Yunho for a kiss with tears falling from both their eyes. And just like that, Jaejoong left Yunho in the kitchen and went up the stairs to his bedroom.

Yunho felt his knees buckled as he fell down the kitchen floor when he heard Jae’s door lock. For a short while he just sat there, tears flowing down his face. Slowly, he stood up and made his way out of the kitchen. When he opened the door, he noticed that only Mickey was left in the restaurant cleaning up. “Uh, where’d everybody go?” He asked as he wiped away his tears with the back of his hand.

“Yoochun sent everybody home when we heard your voices raise.” Mickey replied as he picked up a some empty beer bottles and threw them in a garbage bag.

“Oh.” Yunho said. Nodding his head, he took a quick survey of the restaurant and said, “Need help?” He asked.

Mickey just shrugged and the two worked silently, as they took out all the trash into the garbage bin behind the restaurant. Mickey said that he would wash the dishes later. But before Yunho could leave, Mickey disappeared into the kitchen and came back offering him a cold bottle of beer which the latter took gratefully. He also gave him a packet of cold beef and gestured toward his throbbing eye where Jaejoong punched him.

Yunho looked at the young man and said, “So why didn’t you leave when Yoochun told everyone too?”

Mickey looked at him levelly and said, “I didn’t know whether Jaejoong hyung would need my help or not.” He said unapologetically.

Yunho smiled. “Seems like you and Jaejoong are close.” He said.

“Jaejoong hyung said that I was part of his family. I take care of my own.” Mickey said with a shrug.

Yunho nodded and tilted his bottle so Mickey could tap it with his. “I respect that.” He said.

Mickey nodded knowing that he got the man’s respect. “Anyway, I can see that Jaejoong hyung can very well take care of himself.” He said as he poked at Yunho’s cheek which was starting to bruise.

Yunho winced. “That he can.” He said.

“Question is can he take care of his heart?” Mickey asked.

Yunho kept silent. “That’s what I’m trying to do.” He finally replied.

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A few days later, Jaejoong found himself in Siwon’s office with Yoochun. Siwon asked for them to come and see him immediately. “Any news on Changmin?” Jaejoong nervously asked.

Siwon looked through the file folder again and then looked Jaejoong in the eyes and nodded his head. “I’m sorry Jaejoong-shii, Yoochun-shii but Changmin has refused to be in contact with you.”

Jaejoong blinked back several times before he leaned back into his chair and nodded his head. “Okay. Okay, but, what do you think it means? I mean, did he say anything else?” Jaejoong asked.

Siwon nodded as he reached into his side drawer and pulled out an envelope. “There’s a note inside.” He said.

Siwon offered the note to Yoochun who took it but then hesitated. He looked to his Jaejoong hyung and said, “You open it hyungie.”

Jae nodded silently as he reached for the note inside. Opening it with trembling hands it contained a short message which said, “Thank you for looking for me but you don’t have to worry yourself over me anymore. Please have a good life.” And that was it. Jae felt his chest tighten as he thanked the deities for taking care of Changmin. Feeling something inside the envelope, he turned it and out fell the necklace with the key in it.

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okay you guys, first off i am so sorry for making you all wait so long for this chapter. the good news is, there's still one more! *cue fireworks... lol*

so i knew that this chap was going to be hella long so i decided to cut it and post the last chapter on the 14th of June (pending that no wars, deaths, end of the world catastrophies or debilitating illnesses come about... God forbid). i didn't intend for it to happen but June 14th will also be the 9th month to the day of when i first posted this story on asianfanfics (so it's totally my baby that i have given birth to... lol!!!).

i will post an author's note right after i post the last chapter and give some of my insights while i was writing this story (you totally don't have to read it if you don't want to but i guess i just want to share with you what it was like for me while i was writing this whole thing. also an epilogue which will be posted as a different story on asianfanfics will be written (it can be a standalone oneshot though so please look forward to that).

comments are <3 i am sick as i am writing and posting this by the way so if you can send me lots of love so i can make sure to write faster and be able to post that last chap that would be quite wonderful :)