December 24, 2013.

Christmas Eve.

Only a few more hours before Christmas.

Only a few more hours before she'd turn a year older.

I checked the clock as I twisted my body sideways, my heart feeling an undercurrent of unease all of a sudden for no reason.

As if something bad's gonna happen. Stop fretting like this. It'll make you get more chances of messing up.

What I need is self-encouragement and not self-discouragement.

You can do this. For Yoo InHyeong. And most of all, for Kim MinSeok.

I pulled the nightstand drawer open and took out the box I had secretly kept there for a few days now.

Letting my fingers first ghost over the frames of the structure that held something I must present, I felt myself fret again.

What if she'd reject it?

What if she'd reject me?

Will she leave?

Will I be better if she does?

If this fails . . .

. . . Will it be the end of everything then?

My mind drifted off, the coward inside me once again reared out its ugly head.

Fear is one's biggest enemy.

If it was Xiumin ruling over right now, he'd only laugh and scoff at this cliché thought.

But right now, that's the problem.

Because instead of letting him take over, I'm ruling him out.

To bring back the part of me – Kim MinSeok – that I lost.

I was zoning out when the sound of her knocking pattern infiltrated my ears.

Alarmed, I hastily tossed away the box that I had held in my hands, making it land on top of the nightstand, afraid that she might open the door to peek in and check whether I am awake or not.

However, when I was preparing myself to act asleep, her voice finally broke the silence.

“Xiumin-nim, if you're awake now, I'd like to excuse myself for today since I need to attend to a certain matter. If you'd want breakfast, I left it on the table, ready for you to eat. I'll go now.”

To be honest, a part of me felt upset, that she didn't check on me, unlike how she used to slip in back when I had nightmares.

But the relived part of me won out.

It was very evident how hurried her tone was so I didn't wanna bother her and stayed silent myself.

When I heard the sound of her footsteps rushing down the stairs, I've concluded then to myself.

It could wait.

I'll just have to tell her everything later.

I placated myself for awhile and stood up, heading over the window where I could see the view of the front part of the house.

When my eyes spotted the familiar head of black hair and snow white skin sprinting out of the house and bounding out of the fence, not forgetful and just cautious enough to lock the gate before leaving.

However, when her frame vanished into the cab and went to wherever she has to, I can't help but feel nervous all of a sudden.

As if something bad is about to happen.

I shook it away and rolled back on the bed.

For no good reason, I was suddenly more nervous about what I would be doing today.

I was just about to laze around again when my phone buzzed alive from underneath the pillows.