“HAH!” I heard Jinyoung-hyung let out a loud sigh “Finally we’ve arrived, it feels like forever! My shoulder aches. Aish!” he said as he rubbed his left shoulder with his right hand.

“HALBAE! HALBAE!” Gongchan and Baro shouted “Halbae, let us help you..” Gongchan and Baro clenched his arms around Jinyoung-hyung which irritated Jinyoung.

“YAH! my shoulder aches because CNU slept on it.” He said then pushed our two dongsaengs aside. Baro and Gongchan rubbed their eyes acting like their crying then sobbed.

“Bad halbae!” the two shouted. Jinyoung-hyung walked away not minding about the two..

“Let’s go we still have to get our baggages.” CNU-hyung said laughing at the two.  “Sandeul” he said when he saw me. “something wrong?”

“Aniya” I said as I wave my hands and took my backpack. Deep inside I really missed my hometown, when I left I promised myself to never come back until I fulfil my dream of becoming a singer. Now I’m here, hoping that when I go back to Seoul I will be able to continue my life as it used to be.

***

When we arrived at our house.. I scanned the whole place and nothing really changed around after I left two years ago. The playground where I used to play, the beach was still as lovely as it was, you can hear the birds chirping and the sound of the wave as they hit the shore.. the air smells like the ocean.

“Hyung! Your house is really big! And there’s a playground over there.” Gongnchan exclaimed “Can I go play there later?”

“No.” said Jinyoung-hyung and gave Gongchan a death glare

“Wae” Gongchan protested

“Because I said so.” Jinyoung-hyung replied.

“Nae.” I said to Gongchan as I nod my head. Everyone laughed when Gongchan stuck out his tongue to Jinyoung-hyung and said “Mehrong!”

 I waited for a few seconds before I rang the door bell and when I did I was really nervous. I don’t know how my Eomma will react if she sees me. Few moments later we heard the door creek as it opens for us.. there I saw my noona.

“Noona!” my noona wasn’t able to recognise me at first but when I went to her and gave her a hug she immediately snapped back and knew it was me “Deullie!!” she said as she spread her arms to give me a welcoming hug.

“You’ve grown so much!” she said as she pinched my cheeks. “who are these guys?” she said and I saw her winked at CNU, little did she know CNU-hyung was already taken.  “before you introduce them to me.. come inside first” she said as she opened the gate wider.

“Woooow!” Baro and Gongchan exclaimed as they entered our house while CNU-hyung and Jinyoung –hyung remained quiet and observant. I lead them to the receiving room and my Noona called for the maids to give us something to eat.

“Why didn’t you tell us you’re coming?” my noona said in delight

“We didn’t have time. We’re not going to stay for too long.. ” I replied “and by the way, they are my band mates” I said then started to introduce each of them “Jinyoung-hyung, he’s the leader” Jinyoung-hyung nodded and gave my noona a smile “CNU-hyung.. he takes care of us.” He also nodded “Baro, is our rapper” Baro gave her a salute and then bowed “and then our Maknae Gongchan.. please be aware that his cuteness is very contagious.” I said then laughed when Gongchan gave me a death glare.

“I wish I could have all of you as my dongsaeng!” My noona said as she clasped her hands together “you’re all too adorable, except for Sandeul!”

“Yah!” I shouted

“Just kidding” she said then laughed “Eomma and Appa is not here.. they’ll be back in the afternoon. And I have to go to work.”

“it’s fine.. we’ll be having our fan signing later.. so we’re not going to stay here..” I said, then I turned to my friends “hey guys you want to camp out at the beach later?”

“THAT”S GREAT!” our dongsaengs shouted in excitement “we can also have a bonfire!”

That afternoon after our fan signing, we took the tents that I asked the maids to prepare before we left earlier that day. Gongchan and Baro went to the far side of the beach to find some old logs for the bonfire while Jinyoung-hyung, CNU-hyung and I built the tents where we will sleep tonight. After building our tents I went to the beach and took a stroll. The water was cold on my bare feet as the beach sands caress my toes gently. I saw Gongchan and Baro running like kids towards the tents carrying tree branches with their two arms. Then I realised that they were right I lost the Sandeul that they knew, I lost the light that I had before, I lost myself and I really don’t know how to get it back. Seems like everything took its toll and there’s nothing I can do to make things right again.

As I walked along the shore I saw something sparkling covered by a thin layer of sand. I walked towards it to pick it up.. I knelt on my knees and took the little round shiny object that is as big as a dime. “what is this?” I asked myself, I examined the object before I rubbed it on my shirt to dry it up. “I guess it’ll be fine if I keep it” I said and put the round object on my pocket then started to walk back to where my friends are.

“listen up, I’ve got a good story to tell.” CNU-hyung said as we all sat around the bonfire that our dongsaeng made, as usual CNU-hyung is going to start the night again with his amusing stories. “they said underneath the beautiful, dark waters of Busan there was a magical pearl.. as some locals believed.. only a person who has the purest heart can obtain it. They said that once you had it, it can give you the greatest desire of your heart.” He said as he stared at all of us.

“That’s stupid. How can you possibly have it when it’s under the sea?” Jinyoung-hyung said. “you’re making up shizz, our dongsaengs might believe you” Jinyoung-hyung continued as Gongchan and Baro was staring at CNU-hyung with amazement and awe.

“Yah! I’m not making up stories.. I don’t know how a person can have that pearl but they said only the rightful and deserving person can have it.” CNU-hyung said “Plus, there’s nothing wrong if we believe in it.”

I just sat there and watched them as I felt for my pocket to see if I still have the pearl-like object. I smiled a bit as I felt the rounded shape object still poking on my pocket, so I guess I still have it. What if the legend is true.. should I take my chances, I thought as I stare blankly on the sand. “How can that pearl know the deepest desire of your heart?” I asked CNU-hyung.

“dude, I have no idea..” CNU-hyung replied as he widened his eyes on me “It’s a magical object, maybe it just magically finds out. I mean who knows.. it’s a legend.”

I just shrugged my shoulders and said “who knows...” 

****

3 days after arriving at Busan, we are now heading back to Seoul.  After we spent the whole night at the beach, I kept the pearl-like object with me and I guess it has now become my lucky charm. I was really intrigued about this pearl-like thing, but I don’t think there’s something special about it, like the pearl in CNU-hyungs stories. When we arrived at the airport, we were just in time for our departure. I sat on the window side and Gongchan was sitting beside me.

I was holding the pearl between my thumb and my index finger, examining every bit of it.. I was deep in thought when someone poked my cheeks “Hyung, when do you plan on visiting Cha-gi noona?” Gongchan asked with his unsure tone.

“oh, about that.. I don’t really know where she was buried. No one mentioned it to me..” I said as I forced a smile, still holding the pearl with my hand.

“I think you must go first to Jae-hyo hyung..” Gongchan said as he looked at the thing I was holding “What’s that?” he asked.

“this?” I said as I raised my hand looking at the shiny object “I got this when I was walking along the beach the other day.”

“Can I touch it?” he said as he reached for my hand.

“Aniyo..” I replied “you’re too clumsy, you might break it..” I said just trying to .

“Aish!” Gongchan replied in frustration as he curled him arms in front of his chest.

***

I started to laugh and then turned my head at the window. There’s something about this pearl-like thing, it’s like telling me not to lose it.. when we arrived at the Incheon Airport, everyone took their own baggage’s and alighted off the plane. Outside the airport, I saw Jun Hee, my driver,  waiting for me..

“Annyeong, Sandeul-ssi!” he said as he saluted and took my bags from me.

I hopped inside my car and told Jun Hee “Let’s go to Jae-Hyo hyungs house”

“Nae.” He replied as he started the car

When we got to Jae-hyo Hyungs house, I stayed for a minute inside the car while I scan his whole backyard. I lifted my head up and looked at the window at the farthest right of his house,  it reminded me of Cha-gi.. every corner of it reminded me of her. I remember her reaction when she saw me at her balcony, she was holding her gun while pointing it at me. She looked really shocked but still pretty. I remember her looking so annoyed to see me, but all I felt that morning was content.. her room smells like her, her bed, and her life-size shimshimtaro.  I shook my head as I heard Jun Hee asking me if I was planning to go down or just stay at the car.

“You can go home, now. I’ll just walk back.” I ordered Jun Hee.

I hesitantly rang the doorbell, but before I could press it again Jae-hyo Hyung went  out  of his house and greeted me in his most lively way “Sandeullie!!” he went to me and gave me a manly hug. “come inside.” He said.

“If it’s fine for you.” I said shyly as I scratched my head.

“Why not? ” he said as he placed his arms around my shoulders “It’s been a long time isn’t it?” he said as we started to walk towards his house. when we got inside I sat on the white sofa.. “Wait here. I’ll prepare  something to eat.” He said as he went to the Kitchen.

I looked around the place and on the side table of the sofa was a picture of Cha-gi, beside it was her cellphone. “Hi!” I said while insanely smiling and waving my hand at the picture of her. “I guess you’re here too.. sorry I never visited.” I laughed at myself “this is crazy, I’m now talking to myself, huh!?” I went nearer to the picture and took it from the side table. “I like your smile here.. Something that I haven’t seen before, and I guess will never see ever again.”

“she’s really beautiful, right?” I heard someone speak, Jae-hyo hyung was already sitting on the couch and I didn’t notice him.

“Yeah..” I replied still holding and looking at her picture. “Hyung.. I wanna know what happened.”

He took a deep breath before he replied “I already know you’ll be asking that..”

“Since I recovered my sight, I never really asked anyone anything about what had happened to her that night.” I explained

“You know what when I saw you outside my house, I saw Cha-gi in your eyes. I guess she’s angry at you right now, you never visited her, wherever she is right now she’d be hoping that she could kick you and break your bones..” he said in a joke

“I know.. I was a jerk. I bet she hates me right now.” I said in reply as I lower my head

“No.. she’s not. She loves you.. I can testify to that. She would never risk her life for anyone, but she did it for you.. before she died, she told me that she wanted to give you her eyes.” he said trying to hold his tears. “the doctors did everything to save her, she too wants to live and tell you how much she loves you, but...  her body gave up on her. You were the last person she called before she died”

“Hyung.. I am really sorry.” I said in between sobs “I was so selfish, I thought I lost everything when she died.. I run from the world and closed my doors to everyone. I’m so stupid.”

“I know, I understand.. where ever Cha-gi is right now,  she wants you to be happy..” Jae-hyo hyung said as he patted my back.

I stood up as I placed Cha-gi’s picture back on top of the side table. I rubbed the tears from my eyes and said “I should go now.”

“Deullie, if you want to visit her, just go it should ease your pain.” Jae-hyo Hyung said “Here.” he said as he handed me a white small envelope. “I saw this in her room, it’s for you..”

“Thanks Hyung..” I took the envelope from him.  “I don’t think I can visit her right now. But I would, once I’m ready..”

I left the place without even looking back, because if I do.. it’ll be harder for me to move on. Seeing her picture today made me realize that after all these time that I tried to stay away from her, from her memories, to keep her out of my mind.. the harder I try, the more it doesn’t work. I thought I was finally getting over her, actually believing myself that I was strong enough to face life without her.. then just seeing her smiling face, everything was ruined. I was still holding the envelope with my hands and decided that I will only read it when the right time comes.