Chapter Eighteen
Don't Say Goodbye, Not YetThe class i had been in ends and i start walking to the lunch room. I search for an empty table in the corner that i thankfully find and sit at. I didn't really want to be bothered by Kris or Tao today so i decided on sitting alone. I watch as they walk to the table we normally sit at, luckily not noticing me over here.
I turn my head so no one will notice me, and sink down in my chair a little bit. I watch as Chen also walks over and sit down with Kris and Tao. I watch their lips moving in conversation but i don't know what their saying.
They all look at me. my plan failed. Chen gets up and walks over to me, giving me a soft smile "Want some company?" I shrug "Not really but i guess its fine" I mutter as he sits across from me. "What were you guys talking about over there?" I point to where the other guys are while questioning. "Oh it was nothing" I shrug it off and blankly stare at the table.
Chen grabs my wrist thats laying on top of the table causing me to flinch majorly considering the fact he grabbed my right where i harmed. I quickly pull my arm out of Chen's grip as he gives me a confused look at my reaction. "Oh sorry it was just you scared me and i don't like people touching me" I take a look down at my arm thats covered by my jacket sleeves. I start tugging on them a little to hide the scars even more.
"Give me your arm" Chen then demands; i quickly shake my head "N-no i cant" He gives me a look "Just give me your arm" as i refuse once more Chen grabs my arm and begins to pull up my sleeve. I struggle to get my arm back but Chen refuses to let go and flips my wrist over. He sees all cuts and scars littering my arm. "Why'd you do this?" He gives me a shocked look then looks back down at my arm. "Too much in my life...please don't tell anyone. No one but you and Luhan know" He gives his head a slight nod eyes still scanning my arm. I slowly pull it away from him and tug my sleeve down covering the cuts once again so no one else would see.
"I wont tell anyone, but don't you think you might need help from someone? Like a therapist or something" I shake my head quickly. "No i cant! I don't need one! No one must know" He gives me an unapproved look and slowly shakes his head. "How many times have you been hospitalized cause of this?" I think back. I know its happened more than once. Has it happened...twice? Three times? Maybe four? i don't even know. "I'm not sure, like four? Five times maybe" I shrug and look down. Maybe i do need a therapist but i cant get one. "I'm not gonna force you to get one, but I'm just saying it'll be the smart thing to do " Chen stands and walks back to Kris and Tao leaving me alone once again. Like I've always been and exactly like i always will be.
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The bell rings signaling end of school, i slowly gather my things and walk out of the building and towards my car. I see Chen walking up to me, giving me a wave and a huge smile. "Hey you still up for coming over?" he questions as he reaches me. I honestly want to be alone right now but i guess hanging with Chen wont be that bad. "Yeah, as long as you don't try to murder me" I joke while forcing a smile. "Oh don't worry i only will kill you" Chen jokes back, causing a laugh from me. "Okay well you can just follow me to my house i guess. I'm just parked right over there so follow the red car." He points to a small red car and looks at me. I give Chen a nod as he walks over to his tiny car. I get into my own car myself and start it up turning on the radio. I follow Chen to his house and park behind him in the drive way.
I look at the outside of his house; two story, white coloured walls, and a brown roof, not too many windows and they have a beautiful front yard thats littered with bright green grass, beautiful flowers and a huge tree. I follow Chen to the dark green door as he unlocks it. I gaze around the house as i walk into it. There are pictures of what i suppose is his family in random spots all over the walls. Its neat and clean, i take a look up to the roof to see two ceiling fans hanging above. Chen and I walk up the brown wooden stairs and into to his room.
His walls don't have much on them, but their painted a dark blue with the bottom few inches black. "You have a really nice house" Chen sits on his bed and gestures for me to sit next to him. I take his offer and sit on the bed. "Its not that great just your normal small two story house" I roll my eyes. Yeah this is a normal house. "This house is too magnificent to be normal" I laugh at how girly i sound saying this and i decide to just shut up. "Okay stop fangirling over my house and lets do something" I smile at his comment. "Do something like what?" Chen stands up and reaches his hand out to help me up. "I don't know, what would you like to do?" I take his hand and he pulls me up off the bed. "Well i don't want to seem boring but do you want to do our homework for reading?" I seem like such a nerd asking this but i don't care. I need to bring my grade up at least little. "What was the homework?" I think back to class and remember that we had gotten a worksheet. "Oh yes it was that worksheet thingy that looked near impossible"
Chen walks out of his room and i follow him downstairs to where we dropped out bags. I pick up my bag and walk upstairs, throwing it on the bed as we get into the room. I the bag and search for my worksheet. "Jesus , i cant find the damn thing" I search more until i finally find it, pulling it out of my neatly organized bag. I take a look at the work. "What the even is this?" I question the practically impossible worksheet. "We have to answer read a passage answer all questions in complete sentences, give an example of it, and put where we got the answer! This ain't worth my time." Chen yells. I groan as i start reading the passage.
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", i give up there's no way in hel i can do this !" I yell, grabbing the paper and walking back over to my bag. "Yeah. No. I'm not finishing this" Chen replies, crumbling the paper and throwing it in the trash can. I hear the front door open as i place the paper in my bag.
"Oh my moms home, come meet her!" Chen says, grabbing my wrist and pulling me away from neatly putting my paper in my bag. He drags me downstairs and to his mom. "Who's this?" She questioned staring at me.
A strange boy wearing a hoodie and jeans in the middle of spring time. "What a great hello" He jokes to his mother with a smile. "No but this is my friend Minseok also known as Xiumin. He's the first person i met at school and we were just finishing up some homework." I bow to his mother, giving her a proper greeting "It's nice to meet you ma'am" She gives me a warm smile and looks me up and down. "Dear lord child, you are way too skinny! You need to eat!" She exclaimed noticing how tiny i was. Is it really that noticeable? "Stay for dinner i'll fix something up right away" I give her a nod and Chen drags me back upstairs and into his room.
We close the door behind us and sit on the bed. I continue putting my paper in my bag as Chen sits on the bed. "You know shes right, you are too skinny and you look really unhealthy. How are you even that tiny anyways?" I shrug as i put my bag on the ground. "I guess i just don't eat much" I look up at him and he's staring at me. "But you have to its not good for your health" I take a seat next to Chen and looks down at my hands "My health is fine, you don't have to worry" He rolls his eyes and sighs.
"You obviously don't seem to realize how much i care about you. I want to help you through this! Please don't shut me out;let me in. Let me help you!" I look down and he puts his hand on mine and lifts my chin up so I'm looking directly at him. "I'll help you through this" I slowly nod our faces only inches apart. Oh how i want to close the gap between us but i cant. I want to feel someones lips on mine. I want to feel like someone actually cares. I want to get over Luhan. But i don't think Chen thinks of me in that way. Suddenly I feel a pair of lips crash against mine, instantly pulling me out of my thoughts. I slowly kiss back not caring that it's Chen I'm kissing. He begins moving his lips up and down as i do the same. Chen glides his tongue across my bottom lip and i open my mouth allowing his tongue entrance.
I hear footsteps walking up the stairs and Chen and I pull away from each other so his mom won't walk in on us. She opens the door and sticks her head in, looking at us who are sitting closer than we should be. "Dinners ready come eat boys" She walks away leaving the door open for us. We get up and follow her downstairs, getting our food and sitting down at the table. I'm not sure what it is were eating but it smells good. I take a bite and the flavour melts in my mouth. "This taste amazing" I tell Chen's mom. She gives me a smile "Why thank you" I've never tasted anything this good before. "So Minseok" she directs her attention towards me "What do your parents do?"
"Oh um, my mom kind of left us a few years back and my dads in and out of jobs" only a partial lie. I mean my mom did leave us but my dads currently an unemployed drunk. He's had jobs in the past, its just he can never hold a job for long periods of time.
Chen's mother gives me a nod "Well sorry about your mother" I give her a slight nod. I don't really mind she's gone. She's better off living without my abusive father.
"So what have you boys been up too up there" Chen and i immediately look at each other knowing what the other is thinking. 'What do we say' We look away and Chen finally answers "We were just hanging out, you know talking and stuff" after we finish eating i thank Chen's mom for the food. "Well i should go now, my dad will want me home" I walk upstairs and grab my bag. Wait put your number in my phone i'll message you later" I grab Chen's phone from his hands and insert my number into it. Walking downstairs and opening the front door
"Bye Chen, see you tomorrow; thanks for inviting me over" I walk out of the house and into my car. I drive home and my mind starts to wander about Chen. Do i possible like him? Is this just because i'm broken from what happened with Luhan? I pull into my driveway and walk in my house. I sigh to see my dad intoxicated once again and passed out on the couch like he is every night by this time. I let out a sigh at my fathers patheticness and walk to my room.
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket i sit on my bed and pull it out. I expect it to be something from Chen but its not. Its from a number i know too well i and slowly read the message to myself.
'I know you hate me, and will not care about whats going to be happening soon. But before I go, I just wanted to let you know that i love you so much, i always have, and i always will. No matter how much you hate me that will never stop my love for you. This is going to be my end, without you there is no me and i cant stand living a life without you. I cant live anymore I'm just sick of breathing. I'm giving up, this is my end. Just whatever you do please don't cry, instead think of all our happy times. All the happy moments we spent together let those overpower your sad thoughts. Just don't be upset because I'm in a better place now. Don't try to save me or stop me I'm where i belong. Please whatever you do don't harm yourself, don't kill yourself i want you to live a long successful life. So please don't harm yourself ever again because i love you and care about you too much to just let you do that to yourself. I will soon fly away to where i belong. I will love you till the end. Goodbye Minseok...'
Tears spring into my eyes immediately; i let all my tears fall and pour down my face. I cant believe I'm loosing him because of my own damn selfishness and because i couldn't just forgive him, and because of me I'm going to loose the one i care about most once again. For real this time.
This is all my fault. I cant let him do it. I wont let him do it. I love him too much to just let him kill himself and leave me.
((Author's note))
Ooh plot twist!!
Also sort of cliff hanger i guess you could call it that idk.
Don't worry guys the stories almost over so you don't have to deal with me much longer. There's two chapters left.
Hope you like them!!
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