I sit on the bathroom floor, my blade in my hand; it’s a little after nine so Luhan should be asleep by now. I feel a tear roll down my face; I can’t get over what Taehyung had been saying me today. I’m just so sick of the constant bullying and I can’t take it anymore, I’m just so done with life at this moment.

I push the blade into my skin as I begin slicing it open.

One for being worthless

One for no one caring

One for being ugly

One for hating myself

And all the rest because I deserve them; I take a look down at my arm that is now covered in blood and the crimson red colouring.

There’s just something about all the blood that I seem to like, it makes me feel alive, reassures me I’m not dead yet which even if I was dead I wouldn’t care. It also relieves all the pain and hatred I feel but just don’t express. Sometimes I just need to know if I can still even feel pain and feel the stinging yet relieving sensation of pulling the blade across my skin. I fell in love with the silver I use to paint in a crimson red.

‘I draw with silver and it comes out red’ 

None of my cuts I had done are deep; there’s just a lot so their bleeding a lot. I count as many as I could and as many that were visible and at the moment I count about twenty but I know there’s more. They now cover my right arm that used to be empty; but I ran out of place on my left forearm so I had nowhere else to go, well except maybe the top of my arm but it seems a bit complicated to do that and I don’t have the energy to do all the extra work for cleaning those considering they’d be harder to wash off.

I sit on the ground letting all the cuts bleed and bleed, there’s no stopping them at this point. I also have no desires to stop the bleeding so I sit here and watch the blood pour out of the cuts and drip onto the floor and onto my jeans. I’ll let them bleed, even if I die from blood loss I refuse to stop the bleeding. It’s not like anyone would care if I had died anyways.

I hear a knock on the door which startles me but I don’t move “Xiumin are you okay?” I hear Luhan yell from behind the door. His voices causes tear to fill my eyes; why did I do this to myself? I did have someone who cared about me. It was Luhan. He cared so much about me, how could I not have realized that earlier? He made me feel so special earlier today, like I had actually mattered and I repay him by slicing my wrist open because I was too dumb to realize how much he did care.

The door swings open and I watch as Luhan’s eyes automatically move towards my wrist that oozes blood. “I’m so sorry” I say a tear rolling down my face. Luhan leans down and takes the blade from me before rolling the sleeve to his left arm up revealing many scars all old but most definitely still there. Since when does he harm though and why didn’t he ever tell me he harmed?

He pulls the blade to his own wrist, slowly slicing it open as I had done to mine. “No, stop why are you doing this!?” I yell as tears begin streaming down my face; through blurred vision I watch as Luhan begins crying as he slices another cut into his arm instantly causing the blood to pour out. “Because this is what you’re doing to me! Every time you pull the blade across your own skin it tears me up inside it hurts me! It hurts to know you don’t come to me for help! I’m your boyfriend you should come to me for these things. I always feel it’s my fault for not being there when you need me most!” I watch as Luhan then pulls the blade across his skin faster and looks down not stopping but continuing to cut his own arm up.

He’s adding so many so fast I loose count after he makes about twenty; after a few more seconds Luhan drops the blade and I watch as the blood drips from off his arm and to the floor. He then collapses and I pull him over next to me and sit him up wrapping my arms around him comforting him the best I can at the moment. I grab his arm looking at it to see a few of cuts seem to be really deep and he’s losing too much blood. Out of nowhere but as suspected Luhan goes unconscious, my arms still wrapped around him.

I unwrap my arms from him, dragging him over to the shower that I turn on and quickly rinse off all of the scars. I rinse off mine as well considering its all dried blood now and I hadn’t lost enough to go unconscious or die. But my Lu-ge on the other hand is losing enough and I need to stop the bleeding and keep him here. I search through the cabinets and too my luck I find a bandage to wrap around Luhan’s arm to hopefully stop the bleeding. I tightly wrap the bandage on his arm and lean him against the wall. What am I supposed to do with him though, I mean I can’t just leave him unconscious on the bathroom floor.

I stand picking Lu up with me and carry him out of the bathroom, and into his bedroom. I place him on his bed and look down at him for a moment. He makes a slight movement which I’m glad about because it shows me he has regained some consciousness and will be just fine.

I turn and begin to walk out of the bedroom when I hear a bunch of muffled words, I turn around and walk over taking a seat next to the bed and next to Luhan’s face. “What was that” I question pressing my face against the mattress “Don’t leave, stay with me” he mumbles and moves over in his bed slightly. “Are you sure you want me to?” He slowly nods his head in response; I shrug slightly and stand up, crawling into the bed with him. I lay next to him, placing my arms around his tiny frame and pulling him closer towards me trying my best to comfort him. He snuggles in closer to me and places his head right under my chin so I place my head on top of his. Just like this the both of us fall asleep, my arms s around the boy I care most about.

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I wake up to feel Luhan’s arms now wrapped around me are still around him and we hold each other now. I slowly open my eyes and blink a few times regaining my eye sight little by little; I watch as Luhan’s eyes flutter open and stare into mine. “Good morning” he says with a smile that I return to him. He unwraps his arms from me, sitting up and stretching them out as if they were wings and he was about to soar “What time is it?” he asks while in the middle of a yawn; I take a look at the clock on the table next to the bed reading the time and looking back over at Luhan. “Just a little after seven” a surprised look covers his face “Is it really that late!? We need to get dressed and get to school!” I watch as Luhan frantically starts moving around and getting out of the bed while I on the other hand sit u[ calmly.

“You know you’re the laziest nerd I’ve ever met” I say laughing a little “How ‘bout we just skip today?” I grab hold of his right wrist the one that is not covered in cuts and open skin. “I’m fine with that, but do you really want to miss a day?” I shrug “I don’t mind, I mean I’ll be here with you and away from Taehyung so that’ll be nice” I watch as Lu takes a seat back on the bed. “Okay, well if were staying then I’m going back to sleep; and I say you should stay with me.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me down with him so we lay on the bed and once again fall asleep.

((Author’s note))

Pretty short update so sorry ‘bout that but I think the next one is pretty short as well. I didn’t want to just continue on with the last chapter because I had rewritten and added all the stuff at the end in and I had really liked this chapter originally so I decided to keep with it and such. I also wasn’t up for adding to this chapter I did pretty much go into full detail with the whole cutting thing so I guess I should say I’m sorry about that.

Well I hope you’re enjoying my story and I hope that you continue to enjoy it. And oh my god on Wednesday I’ll be pretty much half way through the story!!! Considering I have 21 chapters in all and I might combine the last two creating only twenty chapters. Or not. I don’t leave you off with a lot of cliff hangers so I might just do that. I know I’m evil but that’s just a thought I may or may not do it.

Hey look I'm actually updating during the day instead of at like 10 pm or later