After coming back from the region of Yoggu, something has become quite clear to me.

There was more to this world than what I had previously thought. The reality that I didn’t even have a chance to fathom.

And all at once, all of my faults were brought to the surface. My obliviousness, my fragileness, and my doubt. This entire time, I thought I was someone strong, someone that saw the world for what it was, unlike the people I was surrounded by. I saw the flaws and the injustice that was a normal occurrence in this world – I thought I saw it all, but there was another side I wasn’t entirely familiar with.

The brutality and the cruelty that also had a place in this world. It wasn’t that I didn’t know it was there – I knew. I just didn’t know the extent of it. This entire crisis with Sungrok and his death revealed it all to me. How discrimination led to his sentencing, how the people reacted and treated him, and how easy it was to simply end a life by snapping a neck. This was the world that Sungrok wanted to escape from. So badly that the only way he could think of escaping it was through death.

But, it was cruel the way it happened.

And sadly, I just couldn’t deal with it. I couldn’t handle it.

So, I’ve kept to myself. Keeping myself in a single room and away from the rest of the castle, I’ve made excuses to avoid studies, and my roses…my poor roses that I went back to neglecting. But, it was because of this awful feeling. This sickening feeling that I thought would pass ended up staying with me this entire time we had gotten back. It gets worse when the memory of Sungrok’s limp body came to mind. It clung onto my every thought. Memories of him alive and speaking to me couldn’t overshadow the memory of him on that cold cell floor.

No matter what I did, it replayed in my mind.

And I knew if I let Yongguk through the door, he could solve it all. Without a doubt in my mind, I knew Yongguk would know what to do but, I couldn’t bring myself to.

Because I was too consumed with my loud thoughts, I didn’t hear the door to my bedroom open and I didn’t hear the person calling out to me.

“ – cess...Princess.”

I snapped my head around to look at the person by the door.

Yongguk stood by the door with a metal tray in his hands. “Sorry for my interruption, Princess. You didn’t answer my knocks and I grew worried,” he softly says.

From my seat by the window, I watched him walk over to the small table set in the middle of the room. He gently placed the tray on top of the table’s surface. I haven’t eaten much but as I looked at the food laid out neatly, I still didn’t have any appetite for it.

“You need to eat, Princess,” Yongguk begins again.

I returned my attention out the window before replying, “I’m not hungry.”

“Do you feel sick?”

“Constantly.”

“I can get you medicine,” he offers readily.

I face him again and forcibly give him a small smile, “I don’t think prescribed medicine would be of any help.”

“You haven’t left this room. Aren’t you curious about what the rest of the castle is doing?” His tone is careful and gentle as he speaks each word.

I continued to look at him, too tired to provide an answer to that question.

He breathes in and decides to change his tactic, “let’s make a deal.”

With my attention still on him, I maintain the strained smile, “this sounds like part of a conversation I usually have with my father.” A soft chuckle left my lips, “and if it’s anything like it, I know the deal wouldn’t entirely be in my favor.”

“You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.”

The smile I have on isn’t even big to begin with but it still falters at the sound of Yongguk’s words.

“And the entire deal will be in your favor,” he adds immediately after.

“I’m fine, Yongguk.” But, there is really no point in me lying - Yongguk could easily detect something like that.

“If you’re fine then take the deal,” he challenges.

After preparing myself, I asked, “what is the deal?”

“You eat all of this –“ Yongguk motions his hands towards the tray, “ – and I’ll take you outside.”

At the word, I sat up in attention. “Outside?”

“And, you need to stop hiding in here,” Yongguk adds but those are little sacrifices in order to go outside. The simple thought had my heart racing.

“Outside as in…out there?” I pointed at the window to confirm that we were both on the same page.

“Yes, Princess,” Yongguk clarifies, “out there where you have been wanting to be.”

I remained speechless at Yongguk’s unexpected offer. The thought of going outside never crossed my mind because it was never an option.

“So, what do you say, Princess?”

“I accept,” I quickly answer without much careful consideration.

Yongguk looked a bit taken back at my response but ended up nodding his head and gestured towards the tray of food, “then you should start eating, Princess.”

I slowly push myself up from the chair and made my way towards the table. I look at Yongguk to find a calmer look on his face, probably glad that I'm taking a seat at the table and preparing to finally eat. As I reach for the spoon, I'm reminded of something, "what about my father?”

“The King said as long as you eat and return to your normal self, then he’ll allow it this once.”

“So, you went and asked him for permission?” I peered up at him.

“Only because I knew you were slowly wasting away in this room from not eating,” Yongguk replies, trying his best not to snap at me.

He was always so strict about not letting me go outside and it was so out of the ordinary for him to personally go ask my father for something like this. But, I didn’t want to further question it. I held the spoon and started on my dinner. “Do I need to finish this?” I asked after a few bites.

“Yes, every last grain of rice,” Yongg