Insomnia has finally attacked me again, or probably I really find it hard to sleep because of thinking way too much. I don’t even have any  idea about what Chanyeol’s mom told me. Why would it be incurable? Why would it be fatal? Why there are no medications for that? I decided to visit a doctor the next day so I forced myself to sleep.

The next day, I woke up and fixed myself and headed towards my mom’s colleague. He is a doctor in Seoul Hospital so I sent him a message beforehand and invited him for a meeting. I went straight toward his office and I found him sitting on his chair, reading some data that I cannot even understand.

“Hyemin-ah, come here.” He gestured me to sit on the chair in front of him and smiled at me

“Sorry for interrupting, uncle.”

“What can I do to help you?”

“Uncle, you are specialized with the brain thingy right? I just wanna ask something about—hmm—Jacob? Jakob? Jakob disease?”

“You mean, Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease?”

“Yes yes! That’s it… hmm.. Uncle is it really fatal and incurable?” I gathered all my strength to ask him this question but I felt like I don’t have the energy to hear his reply yet. I am afraid that what Yeol’s mom said was true.

My uncle suddenly looked at me with a serious face. “What’s with the sudden question?”

“Actually.” I sighed “A friend of mine got examined with that kind of disease. Is it really that serious?”

“Alright, CJD is a neurological disorder. Yes it is true that it is incurable for the time being and I must be honest that it’s fatal. This disorder is not common to be very honest, only few people had the probability to have this disease.”

“Why did he have this kind of disease if it’s not common. I mean neither his parents suffered from this”

“It’s not only through genes, Hyemin-ah but you can got this with food or if you have done any medical treatment or probably transfusion before.”

“How long will it usually take? 10 years? “

“The shortest is a few days after diagnosis, if you are lucky you might be able to reach up to 5 years. But only few cases reached that long. They can die anytime plus a lot of things might happen to them including: dementia, anxiety, severe depression and many more.”

*****

I was sobbing really hard as soon as I reached my apartment. I must be strong enough for Yeol, I must be always with him during the last years of his life. I wanted to make memories of us together; I wanted to make him happy. All I ever wanted was to be with him. I actually rejected an offer from my career because all I ever wanted is to stay with Chanyeol and spend all my time with him.

I already set in my mind that I must not shed even a teardrop when Chanyeol is with me. I must be happy all the time and ignore everything else.

I decided to stay at Chanyeol’s place for a while even if Chanyeol doesn’t want me to be there. I headed straight towards his room and I found him staring outside his window.

“Thinking of something huh?” I butted in and sat beside him then nudged his side after.

“What are you doing here? I said I don’t wanna get bothered here. Leave me alone.”

“But I don’t want, I wanna stay here with you.”

“--I’m dying”

I heard what Chanyeol mumbled about, I feel like crying in front of him but I must control it so I just gave him a hard punch on his arm.He got startled and yelled at me. “YAH! Why are you being so harsh towards a guy with no future?”

“Are you dumb? So what if you are dying? So what if you are sick? Are you gonna spend the last years of your life sulking inside your room and  ignoring all the people that cared for you instead of spending time with them?”

Chanyeol avoided my gaze and looked outside the window again.

“Seriously Yeol, I know this might be difficult or more like this is really difficult. Don’t be too selfish because this is hard for your family too.. Seeing you suffering like this, seeing you torturing yourself and ignoring everyone around you. --losing hope so easily. Dying doesn’t mean that it’s the end, Yeol.”

I didn’t realize that tears started to fall from my eyes. Chanyeol suddenly pulled me into a hug and I felt him crying too. “Spend your time with your family, make more memories with them. Don’t waste these precious moments with you, sulking here.”

“I’m afraid, Hyemin-ah… If I spend more time with my family I know I will hurt them even more. They will just reminisce about the old days that we’ve been together when I’m no longer around anymore.

“So what? We all live only once, Yeol. Spend each day wisely, do not regret anything.” I ruffled his hair and smiled slightly at him. Chanyeol suddenly cupped my face and started kissing me softly on the lips. I kissed him back as I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered I love you in between the kisses.

*****

Chanyeol spent time with his family and his jolly personality came back again. I went back to my apartment after that but they asked me to come back and live with them for a while. I managed to fix the misunderstandings between me and Chanyeol’s mother and sister.

Before the day ended, Chanyeol asked me to cuddle with him to bed and just sleep with him. I hesitated at first but Yeol is such a jerk and said that it’s not like we haven’t done that before so I headed towards his bedroom as soon as I changed to my pyjamas. I lay down beside him and his arms wrapped around my body and I can feel the warm feeling of his embrace.

“I missed this” I smiled at him as he planted a soft kiss on my nose and I saw him smiling back at me. “I thought this will not happen anymore.”

“We should do this every day then. But be sure not to miss me when I’m not around anymore. You better find a partner in the future.”

“I don’t want. I only want you.” I played with his hand and intertwined his fingers with mine.

”What if I am not around anymore? What will happen to you? You will be lonely” He started my hair as I feel him kissing me on the neck down towards my collarbones.

“You must wait for me up there then, I will follow you.”

“WHAT?” Chanyeol suddenly stared and gave me scary glare.

“Don’t worry, I will not commit suicide. I just wanted to tell you to wait for me when I already reached the deadline. I will search for you up there.” I giggled slightly as Yeol started kissing me again and as his hand started trailing on my body then we made love after.

The next day, I woke up then realized that Chanyeol is not beside me anymore. I fixed myself up then walked out of the room to look for Yeol. His sister and mother is not around because they need to attend for a 3-day business tour and meeting.

“Yeol?” I said upon checking up the bathroom then headed down towards the kitchen.

I found Chanyeol leaning on the sink as his right hand pounding his head. He stopped then smiled at me as soon as he sees me beside the door of the kitchen.

“Good Morning.” He said. “I prepared breakfast for you.” He walked towards me and kissed my lips then ruffled my hair.

“Good Morning too, Mister Park.” I just acted that I didn’t noticed his situation before and kissed his lips back. “You woke up quite early huh?” I smiled at him and poked his chest.

I felt like we are a newlywed couple because it was just us plus their housemaid, Chanyeol preparing the breakfast and acted like a sweet wife while I am the workaholic husband. This kind of idea made my laugh suddenly; I find it cute yet weird at the same time.
      
“Are you taking your medicine every day?” I asked Chanyeol as I started drinking my warm cup of coffee.

“Of course, why did you suddenly asked? Chanyeol said then stuffed his mouth with bacon and egg.

“No reason, just checking you out.” I started eating my breakfast then headed to shower after cleaning and washing the dishes up.

Chanyeol was busy staring at his cellphone while lying down on the bed. I headed towards his room after taking a quick shower. I took a peek at his hand phone as I wrapped my arms around his body.

“What are you looking at?” I break up the silence as I rest my head on his chest.

“Just planning to book for a vacation.”

“Where are you planning to go?”

“I feel like bringing mom and Yura nuna to Paris for a week and then you and me should come back to Jeju because we have some unfinish business.”

“That sounds great. By the way have you taken your medicine?”

“Yeah, I took it while you were taking a shower. Anyway, how is you work?”

“I already quit.”

“Why? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Yes, but I wanted to spend more time with you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, silly” Chanyeol pinched my cheeks really hard. 

“You better go to work tomorrow or I will disappear from you forever.”

“I want to stay like this.” I pouted as I looked at him.

“You must not neglect your work because of petty reasons.”

“But it’s you and I am happy that I am spending some quality time with you. Isn’t it nice.”

Chanyeol ignored what I just said and glared at me. “You should work again next week or I will seriously poof away from you.

“Sir yes sir.” I answered as my hand saluted at him and chuckled.