I eyed the clock after ignoring her announcement, hearing her footsteps fade away until its sound vanished after I heard the shutting of a door.

You idiot. Kim MinSeok, why do you have to come and ruin me now when I just don't need you?

I was beyond frustrated, beyond angry, beyond confused.

Avoiding her at all costs and acting as if I was completely oblivious to everything is starting to take its toll on me.

After spending the past three weeks without any gesture nor any enthusiasm towards her, I felt wrong in many senses, in various aspects.

It was as if the test I had intended to throw on her ended up backfiring and attacking me instead.

You're way over your head now, Kim MinSeok. Just because you see someone who wouldn't pick Xiumin over you, you're getting a lot more courage nowadays – faster heartbeats and hesitant thoughts – they'll only make the situation worse.

I thought back to the many times, every single time that I had been pretending not to be conscious even when I actually am.

And recently, I have been really worrisome regarding the internal battle going on between Xiumin and MinSeok.

In the beginning, I might've betted fully on Xiumin, confident that in the end, he'd be victorious against the weak, frail and naive MinSeok who was foolish enough with his idealism.

However, things just took a total twist and turn in the past three weeks.

All because of one main reason – that confusing and frustrating woman whom I thought I already decoded pretty well ended up to have so much more layers than I have assumed to have uncovered – that Snow Queen named Yoo InHyeong.

I hated this.

Because deep down, I knew what this way.

I had dissected the situation.

I found out the answer to the big question myself.

However, it wasn't the result that Xiumin would be very pleased with.

I rolled sideways on the bed, recalling the first time I had discovered that the dreams which held the power to as remedy to the preceding nightmares that come and haunt me repeatedly.

It was a cold Saturday night on that very day, the temperature dropping lower than the usual and a storm was reported to pass by the area so people were advised to stay indoors.

Even with the thunder rumbling loudly and the lightning flashing brightly from outside the windows of my room.

I frowned, my eyes were closed and yet I could clearly tell what was going on. I just couldn't find any way for me to sleep.

This is so annoying! Getting nightmares, ignoring people and being unable to tell a dream from reality. This is really the stuff I hate! I wanna sleep! I wanna sleep without having to be afraid of getting those nightmares again!

Reaching for the nightstand beside the bed, I grabbed my phone and played the first song that was on the list. It was one of the most recent songs we've promoted as a group for – Christmas Day.

Deciding that I wasn't too fond of listening to any song that reminded me of work, I pressed the shuffle button and waited for the next song to come.

As soon as the first line broke out in my ears, I felt a bitter smile come upon my lips.

How ironic. The more I tried to avoid her, avoid having thoughts of her, avoid dreaming of her staying by my side and easing my nightmares away, random things like these come up to remind me of her, huh?

* In the place we were together,
in the moments that I started to resemble you
I was so happy just by walking in the rain with you
But you're not here, you're not here
How can I live as I erase you?
In the times we walked together
In the places where the memories
and lingering attachments were made
I'm standing there because I miss you so much