Your P.O.V.

Everyday I woke up and remembered my mom.

I always go to her room.

And find it empty.

Even she've been  gone for a bit of a long time.

I still cant forget about what happened.

I still blame myself for everything.

My father is right.

I was taking care of Taemin when he was sick.

But I didnt even took care or look out for my mom that time.

I was having fun with Taemin.

But I didnt even bring my mom to some other places where she can also have some fun.

I was waiting for Taemin.

While my mom is dying.

I sometimes wanted to blame Taemin for everything.

I dont go to school anymore.

Because I dont want to see him and s.

I dont go to work anymore.

 Because I dont have the strength to  face other people anymore.

I lost my future.

How can I live now?

My life is so miserable, can even this get worse?

I admit and I know to myself.

I still love Taemin, even if I knew about the bet.

I still care for him.

I will always here stories about him and Sulli on radios and televisions.

And it hurts so much.

I was listening to the radio while lying down on my bed.

 then this song was played that really described what I feel right now.

Love Pain

Uh, uh, uh
My love is pain
Uh, uh, uh
Everybody know it hurts

I throw away a page filled with our memories
And I make a promise again that I’ll erase you today
I can’t do it, it’s like a habit, I can’t do it like I thought I could
I can’t live, I can’t live, my heart is filled with love pain
Since there are memories left in thoughtful places
I’m searching for you again, you, you, love pain

*I can’t even erase you
I can’t even throw you away
I endure another day again
I’m trapped inside of you
My heart is just tired, no, no, no
Why is a day without you so hard?
I can’t live, I can’t live
My heart is filled with love pain
My unspeakable, indispensable
Overflowing love pain

You fill my room completely with your scent
I want to know you
Now you make me unable to do anything
I hold back my tears

Like fixing a bad habit from when you were young
Erasing you would be like swallowing poisonous medicine
I supress more memories as much as the tears I’ve cried

The unbreakable love of my life 

It cause tears to drop on my cheeks.

It was my habit going to a bar.

And drinking hard liquor.

Well, I dont know if it really help me relieve the pain and forget.

But atleast I can rid of Taemin from my mind even for a short time.

As everyone knows Sulli taught me this.

And im thankful to her.

I go out of our house.

And walk to Seoul Ddongdam Bar.

(dat doesnt exist. xD)

Usual I drink more than 5 bottles of beer.

After few hours.

I decided to walk out of the noisy place.

I go to the park where me and Taemin should meet the time my mother died.

The same park where Taemin saw me crying under a tree.

I remembered he brought me to their dorm.

And before I left he hugged me and said.

"If you need someone to talk to, I promise to be always here!"

I cant deny it I MISS HIM!!

tears fall down from my eyes.

When would this tears stop from falling?

I WANT TO SEE HIM!

I saw a familiar figure in my front.

"Taemin?"

I dont know if I was really seeing him.

Or is it just because I was drunk.

But he replied.

"Maecy stop this!"

he said.

That voice that ive been looking out for me to hear.

I look up directly in his face.

My heart aches.

"Why do you always drink?  When did you learned how to drink? Do you know it hurts seeing you like this?"

he said with tears.

I still have anger in my heart.

I stood up bringing madness, I have a mix emotions.

I want to see him, I still love him, but I still have this anger on me.

"You are asking me why? ITS BECAUSE OF YOU! when? WHEN YOU BETRAYED ME! and really it hurts? *fake laugh* you're so good in acting LEE TAEMIN you can be THE BEST ACTOR OF THE YEAR HUH?! if it hurts you, IT HURTS ME MORE! TWICE THE PAIN YOU GOT THERE IN YOURSELF!

~~~

WE'RE NEARING THE END OF MY STORY!!