"Oh god..." she groaned, closing her eyes tight and pressing her palms on each side of her head in pain. Hangover... that was the thing she hated the most about excessive drinking and the very reason why she never drank enough not to be at least ninety percent sobered up by the end of the night. was dry as cracked earth, felt sore and she ached all over, not just her head and eyes. This was one hell of a hangover, she thought grumpily. She groaned pathetically when she remembered she needed to go to work today as well. She wondered if they would let her off for the day if she pressed the pillow to her face and pretended to be dead. Unfortunately, she was all alone. 

It took her a while to get used to the light and finally creak one of her eyes open. Her vision was still blurred. She rubbed her eyes hard to get rid of the blur and at least a little of the pain. She sighed and opened both her eyes again. She blinked in confusion. Was this also hangover? She rubbed her eyes hard again and looked at the ceiling again. No, that chinese lantern-like thing definitely didn't belong to her and she had a feeling she knew who it belonged to. 

She turned her head, feeling cold with shock and terror at the same time, hoping it wasn't what she thought it was; but desperation washed over her too when she saw that so familiar face she was used to seeing every day, only very messy, quite and in deep sleep. She closed her eyes tight, took a deep calming breath and holding the sheet to herself, she pushed herself up to a sitting position. She winced with the pain she felt deep inside, where she had never felt before. She didn't even need to look to see, with too much of her bare skin brushing against the sheets and all the ache she felt in her muscles and deep inside her; still, she checked to be sure anyways.

Blood.

Not much of it, but there were stains of it on her groin. She was absolutely sure that this wasn't her period. The last day of her period was the day before and she hadn't even been properly bleeding for two days prior to that. This could have one single meaning. She was no longer a . 

She turned around to look at the peacefully sleeping face of the only culprit around, who was just equally as her. She grimaced and facepalmed. She didn't even remember what happened and how it happened; she only could remember bits and pieces of it. She remembered, though, that she didn't fight against it. It made everything even more shameful in her eyes. True, they were married for a year and all that worthless that was nothing but two signs on a piece of paper; but the first time she had , while she was drunk out of her mind, with a man who didn't mind telling people he seriously hated her and despised her to the core. It hurt. It hurt more than her aching muscles or the physical pain any rough could bring. She felt filthy. It wasn't about beliefs or anything; she felt used. Worthless. It hurt. 

She bit back tears and silently slipped out of bed. Her clothes were scattered everywhere. She reached out to her dress and covered herself with it so she wouldn't have to pull the sheets and wake Jaejoong up. He was the last person she wanted to face right now. She carefully gathered her scattered clothes and walked out of the bedroom like a ghost. She locked her door and got inside her bath without looking in the mirror. She didn't want to see the state she was in right now. She already felt disgusting enough. She the water and tipped it towards the hot side until it burned her skin but was still just narrowly bearable. She took her time washing, lathering and scouring every inch of her body until she felt at least a little more clean. Her skin was all red by the time she was out, but she didn't care. She went in her room and wore some classic, very un-attractive, white cotton underwear. She then took a deep breath and checked herself in the mirror. 

Hickeys. They were the first thing that she saw and they were everywhere; on her neck, chest, stomach, legs; everyhwere was just full of those small purple marks that were going to remind her of everything her mind didn't remember, at least for a whole week long. She had to hide them. It wasn't like people had anything to say even if they showed; but she wasn't about to show off her shame to everyone. She went to her closet and picked light colored pants and a thin, sleeveless, petrol blue turtleneck top to hide all the marks. For today, concealer just wouldn't do. 

She took extra care about her make-up so she didn't look the way she felt - basically ty - and dried her hair to look subtle. That was her best for today. She looked good enough to act good. Though the most dreaded part was yet to come: leaving the house. 

She unlocked the door slowly and walked out of the safety of her room, putting on a brave front. She really wished she wouldn't have to see the man she dreaded to face; but luck had never been on her side. When she arrived the hall, he was standing in front of the living room door, looking messy as she had seen him this morning if not more, wearing nothing but a pair of black jeans that did nothing to hide the few hickeys he had on his neck or the thin, pale pink nail marks on his back. Alright, that was truly humiliating. She looked away without a word, grabbed her classic black stilettos and went out of the house the second she was done slipping them on. 

She felt even worse than before. She could blame it on him, think he took adventage of her while she was drunk; but not after seeing what she had done to him. She knew enough about to know that she had actually liked everything that happened while it happened. Drunk out of her mind, with someone who hurt her, someone who despised her... she rubbed her temples to push back the hurt it brought and got in the elevator. 

"Never drink again. Never trust again. Never let your guard down again." She spoke to herself, closing her eyes. What was done was done, there was no chaning it back now and all she could do to look forward or she would be lost in her shame and pain. She wasn't about to have a single drop of alcohol again anytime soon. She wasn't about to let him come close to her again anytime soon, people could say they had a fight for all she cared. She wasn't going to speak to him again unless absolutely necessary anymore. She was going to live her life and nothing could harm her if she wanted it so. She was tougher than that. She could stand on her own two feet

She clutched her purse and straightened her back, walked out of the elevator and to her metallic scarlet Audi S7 sportback she had always been so proud of. She got in and started the car, drove out of the parking lot and to her work with reinforced self-esteem she hid behind. As always she smiled and bowed her head to her workers kindly as she walked to her office. 

"Good morning, Ms Kim." 

"Morning, Siyeon. I'm guessing we have a heavy schedule as always; I want no disturbance even if it's Jaejoong or his father, alright?" 

"A-alright. Ms Kim, are you okay?" she looked at the woman looking at her with sincere worry written on her face. She couldn't help but smile softly. 

"Of course I am, you don't need to worry about me." she said gently. Siyeon was at least five years younger than her, yet really capable so she had hired the girl; but she still had that naive heart a kid would possess. It made Yeojin smile sometimes. 

"You look pale... and stressful lately..." Siyeon mumbled. Yeojin chuckled. 

"It's alright, thanks for worrying about me. Just do your job as perfect as always and you'll have done everything that you could for me... oh, and keep people away from my door." she said. Siyeon smiled and nodded. 

"Got me that."

"Good girl."  Yeojin said and went inside her office. She hadn't been wrong; there were tons of paperwork waiting to be completed, at least a dozen of notes stuck to her closed computer screen and she hadn't even the damn device yet. She didn't even want to think about the mails and th calls she would receive in the day. She had a business trip coming up in a few days to check on the other branches of their company to make sure they were up to standards so everything was a great mess these days. 

She took a deep breath, put her purse in her usual drawer, pushed her hair back and buried herself in work. That was her world where she could forget about anything else that happened outside of it. For the upcoming days, she was going to keep burying herself in it, that she knew for sure. 

She wasn't wrong. 

That day, she spent without answering any calls or notes from Jaejoong - which were very few, thankfully - and hadn't went home. She had went to a closeby hotel, took a shower and a short nap for two hours, then went to buy new clothes for the day and continued working. For three days straight she repeated this process until there was no calls or notes from Jaejoong; but every note was formal, about work and was signed as CEO, not Kim Jaejoong. Only then she started to go back home, being safely silent and alone. She only made sure never to arrive at the same time as him. It was nice, perfect to forget and act like nothing happened even though people had started talking about their sudden not-so-cheesy relationship change, for about a month... until her stomach started to act up at the most random times.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Boah asked again, rubbing Yeojin's back comfortingly. Yeojin nodded, wiping . 

"Yeah, must be my stomach. I've been working a bit too hard lately, whenever I do that my stomach fails on me. I got an appointment with doctor, so no worries." she explained. 

"Again, are you sure?" Boah said. She nodded as she got up from the toilet she had been emptying the contents of her breakfast in. 

"It's nothing I'm not used to. Last time they said it's gastritis. It passes completely in about a week with the meds they give. I'll be fine, I promise." she said, sure of herself. She flushed the toilet and went to wash her face. 

"You better be, you're starting to worry me. You're not even drinking, it's quite impressive you manage to get a gastritis while taking such a good care of your body." Boah commented. Yeojin snorted.

"Good care my cute . I've been sleeping around three hours this whole month, I went to a business trip twice and I don't even care what I eat, I eat what Siyeon orders. I basically live on tea and vitamins. It's no wonder my stomach gave up on me." she said. Boah rolled her eyes.

"You really should take better care of yourself... but I'm guessing it's because you've got some problems with Mr Perfect?" she asked. Oh, if only you knew, Yeojin thought. 

"Not that, really... we don't have time to have problems. Summer is very important for our business and we've both been extremely busy since the season started. I rarely even see him." she blew a lie easily. She was so used to this that it was sad, really. 

"Yeah, that's right... you poor souls." Boah said sympathetically. Yeojin sighed and nodded. 

"Well, let's go back! Work won't wait." Yeojin said in the end and went back to her office where all the said work was waiting. 

Next day she did go to visit her doctor and as she had guessed, she was given the meds for gastritis. She kept on with her life knowing this would pass too; but it didn't. In fact it even caught the attention of Jaejoong at home. 

"Hey should I take you to ER?" he said one night while she was busy throwing up again. She shook her head.

"No, leave me alone." she said. She sounded a little pathetic, panting; but she was being extremely stubborn. 

"Are you sure? You've been like this for a while now, maybe it'd be better to-"

"Just freaking leave me alone!" she snapped. Jaejoong bit his lip and swallowed what he was about to say. She didn't want any help so he couldn't help her forcefully, could he? But he was worried and despite everything, he couldn't help it. It had been a month since they had last properly spoken; but he still couldn't help worrying. He knew he shouldn't have, yet he couldn't. He just stood there, watching her struggle; kind of like he just stood and watched her struggle for the whole time since that night. He didn't know what to do, what to say or how to face her. He had tried for a while but turned down flat every time, then when he had nothing more, he had given up. 

It hurt to think back. He was drunk as well that night, alright; but he did remember most of what had happened. Her laughter, her sweet scent and the taste of her lips... the way she held onto him so tight and his name she whispered when she couldn't even properly think... and in a split second, it was all gone. For a moment he had everything and when he opened his eyes in the morning, all of it was lost. 

He had done nothing he didn't feel like doing that day. Not even a single word was a lie. She was dazzling, an angel, the love he had kept a secret for so long and he wanted her heart, her smile, he wanted everything about her. Not enough to hurt her or force anything on her; but he remembered her kisses on his own skin, nothing at all felt forced. It was perfect. The moonlight shining on her skin, her clouded eyes, her lips locked with his, their bodies tangled, becoming one in body and soul, over and over again... it was simply perfect, even through the haze of alcohol running through his veins.

Then the next morning it was again like nothing had happened. Actually, it was even worse; no contact, no words spoken, no nothing... acting almost as if she was abused instead of a love night. It had taken him a few days to notice this was how she acted; after that, he didn't know what to do. He had somehow messed up again and again he had no idea how to fix this. 

He could do nothing but watch with worry as she flushed the toilet, washed her face and walked past him like he wasn't even there. He didn't know how long he could keep living like this. 

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hope you liked the chapter!! please do comment, thank you :3