The cafe we settled in was a nice and cozy one, allowing all the morning sun in through the wide windows everywhere - which I quite liked after waking up in a timeless basement. It was nice to know what time it was by the sun, even though I had to cover my eyes like a vampire when we first walked outside. It was warm and comfortable now, making everything that happened yesterday seem like a nightmare. I had a strawberry cream latté in front of me and its sweetness made me feel better as well. Luhan sitting in front of me was poking the sugar he put in his green tea with his spoon, not looking up to me. He knew there was nowhere left to hide now that it was morning and we were in a cafe. Even the morning news were talking about a  "highly dangerous criminal found dead in a street by the citizens early in the morning, possibly killed in a fight between dark organizations" and nobody knew anything just yet, they were investigating. He had to spill the beans. 

"So." I started in the end, making him raise his head and look at me. "Highly dangerous criminal, huh?" 

"Better not be talking about me here." he smiled sheepishly. I rolled my eyes. 

"There's something that doesn't make sense to me. Such a "highly dangerous" criminal hesitated so much when he saw you that you were able to... uhm, are you sure we should be talking about this in a cafe like this? I mean, I know the music's pretty loud and everyone is minding their own business, but..." I looked around nervously. He chuckled. 

"What, shouldn't I be the one who's scared of being found out?" he said. I looked him up and down. 

"Well, you obviously aren't." I said, my voice sounding quite y even to myself. He raised his hands up in defense.

"Calm down, Seonmi, I'm absolutely sure this is okay as long as we keep our voices down. We're in the corner table, nobody ever comes close enough to listen here and even if they do, I'll notice and change the subject. I always come here... well, I'm usually by myself when I come here; but since I talk to my dad here and nobody has noticed yet, it must be fine even in your eyes. Right?" he said. I sighed in surrender. 

"As you wish, I'm not the one who'll be in trouble." I said and looked directly into his eyes. "So, you have a lot to tell, I think." 

"So I have." he smiled slightly, "But where should I start from..." 

"How about you start from what I'm most curious about? Which is: who exactly are you?" I asked. He took a deep breath and played with his tea again, looking deep in thought. 

"That's... quite complicated." he said. 

"I can start by asking other questions too, you know." I pointed out. He chuckled. 

"That could be easier, indeed." he smiled up at me. It was obvious he wanted to delay telling me about himself for as long as humanly possible. Well, as long as he told me in the end, he could delay it until he was more comfortable. From the question mountain in my head, I took a short while digging out one of the easier to answer, more simple questions.

"Then... who was that highly dangerous criminal? Obviously the police knows of him, he must have a criminal record and all..." I started. He looked more relieved with the new question. 

"He's known by the name of Raven, he's one of the dark pawns." he started explaining. 

"Excuse me, dark pawns?" I asked, furrowing my brows. 

"Uhm, like, pawn of a dark organization. Gets an order, questions nothing and does his job, you know?" he explained. I nodded slowly. "That guy, though, isn't a pawn to any specific organization. More like an assassin. You find him, hire him, pay him in full then you can turn your back and walk away. He's known for never leaving work unattended, never spilling secrets and never quitting. Your money would never go to waste, so you only have to meet him once. It's convenient for both him and his clients."

"Ahh... I have to give it to him, he sounds like he does a good job." I nod, actually impressed. If it were a movie or a novel, I'd be dying to see the scenes of this Raven, probably - yeah I like the cool silent evil of the stories so sue me.

"He did. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of being a threat to you." Luhan smiled kindly; but it gave me chills all the way down my spine. I was quite certain I never saw a smile this icy before in my life and for sure I didn't expect to see it from Luhan. How much did I know this boy, really? I didn't even know if I was supposed to be scared of him. 

"Ah- uhm, yeah... umm, so, why was he after me?" I continued with my questions. Luhan's icy smile instantly dissolved into a natural troubled expression. So this was also one of the harder questions for him; but at least it had changed his expression. I breathed in slowly with relief. 

"Because you were close with me." Luhan said simply after short. 

"Just because I'm close with you they'd want to murder me? Who hired this Raven person?" I asked. 

"If only I knew..." Luhan sighed dreamily, "They'd wish they'd never have been born, what a pleasure it'd have been..."

"Ah...haha, I'll assume that you're kidding." I forced a laugh. He looked at me apologetically. 

"Am I scaring you like this?" he asked, he sounded almost scared himself, of my answer. 

"Well... I'm not used to seeing you like this. You sound bloodthirsty; yet the Luhan I knew has never been that way. He is a lonely boy who has an endless love for basketball and a great, bright smile." I said honestly, mumbling and looking down. 

"Did you never wonder why really that ball is black? It's not because I love the color black..." he said quietly. 

"Then why?" I asked. He stayed silent for short. When I looked up at him, I saw him looking down with sadness evident even at the tips of his hair. 

"Because it reminds me of every single bad thing that I've done. My ever sin, every regret... I must never forget them. Black is the color of my sins. Actually my favourite color is white. Ironic, isn't it?" he snorts at his own comment; but I'm far from laughing. Sins and regrets he says. These aren't the words of a nineteen years old. This boy is shouldering more than he can carry. Biological age never shows a person's actual age it seems, for this boy's soul could be much older than mine. Compared to him, I could as well be a spoiled brat with no sins to carry with me or no actions to regret in my life. I was sad. I was sad for the battered soul he was. 

"Luhan..." was all that I could manage at that moment. If he wanted, I wouldn't ask anything more. But he didn't. He just took a breath and looked up with a smile like he didn't say the last few sentences at all. 

"Ah, sorry; I got distracted. Well, I don't know who was the one after you; but they definitely know that you're not dead and they're probably chewing on their hats in rage." he laughed at himself. It didn't make me worry any less with how he tried to conceal his true heart. He could joke all he wanted, he could laugh around and pretend; but I had seen that wounded soul once. I knew it was all a charade to keep me from worrying and now that I knew it, the spell was broken. He kept speaking like he wasn't aware, though. 

"That's not the only time they're gonna be disappointed, though, I'll never allow you to get hurt. To get to you, they have to step over my dead body. Heck, I'd come back as grudge and haunt their whole lineage if they brought any harm to you! That'd be some curse to talk about, heh." he chuckled amusedly again. 

"Luhan..." I mumbled quietly again. Everything he said, every smile he put on, it somehow hurt me. He looked at my face and in the end, he gave up with a sigh. He reached out and took my hands in his, looked into my eyes with a small smile - one that was much more real compared to all those laughs he was throwing around to show off just now. 

"Hey, come on; don't make that face... I'm not telling you all these so you can be sad. If you're gonna be like that, I won't be able to continue." he said. His hands were much bigger and warmer than mine. I squeezed his hand in my fingers slightly, looking for support. It was funny how he was the one who had went through everything to make him say what he said and yet I was the one still looking for support in the big, gentle hands wrapped around mine. Maybe it was just that he had been like this for so long that he was used to it already... but that was an even sadder thing to think. Oh how naive had I been, thinking he was the innocent one. I must have seemed like a child all along to him. 

"I can't help it... Luhan, if this is hard on you, if this is making you sad I don't have to know. If it's gonna make you sad I don't want you to tell me, I really don't." I said. He smlied so warmly then that I thought I could melt in that instant.

"If there's one person who I'd tell everything in my heart, it's you and you say that you don't want me to tell you. What kind of joke is that?" he said softly. I couldn't help my heart skipping a beat. My breath hitched in my throat. I couldn't speak a word. It wasn't just a teenager boy in front of me. This was already a man speaking. He continued when I stayed silent. 

"Say, do you know why I have such a grudge against these people who have hired Raven? So much that it scares and worries you like this?" he asked, but didn't wait for me to speak, "It's because if there's one thing I cannot lose, that's you, Seonmi. I can never lose you. You're just that precious. Before I met you, it had been forever since I smiled that sincerely. It's incredible how you can make me feel alive again. When I'm with you, I want to actually do things. I want to run around, get wet under a random street fountain, drown in ice cream, laugh until my stomach hurts... when I'm with you, I feel light again. I feel like I can breathe again. And if I lose you now... just thinking of losing you is enough to make me feel like I'm drowning. Call me a brat; but anyone who's gonna take you away from me will have a good taste of my wrath. I can't let anyone hurt you. I can't bear to see you sad, worried, scared. I can't bear the thought of you leaving me. Never in my life did I need anything as much as I need you right now..."

I had to bite my lips hard not to start crying right at that moment; but I couldn't stop myself from tearing up. I was squeezing his hands so hard that it must have hurt a lot; but he didn't let go. I took a shaky breath and when I blinked, the tears I was trying to hold back dropped silently to the table. one of his hands left mine to wipe at my eyes. He chuckled softly. 

"Ah, I'm such a failure... I said I can't bear seeing you sad, yet I made you cry." he said, grimacing slightly. I grabbed both his hands and leaned my forehead on them, closing my eyes. 

"I'm not sad... Luhan, I'm not sad. This is not because I'm sad. I'm being a crybaby. I'm... overwhelmed. I've never heard feelings even close to yours before and I can feel they're true deep in my soul. It's too much, all these feelings are too much; it feels like it's wrong to be happy like I am at these words; but I am, so much that I can't help these stupid tears." I confessed. I did feel like a stupid, bothersome crybaby girl though I always hated them. I tried to stop my tears but it proved impossible. In seconds, I felt a big warmth next to me. Luhan's hands left mine, then his arms were around me instead. He pulled my head to his chest and I buried my face in his shirt as he started my hair gently. He gave me time to calm down before he spoke again. When I was done shaking and crying silently, which thankfully didn't take longer than a few minutes, he pulled away enough to look at me and wiped at my wet face with the back of his fingers. 

"Feeling better?" he asked. I sniffled and nodded. He picked up a tissue and gave it to me. I dried my face and wiped my nose, then took a deep breath to completely calm down. He kept his arm around my shoulders and stayed close to me, playing with the tip of my hair. I turned and looked at his face. 

"Luhan... I know you said you'd explain everything; but aside from that, I really want to know every single thing about you. I want to know the real you." I said. He smiled. 

"You already do. You know, I was only faking smiles when I first met you and even that first day I really had fun with you. I didn't really think I'd meet you again even though I did invite you to come along whenever you wanted. But you came again the next day... I was sincerely shocked. And happy. I haven't been faking anything with you ever since. " he said. I chuckled, I was certain that I was blushing but I didn't care. 

"I feel special." I smiled, "But, I still only know the lonely orphan boy who loves basketball and has a bright smile. The smile part is true; but the rest of it is a lie... so I want to know all about you. That's the sentimental part; also, being logical, I still have unanswered questions in my mind. I get the impression that this trouble I got myself into is out of my depth and I don't think that I'm wrong. And you say that you... can't afford to lose me, so I should at least know what I've gotten myself into. Right?"

"Well... just "I want to know all about you" would have been enough." he chuckled softly, inching closer to me for a moment; but he pulled back instantly when he realised that himself. "I promised I would tell you anyways, no need for logical explanations. About anything more than that... I told you. If there's anyone I'd want to tell about myself, that is you." 

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d'awww i'm being all emotional here ;w; i'm hoping you people didn't hate this chappy orz /prays with all my heart. please do comment, i'll be waiting. thank you!!