Chapter Seventeen
Don't Say Goodbye, Not YetI slam the bathroom door shut and quickly stomp away anger rising in me with every step. I cannot believe he would do that! How could he sit there and kiss Sehun when he has a boyfriend!? What am i, a ing toy to him? Am i just a joke to him?
I have no idea how to feel.
Hurt?
Angry?
I walk out of the cafeteria and towards the front entrance making my way out of the school. I feel tears spring into my eyes as i get outside, where no one can see me. I don't have enough time to stop them and they pour down my cheek. I pick up my speed to a run, tears that wont stop streaming my face. My vision begins to blurr as i run so i wipe my eyes to stop the tears and begin running home once again.
After minutes of running i finally make it to my house that i walk into and make my way upstairs, closing and locking my door behind me. I fall instantly on to the floor, my legs giving out on me. I lay on the ground beginning to sob harder than ever before.
With hands that are shaking like crazy i pull open my drawer next to my bed and grab my blade. Instantly pulling my sleeve up, i begin slicing my arm open, cutting as deep as i can. I add many scars and reopen some old ones. I then grab some pills and swallow a handful but before i can get more everything goes black and i can feel my life slipping from me.
~Luhan's POV~
"Get the off me!" I yell pushing Sehun away from me as he tries to kiss me again. I storm out of the bathroom anger rising in me like mad. I hate him so much. I cant believe he just did that. Why would he kiss me!? I look at the table and see that Xiumin isn't there which is quite unusual. As i reach the table i ask the guys "Wheres Xiumin?"
They all give me a shrug "He said he was going to see what was happening with you and Sehun, then he just stormed out. He said it seemed suspicious that Sehun wanted to talk to you considering he hates you so much" Chen replies to me.
Oh ! This isn't good!
I walk out of the school and out to my car. I drive to Xiumin's house as fast as i can not caring about stopping or the speed limit. As i reach his house in one piece, i run out of my car and to the front door. I pull the door open quickly; its unlocked which honestly isn't very surprising considering Xiumin's father never locks it. I run up the stairs and into Xiumin's room to see him laying on the floor, eyes closed and an arm covered in blood.
I look around him to see pills covering the floor and the bottle at the side of him. I also see a bloody blade on the floor that's now stained with Xiumin's blood that wont stop leaking out of his wrist.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, and dial 911 as fast as possible, tears streaming down my face like mad. The operator picks up after a few seconds of ringing "Hello 911, how may we service you?" The lady at the other end of the line speaks so calmly "M-my boyf-friend he's d-dying i-i need an amb-bulance quickly" I stutter out between waves of sobs. "Okay someone will be there as soon as possible" The lady spoke calmly to my gross sobbing. Probably because she deals with stuff like this everyday.
As the call ends i lying on Xiumin's stomach sobbing like crazy.
"You can't leave, no not yet.
You're too young to live this way.
I know it's tough, but please don't give up.
This is not, what it is only baby scars. I need your love like a boy needs his mothers side.
I won't give up on you. These scars won't tear us apart. So don't give up on me
Fight the pain, it feels like forever is crashing down on me
Darlin you'll be okay"
I speak to him as waves of sobs continue coming. I cant seem to stop crying right now, just the thought of my Baozi dying kills me inside. This is probably my fault. No it IS my fault. But it was also Sehun's i would suppose cause he kissed me. I didn't kiss back!
I swear I'm going to kill him after this.
I hear the sirens of an ambulance coming closer till i hear it blaring outside the house. Next thing i know people are barging into the house and running upstairs to get Xiumin.
I follow them down the stairs and outside. "Would you like to ride with him?" a lady questions as she holds the door open. I slowly nod my head and i climb into the ambulance. She gives me a warm smile as i pull Xiumin's hand into mine and hold it the whole ride.
~Xiumins POV~
I feel myself awaken but i don't open my eyes as i normally would. I feel a warm hand clasped to mine and i resist the urge to hold it back. Its Luhan's hand I'm feeling. Did he call the ambulance on me? Why would he do this to me? He was kissing Sehun, why is he even here with me?
I open my eyes instantly and Luhan looks over at me and gives me a soft smile. I pull my hand out of his and back away a little "G-get away from me" I watch Luhan's expression change from happy to confused as he sits completely still. "Did you not hear me i said get away from me! Get out of here!" I yell at him but he still doesn't move. "Why are you mad at me!?" I give him a look of annoyance as he stares at me in pure confusion. "You should now what you did" I feel a tear threaten to fall as i think about what happened but i quickly blink it away. "If this is about Sehun i didn't kiss him, he kissed me and i pushed him away! Believe me when i say this i love you and only you! I would never want to be with anyone other than you!"
I feel myself holding back more tears that are begging to come out. "Yea well don't love you! Not after what you did! I couldn't love anyone who did that to me. You should have let me die so then you could be with only Sehun and didn't have to worry about me!" Luhan gives me a look and i can tell my sudden outburst hurt him inside.
I pull myself out of the hospital bed and walk towards the window that i open the window and jump out of. I was on the first floor so sadly no damage was done to me. I run away from the hospital and don't stop running till i get to my house. By the time i get to my room i couldn't hold the tears back any longer.
After a few minutes I feel my phone go off in my pocket, i pull it out to see a message from Luhan.
'Please forgive me, this isn't my fault he kissed me. I love you too much to hurt you like that. Don't leave me i need you. Without you there is no me'
I roll my eyes locking my phone and throwing it across the room. I wipe the tears from my eyes and walk downstairs to see my dad passed out on the couch faced drunk as he is every night by this time. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and walk back up to my bedroom. I sit in my bed and shove my earphones in my ear blasting music as loud as it can go.
"Through every bone I break,
Through every word you say,
You're just another enemy.
Right now, get away from me.
You won't, get the best of me.
I can't, stop or slow down,
I never have and I never will.
I never will
You won't break me
Or silence this heartbeat,
Your words-they mean nothing.
I will break free
From the walls that surround me,
I'm sick of this feeling, I will break free from you.
You're just a cloud of smoke,
Another empty soul,
You're just a snake in my way.
You're just a could of smoke,
Another empty soul,
I see it in your face.
You're just a snake in my way.
Right now, get away from me.
You won't, get the best of me.
I can't, stop or slow down, I never have and I never will.
I never will
You won't break me
Or silence this heartbeat,
Your words-they mean nothing.
I will break free
From walls that surround me,
I'm sick of this feeling.
You won't break me,
I will break free.
You won't break me,
I will break free from you.
You won't hold me.
Right now, you won't and I can't.
You won't hold me down,
You won't break me.
(Get away from me,
Get the best of me.)
You won't hold me down.
You won't break me
Or silence this heartbeat,
Your words-they mean nothing.
I will break free
From walls that surround me,
I'm sick of this feeling
You won't break me,
I will break free.
You won't break me."
I lay down on my bed as music blasts in my ears trying to fall asleep; which i can't really seem to do, so instead i lay here, eyes closed, headphones in and music blaring. Around midnight or so i finally fall asleep which is something i need right now. Sleep.
——————
I open my eyes, grabbing and unlocking my phone. I squint at the brightness as i turn my alarm off. While groaning and rolling out of bed, i walk out of my room and into the bathroom. I take look in the mirror and absolutely hate what i see. I have a disgusting hair, face, body a disgusting everything. I clench my fist and begin raising so i can break the mirror and end the painful reflection that stares back at me but i hear a sound coming from downstairs. I walk downstairs and take a look around to see it was my intoxicated father causing a ruckus.
I shake my head at his pitifulness and make my way back upstairs, grabbing a towel and going into the bathroom. I turn shower on, but don't wait for it to warm up. I undress slowly and lazily getting into the freezing cold shower, letting it rinse over my body. I take a look down and notice my both my arms that are covered in cuts that will eventually scar over and fade but they'll never completely go away. I slowly wash my hair, taking as much time as possible before getting out of the shower.
While getting dressed I put on a navy blue shirt, black skinny jeans and my black hoodie. I fix my hair and brush my teeth before grabbing my phone and heading downstairs. I walk outside and to my car making my way to school not caring that I'll be about twenty minutes late considering my extremely long shower. After about ten minutes i make it to school and walk into my first period math class. I look around the classroom to see Luhan thankfully isn't here. "Minseok why are you late?" Mr. Syke questions angrily as i walk in the class. "Woke up late" I mutter as i take my seat in the back corner.
I look down at the work we're supposed to be doing realizing i have no idea what the hell this is even about. I used to be such a great student; straight A's, always did my work, studied for and passed test, and i was always the 'class nerd'. But then it all changed when i got into high school. I was majorly bullied, my thoughts were always directed towards self hate, bullies, and bad things, i stopped paying attention in class, stopped studying, instead spent countless nights debating/attempting suicide, my grades started dropping majorly, i tried bringing them up but eventually gave up and stopped trying.
I stare blankly at the worksheet as my mind begins to wander about who knows what. The bell rings and i gather my stuff, making my way to my locker, i shove my bag in there and grab my notebook and pen for reading. With my head down, i walk towards class, ignoring any rude comments from the random people in the halls. As i make it to class i take a seat next to Chen who looks over to me and gives me with the goofy smile of his. "Hey whats wrong?" he frowns as I shake my head slightly "Nothing" I look up and give him the best fake smile i can manage but he doesn't seem to buy it.
I watch him give me a look of pure disbelief "Don't lie to me Xiumin! I know somethings eating you up inside, and I'd like to know what it is. Please tell me" I sigh and sink down in my seat "Its just the whole Luhan thing yesterday. I walked into the bathroom and he was kissing Sehun. I'm not sure what happened after that because i left. Luhan keeps saying he pushed him away and didn't kiss him back but thats not what it looked like."
I turn my head down; just thinking about yesterday make me sad and also angers me at the same time. Why would he do this? He said he loved me so why? It just doesn't seem right. Did he ever really love me? Chen pulls me out of my thoughts "Wait are you and Luhan..." he pauses and his face shows he's sad about something. "dating?"
My eyes get huge and i feel my face getting hot as I'm quick to reply. "Uh, erm, no" He looks at me in disbelief "Thats a lie, you are!" I sink lower in my seat "Please don't tell anyone!" The bells quickly rings after that signaling beginning of class. We quiet down as Mrs. Rein gives us a worksheet to do; i begin doing my work for once when Chen passes me a note
'Don't worry i wont tell anyone ;) as long as you promise not to tell anyone something about me- C'
I read his note and write back
'Thanks, i promise i wont tell what is it?-X'
I slip the note onto his desk and continue working until he gives me the small folded paper again.
'I'm um, well i don't know how to put this but I'm gay-C'
As i read this i feel shock rush over me; wow i actually wouldn't imagine of all people Chen being gay. He just doesn't strike me as a gay but i guess that seems silly considering anyone could be gay. It's something you just choose. You're just born gay.
'I wont tell anyone. But what can i do to even get over this?-X'
I frown thinking about Luhan again. It hurts. Thinking of him hurts too much, i really need to stop. No matter how mad i am at him i cant stop thinking of him and it just seems impossible to get over him.
'I know its hard but you'll manage to get through this. I'm always here for you don't worry it'll be okay. One day.-C'
I feel a small smile spread across my face at the thought of having Chen here to help me.
Throughout the class Chen and i pass notes back and forth talking about random things. After a while of abandoning my work the bell finally rings and Chen and I walk to our lockers. "Hey you wanna come over later to my place later? I don't think its such a good idea to leave you alone" Chen asks as the both of us make it to my locker. "Sure I'll message my dad after school and tell him. I don't need to come home late and get..." i stop talking mid sentence and practically glue my mouth shut. "You'll get what?" Chen asks confusion spreading across his face. "Nothing" i quickly lie and walk away as fast as i can.
I'm walking so quickly that i don't realize Taehyung standing in front of me so i accidentally run into him. He then slams me into the locker right next to him, his hand wrapping around my throat, but not choking me. "Where's your backup today " He asks grabbing hold my shirt "He's not here today it doesn't matter" I guess i also hadn't realized Chen had been following me as well because he walks up and punches Taehyung across his face as he did when we first met.
"Not you again! You ing !" Taehyung yells in response to what Chen had done, while stumbling away, letting go of me. Taehyung looks really pissed right now and we all know thats never good. He storms over and grabs Chen by the shirt, pushing him into a set of lockers with one hand and punches him with the other. Chen doesn't seem phased by what Taehyung had done at all. He stands there completely emotionless.
"You think you're going to bring me down by abusing me!? Wow, that's low! But guess what, your not! Your words don't phase me at all, and neither do your physical abuse. You're just an that needs to learn that bullying is not okay and will not fix anything. You're just making this world a ty place. Also i hope you realize ignorant ers like you is why our suicide rate is so high lately" Chen pushes Taehyung off him and walks away me following him close behind.
((Authors Note))
Why do i even do this every chapter i highly doubt any of you even read them lol.
But who cares!!
Well anyways here's the chapter hope you enjoyed reading.
Okay honestly when i put "Chen pushes Taehyung off him and walks away" i was really tempted to change 'walks away' to
'struts away'
Cause i feel that would be perfect. Chen just strutting away like the sassy gay fairy princess he is.
Haha what even??
Idek this is what happens when i don't sleep.
No seriously i never fell asleep. And i don't feel tired at all. Idk if thats bad or not but whatever
Okay well I'll shut up now and go
Hope you're enjoying!!!
Comments