LOST FAITH

SBS Gayo Daejun 2013

Month passed by month, time passed very fast, today is the 3 last day before new year 2014 comes. And today is the day which hold a annual concert called SBS Gayo Daejun where a lot of idol groups come to perform, not except T-ara and Infinite.

Myungsoo dan Woohyun have finished their rehearsal, this time both of them were chosen to perform for opening stage along with another artist. They walked back to Infinite’s waiting room, when was about to open the door, they saw T-ara whom just arrived. Woohyun waved his hand as smiling at Hyomin whom also looking at him, while Myungsoo only saw Jiyeon was wearing her tight yellow jacket entered T-ara’s waiting room, he choose to entering Infinite’s room first.

“Where is Woohyun ?” Sunggyu asked.

Myungsoo rolled his eyeball towards the door. “Meet up with his girl first.” He answered as taking seat at the couch. He stared at his phone, then typed a message to Jiyeon. Almost this 3 weeks, he kept sending messages to Jiyeon. He can’t stand like this, get away from Jiyeon, he wanted to back together with her, he tried to get Jiyeon back to his side.

But it seems like did not went well like what he expected, Jiyeon did not replied his messages even just once. But it was not called Myungsoo if he easily give up just because that thing. He kept sending messages to Jiyeon, tried to give all of his concern for the girl whom he loves very much.

At T-ara’s waiting room

Jiyeon was getting finished touch on her face by the make up artist, then Eunna – T-ara’s stylist – approached her, it turn her hair to get styled. Suddenly her phone vibrated signaling that she has recieved a new message, and it was from Myungsoo, his first messages to her for today, that was she thought.

Jiyeon sighed slowly, when Myungsoo will stop to texting her, give his concern, is Myungsoo approaching her again ?  Jiyeon smiled sadly, as easy as it Myungsoo wants get back to her ? She clicked onto Myungsoo’s message, it was read, Hi, Jiyeonie, i saw you just now. It’s first time i see you again since umm.. 4 months ago. Hwaiting for today!

It makes Jiyeon smiled slighty, she definitely can’t deniying that every single message sent by Myungsoo were giving effect for her self, there is a happy feeling arose in her heart. “Hwaiting too for you.” She said in her heart.

“You were getting closer again with him ?” Jiyeon gasped when hearing that question. She looked up at the mirror, stared at Eunna the one who gave her that question. “Nope, unnie.” She answered.

Eunna raised her eyebrows in wonder, Not going to back but he texted you ? That was she thought. “We’re not going to back together, unnie. Umm... just only he keep texting me in this few weeks.” Jiyeon explained to Eunna.

Eunna nodded her head in understanding. She already done with Jiyeon’s hair, then she tapped Jiyeon’s cheeks gently. “What’s the matter to get closer back with him ? Making friend.” After said that, Eunna switched to Hyomin’s side to working on her hair.

Jiyeon looked at Eunna briefly before back to her phone screen. “Get closer back ?” No. Eunna did not understand her feeling, how disappointed and broke she was knowing all of this. Maybe she and Myungsoo can be friend but not for this time, did not know when.

Someone knocked their door, Manager oppa opened it. “T-ara is up about 10 minutes later.” One of SBS staff infromed them. Manager oppa right comanded them to rushing to the back stage.

Eunjung and Soyeon were warming up their voice, Hyomin, Boram, and Qri were a liitle bit running at their place to warming up their body, while Jiyeon remained silent as watching f(x)’s rehearsal. A few minutes passed, it was their turn to getting up on stage to rehearsal. They formed a circle before get up on stage and cheering up at each other. “Hwaiting. T-ara jjang!”

Their rehearsal went smoothly as well, all them danced and sang perfectly as what SBS staff directed to them. Only need less than 10 minutes for T-ara to make rehearsal, then they immediately went down from the stage to back to their waiting room.

Right in the half way, there was Infinite whom was walking to the stage, it was Infinite’s turn to rehearsal, they will perform right after T-ara tonight. They made their bows to each other, Hyomin cheer up on Woohyun.

“Good job, Jiyeon-ah.” Hoya praised Jiyeon when he saw Jiyeon walked towards them. Jiyeon replied with a pure smile as said Fighting to Hoya.

Jiyeon’s eyes caught Myungsoo whom standing hindmsot, wants or not she still has to passing him. Jiyeon only nod her head when she passed Myungsoo, without smiling and looking at him, it was very different when Jiyeon greeted his fellow member. Then Jiyeon just walked away, making Myungsoo sculpting in his place only staring at Jiyeon whom getting diappearing from his sight.

Sungjong saw it, he tapped his hyung’s shoulder to switch Myungsoo attention. “Hyung, let’s go! It’s our turn.” Myungsoo briefly looked at Sungjong before sighed in dissapointed and rushed to the stage.

*******

Myungsoo kept turning his head to his right side, looking for someone ? Yes, he was looking for Jiyeon. Too bad T-ara did not gathered with other artist, just like last year.

It was the ending time of the concert, he was waited for it. So he would able to see Jiyeon. He was standing in the front line with other members, while Jiyeon was standing not far from them. In the middle of his fanservice time, he still steal the chance to glancing at Jiyeon in several times.

Myungsoo turned his head to Jiyeon’s side, he saw Jiyeon was playing with her scraft, it looks cute in his eyes. He should desperately hold his expression, he was eager to giggle when seeing the cute thing Jiyeon did. But he was aware of hundreds of pairs of eyes could be noticed it, so he can only let a slight smile.

Undeliberaty Jiyeon also turned her head to her left said, right after it her eyes meet with Myungsoo eyes for Of course she was surprised, fortunately she still able to hide her feelings, hurriedly she turned back her head. Myungsoo realized it and he just sighed in disappointed.

*******

2013 December 31

The last day in 2013, where Korea music industry was bussied with the annual concert which held by MBC, MBC Gayo Daejuke, it could say as the final series of Gayo concert held by KBS, SBS, and MBC, the three largest TV stations in Korea.

T-ara has finished the rehearsal, tonight the got their turn to perform earlier than in the SBS Gayo yesterday. Jiyeon came out of the T-ara’s waiting room to the toilet, just as it was Myungsoo also came out of Infinite’s waiting room. He saw Jiyeon, without thinking long, he immediately followed Jiyeon. He wants to talk with Jiyeon, explain many things to her. Myungsoo leaned against the wall, waiting for Jiyeon outside the toilet, he looked around, lucky it was deserted.

The moment later, Jiyeon came out of the toilet, her legs were numb on the floor when she caught sight of a familiar figure, Myungsoo was leaning on the wall. Myungsoo realized it, he immediately stood up and walked over to Jiyeon until he was standing right in front of Jiyeon. Both Myungsoo and Jiyeon just stared in silence in the middle of a long hallway, make the quiet atmoshper became more quiet. For both of them, as if the time stopped at this time.

“Jiyeon...” Finally Myungsoo broke the quiet atmoshper between them.

Jiyeon did not give any respond to him, instead she was about to leave from there. Myungsoo deftly blocked her, again Jiyeon was still trying to leave. “Don’t avoid me, Ji.” Myungsoo said. Jiyeon stopped, stared at Myungsoo in annoyed as said, “I had to go back.”

“Can we talk ?” Myungsoo asked at Jiyeon. Jiyeon raised her eyebrows. “Many things we had to talk, Ji.” Myungsoo said.

Jiyeon stared at him for a seconds. “I think we have nothing to talk about.” Myungsoo shook his head quickly as said, “No. Many things i want to say and you should hear.”

“But i don’t want to hear anything.” Jiyeon answer coldly.. too cold makes Myungsoo’s ear ached.

Myungsoo grabbed Jiyeon’s hand,  warm.. that is what Myungsoo and Jiyeon feel when their hand adrift back, the same warm feeling when they were still together. “There are many things that you didn’t know and-”

“And i don’t want to know anything.” Jiyeon cut Myungsoo’s word quickly. Myungsoo thightened his hand on jiyeon. “I know you hate me. But i want to explain everything to you, so there is no misunderstanding anymore.”

Jiyeon kept silent. It might be true she must have misunderstood with Myungsoo. But what she saw and Woollim’s statement about Myungsoo and Doyeon relationship, did not it has explained everything ? She took a deep breath then pulled her hand of Myungsoo’s. “Listen! I never hate you. I was mad and disappointed. My heart hutrs, Myungsoo. But not anymore.”

Myungsoo furrowed his eyebrows. Jiyeon was trying hard to find a right words. “Yeah not anymore. I no longer feel anything. I already get over you.” Then Jiyeon leave Myungsoo.

Myungsoo gasped after hear that word. Get over him ? What’s the meaning of that ? Myungsoo immediately followed Jiyeon. He grabbed Jiyeon’s hand again, “You are lying to me, right ? Tell me you’re lying about it earlier ?!”

Jiyeon smiled sadly. Yes, Myungsoo was true. She was lying to him. She can not get over him.. She still loving him, how hard she tried to get over him, in fact it still can not.

Myungsoo spoke up again. “Jiyeon, let me ex-”

“I said i don’t want to hear anything.” Again, Jiyeon cut Myungsoo words.

“No. You should listen what i want to explain to you. We can’t continue like this.” Myungsoo said.

Jiyeon stared deeply at Myungsoo. “I don’t care. My faith has lost, i don’t know what to believe in anyone. I don’t know anymore how to believe in you, Myungsoo.” After that she walked away from Myungsoo. She hold her tears, trying hardly to not cry. It was true... she did not know should believe in who.

She was disappointed at Myungsoo, then Myungsoo’s scandal popped out, and the most hurted is Woollim confirmed about Myungsoo’s dating rumor, 4 Month ? She can not believe it.. How can they released statement like that ? Woollim even clearly knew that Myungsoo was dating her that time. She kept walking away without thinking thinking to turns around, without caring how Myungsoo there.

In other hand, Myungsoo can just silent, his body was stiff like there is a glue stuck in his shoe, caused him can not move, just sculpting while staring at Jiyeon’s back which is getting away and disappeared of his sight.

In that coridor, can still clearly heard Jiyeon’s last word in Myungsoo’s ear, where Jiyeon said that she didn’t believe in him anymore. How his feeling when he heard the one he loves didn’t believe him anymore ? He himself even can not describe how was his feeling. What should he do to makes Jiyeon believe him again ? Is this really painfull the feeling of lost faith from the one you love the most ?

*******

At Infinite’s dorm

Myungsoo just back from his drama fiming, greeted by Woohyun and Sungyeol. “Where is Sungjong ?” He asked as looking around the dorm room.

“He accompanied Sunggyu hyung to grocery shop.” Sungyeol answered. Myungsoo nodded his head as his respond, then walked to his room.

A few days ago, Infinite member started to live seperatedly, Sunggyu, Hoya, and Dongwoo moved to new dorm, still in the same building with their old dorm, and the rest member stayed in old dorm.

For early this year, Infinite didn’t has though schedules, Kim Sajangnim gave times to them to take some rest longer after their rough schedule with World Tour. Beside that, they are busy recording for Infinite’s new album, Infinite have plans to comeback on the 1st half this year.

After an hour, Myungsoo came out of his room, saw Sungyeol who too engrosed into the movie he watch. He approcahed Sungyeol. “Ya, you’re too serious. What is movie now ?” He asked as sitting next to Sungyeol.

Sungyeol didn’t answered his question. “Ya, i ask you, Yeol.” Myungsoo said.

“Ssst, silent please! You disturb my concentration.” Sungyeol replied without looking at Myungsoo.

Myungsoo hit Sungyeol’s head with the pillow. “I just asking not disturb you, babo!” He said.

Sungyeol hold his head and rubbed it, turned his head to Myungsoo. “Ya! Keep silent!” He said in annoyed. He was engrossed watching the newest action movie.

Myungsoo stared in annoyed at Sungyeol, in the end he chose to silent and followed watching the movie. After half an hour, the movie was over, Sungyeol turned to Myungsoo. “So, what you wanted to ask earlier ?” He asked at Myungsoo.

Myungsoo snorted in annoyed. “Forget it. I already knew the answer.” He answered. Suddenly he remembered the scene during the ending of MBC Gayo last year, where he was looking for Jiyeon, instead he saw Sungyeol was staring at something. Myungsoo followed Sungyeol eyes direction, it was Jiyeon the person Sungyeol staring at.

“Yeolie.” He called Sungyeol’s name.

“Hmm ?” Sungyeol responded.

“I want to ask you something, would you answer it honestly ?” Myungsoo asked.

Sungyeol felt a bit weird with Myungsoo’s question, but he didn’t take it serious. “Ne.”

Feel Myungsoo not coming to ask him, Sungyeol look at Myungsoo. In that time, myungsoo opened his mouth to ask. “If i want to approach Jiyeon, get her back to me, would you let me ?” Myungsoo asked.

Sungyeol a bit surprised with Myungsoo’s question. Didn’t they agree to not talking about his feeling towards Jiyeon anymore. “Let you ?” He asked back at Myungsoo. Answered with nods from Myungsoo. “Hey, Myung. Why must i don’t let you ? It’s your right.” He replied.

“Would you consent it ?” Myungsoo asked again.

Sungyeol laughed bitterly. “Consent ? She’s not anyone to me.”

“But you have feeling towards her.” Myungsoo argued.

Sungyeol’s face became stiff. “No, i don’t.” Sungyeol anwered quickly. “I meant not anymore.”

Myungsoo turned to Sungyeol. “Don’t lie! I know it right. You keep staring at her.” He argued again. He really wanted to know everything about Sungyeol’s feelings towards Jiyeon.

Sungyeol sighed softly. “You’re right. Then what’s the matter ?” He paused for a seconds. He looked at Myungsoo. “Myung, didn’t we agreed to not talking about my feelings anymore ?” He continued his word.

Myungsoo shifted his sight from Sungyeol. He really wants to get Jiyeon back, he needs her. But half of his heart was anxious, anxious about Sungyeol’s feelings, however Sungyeol is his bestfriend, he doesn’t want Sungyeol have broken heart for twice.

“I know, but i can’t. How can i approach Jiyeon while i know my best buddy also has the same feelings towards her ? I don’t want be happy but make you sad.” Myungsoo said.

“Oh come on, Myung. Don’t burdened with my feelings. If you want to go back to Jiyeon, just back. Follow your heart.” Sungyeol replied.

“I-” Myungsoo could not continued his word.

“Just promise that you won’t hurt her again. Promise ?” Sungyeol asked.

Myungsoo looked at Sungyeol as nodding his head for sure. “I’ll be the fool for the second time if i hurted a girl like Jiyeon again.” He said. After it he becomes silent, there is something makes him doubted. “But i think it will be hard, Yeolie.” He said out of blue.

Sungyeol who has understood the problem, only commented, “Definitely yes. She hurted a lot with all of this. Maybe hard for her to forgive you, but we won’t ever know if we don’t try yet.”

Myungsoo sighed in exhausted. Sungyeol didn’t know yet the hardest problem now. “It has been 2 months since i tried to approaching her. She doesn’t give a response, okay it’s not a big problem, i can wait for her. But-” He stopped his words. There is a pain in his heart, the pain because he lost trust. “I lost Jiyeon’s faith.” He continued.

“What’s the meaning of that ?” Sungyeol asked quickly. To be honest, he was shocked.

Again, Myungsoo sighed in disappointed. “I asked her to talk. I want to explain everything has happened. Too bad she didn’t want to hear my explanation.  She didn’t give me a chance to explain anything.” He paused his words, bent down his head weakly. “Even he said that she didn’t believe in me anymore.”

Sungyeol dropped his jaw, speechless. “Mwo-mwoya ?”

“What should i do ? How to get back her faith to me ? What should i do ?” Myungsoo asked at himself.

Sungyeol patted Myungsoo’s shoulder, giving the strength to his bestfriend. “If you mean it, then show her that you ain’t going to repeat the same mistake.” He said.

Myungsoo nodded his head in understand. “Gomawo.” He thanked at Sungyeol.

Sungyeol stared at Myungsoo in pity. Since knowing that Doyeon girl, many problems that Myungsoo had to face. “You have to fight harder. It’s not easy to heal someone’s heart which get hurted.” Sungyeol took a break at his words. Then he continued, “Moreover with the statement to admit your relationship with Doyeon. Jiyeon, she sure doesn’t know the reason behind it all, the reason why you admit it.”

Myungsoo sighed coarsely. If it is not because Doyeon’s threat, he will not gonna admit his relationship.

“Don’t give up easily, Myung. I think Jiyeon’s feeling to you doesn’t change as well as your feelings to her. She still loves you.” Sungyeol said.

“Ne, i hope so... Gomawo.” Once again Myungsoo thanked at Sungyeol.

Hello my beloved readers. Long time no see you.

Finally, i'm back. I'm so sorry, i'm such a bad author bcoz like to hiatus for long time.

yeah it has been 2 months since my last update. The reason is my study,

bcoz i'm studying in 2 majors, my time filled with study, study, and study. T_T

I'll try to finish all my stories in the end of this month, before my holiday is over.

Thank you a lot for your patience to waiting my story.

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