He couldn't sleep. 

The blow was too heavy, he couldn't stop thinking about it over and over and over again. Her words hit like a fission bomb, his world was still in a blur from that. He didn't even remember how he went to his room and got to bed. Her words were still ringing in his ears. No woman would marry out of love and live loveless... so did this mean her mother was right cheating on his father? Or did this justify her actions? Did this justify her leaving him behind when she left? That definitely didn't sit right, just thinking about it made him angry enough to dig his nails into his palms. But Yeojin had never said it justified that. 

In fact, she had said that leaving him behind was the one wrong his mother did. But then that did justify her cheating on father. No matter what he had done, she had betrayed them... but thinking harder on it, wasn't it his father's fault that his mother fell out of love? Then again, did she really have to leave? Couldn't she divorce first? She probably hadn't wanted to leave her son behind... yet she had left him behind when she ran off with another man, had she not? Jaejoong groaned and rubbed all over his face. He felt like he was in an endless maze. 

If you're a little copy of your father...

The words suddenly ringing in his ear again brought another question to his already confused mind: was he really a little copy of his father? The man he repected yet detested so much; that icy, emotionless, stern man who never thought anything about his work... had he really turned into that person he hated so much? He snorted bitterly, the answer was so obvious. He had been that icy, stern boy ever since he had started to hate his mother and live through the road his father directed him to. He had become the person his father wanted him to be. He was stolen of his dreams, feelings and he had let that happen so easily. Maybe that was why he felt so empty all the time; maybe he hated how weak he was and the person he had become. Maybe that was why he pushed everyone away from himself... and why he had fallen for her; the woman who, despite all his efforts, kept on trying and found a crack through the stone walls of his heart. 

He covered his eyes with his arms. How ironic it was, finding out about his feelings only when he was heartbroken. People really understood the value of what they had when they lost it, it seemed. Well, it wasn't that he didn't know, actually; but he never admitted it. He never had to admit. He never had to try. No matter what he did, she was always there; always trying, doing things for him, thinking about him, making him feel better. He never had to do anything about it; but he should have guessed that it wouldn't go that way. Of course she would stop trying after a while. It made his heart ache, how he had lost such a precious part of his life just because it was "forced" on him and he "didn't want" it. 

Of course he wanted it. He wanted it more than he had wanted his mother to come back, more than he had wished to be set free of his father's grasp. More than anything. And he had felt it would happen even when they had met, or else he wouldn't have agreed. 

It wasn't his first time being sent to an arranged date by his father, after all. All those other women were the daughters of possible business partners for their company. None of those women had caught his interest in any way. He had acted kind and cold towards them and told his father that it wouldn't work in any way. He made up excuses every time: "that company is about to go bankrupt, that corporation isn't fit to be our partner, we need stronger business partners we should wait for a better opportunity... " and in the end, slipped his way out of it. He hadn't even tried when his father told him to marry Yeojin. He had simply said yes. Even though it would be hard, he was certain he could talk his father out of that marriage as well; but he was okay with it this time. She was beautiful, true, but that wasn't the only reason. He was interested. Yet he had kept his distance because he was "forced" into this. 

He punched the bed with the hand that wasn't covering his eyes. He wasn't his father. Women weren't monsters. Love did exist. Life wasn't all about work and other mandatory things. He had been too late to realise this and now, it was already a mess he had no idea how to fix. 

***

"Ms Kim, there's a note for you." 

"Yeah? Tell me?" 

"It's from Mr Kim, he wanted me to tell you that your fathers will be visiting tonight." 

"Our... oh alright, I got that, thank you." Yeojin said and went into her office. Fathers? She hadn't heard about this. She was sure it wasn't something that came up just on a whim, so she assumed it was because of what she had said yesterday that Jaejoong couldn't tell her about it. 

She sighed. Maybe she had been a bit too harsh on him; but she couldn't help it at that moment really. It was all the accumulated anger bursting through her, it tasted like revenge and it felt so sweet at that moment. Now it left a bitter taste on her tongue. He had told her his deepest secret, just like she had a while ago and she had punched him in the face with it. He was offering a white flag, she had bombed him instead. Even though what she had heard had hurt her a lot, that wasn't a good reason to do that to him, to attack where he was the most vulnareble. She couldn't even imagine how much he must have been hurt. 

Maybe that was for better, though. With a man who detested her for who she was, she didn't want to be friends with either. She had long given up on that and no matter what he did, that wouldn't change. 

When he had started to act all kind and nicey nicey with her, she had started to understand why she seemed so disgusting to him. It was so fake, so forced, so unwanted... it made her want to throw up. It was unwanted and downright annoying to be fawned over when all she wanted was to be left alone. All she wanted to do - and all she did - was to ignore him all the time. She would yesterday too, if it wasn't for her craving for sweets. And then all that story and her response to it... and she felt bitter inside now.

She wasn't lying when she said that, though. Of course she could soften it to be acceptable; but she could relate to his mother, she really could. The woman had married the guy because she had loved him and he was immersed in his work. It was only natural that she would be swayed when someone loved her like she could ever want. She probably couldn't leave peacefully because she had a kid. It was apparently just a normal worker she had run off with so Jaejoong would have a better life with his father; it was kind of understandable for her to leave her kid with his father. Also, his father seemed like a person to deny any connection with her son should she decide to leave. After all, to him, the woman was a horrible traitor; of course he wouldn't let her see his son, even though that was horribly cruel and selfish. It wasn't hard to understand her situation, if she only thought a little on it. 

She sighed again. Well, what was done was done. There was no taking it back now and she also doubted that Jaejoong would keep tring to make things better after yesterday. It was finally truly over. They would only act, be two strangers in the same house again. The silence would return to its iron throne like a glorious queen; mighty and unbreakable. The thought made her heart ache, but it was how it should have been... and how it would be. 

At the end of the day, she got out from work earlier than usual and drove home with soft classic music to calm her soul and get ready to act. When she arrived, she found out that there was no time to relax before the time came. Their fathers were already there, engaged in a chat that contained a lot of laughter. Jaejoong had opened the door for her. 

"Ahh, here comes the dazzling angel of my life!" he said with a wide smile and soft chuckle. She could smell the booze in his breath, she wrinkled her nose in displeasure. Jaejoong, though, was real quick to notice this. "Sorry, we started without you, you were quite late, love." 

"How dare you!! I've missed a whole lot of fun because of work- you should have waited for me!" she complained while she put down her purse. It was incredible how a year of practice could change a person's acting; she would almost believe that she was disappointed herself if she didn't know better. 

"Ahahah, come here and join the fun then, Yeojinnie; your tolerance has never been that high anyways!" 

"Father!" she snapped jokingly, walking where the two old men were sitting with big grins on their faces and soju bottles in front of them. Well, hell! So they would drink. She really wasn't good with that.

"She really is the only one who can't hold her drink here, it seems." Jaejoong said.

"Oh really? How much can you drink?" her father asked.

"Around, what, four bottles? Unless I drink them all up at once. Then I'm afraid that would be less." Jaejoong said, sitting in front of the two old men. She had no choice but to sit next to him. She felt his arm wrap around her shoulders naturally and pull her closer to him. She instinctively resisted before she could think; but he was too strong for her to actually be able to resist. 

"That's sounds a lot." her father whistled. Jaejoong's father nodded. 

"That's my son, alright. Also, Yeojin, welcome." he smiled warmly and kindly; but somehow Yeojin thought that smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Thanks, Mr Kim; I'm sorry I was late." she answered. 

"Oh no, that's absolutely just your loss." the man chuckled. Even though he acted all warm and natural, he didn't tell her to call him father. The only one who wasn't aware that this was a façade was Yeojin's father. She felt sorry for him; but he would feel horrible if he knew what kind of life she had lately. She couldn't do this to him. 

"Come on, drink!" Jaejoong gave her a shot glass and filled it quickly with soju. She had to force herself not to wry her face at the booze smelling breath that hit her face, it stank. Still she chuckled. 

"Fine, fine!" she said and downed the drink in one go, feeling it burn its way down with that sweet aftertaste. After a few more shots and jokes and laughters, she couldn't really notice the alcohol scent in Jaejoong's breath or stop grinning like a retard, really. She wasn't bad with alcohol; but she wasn't resistant either. 

"Don't they make such a cute little couple, Dowon?" Jaejoong's father said. Jaejoong squeezed Yeojin into himself further but it didn't quite bother her anymore. She just giggled without reason, as she always did whenever she got enough alcohol in her system - which was why she liked drinking actually. 

"Just look at them cuddle! I bet we can expect a grandchild soon, huh?" her father said.

"Indeed, indeed." Jaejoong's father nodded. When had it come to them having a kid? She had no idea; but they had been subtly pestering her and Jaejoong for a while now so it was no wonder they had suddenly started talking about this now.

"It'd be nice if they had a son, then a daughter." her father said.

"A big brother for the little girl, huh? Sounds quite sweet! How about three?" Jaejoong's father replied.

"Ohh even better!" her father clapped his hands. She was lost with the way the conversation went. She only laughed and took her shots when she had to. Others definitely had more drink than her; but she felt like she was the most drunk one out there. When it was time for their fathers to leave, though, neither her nor Jaejoong could stand straight without support. They staggered to the door taking support from each other and laughing all the way, waved their fathers goodbye and closed the doors. The second the door was closed, Yeojin pushed Jaejoong off.

"Get oooff me churr heavyy!!" she slurred. Jaejoong yelped as he lost his balance, almost falling; but he managed to hold onto Yeojin in the end, making her groan.

"At least help me to mah roomm..." he whined, clinging onto her. She sighed.

"I thhoughthh I wash the druuunk one here..." she complained. She couldn't even get her words straight, she was supposed to be the one being carried to her room dammit!!

"Whatchha said, carried??" Jaejoong said. She blinked, then giggled like a retarded frog.

"Oh did I say thaathh out loudss?" she giggled and staggered a little towards the room she thought his bedroom was. "Welp!! To put chu to sleepp!!" 

She was spinned around to the opposite direction, though.

"My bedrooom's not there iiidjit!" Jaejoong slurred a little.

"Oh, I see." Yeojin nodded and started walking towards his room seriously. Or at least she tried, before they lost balance again and she was thrown into another giggling fit. 

"Staph laughin, we're gon' fall!" Jaejoong scolded, which made her laugh even more; so much that he had to lean against a wall and cling onto her to keep them both on their feet. She was also aware that if they fell down they probably couldn't get up again until they sobered up; but she just couldn't stop. She could only wait for the giggling fit to subside enough to let them walk. When they reached Jaejoong's room, though, they couldn't judge the distance of his bed right and before he knew it, he had crashed into it. 

"Yikes!!" he yelped again when he lost his balance and desperately tried to cling onto her. 

"Lemme go--" she squeaked; but it was too late to stop the fall. They both rolled into the bed in a mess of tangled limbs, sheets and blanket. Which threw Yeojin into another giggling fit. It was only when she was calmed again that she noticed how ridiculously close Jaejoong's eyes were... and that she didn't mind. She felt high on all the giggling and entranced by the moment; dim light that came from the crescent moon outside with no lights open in the room, the warmth that was both so alien and so familiar, heartbeats against her own and a gaze so deep that she couldn't look away from. She blinked slowly as Jaejoong's fingertips softly traced her cheek down to her chin, pushing away a stray strand of hair. 

"I never knew you had such a pretty laugh..." he mused, more to himself; but it only worked to make her drunken heart skip a beat. She felt a smile creep up its way to curl the corners of her lips up ever so slightly. He closed his eyes with a smile. "...or such a sweet scent."

She could only stare at him as he opened his eyes again and leaned his forehead on hers, looking at her through his eyelashes. She could feel his breath on her skin and the silence felt more magical than any words that could be spoken. Alcohol filled in every possible blank perfectly. He sighed softly, almost dreamily and slid his hands down her arms slowly. He laced his fingers with hers and softly, unhurriedly pushed her to lay on her back. Her heart did a weird twist in her chest. 

"Yeojin..." he whispered, leaving her breathless with no effort. The promises his gaze locked to hers held and the feeling of his legs tangled with hers brushing against her thighs when he shifted to hover over her... it was almost scary; bringing her back to her senses and over the fog the world was in for a second. She struggled against his hold, the temptation and her intoxicated mind. 

"W-what are you... doin'...  stop-" she managed to say before his eyes fluttered close and his lips, for the first time for real, pressed onto hers in a first chaste kiss that soon got passionate enough to blow away every single thought and reasoning she'd ever hoped to have with the slow, sensual movements of sweet, plush, burning lips against her own.

She could only resist so much before forgetting what she was even trying to do.

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*gasp* what now?? please comment!! <3