I knew nothing past these four surrounding walls. Not a single step was allowed out of this room if I knew better– and I did –I knew of the consequences that would follow, I knew of the pain that would result if I even so little as desired leaving this room. But, it wasn’t so terribly bad. Not as bad as you would think because though I received loneliness, I never failed to receive love. 

Love that came in smiles and sweet words of comfort. 

And it came in the form of my mother.

So, though I felt loneliness, I also knew what love was and that was enough. It was enough to keep me from thinking about what I lacked and protected me from whatever that was beyond the four walls.

It kept me content.

She never spoke of the dangers that the outside held or what kind of danger I might become and she would try her best to keep me from wondering about it but I heard them.

They wonder if I was a monster.

Wonder what kind of threat I would bring if I were to be released outside this very room. My mother denied that was ever the case and for a while, it satisfied me.  Soon, those mumblings outside my door no longer bothered me.

Except for when it concerned my mother.

“Queen Hwa is locked in her bedroom again.”

I would hear them speak about her in hushed tones, unaware that I heard every single word as clear as day.

“King Ganghan is in one of his moods.” 

Immediately after the words, shushing followed, “Don’t let him hear you say that.”

Him– Ganghan. I had always asked my mother about the face to the name but whenever it was mentioned, my mother would dismissively brush it aside. Saying it wasn’t something to worry about but why did the name always bring such worrying feelings nonetheless? But, like my mother insisted, I tried my best to not think about it. I tried not to think about the circumstances that kept me locked in here or about the person that I am. And when the worry would get too much for me, I would reach for the small charm my mother left for me. She said as long as I had it, it would be the same as if she was right there next to me and I believed it whole-heartedly. I don’t know if it was her words that comforted me or if it was her scent that lingered on the small charm. 

And for a while, it was enough.

***

The first time it happened, I felt a surge of power that nearly frightened me to death. I was awoken from my sleep when the feeling spread from the tips of my toes to the tips of my fingers– it was an uncontrollable feeling that left me at its mercy. 

“Help–,"

A growl flew from my lips and my body crashed to the floor. Though I tried and tried, not a single word could be formed. If there was anyone out there–, 

My arm reached out and the sight that appeared before my very eyes illicit a yell of shock. I pushed myself up off of the floor into a sitting position and held my arms out to stare down at them. The hair on my arms grew longer and thicker before not just my limbs but also, my entire body was covered in it.

My face–, 

I scrambled onto my feet and appeared before the small mirror hung up on my wall. Heavy breaths that left in low grunts were the only sounds that filled the room. Though the sight was right there, I couldn’t believe it. It was no longer my face in the reflection. I didn’t know the person, or thing that was standing in my spot. A face heavily covered in fur, sharp teeth that weren’t mine– an animal looked back at me. And I recognized it from books my mother would show me. Books that showed what the outside held and whatever else I couldn’t see with my own eyes. 

Is this what they meant?

When they said monster? 

But, this isn’t who I am– what would mother think? 

Suddenly, my turmoil is quickly interrupted by random sounds that I couldn’t decipher, different smells that blended together, everything in my dark room seemed to have lit up. My senses were completely overloaded. At the same time, the door to my room clicked open and I stared in fear at the person that appeared, I backed away into the corner of my room and held my breath at the sight of mother.

I didn’t want her to look at me.

What would she think?

What would she say?

“Junhong.”

I couldn’t reply in this state– not because I didn’t want to but because I couldn’t. 

She stepped in and I tried to move away further only to find it was impossible. 

“Junhong, I know you’re afraid.”

My heart pulsed heavily and strongly within my chest. 

“But, there is nothing to be afraid of.”

My eyes never left her own while she closed the door behind her. What is happening to me? A soft whine left my mouth while questions refused to be formed into words. 

She stepped closer and reached out to touch my face. “There are some things I have failed to explain to you.” 

And life as I knew started to change to an extent that I would have never imagined.

***

“What about father?” I remained on my bed while mother sat in the chair across from me. 

Mother took a moment before answering, “He’s a wonderful man.” A gentle smile appeared on her lips.

“Why doesn’t he come see me?” I couldn’t put a face to the title and I wanted to. Anyone would want to.

“He’s also a very busy man,” she would answer though I always felt like she held back while sharing such information. “He has never forgotten about you– he would always ask me how you are, what kind of boy you are… someday, Junhong, you two will meet.”

And I kept that in mind– that one day, I would meet this man that my mother said loves me just as much as she