Seoul Lonely

The phone rings once more and Luhan’s not sure if he should pick up. The ringtone continues to play, the same EXO song he loved, still loves, and he remembers the memories with s. It’s not as though he can let it all go. Things are still different, they aren’t the same, but he coughs and stares at his phone.

“So is this goodbye then?”

It’s a question he didn’t have the answer for months ago. It was a question that he wanted to avoid. He heard the rifts in her trembling voice. It was quiet and almost inaudible. But he heard it all the same. It wasn’t as though he wanted it to end like this, he didn’t want any of this to end.

“I guess it is.”

And she never answered. She only smiled, looked behind her, and smiled again.

“If only I was a little more like you.”

It was the last words he heard from her before she felt someone else’s presence and someone else smile at her subtly. Luhan never missed anything about Yoona other than that incoherent smile attached onto her lips that lonely Seoul night.

He stares at the phone, he watches as the phone vibrates and moves as he continues to stare. The melody gets stuck in his head and he wants to reach for it. But there are other things to answer to and other emotions to tend to. It becomes a little more than what he’s used to.

(Yoona returns his call from three nights ago. Luhan stops caring and Yoona only groans in frustration. They were never close, but he doesn’t even return her calls.)

       _✳　✳　_✳ 

　                   　 Hors D’oeuvres　✳
　 　 　　        ✳　^✳　✳　_✳　✳

Luhan likes late night calls and snow. He can’t stand flying in the air and he likes the taste of soju at two in the morning. Yoona plays with the nail polish that one of her members loans her. She paints the white polish wondering if Luhan ever thinks about her, or if she’s just wasting her breath on a boy who loved her. It’s an accident. It’s not supposed to end like this.

“Seung Gi, do you wanna go out for some chicken later?” she asks when he throws himself next to her, helping her paint her other hand. And he laughs, she smiles, and there’s something special about him that she can’t shake off. His smile leaves her breathless and his laughs are always soft on the ears.

“Sure babe,” he replies softly, blowing on her finger nails for them to dry. And they smile, she takes her wet hands and leaves a trail of white on his left cheek. There’s laughter and the world seems a little louder than usual. The world seems smaller. She blames it on Seung Gi and being a complete dork, but he only laughs the comment away and sings another laugh for her ears.

(Luhan likes lipstick and high heels. There’s something special about Luhan, but she can’t remember what it is anymore because he forgot to tell her his name when they met.)

“Hello?”

There’s breathing on the other line and a stumble of words, almost crashing.

“Han, you need to be careful. Are you okay?”

It’s his name, it isn’t his stage name or being called ‘older brother’ like it is back in Korea. It is only Yoona who picks up his call when it’s late and when he should really be sleeping. But he can’t sleep anymore and he blames it on the pills.

“I miss you so much.”

Yoona only replies with the same. He feels his heart burst and Yoona promises to meet him sooner than later.

       _✳　✳　_✳ 

　                   　 Hors D’oeuvres　✳
　 　 　　        ✳　^✳　✳　_✳　✳

Luhan confesses his love for Yoona before he leaves. And he knows that it’s an idiotic move because she doesn’t love him the same way he does. And she only stares in shock, her eyes wide with fear and confusion. It isn’t right. It isn’t right and they barely spoke before this. He only knows about her through the observations. He only chats with her when she approaches with questions and comments.

It’s strictly a senior and junior relationship. She forgets from time to time that he is technically older, but she points out her seniority every time and laughs when he drops the honorifics. He remembers how her laugh still leaves a place in the middle of his heart. He knows how her eyes crinkle when she smiles and how she claps her hands together when things are completely funny.

He thinks he could be a better boyfriend than Lee Seung Gi, but then she reminds him that there’s more to life than stealing a label that doesn’t really matter. And he remembers that on days when he misses her the most. When the rain doesn’t stop beating against the cement. On days when he feels the burdens the heaviest, he can still hear Yoona’s encouraging words and soft spoken advice. Her eyes that light up in delight when she converses with him. There’s something about her that keeps him ticking. And on days that hurt, he feels her music playing. (It’ll be okay, Han. It’ll be okay, Han.) He smiles, takes his phone out once more and dials a number he knows by heart.

“Hey Han.”

“Hey Yoona.”

It’s a simple conversation. They talk about future projects and company problems. Yoona talks about rumors and Luhan talks about the casting for his new movie. It’s simple, he thinks. Some days he wants to watch them in person. He wants to see how looks when she laughs and he misses the color of her hair. He’s not sure what her hairstyle is like nowadays and he’s not sure if he likes being alone in his family home. It feels warm and kind, but there are some things that China doesn’t have.

It would be cliché to say that it doesn’t have Yoona, but Yoona is in love with someone else and he’s content with the fact that there’s only one Yoona. Because if there was another Yoona, he’d feel the same heartbreak he takes with him day in and day out.

“Take care of your health, okay?” Yoona states and he smiles. Her voice is still soft and silky. He thinks that she might like him more than he thought. And he whispers a goodbye. (But it’s not as though he ever wants to, he just has to.)

       _✳　✳　_✳ 

　                   　 Hors D’oeuvres　✳
　 　 　　        ✳　^✳　✳　_✳　✳

“What’s it like in China?” Yoona asks on the phone, twirling a lock of her hair as he tries to explain. Luhan’s voice in Korean was always accented with insecurities and words that don’t really make sense. She kindly reminds him of other words, correcting him from time to time. He may have been in Korea for years, but the language is still foreign to him. He laughs at his silly mistakes. (It’s something she loves.)

“It’s home to me.”

Home, Korea was never his home. He was somewhere else and she didn’t know what to say to words such as though. She thinks about the members, thinks about Jessica leaving and sometimes she thinks about her real family. Is this place even home?

“It must be nice.”

There’s a hum from his line. She stands outside of the practice room and even at times like these, she has to wonder if she wasted her life behind facades and masks. The public wants a perfect image. The cameras become scary at times like these.

“I guess.”

Their conversation hits a stalemate. Trainees bow as they pass by. She waits for someone else pick her up and she hears his breathing calm and kind. He doesn’t seem as broken compared to when he was in the company. There’s a quick greeting from someone once more and she hears Luhan think of something, anything to say.

“I miss everything though.”

Yoona bites her lips. She’s not sure how to reply to things like this. She only remembers what it feels like to miss Jessica during lunches. She could reply with the uninterested words of they miss him too, but she doesn’t keep up to date with the ten boys. (Taeyeon doesn’t bring Baekhyun home anymore either. But they escape the car dates.) This is business, becoming attached to a co-worker was a no good. It breaks people.

“Your health comes first. You being okay is more important than an idol career.”

And he knows what she means by those words. He knows what she means, what she really means and he only sighs. He swallows his loneliness.

“You should come over sometime.”

“We’ll have to see.”

He smiles.

“I miss you.”

And Yoona knows he means those words.

“I miss you too.”

Luhan believes the same.

       _✳　✳　_✳ 

　                   　 Hors D’oeuvres　✳
　 　 　　        ✳　^✳　✳　_✳　✳

He stares at the figure in the store. He checks on the time. And there’s something so serene about the girl who looks through books and looks at clothes. It seems unreal that she stands there so prettily without much thought. It’s a pretty thing to believe. She’s a goddess right there, his breathing becomes hitched and he’s not sure if he should enter or not.

It’s almost too early to do something like this. Almost too insane to do something like this. He enters the store, covers her eyes and leaves his scent on her body. She turns away from the books and smiles at the man in front of her. Even behind caps and face masks, she looks the same. He looks the same.

He looks healthier, happier and smiles with some kind of familiarity. He is still the male with the accent in Korean, the one who had a fear of heights. He stares and she stares. They’re older now. They’re all a little older now. It takes them too long to meet even if he thinks it’s too early. He looks older.

“Hey Han,” she says without a skip of a beat. Her Korean still sounds perfect to him and she has that smile that makes his heart beat like crazy in the past. He takes her hand and squeezes it hard. He likes the sound of his name against her lips. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you,” she continues, looking through the Chinese books.

“I couldn’t stay away for long,” he whispers. Yoona laughs at his attempt of a joke. He takes one of the books from her grasps and smiles. He thinks she’s beautiful in this light. He thinks she steals his heart again with that one look. Things are different now. “Let’s get some coffee,” he replies. They’re both twenty-eight. They both have their own lives. And yet, he never forgets about her.

He doesn’t forget that her smile reminds him of butterflies. Or how he’d steal all the butterflies from his stomach and give them back to her. He doesn’t forget that their conversations are the things that keep him going throughout the night or that even with Seung Gi, she is still as radiant as sunsets for misery that never ends.

“So when’s the wedding?” Luhan asks when he gets a chance to catch his breath in the coffee shop. Yoona laughs and shakes her head. Seung Gi and she were only a thing for so little time. “What?” he asks playfully, punching her shoulder.

“We broke up a while ago. Actually, just before I came here. He’s the sweetest, but we knew this was dragging out too long,” she replied, her eyes getting a little foggy. “But, he’s doing well and he seems happier which is what matters.” Yoona takes a drink out of her latte and turns to Luhan.

“What about you?”

He can feel the butterflies finally fluttering out the cage. He knows he can say things without worrying about another man standing in the way. This is what missing someone does, it causes an addiction, a string of I miss you’s and a lack of physical presence.

“I’m just happy you’re here.”

“It’s not so lonely now, huh?”

It never really is with her. 

Author's Note: 

Sooo, I do hope you enjoy the story. Sorry it took so long, I finally got a phone and then I forgot I was actually part of the shop and didn't even know I had requests. My fault. Haha, I wish I could have done better with this request, but I'm really bad when it comes to two factors: EXO and Yoona in a romantic sense, and idol settings. 

And you specifically wrote that down so I was like, shoot. But you said WHAT THEY REALLY ARE. And I was like, well, Luhan is in China and Yoona has a boyfriend... so, we'll incoporate that. And then jump three years later because that's when her contract expires, right? And I hope it makes sense, a lot of it is really one phone call after the other. You have awkward getting to the phone call stage, then the actual phone call stage and then meeting. 

But I'm rambling and this is really long. Omg. Okay. I really hoped you like it. 

FOR FUTURE REFERENCES: PLEASE DO NOT REQUEST ME FOR EXOYOONG SETTINGS. I CAN'T WRITE THEM ROMANTICALLY. IF YOU WANT ROMANCE WITH THESE COUPLES. IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN WITH ME. THEY'RE LIKE TODDLERS IN KPOP.