Luhan’s POV

I was awoken from my slumber to the feeling of a tongue on my face. It’s a slobbery gross tongue that belongs to my friends’ dog that I have to watch till later tonight. “Siren go away it’s too damn early for this” I push the dog off my bed and he starts to bark at me with his high pitched somewhat howling bark. I pick up my phone from my bedside table and click the lock button to check the time. “Its nine a.m. go wake up mom or something” He barks at me and I remember that my mom’s out on a business trip. I groan slowly rolling out of my bed and walking to the front door of my apartment. I put Siren on his leash and walk him downstairs and outside letting him use the bathroom.

I walk back upstairs and into my apartment letting Siren off his leash allowing him freedom from being choked. I throw the leash on the floor next to the door and walk into my room throwing myself onto my bed. I pick up my phone and check it for any messages, there were none but I need to message Xiumin to make sure he’s still alive after what had happened last night.

~The night before~

I feel my phone begin to vibrate in my pocket which is telling me I have a new text message that I choose to ignore because right now I’m in the process of making some pasta to eat. I finish cooking them and get myself a bowl taking it to the small living room of my apartment and sitting on my couch. I unlock my phone to see I’ve received a message from Xiumin. I pull the message up to see he’s also sent a picture. I stare at the picture in shock, mouth gaping open and eyes huge from what I see. I can’t seem to do anything put stare at the surprising photo I see.  

The picture is of his arm it covered in blood, and scars. Under the picture I see a full sentence written from Xiumin.

‘I’m so sorry I ed up again my arms now dripping in blood because I can’t ing control myself and don’t know when the hell to stop.’ I’m quick to respond to his message even though I received it about eight minutes ago.

‘What happened, why did you do this!? Are you okay?’ For a while I wait for a response from Xiumin and I find that I had forgotten about my food but at this time I have no intentions on eating anymore. I was too panicked and worried about Xiumin to be able to eat. I need to know if he’s okay or not even though considering what he’s done he’s obviously not okay but I still need to know if he’s fine now. After what felt like forever he finally responded which I’m relieved he did but still worried about him.

‘No, I’m not okay my life is horrible, I’m abused and bullied all the time at school and the thing is it doesn’t stop when I go home. I’ll get home and get abused by my own father and he doesn’t even give a that he’s hurting his own son. He doesn’t even ing care about me at all, he hates me so much and I have no idea as to why. I don’t know how much more of this I can take no one cares about me, no one wants me, I’m hated by everyone and I’m just about ready to give up with life.’

I feel horrible that he feels this way and I can’t stand to see him like this he’s my best friend and I can’t let him hurt himself. The two of us talk for a while me convincing him not to go and that he needs to be here.

Me: Please don’t give up because I care about you…a lot and I need you here. You’re my best friend I don’t know what I’d do without my best friend.

Xiumin: But I don’t belong here at all I just need to be set free, please don’t try to stop me I don’t need to be here any longer

Me: Please don’t say that. You do belong here and you can’t just end it all. It’s just the demons making you believe this don’t listen to them their just in your head don’t let them kill the amazing person you are. Don’t lose hope in yourself you have so much ahead of you and you can’t just give up. You’ve held on till May

Xiumin: I’ve held on till May…and I don’t want to hold on any longer. I have no future ahead of me. My life is and always will be. No matter what you say all I want to do is say goodbye and just leave all this behind me. I want to get out of here as soon as possible. I’m worthless and depressing as no one wants to be friends with a horrific beast like me.

Me: I’m here and I want to be your friend. There’s no way I could just leave you and let you give up. Don’t let the world bring you down there’s always hope for the willing. You’re not alone in this war I’ll always be here for you and I’ll help you get through this. You’ll win this battle and defeat these demons. Just please don’t go. I know it’s tough but please don’t give up don’t speak that way ‘cause I won’t allow you you’re too young to live this way.

Xiumin: I’m sorry I just feel suicide is the only way out and I want to so badly

Me: Please don’t go…

I type this message tears beginning to fill my eyes. I can’t stand the fact he feels like this and wants to give up so badly. It hurts to know he’s in this much pain and there’s not really much I can do about it. I want to stop him from it but I don’t even know if I can. All I can do is try I will try my hardest to stop him from doing this. I’ll stop him from leaving me. Many messages later of me trying to get him to stay he says.

‘I’m getting tired so I’m gonna go to bed now, night.’

Me: Okay goodnight…please whatever you do don’t kill yourself…for my sake

Just like that our conversation was over and I had just realized how tired I actually was. I walk into my bedroom putting my phone on charge and setting it on the table I keep next to my bed. I change out of my jeans and into sweat pants before getting in bed and closing my eyes so I can sleep.

Xiumin’s POV

I sit on my bed after saying goodnight to Luhan holding a gun in my hand. I slowly move the gun around getting a good feel of it before putting my hand on the trigger and pulling the gun up to my head. I take a deep breath and almost pull the trigger but I don’t instead I drop the gun. It falls to the bed then bounces off and onto the floor. I can’t seem to do it, but why? I seemed so fine with it earlier why have I suddenly changed my mind about it? Is it because of Luhan?

I don’t want him to be in pain because of something I did. I care about him way too much to do something like that to him. He’s such an amazing person and I just can’t hurt him like that he’d be devastated and probably won’t ever forgive me if I did that.

I find myself thinking back to things we’ve done together. There are so many memories of us; I’ve known this boy for so long we practically grew up together. I feel myself smiling at the thought of Luhan he doesn’t know this but I’ve seemed to have liked him for a while now. I understand he’s not a homoual and would never want me in that sort of way but I can’t help but to feel of him like that. I often find myself pondering my own uality because of Luhan and how much I like him. I often wonder do I want to be something more than friends. Then I realize how silly I seem because he doesn’t want me like that. Were just best friends and I can’t ruin our relationship because of this.

I can’t hurt Luhan like that so I feel the gun slip from my hands and to the ground. I shouldn’t give up because if I did I would hurt Luhan more than I’d ever want to. I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to brake him. The demons and everyone else may want me gone but as long as I have Luhan here for me I shouldn’t let them make me give up.

I pick the gun up setting it in the drawer of the table next to my bed; I always keep it hidden here so no one will find it and get suspicious. My dad doesn’t even know I own it and I’m not going to let him find out because he’d probably take it and kill me with it.

I lay in bed and close my eyes and sleep for the first time in three days.

~Present time~

Luhan’s POV

I unlock my phone and immediately go to my messages so I can message Xiumin

‘Hey, you okay?’

It’s been an hour and I still haven’t gotten a response so at this time I’m starting to get a little worried but I take a deep breath he may still be asleep. I hope he is at least. Some time passes I feel my phone begin vibrating on the arm of the couch next to me. I immediately reach over, picking it up and unlocking it reading the message I’d just received.

‘Yea I’m fine, still not the best but don’t worry I’ll be fine’

I’m so glad he’s still alive but I can’t help but to feel upset cause he still feels this way. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way…you wanna come over?’ I respond to him in hopes he’ll say yes. Human interaction should be better for him so it’s worth a shot at asking. I receive the message he sends almost immediately and smile as I read it.

‘Yea that’d be nice. I need some time away from here anyways. I’ll be over in about an hour I just woke up so I need to shower and get some things.’

I set my phone back on the arm of the chair as I stand up and walk towards the bathroom. I turn the shower on letting it run and warm up a bit before stripping and getting in it. I look down at my legs and hips which are both covered in scars both old and new. I don’t seem like the person to cut but I do and I’m not 100% sure why. Although I do have some sort of reasoning behind doing it myself. My mom’s never home and I just feel she doesn’t care about me at all so I cut to ease the pain.

I started a few years ago and after that it became an addiction, I had started on my arms but soon moved to my hips and thighs cause those were easiest to hide and also my arms had both been entirely covered. Although I did stop doing it as often but I still have scars all over and I still do cut just not every day like I used to. I want to help Xiumin stop cutting before it becomes an addiction like mine was. It was my only way out and it was the only thing I could do. I sometimes did it just to see if I could still feel pain and to see if I was even alive anymore. I just felt so dead I needed something to make me feel alive so I turned to cutting. 

I finish off my shower and dry off before walking into my room, towel draped around my waist. I pull on a pair of black skinny jeans and my favourite blue hoodie. I walk back into the bathroom hanging my towel, brushing my teeth and fixing my hair making it look neat. I hear my phone start to go off like crazy which scares the out of me. I jump as it begins to vibrate non-stop signaling I’m getting a call I grab my phone and check the caller I.D. Why’s my mom calling me?

“You called?” I question answering the phone putting it on speaker. “Yea, sorry my business trip has been extended so I won’t be home for a while longer” ing great of course it was extended I mean she doesn’t even seem to care that I’m just here alone. Her only son that she barely even knows because she’s always working.

I roll my eyes “Okay, bye” I say before hanging up. I finish fixing my hair and walk over to the couch throwing my phone on it and throwing myself on to it as well. I hear my phone go off a little and I grab it reading the message I’d just received from Xiumin.

‘Just left I’ll be over in about 10 minutes’

I lock my phone without responding and set it down accidentally closing my eyes and falling asleep while waiting for Xiumin to arrive.

 ((AUTHOR’S NOTE))

How do you guys feel about this so far? Is it good or no? I’ve already finished this story but I’m slightly rewriting it changing some small things here and there. I’ll update the story whenever i can

Okay but this is just the first chapter so it’s kind of just an introduction. Also in this part of the story they are only best friends until later in the story.  Don’t worry it’ll get better and more interesting throughout the story.

Also I've added a few quotes from bands in here so some of you may understand them some of you may not and if you don't then thats perfectly fine.

HOPE YOU ENJOY MY STORY!

Also comment what you think of it cause I’d really like to know how you feel about it all