To: Yixing

Still_a_Layxingwriter@gmail .com

Thanks for the obligation e-mail! Don't I feel special! Hey, I actually do. I know for a fact you're tired, overworked and stressed and still you have 2 minutes of time to waste on me. True love, man. True love.

My mom is doing better. Well, way better since the last time I probably mentioned it. I'm just happy she can do some things for herself now. With my dad and the nurse who comes by daily it's okay. And have I mentioned how much nicer my own bed is? I love being back in my own home... I can't believe I used to rage over my parents getting this apartment for me (and my still-non-existent family) because now I think it's heaven! At least, when my sister and her kids aren't over driving me nuts. You said you babysit? Can I get some tips in not accidentally (on purpose) killing little children?!

Tell Joon I say Hi back. How are... things?

Chanyeol

To: Chanyeol

Guitarman04@yahoo .com

How are things. How are things. Is it bad to say I don't even really know? I mean, things are fine? It's perfect really. Joon coming back coincided with my parents officially retiring and moving back to China for however long they want to be there. Me, I have my boyfriend back, just like old times. Dream come true.

Now I want to hit myself for even saying things like this. Do I sound snarky to you? I seriously don't mean that. I'm really happy he came back, and it feels like almost no time has passed. It's more than I ever hoped for just a few years ago. And yet... yet it feels almost a little too right? Does that make sense? I feel like I'm acting the part of the over-joyous boyfriend who waited years for his lover to come back. Look at me, such a prude, I never knew. But Chanyeol, I didn't plan on never dating during the time he was gone. It just happened. Meanwhile, he had a life, dated and broke up with Jongin, all while I sat here. I'm not even mad about that because we did technically break up before all of that. So to me that's not even the strangest part. The strangest part is... I feel different. Like I moved on while not moving anywhere, and Joon moved away and came back like nothing was different. 

This is getting so wordy. I think I should stop and send. Or else hit delete. No, because I sometimes feel like I have to get this off my chest, so maybe talking about it will make me feel better? What do you think?

Don't mope on my behalf though! I've started writing again. Something about a vaguely consistent lifestyle where I'm not happy and I'm not sad either makes me in the mood to write. Perhaps I'll let you read it someday.

Anyways! That was my spiel. Now it's your turn. Feel free to lay out all your sage wisdom and/or tell me I'm being dumb. I rely on you for that kind of thing! Now go go go!!

To: Yixing

Still_a_Layxingwriter@gmail .com

Go go? Okay I'm going. Bye!!

Just kidding. Like I'd ever go. What ever would you do without my wisdom and advice, huh? And now that I've said that, I better come up with something good, and quick!

Seriously, I don't think it's weird you're having those kinds of thoughts. It would be stranger, I think, if you didn't? And... that's the extent of my advice probably. Or maybe not. Hang on a second while I figure out what else I'm thinking here: Okay, I'm ready. Are you ready?

Yixing- You know that you don't have to be with Joon just because he came back? I know that was always the hopeful kind of plan you guys had together, without really speaking about it. But he did just suddenly decide to return, without talking to you about it, yes? For some reason I feel like you were still in the moving-on stage and you hadn't quite completed it when he came back? Now I like Joon (but not in that way!) and I think he's a superb guy. But people change. You can change. Even if you don't feel like it yet. So... concluding my epic advice: decide how much you really like the guy. Or if there's anything else you want to do differently.

Either way, I'll be here. Just a computer-click away!

To: Chanyeol

Guitarman04@yahoo .com

See, this is why you're the best. Sound advice AND you make me laugh. Can't you guys just switch and I'll date you instead!?

Warning: may be a tiny bit drunk. Not much though. I mean.. just a bit. Like, not drunk enough that I didn't just slur everything I typed and realized WOAH TYPOS! and then fixed them. 

Love you man.

I'll let you know how my soul-searching is going. But think about that offer huh??! Huh?!

To: Yixing

Still_a_Layxingwriter@gmail .com

Hey Yixing,

Glad you're going to think about stuff. I know I always joke about things, but some days you make me worry for you. I know, I mean things are technically okay. It's just such a weird stage for people like us. We're 30. Mid-life crisis is only 10 years away, blah blah, that sort of thing. I'm only repeating stuff my sister's said to me on occasion. Anyways, glad you know I'm here for you...

I just woke up. Saturday and I get the whole weekend off to do whatever I want. You should be grateful. I'm taking up the first hour of my morning by thinking about you. Haha. I hope these words end up making sense. I think I've reached the end of all my great advice. Now I'll probably just ramble along and never make sense again.

Do you ever think...

*pause, while Chanyeol walks away from the computer screen*

                                       *phone ringing*

                                       -

                                       -

                                       -

                                       Hello hello

                                       This is Yixing and you are Chanyeol. What's up!

*hesitant laughter*                                       

Hey... yep, this is Chanyeol. You got that right.                                       

                                       Well good. Proves I can still read incoming call names. So what's up.

Nothing! Just bored. I just woke up. How's your Friday night?                                        

                                       It's great! Totally great!

Are you out someplace right now?                                       

                                       Yep! Can't you hear it? Wow this music . 

It's pretty loud! I agree.                                       

                                       Yeah it is! I lost Joon. I can't even see him.

You're out with Joon?                                       

                                       Yep. I don't know why though. Neither one of us likes this sort of thing.

Then why are you there?                                       

                                       I don't know! Some friends invited us out. Double date sort of thing!

                                       -

                                       -

                                       Hey. Hey can you hear me?

                                       Wow It's loud in this place.

Yeah I can still hear you.                                       

                                       I think I'm gonna to find Joon and try to get out of this place. It .

Sounds like a plan...                                       

                                       What? What was that?

I said, that sounds like a pl-                                        

                                       Oh! I found him. Oh my God, he looks about as miserable as me.

                                       Okay, we're getting out of here asap. 

                                       See, this is why we're perfect together! Always the same thoughts hahahahaha

                                       -

Sounds like a good plan. Hey, call me tomorrow okay?                                       

                                       Sure! 

Do you ever think...

that maybe if the world was a little bit different. If I didn't live here and you didn't live there, and that perhaps if we met, that things might have been different? Here I go again, using the same word over and over again. But back to my point: Like instead of just talking about things forever and forever, about every little thing, that maybe we might be the kind of friends who do everything together? All day, all the time.

Instead of just saying what we're going to do today, or what we already did today... but do them together?

Joon's a lucky guy. Even if you probably take him for granted, or he takes you for granted, or whatever the hell messed up kind of relationship you guys are back in again. I hope you don't just continue on like this forever because you're afraid. I hope you do what you want and don't stay with him, only because maybe you're afraid of being alone. You're a great guy. Or at least, you sound like are. Not like I would truly know... But I bet if you went out there and looked around, tons of guys would see that too. And maybe you'll get the kind of life that you actually want and not the kind of life you think you deserve. Why the hell have you been waiting around all this time, anyways?! I mean, you should just leave the guy if he's not the one. It's not like you have a commitment to each other. Just... do what you want to do! And...

I'm sorry.

*e-mail deleted*

So there.

Five more years. Five more chapters, and then some. 

Rosie