"Boss..." Luhan hummed, "He's the better amongst the bad, if I may say. He runs his business quite clean and to certain principles, even though the business isn't all that clean itself."

"What might the business be?" I asked, though I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know. 

"He doesn't do just one business; but it's mostly about smuggling... diamonds, jewelry and such. He does small stuff too; he runs fight clubs for instance. He also has at least three brothels in my knowledge; but I haven't been sent to patrol much so I wouldn't know." he said. 

"It doesn't sound nice." I grimaced. Luhan chuckled. 

"I thought you had assumed by now that it wouldn't be nice. It could be worse, though. I know a time I had to deal with a smaller gang who bought kids from es, "trained" them and sold them as any kind of slaves you can possibly imagine. They were a small gang, but they were no small fry; it had proved to be really hard to get evidence enough for the police to actually bring them down." Luhan said. My brows raised really high.

"You work with police, too?" I asked in sincere surprise. That was the last thing I expected to hear. 

"Of course. We're a more humane mafia, so is Boss. The worst thing we do to this country is to kill and threaten some people they don't even give a damn about actually and smuggle diamonds. Fight clubs and brothels may be illegal; but we wouldn't be still running them if there were no demand. Who wants a business with no profit? If the folk didn't keep coming, we'd just shut them down." Luhan said. I was disturbed by the way he put it; but unfortunately I had to admit that he had a point. 

"So the Boss tells on the worse gangs." I stated in the end. 

"Kind of. He has some friends in police force. He brings them big catches, they cover our butts. We scratch their back, they scratch ours. Boss thinks that's the most fair deal one could get. And this way, he also puts a stop to stuff that goes too far. He has the money, the power, the influence... much like on top of this world, you could say. Barely anyone who isn't out of their mind would dare oppose him." Luhan said. 

"You sound so proud..." I mumbled quietly. I felt disappointed. He looked down and sighed. 

"I'm not proud of what I have been doing. I am, though, proud of wiping out a few horrid gangs like that one I mentioned. I did start thinking after a while that you can't clean up anything without dirtying your hands a little. I was born into this, I was raised in this and I was chosen for this. I know almost nothing but this. I don't think anyone around me would think the way I do and continue things the way Boss does. He is exceptional, keeping clean as possible and not stepping over his principles for the sake of more profit. In a group like ours, it would mean a big mess for the Boss to be one with too much greed like that, we would break up." he said, then he smiled at me before he continued,

"I can almost hear you saying I could just go with my university, turn over a new leaf and leave everything behind. Boss had only one son that he accepted and he did exactly that, I know that it can be done. But I can't just do that... let's say I did somehow leave everything behind and cleared my name and made a safe nest for myself. Even when things are seemingly perfect for me, ignoring everything that happens doesn't make them disappear. They keep happening whether you close your eyes or not. Some people have to bare their own neck and do something about it. I like the way Boss is keeping control of things that are truly inhumane. I will keep doing that. With all the going on in the governments, misfeasance, incapability of the whole police force, ineffective criminal law and trials, lack of evidence crap, bribes, bought off higher-ups... you know, sometimes someone coming out and just putting a bullet in a certain person's head settles things much faster and more effectively."

"I.... I don't.... uhh..." I really had no words to speak. My mouth was dropped open at his logic and I couldn't even deny the bitter truth in it. I had a lot of arguments against what he said; but against a logic like the one he had accepted, they were all useless. Even if it wasn't Luhan, someone would do it. Even if I turned my back and left, things like this would keep happening. It was a naive thought to hope everyone to be caring, honest and kind; there were corrupted people around. It was depressing just thinking about it; but that was the truth. And it was also true that most of them were allowed to walk around freely, even though a good amount of them served their sentence in the prisons.

This wasn't a pure world. People like me choosing to lead peaceful lifes didn't change that. There were people who lived in a dark and cruel world out there, some of them lost their soul to greed, some of them still trying to keep their hands at least a little more clean. Then again, I doubted this smuggling business was clean as this Boss person would have liked either; it was most probably conflict diamonds they smuggled, diamonds that had blood of many Africans on them. But who was I to say anything, really? As if I had done anything at all to be of any help in any way. Well, what could I ever do to be of any help anyways? I really had nothing to say in this. This was a world with its own rules and I surely knew nothing about any of it.

I suddenly felt like a stranger was sitting next to me. It was almost as if a whole different person held my hands now and it felt weird. It wasn't the boy that I fell for holding my hands. Even though he had the same eyes that made my heart still beat much faster and the same warmth that made me feel safe from anything... it felt like I didn't even know him, along with the world he came from. And the realization that I'd have to step into that cruel world if I wanted to be with him scared me. Luhan, he was born in there and I had nothing to say about the decision he'd made for himself for I couldn't argue against a word he said; even if I did, I knew that he wouldn't change his mind. But I wasn't made for that cruel world. I didn't know how to handle a gun, let alone bring anyone down in a fight. I didn't like even hearing about people suffering - it was fine when it was in movies or books; but when I knew it happened for real, I'd even have nightmares about them sometimes. I had stupid wishes and dreams like a world where everyone was nice and everyone on the good side was actually good. There was a gap, a cliff so deep between me and Luhan's world that I was terrified. I didn't think I was unreasonable at being scared, either. 

"Seonmi..." Luhan said, cupping my hands in his and looking directly into my eyes, "I'm sorry, I know it's really sudden for you and who I am is hard to accept... I don't want to say it like "you asked for it" but you said you wanted to know the real me. This time I hid nothing. This is the reason I've been so heavy all the time, I've been feeling like I had too much to carry; but I had to carry them even if they were too much, so I did. I regretted nothing that I had to do; but the weight of the stuff that I've done stays the same whether I regret or not. And without knowing anything about me at all... you were able to make that weight go away. It's not like you made me forget about anything - if anything, you made everything stand out even more because you are so far away from all that; but it didn't matter. Everything that's still there is just so much easier to carry when I'm around you. I almost feel like that if you're with me, I'd be capable of anything. But... Seonmi, after all you've heard, if you want to walk away from me, I'd understand..."

"Luhan?" I spoke weakly. He had bowed his head down when he was saying that last sentence. His hair was covering his face, I couldn't see what he was feeling at all and he was clinging onto my hands. 

"I know I'm not pure as you thought. I'm nothing like you thought me to be and I can see you're disturbed by the way I actually am. I... I know I said nobody can take you away from me; but that doesn't include yourself. If you say that you want to leave right now, I won't stop you. If you say you don't want to see my face again, I'll never appear before you. If you say you want your peaceful life back, you'll never have anyone bothering you again. I'll keep you safe from the shadows, nothing will be different for you from before. Whatever you want of me, I'll make it happen. I swear on my life."

His voice sounded a little strained and he refused to raise his head all the time. His hands were shaking slightly, still clinging to mine. I wanted to reach out and touch his hair, I wanted to pull him to myself and keep him close forever... I was scared, disturbed, bothered by many things; but could I really just walk away from him because of those, while all I wanted was to see him smile? I thought back on how my life was before. If I went back to that, nothing would change, I knew it. This last month I had with Luhan wouldn't come back either, I knew that too. It was too late to wish to go back now so all I could possibly do was to choose... and my heart was telling me that I wasn't allowed to leave. 

"Luhan." I spoke softly. He didn't respond, so I reached out and touched his cheek lightly, "Luhan, look at me..." 

He raised his head and looked at me. He looked like a lost puppy, looking down at me like that. I smiled as much as I could. "I did say that I want to know the real you, didn't I? I can't complain with that I found. There are indeed things that scare me, disturb me... but I don't want to go away. Right here is where I want to stay, right here next to you. I don't want to run away and hide into my hole. I don't want to pretend that you never happened. I'm scared... but you'll protect me; won't you?"

"Anyone who wants to hurt you has to walk over my dead body." he said, looking extremely serious. "I swear on my life, I'll protect you from everything."

"Then I'm not going anywhere." I said. He let out a long breath and pulled me into his chest. His arms wrapped around me so tightly that I couldn't move an inch if I wanted to and I could feel his breath on my neck. I wrapped my arms around him as well and as I'd wanted to do so much just now, tangled my fingers in his hair. It was so soft that it felt like locks of silk slipping between my fingers. I nuzzled into him slightly. 

"I know there are a lot of things that I should probably know; but if they're not urgent, they can wait. They're not gonna change my mind... or my heart. I love you, Luhan." 

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...honestly i'm not satisfied with this end - not that it's the last chapter; but... i should, like, just kill off seonmi and turn luhan into some kind of raging cruel mafia boss or something... meh! i guess this works too. i'm not satisfied with this chappy either; but hope you liked this anyways! please do comment and tell me what you think, i'll base the next chappy on the responses i get... so pretty please? with cherry on top? thank you <3