Previously on 'My heart' 

Tiffany went to the bench of the usual place, beach, where she had one of her most unforgetable memories with her boyfriend. She wept as the memories flooded her with emotions. She missed him dearly. He left the world and he left her behind with just a promise of moving on. The memories and flahback stops when a ball rolled to her feet. At first, she wasn't sure whose ball it had belonged to but all of that soon stop when she turned to the side and saw a little boy peeking to her direction while hiding behind a tree. 

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"Since i can't find the owner, i guessed i will just bring this ball home and leave then..."

"Please don't!" a voiced preached out from behind the trunk as he finally got out from hiding. "Mummy, please don't leave me."

"Hmm, arraso." Yes, the little boy who was hiding from behind the tree is my son. No, its our son. He is the only child that Seunghyun oppa and i have together. We got married before he passed on. A few months after, i learnt that i'm pregnant with our first. Oppa, you left the world even before i got a chance to tell you that I'm pregnant. Everything happened too fast. You made me promised to move on but how could i move on when i'm bearing your child. The child that you didn't managed to see borned into the world. The child that have the resemblance of you; from the eyebrows, the eyes and the nose. Years passed and this son began to question about his father and sometimes, its difficult for me to even explained to him about you. Every single month after church, Sooyoung and i will bring him to the cemetery to visit you but he never could really understood why his father was in the ground while his peers in the kindergarten had their father's fetching them to and fro from the centre. I wish i hadn't asked you to meet me at the cafe just to tell you of the news that i was pregnant. I wish to turned back time and tell you that i am pregnant at home and not there. From the begining of the preganncy, it was really hard without you by my side but i was lucky enough to have friends that always looked out for me. Sooyoung and Siwon oppa was always there in every step of the pregnancy and i'm thankful for that. But it would have been better if you were here because every single day, i beat myself up with the guilt that i've taken Timothy's father from him. I was reason to why Timothy didn't have his father with him on his first birthday and why his father can't fetch him from school like any other kid. It was getting unbearable when he drew potraits of our family; a woman, a small child and a man. A man that he never had a chance to know. A man whom he talked to before he sleeps in his prayers while facing a photoframe in his embrace. You have no idea how heart wretching it is to see our child who is innocently talking to a picture of a man who left the world behind just because of... Just, because of me.

I bent down, shook the thoughts off, to his height. Timothy is 3 this year. I squat and spread my arms widely waiting for him to jumped into my embrace which he giggled a whole lot after that. I hugged him tightly as i didn't wish to let go of this little human. I didn't want to miss a moment of being together with this child of ours because being with him makes me feel closer to you. 

"Mummy, I love you!" He squeeled as we broke apart from the hug. 

"I love you too, Timmy-yah..." I planted a many kisses on his cheek. 

"Hmm, this parade of kisses is missing a member!" A voice came out from the side and there stood Sooyoung who is wearing a red maxi dress with a cardigen. Her bump started to show. Timothy who is still in my embrace turned his head to the voice and ran to the tall woman. 

"Sooyoung Omma!" he screamed and began to hug her legs. Sooyoung then, bent down and gently carried Timothy up. She kissed Timothy's forehead and cheeks. 

"Bobo?~" Sooyoung demanded for a kiss which Timothy didn't hesitate to give. We both, then, sat on the bench that i sat previously with Timothy in between us. Sooyoung eyes widen when her gaze landed on the carving.

"Oh! It's still here?"

"Yes." I answered. "After all these years..."

"Fany-ah, you know it not your fault right?" I know what she was trying to say but i just couldn't take it as it is because till now, the passing of you is still and forever would be my fault. I closed my eyes for a short while and opened up once again trying my best to pulled myself together in front of our son.

"That's what you think. But i don't think the rest of the Choi family think so too."

"Fany..."

"Hey!" A manly voice creep from our back interupting what Sooyoung wanted to say. Our three heads turned to the back only to reveal, Siwon oppa in his white button up and Grey sweat shorts; holding up cones of ice creams and a cup of ice cream. "I've bought some icecream!"

"ICECREAM!" Timothy shrieked excitedly as he jumped off from the bench and ran to Siwon oppa. Siwon passed 2 of the cones to Sooyoung and she gave one of it to me. 

"Timothy want one, huh?"  he asked the little human in front of him. 

"Ne, Siwon Appa!" Timothy nodded vigorously.

"If you want one, you have to answer this first." Raising his eyebrows and wiggling them after Timothy showed interest, moving the ice cream cup in all direction away from the grasp of the latter. "Do you miss me?"

Timothy who was still eyeing the cup in his hands answered, "Yes, yes! Timo-sy misses Siwon appa."

"ohh, keroguna... Timothy wants Siwon appa, or ice cream?" Nodding his head in anticipation that the small human would pick him instead.

"Ice cream!" Timothy answered without much deliberation.

"Aish, kids nowaday..." Both Sooyoung and me laugh at the sight of Timothy answering the question innocently and the reaction that was given by Siwon oppa. Siwon oppa gave the cup of ice cream to Timothy for an exchange of a kiss and he carried Timothy away for a walked down the beach, leaving Sooyoung and me on the bench.

Suddenly, Sooyoung turned to face me while the ice cream in her hands and said, "Fany, but it's all..."

"It's all in the past?" I interrupted her and took a deep breath before i continued, "No, Sooyoung. After the passing of Seunghyun oppa, Kyuhyun and Abeoji could never really accepted me. They never even want to acknowledge Timothy as Seunghyun oppa's son."

"But Ommunim..."

Yes, Ommunim usually visited us secretly in the apartment and it's sad how things seemed to play out unfairly when fate and destiny take over. 

"I know. Ommunim loves and adore Timothy. But the only problem that i feel is that every single time when i think i'm happy, i just feel guilty because i killed my own husband and made Timothy go through the rest of his life without ever being able to feel love from his own grandfather and uncle."

"Who said he didn't get love of his uncle? And who said the whole of Choi's family thinks that you're the reason behind all of this? Yes, Kyuhyun and Abeoji thinks that you are the reason for Seunghyun oppa's passing but Siwon oppa and ommunim didn't think of it thatb way. I don't think so too. All of this are the inevitable. These events that are happening to you that is life. You didn't plan for this. Death was never a part of anyone's plan. I didn't plan wedding that i had with Siwon oppa without his presence and i am sure that you didn't plan on having a marriage only to last for a few years because death seperated you both. No one could have plan for this but in life, everyone at some given point of their lives have to go through. Siwon oppa isn't just a friend of yours in High School, you know? He is the younger brother of the man you love. He is one of your in-laws which means he is a samchon of Timothy's and from i see, that husband of mine never put a blame on you because his older brother passed away. Never mind about Kyuhyun. Years had passed and i'm sure he'll get around to it sooner or later. So, don't you overthink of it too much, okay?" Sooyoung ended her speech with an assuring smile and she pulled my hands and squeezed it a little

I tried to take it all in, only to give her a nod because there was nothing else that i could say anymore. Yes, the guilt was killing me but i needed to stay strong and be there for our son. People can believe whatever they want but they can never take my son away from me because he is my light and he is the most valuable present that Seunghyun oppa had ever given me while we were together. No matter what, this heart will always beat for him and what Sooyoung said made sense too. Kyuhyun will come around and i don't mind if he hated me and probably still is but i just want Timothy to have Kyuhyun in his life. To know that maybe he doesn't have to have a father with him at every event that is happening in his life like every other kid but he have all the love that life brings and that's okay. It's okay because he still have his Samchons, grandparents, God parents and me. Timothy-yah, Mummy loves you so much. You know that right?

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Author's note;

There you go the first chapter. I hope this is okay. thank you for subscribing and reading this story. I will be updating this soon and sorry for the flaws. Have a great day ahead!