“She had something to prove, that girl. Out of all your friends, she was the one that reminded me of you at times. Yes, Krystal was like a sister, but whenever I looked into Jieun’s eyes-I just wanted to hold her. She clung onto you all because you were all she had, and when she looked at you she thought she had someone just like her. From a broken family as well. All your other friends, they had both parents, married or separated they still had a good relationship with their kids but Jieun had it tough. She was left alone in that big house. Her father remarried and poor Jieun was kept here and not brought to America. But she soon found out that you weren’t like her-that even with only me you didn’t feel empty like she did. If you looked in her eyes you’d see that all the child wants is to be wanted. To be worth something. That’s why she’s the way she is. And I think that’s why she wants to be a singer. So she can stand on that stage, be on TV and have people see her as something. So that her father can regret leaving her alone at the age of 14. So she can see herself finally worthy. It’s a distorted thought but it’s the only one keeping her going.” 

“Why do you want to be a singer?”

Jieun looked up from the board game they were playing, dropping the dice in her palm. It was a sleepover, well a self-proclaimed one-Jieun just showed up with her bag and made her way up to Suzy’s room surprising the other who was playing solitaire and eating Twizzlers.

Jieun’s lips stuck out before glancing up smiling sweetly to the girl sitting opposite of her from the bed. “Let’s just say I have someone I want to see me on t.v” and her hand picked up her piece and moved it up six spaces into the winner’s circle. “I win”

………………………………………………

~Scars remind us of where we’ve been, they don’t have to dictate where we’re going~

……………………………………….

She walked in with her head held high, giving out free smiles filled with confidence as her boots clicked against the floor. The student body instantly felt warmth radiant off her in the cold air. Her hair was dyed bright blond, giving her a halo as she passed them by. The rumors were caught in their throats, because wasn’t it last night that they had found out that she and Kai had broken up. And everyone knew what he meant to her so how could she be so…..happy?

Her nails dug into her palm as she continued on her way to the café were the others were always waiting for her. She had told herself that she needed to be strong in order to carry the group-if they see their queen a mess wouldn’t the nation be lost? And besides there was a whole lot more to Jung Soojung than just her relationship.

She pulled open the door and expected to see them all chatting, to have Taemin winking at her and forgetting everything about her words last night. To see Jieun giving her those cat eyes that she’d roll her eyes too and Hyeri would be patting the seat next to her for her to slip into in front of Jongin and Jaebum. That her caramel latte would be handed to her by Sehun with nothing but a smile. But sadly none of those things greeted her. There wasn’t a bright warm light shining on the center group like usual, it was a dark grey cloud above their heads and Krystal wondered what had happened last night.

Sehun was the first to react to her presence, he handed her her drink and it was cold, the ice floated down to the bottom of the cup before it surfaced again. She thanked him before sitting down next to Taemin who was seen giving Jieun a look that had Krystal’s ice latte seem hot. It was obvious that Jieun was nervous which was odd to her because she was the chic and cool one, not one to feel uncomfortable. Her eyebrow raised towards Hyeri to have her explain but the girl was doing nothing but reading a book, one whose titled seemed all too familiar, and blatantly ignoring Jaebum in his attempt for her attention. Taemin gave the other a pat on the back that had Jaebum bowing his head to him as if his debt. It was all too bizarre and out of context, and surprisingly the only one in their right characters was Jongin and Sehun, all busy with themselves about what song they would sing this week for their final performance. Her hand shook slightly, almost dropping her cup for she had wanted to hit her head on the wall for forgetting something as important as her final grade for voice. And what was worse was that Suzy was also in jeopardy because of her. Did I screw up that badly?

Her thoughts burst into the air when Jongin patted her head and motioned for her to start walking to class. He smiled softly noticing her eyes widen when she registered who was in front of her and held her back a second when the others were lost into the sea of students running to class so they wouldn’t be scolded.

“Soojung” her voice squeaked at him calling her name and she cursed herself in her mind for reacting.

“You dyed your hair. Blonde is kind of bold don’t you think? You’ll stand out even more”

Krystal gripped the ends of her fish tail braid, admiring the work her sister did to her hair before sweeping it back behind her “I’m the Queen are I not? I stand out no matter what I do”

This is good Soojung ah, yeah continuing talking like this and you’ll be fine. You’ll be able to talk to Kai without feeling your heart burn. You can do this!

“So conceited are we?” His eyes shimmered when she scoffed and mumbled that she was always confident. “I know” She looked at him with curiosity “I know that you’re confident and strong.”

Krystal turned her body around so she wasn’t standing next to him anymore but right in front of him. She observed his posture and how relaxed he was, his shoulders weren’t as tense and his hair had that glow on his brown hair-kind of like how she remembered it the first time she saw him.

“Kai I just-“

“Krystal, I made a mistake going out with you” her footing faltered processing his words. “It’s not that I didn’t like you it’s the fact that I basically took advantage of you.”

Krystal shook her head in disagreement “If anyone took advantage it would be me I made you—“

“You were right, I never really looked at you as my girlfriend. You were a distraction, an escape from everything and even if you were the one to have suggested it, I had the common sense to save us both. And for that, for not protecting you like I said I would-I am sorry”

He lowered his upper half into a bow. Kim Jongin, the king of the school had bowed 90 degrees to Jung Krystal, the queen of the school all until she whacked him on the head with her bag. The dull ache pained Jongin when he straighten himself out and gave Krystal a puzzled look. Her eyes narrowed with her eyebrows so close they could be touching. Her finger pointed right in the middle of Jongin’s nose making him go cross eyed.

“You, Kim Kai, are an idiot. You’re an idiot with a good heart though. That bow, I didn’t deserve but I will accept. So thank you.”

Her smile was breathtaking, it was so genuine that Jongin’s headache faded away just seeing her smile at him, the same smile she made the first time they met. He felt her arms wrap around his neck as she stood on her tippy toes to give him a hug. He placed his hands on her upper back and brought her closer to him so the only thing he could see was blonde. She stepped back and gave one final blow to her ex-boyfriend. He grunted in pain because now his right shoulder was throbbing because of her punch.

“Just so you know Kai, I was lying before- I wasn’t as confident as you thought I was. I wasn’t as strong as you had believed me to be but someone told me that I always was-it was just my doubts that stopped me. This was my first step Kai and I decided it to be happiness. I’m going to be happy”

…………………………………………………………………………………………

She could feel the stares as she walked into the class late. Her eyes swooped to the front of the class were Krystal and Jongin were being scolded by teacher Yoon that Suzy bursts out laughing looking at their expressions. But it was a grave mistake because now she was up at the front right next to Krystal being scolded on how tardiness isn’t acceptable, that if they were going to be late they might as well have not shown up.

“Ah seongsangnim, don’t you think you’re being a little too harsh?” Suzy whipped her head to her right seeing Krystal pout at their teacher. “We had fallen getting up the stairs and Kai just helped me walk over here, I’m in pain and I still wanted to come to class” she lowered her head and Suzy’s jaw dropped. Yah! Is Krystal Jung acting right now? Wow. Daebak. She should have majored in that.

“Ah was that the case? I see I see, and Kai was late for helping you? Okay sit down and go to the health wing after class arraso?” Krystal lifted her head and smiled brightly to Teacher Yoon before turned her head towards Suzy and sticking her tongue out at the girl. Mehrong

Suzy scoffed and gave her a thumb’s up “Daebak Krystal-shii. Daebak” her mocking was cut short when teacher Yoon told her to stand at the front for the rest of the class because she didn’t have a reason for being late. Chh and I thought I was your favorite.

“Okay, now that everyone is here- I would like to announce that your final is on the 23rd of this month which would be Tuesday at 6 o’clock sharp. Don’t be late” her eyes traveled to Suzy who gave her a sheepish smile “I will announce your score at the end of the performance. Some of you are in jeopardy for falling so I suggest you step up your game. This isn’t highschool. This isn’t child’s play. I’ve been preparing you for this performance. Duet, group, solo, whatever you want just don’t disappoint. I don’t want to have to give out scores less than 85 arasso?!”

“Neh”

Tuesday night was the night before her piano recital, both of which she hadn’t practiced for. She had less than a week to prepare, less than a week to pass her classes.  

I can totally do this……I mean I’m Bae Suzy…..yeah…yeah I know, I’m praying for a miracle too.

“One last reminder. Since this is a festival, the one ranked with the highest performance will be granted to sing on SBS Inkigayo the following morning. Excited no? Your teacher has connection so do your best. It’s a big prize”.

Jieun’s head jerked up hearing about the possibility of being on t.v and glanced at Taemin flipping through sheets of paper trying to find something. She couldn’t get his words out of her head since that night. ‘Don’t think for a second your hands aren’t stained too’, she brought the palms of her hands up and expected them. Just lines crossing over each other, some short-others long, but no blood. She could still feel his icy hands digging into her thin wrist and suddenly couldn’t breathe. It was getting harder and harder for her to be carrying on with her life when she had helped destroy someone else’s as Taemin had pointed out to her. She fisted her hands and pounded them against her chest to soothe the dull ache. Not in class. I’m not weak. Just…just

“Someday…someday my painful heart will get well. I just have to finish this all first” SBS wait for me.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

He was pacing back and forth inside the bathroom, not knowing what to do. The atmosphere was tense in the morning and he played it cool talking to Jongin about their song choices. He knew things were shaking within the group and he had this itching feeling that they were all going to go their separate ways soon but shook of that feeling, they had been through so much-stayed by each other after so many things that if they drifted apart now, everything they did would be for naught. That they pushed Suzy away, his Suzy, for nothing and it hurt his soul thinking about it.

Jiyoung caught his attention when she was outside the men’s bathroom as he walked out. Her leg was bent with her foot pressed against the wall, her hair was in a high bun and her eyes was glistening as she waited for Sehun to come out. Her bag was hanging from her fingers, the weight very light-seeming as if she had nothing in there and when Sehun swung it over his shoulder he verified that it was indeed lighter than normal.

“Planning to skip classes?” Jiyoung snapped her head to him with her eyebrow twitching. He could tell something was bothering her, even though he knew she was going to try and deny it.

“We…..there is so much we don’t know and we are the prime examples of ignorance.” That took Sehun off guard. Him and Jiyoung weren’t necessary the closest but for her to talk that way made him even more uncomfortable.   

“Why….why are you saying this now?” His sighing brought her out of her depressed thoughts and her eyes wavered with hesitation.

“Last night…I talked to her. And I’m only telling you this so you better listen to me okay?” Her words were rushed and her tone desperate as if she was nervous. Sehun pulled her wrists to have her move farther down the hall and round the corner to enter a staircase.

“Hey, it’s me, it’s okay. What are you talking about?” He couldn’t say he anxious to hear exactly what she wanted to say but he had no choice.  Last night thoughts were flooding his mind as she spoke.

“I went to her house. And I don’t know exactly how it happened cause it wasn’t even windy but that’s not the point-“

Sehun ruffled his hair taking in the wild look in her eyes as she spoke about ‘her’. And in his defense he wasn’t even sure if the child was sane or not, at first he thought the ‘she’ mentioned he knew but it seemed like someone else the more she talked.

“The point is the wind chime chimed when I apologized to her!” She gripped the ends of his shirt trying to have him see how important the conversation was.

“Jiyoung, you know I love you but for the love of God please speak human, you’re losing me” They had already lost him but he wouldn’t mention that just yet.

“What I’m saying is that once I apologized to her, the wind chimed! She answered me, she had forgiven me because I finally spoke!”

“How is that any more human than before?!”

“Sehun, we are wrong. We are ignorant. Too proud. Selfish and wouldn’t dare to admit our mistakes because they were too big but listen to me- you, me, Kai, Krystal, Jieun, Taemin, Hyeri, Jaebum and even Suzy was wrong. Some have discovered that already and I was just a step behind like always.”

Her hands unclasped his shirt and smoothed it out before stepping back and taking her bag back from him.

“The reason why it’s light is a metaphor. Silly but I’m feeling lighter than before but still heavy. Changes need to be made. I’m with Taemin and I know you want to be too so stop hesitating and make a decision.  Suzy won’t wait forever.”

Sehun was speechless. He had always thought that she was a silly girl with not that much depth like Suzy or wit like Krystal or slyness as Jieun, or even emotional like Hyeri but he was wrong. Jiyoung was just as complicated as the rest and he had forgotten that she was as hurt as Taemin was when they lost Sulli. Jiyoung was the first to sit in the lifeboat of their sinking ship.

“I- Ji---what?”

“Kai and Suzy may have been perfect but I always did hold a small spot for second lead ships.”

If he couldn’t speak before, he couldn’t think now. Jiyoung threw him a wink before disappearing out the exit door to the left of the staircase. Proving the skipping class accusation.

……………………………………….

Krystal had been asked to stay after class and in all honesty her heart was pounding. Happiness was proving to be hard watching Suzy from afar. The snickers and whispers that surrounded her each step she took- it broke her knowing she created this. She had to do something for the girl.

“Yes Teacher Yoon?”

The Cheshire smile that was on the teacher’s face all but made her heart stop “Soojung, this performance-the one on Tuesday, I want something special to close the show so I’m asking for you to be in charge of that”

Krystal gulped slightly “And what…what exactly am I doing?”

“A group performance. You can choose any theme and the members but I have already placed one within your group”

………………………………..

Jaebum had cornered Hyeri during lunch, pulled her out of line when she was about to pay- leading her and her stolen food across the building and away from the yells of the cashier. She raised his hand and bit into his flesh until she heard him yelp in pain causing her to drop her lunch. She removed her lips from his hand and snarled at the boy in front of her because that’s all he was. A boy. A child.   

“Don’t touch me Jaebum and because of your childish antics I’m going to have my face plastered across the cafeteria with a reward underneath.”

Jaebum was nursing his throbbing hand but when he took a notice of Hyeri’s foot hovering, he tugged her back but jumped away seeing her glare. “I’m sorry, it was the only way I could talk to you because in case you haven’t noticed, you’ve been avoiding me”

Hyeri scoffed at his words “I’m done dealing with you Jae. I’m tired of being around the wrong people. I made my decision and you haven-“

“I’m scared”

Her body turned back around and stared straight back at her bestfriend since highschool. How mature he was compared to the rest that made her want to be the same. How they instantly clicked and never fought and had their first last night. It was an uneasy feeling, like a ton of bricks were in her stomach pushing down.

He head was hanging and his hand was gripping her bag, a vulnerable action that she could dismiss and leave but this was Jaebum. Her Im Jaebum.

She smiled softly despite herself and tilted his chin up with her index finger, making eye contact. There were unshed tears in the corners and her shoulders slacked seeing it. He leaned his body on hers, resting his head on her shoulders and wrapping his arms around her waist. Afraid that if he let go she’s leave and he’d be left embarrassed for showing his emotions.  

“Oh Jae….what is going on with you…” her hands patted his back and made shapes on them to help calm down her friend.

“I have stayed quiet this entire time because she asked for it. Hyeri she asked me! And now I’m too comfortable that it’s frightening.”  

His voice was raspy and it hurt Hyeri hearing it. It shouldn’t be like this. He shouldn’t be this broken.

“I don’t want to lose any of you. I like being liked but if you all know….she was upset that I didn’t make an effort and I can’t blame her. I hate myself too”

She stepped back and placed him arm width apart. She mirrored him. Scared as much as he was to what he was going to say next.

“Hyeri ah……I have to tell you something”

(A/N: AND GUYS!!!! IMMA UPDATE ON the 24th!!!! the chapter before the last on XMAS EVE?! YUP YUP. Thanks so much for supporting this story. Your comments, subscribes and upvotes really make me smile. Love you all and see you in 2!)