(A/N: GUYS! i don't wanna go back to school. T.T i want summer to live on. So sad. But anyways we have a new chapter ^.^ is kaistal still alive? What happened and is Hunzy sailing? Like is love in the air??? IDK ....)

Jiyoung found Hyeri in the bathroom right after Suzy left. She was staring at her reflection, not at all liking what she was seeing. Jiyoung tapped her on the shoulder to have the other know she was there.

“Do you ever think we were wrong?” Hyeri’s question took Jiyoung off guard and she took a second to respond even though she knew what the other was talking about.

“About what?”

“Sulli. Suzy. That night” Hyeri turned around to rest her head on her friend’s shoulder. Jiyoung patted her head as she bit her lip.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because Jaebum is in the nurse’s office with an ice bag and Lee Taemin punched him. The same Lee Taemin who is now being seen with Suzy.” The same Suzy that defended her from Myungsoo and Sunggyu, the same one that almost cried in front of her, and the same one that looks lost all the time.

Jiyoung’s heart stopped for a moment. Her kiss with Taemin, Sulli’s angry face and their last words were replaying in her head. It was an uncomfortable feeling she was having. To have to realize your mistakes.

“I don’t know but if we are wrong, then Hyeri....it’s all our fault.  Are you willing to accept that?” 

The best way to avoid disappointment is to not expect anything from anyone.

She was still staring at him, she hadn’t blinked and he hadn’t open his mouth to answer. They had left Suzy and Sehun alone for almost an hour but she didn’t care. Jongin still hadn’t answered and as much as she would like to put up the front that she wouldn’t be affected by his answer because she already knew didn’t mean she wouldn’t be hurt. She could never pretend in front of Jongin.

He was aware of the position he was in. He could potentially end their relationship, end her suffering but cause her pain or he could continue to date her but without love because he wasn’t sure if he would be able to love anybody else other than Suzy especially when they broke up with loose ties. No matter what he choose Krystal would get hurt and he didn’t like the idea of hurting her, not one bit. 

“If my answers were the same what would you do then?”

“I don’t want to be a replacement any longer” Her voice was as sharp as a knife but Jongin smiled when he heard her. He knew she was playing it cool, that her crying was not the image she wanted to have last.

“You never were. You aren’t anything like her” And it was true and it wasn’t a bad thing. Krystal was straight forward and Suzy was stubborn. Krystal knew what she wanted, Suzy didn’t. One had their future set, the other’s was dangling by a thread. Krystal had friends, Suzy lost hers. Suzy was strong, Krystal was fragile. Suzy would pretend she was okay so others wouldn’t worry, Krystal would never fake her feelings. Krystal was an open book and Suzy was a mystery.   

“I’m not Suzy I know but does your heart know that?”

Jongin stood up from the seat and headed to the chalkboard. He drew a Venn diagram; one circle labeling Suzy and the other circle saying Krystal. The space in the middle, where both circles overlapped, Jongin placed his name inside. 

“This is my answer” He placed the chalk down and faced Krystal, her eyes were glaring at the picture but Jongin thought this was the best way to explain himself.

“I’m in between you both. Suzy is my first love and you can’t forget your first love especially how we ended. Krystal… I’ll be honest because you deserve some honesty- I’m not in love with you, not yet.”

She thought she could handle those painful words, that her eyes wouldn’t water and that she would still be able to love him blindly but one sided loves are hard. Reality is hard.

“Ahhh” Krystal sniffed to settle herself but her tears only made Jongin’s smile even gentler.

“You’ve asked if I loved you and I’ve tried and my feelings are more than ‘like’ but I don’t know. Do I still want to be in a relationship with you? I don’t know. Once again I’m a cruel bastard and if you can still love someone who is still in love with their ex then I don’t know what that makes you. A fool or you just love me enough to see past my flaws.”

He dusted off the chalk from his fingers and crouched down in front of his girlfriend. Her hair was flowing over her face and he tuck strands behind her ear and leaned over to whisper in it.

“I think we should take a break. One for me to straighten out my feelings and for you to decide if you really want to love this bastard.”

She lifted up her head and pressed her lips to his, sealing them in a kiss.

…………………………………………………

Teacher Yoon waved Hyeri away when she was done telling her that she noticed the improvements in the girl’s technique but she would still need to practice with Jieun to make that jump as a better singer. Hyeri bowed with a smile because she was happy that she improved with Jieun’s help and the girl just winked at her when she left.

Jieun faced her teacher again and saw her taking out the rankings of the semester so far for the students that were on a piece of paper. Her name was highlighted in yellow next to the number five.

“You’re at five and you needed to be in the top five for your scholarship to continue. Congratulations! Last semester you ranked six and you told me to take a chance on you and you made it.” Teacher Yoon was beaming but she was also a bit worried.

“She dropped down right?” Teacher Yoon’s smile faltered

“I’m sorry?” Jieun sighed but nodded her head when the reason of her improvement was obvious.

“Suzy. She dropped down. She was fifth last semester and now I’m fifth. That’s the only way I’d be able to beat her.

Suzy and Krystal were double threats to her rankings but she had always ranked higher than Krystal but Suzy was just slightly better. After the incident Suzy had started slacking and Jieun worked even harder to raise. Suzy was affected by the situation and so was Jieun but she also took advantage of it too, if Suzy still felt isolated, guilty- her motivation to do anything would weaken and Jieun could stay in the top five and graduate from the university with honors. It wasn’t the right way to succeed but it was the only way, she wasn’t vocally better than Suzy and this was her only way to the top. If Suzy just continued to slack off then Jieun would remain where she always was, at the top.

“Thank you Seongsang-nim. I better get going now, the final exam is almost here. I better prepare”

Teacher Yoon nodded her head and patted the girl on her shoulder “Don’t worry, I’m sure you would have ranked in the top even if Suzy was properly participating. You’re determination and will to succeed is just that high. You’re a fighter Jieun-ah. Work hard and stay in this university. I want to continue to watch you grow.”

But as the girl walked down the hallway, she dismissed anything Teacher Yoon said because it was false hope really. She wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for Suzy giving up and she knew that. And she hated Suzy for being so effortless good and she had to strive to stay in this university. It was all too easy for Suzy and someone had to bring her down from the clouds that she lived in. Life is hard, if you don’t experience any hardships then you’re living a lie.  

………………………………………………………….

Awkward. It was awkward. One wanted to bring up the topic, the other wished he wouldn’t. One just wanted to practice, the other didn’t. One wanted to be left alone, the other wouldn’t let that happen.

Suzy looked back at the door where Jongin and Krystal both left from and back to Sehun who was walking over with a bottle in his hand and a towel wrapped around his neck and wished she had bottled out the door when she had the chance.

“Water?” A simple question, well word, but it still made Suzy’s heart beat faster. Was it nerves or was her heart still calming down from earlier? All she knew was that it was definitely not because Sehun was standing in front of her. Definitely not.

She flipped her hair back, moving his hand out of her way and set her bag down on the floor before picking up the microphone that was attached to the stand. She was willing herself to focus on the microphone and to close her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see Sehun’s because she knew that her chest would clench seeing his.

“Suzy” She felt his breath on her cheek and popped her eyes opened.

When did Sehun get so close? He was at the opposite end of the room when she brushed him off and now he’s standing right in front of the mic-stand.

“Not now Sehun” That’s right Suzy, push him away so you can focus. The longer you do this the sooner he’ll stop.

“Suji” His voice had gotten a different tone. It wasn’t as gentle as it was earlier, it had a rough edge to it. He must be annoyed

“We have to practice” And she was annoying him, Suzy knew that- by avoiding talking to him she was testing his patience but Sehun was never one to wait long.

“I want to talk to you” He moved the mic-stand off to the side so nothing could be between them. Her hand was still holding the microphone, refusing to let it go when it made contact with his hand.

“Can’t you see how I don’t?!” She didn’t want to talk, all she wanted to do was hurry up with this practice and head home, where she’d lie in bed regretting her decisions.

He saw her forehead wrinkle and took a step back letting out a laugh which Suzy could detect was one out of frustration. He was too easy to read.

“You’re amazing” Not the exact words she was expecting him to say. Out of shock she dropped the mic having it let out a high pitch tone which none of them reacted to. They were too busy focusing on each other to flinch.

“I’m what?” What would make Sehun say something like that?

“When I thought it was just you wanting to be alone, I was just the wrong person wasn’t I?” He had sat back down on the ground leaning his head back on the mirrors. He was smiling at her even though his eyes were clouded.

“What are you talking about?”

“Taemin” Suzy groaned. Was that the only topic anyone could think of? Was that all she was now?

“There’s nothing going on and besides it’s none of your business” If he wanted to talk about Taemin then he could go talk to Taemin about it. She doesn’t have to explain her actions- not to Sehun not to Kai, not to anyone.

“None of my business huh? What we’ve come to really is something. Don’t you think Bae?”

Suzy groaned at his sarcastic tone, can’t he just give up already? She wasn’t someone he should be pining over any longer. She wasn’t the girl he liked, that Bae Suzy had left and this Bae Suzy was a scary person. She wasn’t one to care about feelings and all she wanted was to not feel anything, that way she could continue living her life the way she planned.  

“Don’t call me Bae, Oh. Like seriously you’re worse than Jaebum at times. Both of you don’t stop giving me headaches.”

They wouldn’t stop interfering in her life and she now had Taemin and Hyeri creeping up on her. It was too many people all at once and she couldn’t help but feel claustrophobic.   

“That’s why I said you’re amazing. I’ve tried over and over again for you to notice that I’m being sincere about you and you do something like this. Taemin of all people” He took off his towel and scrunched up his wet hair, trying to come off an indifferent but his actions earlier contradicted it. He cared too much.

Freeze. Rewind the tape. Uh what? When had Sehun showed that he wanted to be with her despite everything? All he’s done so far is sing to her and practically force her to do this duet with him. No one has stood up for her until today, no one had said that they were there for her until yesterday.

“Hold on. Sincere? How was embarrassing me in front of our whole class by singing a love song to me expressing that you want to be with me?” She couldn’t contain her anger, it was ridiculous to her that Sehun thought she was that simple. That her heart would forget the pain he caused and pump blood back into her at his wish. Sincerity my

“But the lyric-“

“Screw the lyrics. That meant nothing to me! It was an assignment! A grade! You basically used my emotions as a ing grade!”

“I wasn’t trying to” He lowered his head in shame after understanding why Suzy was so worked up about but she wasn’t letting him off that easily

“No I know you weren’t. You just never come through”

“Hey now. Wait a second.” Sehun’s voice was getting caught in his throat. All the hate she was throwing at him was piling over him and he stood up to make himself clear.

“You’re no different from him.” She was right, Sehun and Jongin were just too similar for her. They both said they loved her and yet Jongin is going out with Krystal and Sehun has to fix his own mistake.

“I am too!” Sehun was losing her, she was too emotional and he didn’t know how to calm her down.

“Really? Because you both left me. You both were cruel to me. You both were jerks and I don’t like jerks.” She was labeling now, Oh Sehun, Kim Jongin were big jerks to her that didn’t deserve an explanation. Their words were empty commitments.

“And Taemin’s not a jerk? How can you put such double standards? Taemin was the one that hated you the most yet he’s all buddy buddy with you now? The is that about?!” he was fuming. To think that he was put in the same category as Jongin hurt his pride because he knew where Jongin stood with Suzy. Suzy still cared about him but she had long gotten off that train where Jongin is still waiting for her in the station. Jongin was toying with people and all his feelings were true. 

“He apologized to me Sehun! He said sorry and when the hell did you say that? Huh when? When did you come to me saying that you were sorry? Instead of saying half assed things, own up to your mistakes!” He’d never seen her so angry before-sad, hurt, scared, annoyed and happy, those were the normal emotions Suzy contained, he’d only seen her pissed off once and it was towards Krystal.

“So there’s more to it? What the hell happened that night? I asked you!” It was driving him completely crazy that she would say things like that but not tell him anything.

She ignored him, too riled up "And you couldn’t wait because you were being a jerk. Asking me to choose between you or Jongin when I was distraught was such an thing to do!”

“I’m not a jerk! Immature, impatient, sure you can say that but I’m not a jerk!” Maybe yelling back at her wasn’t the best thing to do but getting yelled at twice was overwhelming for Sehun.

“To me you are and a lot more. You just cause bad things to happen!” Suzy slammed her fist on the wall hoping her hand would break but it didn’t. It throbbed but it didn’t break. !

“I cause bad things to happen??! What the hell do you mean by that?” She whipped her head around and marched up to him. Punching his chest with her fists. She wasn’t hurting him, her energy was draining but she needed to do something to release her stress. She wasn’t going to cry, and hitting something was the next best thing.

“I had a good relationship with him dammit!! And you just had to confess. You just had to ruin everything!”

“Suji-ah…I’m sorry” He looked at her with pity because he had caused her to be like this but it angered her even more to be looked at like that. She wasn’t someone to be pitied. She hated to be seen weak but Sehun…no matter how hard she tried to make it seem like she was okay with everything, and she had played it so well, he was just always there. And him always being there made it hard for her to put on an act.

“ you! Oh Sehun, you are just a selfish . To say those things to me, to stir up my feelings to just leave me.” Her voice was barely there at the end but he was close enough to hear it. He wrapped his arms around her and let her continue hitting him. If that’s what he could do to have her close to him, he’s more than willing to sacrifice his body.

She wouldn’t stop hitting but her punches were weak and she had forgotten that she’s a righty which meant that she punched with her right hand, the same hand she used a week or so ago. She whimpered in discomfort and slowly all-together stopped.  

He felt her body stiffen but wouldn’t release her and she didn’t put up a fight.

“I wouldn’t make you cry” Sehun in his breath when she lifted her head up and stared straight in his eyes. Her brown eyes looked watery and her cheeks were slightly pinked and any other day he would blush bright red from seeing her this close but all he felt was sick. His face paled when the words registered in his head. I said that  

“People shouldn’t make promises they can’t keep. I should know”

“I’m sorry” And he truly meant it but saying sorry wasn’t enough. Words were never enough

“Perhaps you are but I don’t really care about that. Why are you trying to worm your way back into my life?”

“I didn’t want to leave it” He rested his forehead on hers and wouldn’t look away even though her eyes were giving off anything but friendly.

Suzy laughed at that. “You had a chance too”

“I couldn’t handle it Suzy and I can’t understand how Krystal does” He felt her eyebrows scrunch up in confusion but he had to explain to her what he felt then.

“Why would you bring her up?”

“She is putting all the effort in their relationship. She knows, trust me she knows that Jongin still has feelings for you but she’s holding on to him because that’s all she can do. She doesn’t want to lose him but she’s getting tired Suzy.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” The Kaistal relationship was not her concern. She told Jongin what she thought and she wouldn’t have a chance to do that with Krystal even if she tried, the girl would just flip her off.

“I’m saying we would have been the same. At least that’s what I thought. That you’d be with me but you wouldn’t be with me. I’d have to hold your hand knowing that you still had feelings for Jongin and that was hard Suzy.”

She laid her head on his chest, right over his heart. The loud beats danced into her ear and a sad smile wound up on her lips. She really wanted to stay where she was, in his arms, forgetting how many times she was hurt and that she was still hurting but-

“Love is all about timing and yours was-”

His lips were touching hers and even though she told her heart to calm down, it wouldn’t listen. She wanted to pull away but at the same time lean in closer. She wanted to slap him for touching her but she also wanted him to never stop. She wanted a lot of things, things that went against her better judgment. Things that were wrong for her. And things that made her heart confused.

She pulled away from the chaste kiss and laughed again. It wasn’t the reaction Sehun hoped for but hearing her laugh was enough for him.

“Always off.” Sehun looked perplexed as she finished her previous statement.

"Your timing was always off. Oh Sehun I'm not the same girl you liked. I'm not who I am anymore."

She wished she was but each time she truly looked at herself all she saw was a broken girl. Suzy glanced up at Sehun's serious expression and sighed when she felt her heart jump. She was too easy but she wouldn't act on it anymore. Her heart was what screwed her up in the first place.

"Then I'll just have to love this Bae Suzy even more."

And there Oh Sehun, the bastard he was, the that left her all alone, made her heart skip a beat just like it did that day when he told her he loved her.

My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way I see myself. Pitiful.

(A/N: BLEHHHHH AND THEN I FALL IN A SEA OF FEELS. My kaistal ship! are you sinking????!! T.T does that mean Kaizy lives? And Hunzy!!! What you guys kissed? WHat? WhAT??!! Suzy what are you going to do now? You told Jongin that you weren't ready for a relationship, you told yourself that you wanted to figure things out and then Sehun has to be all cute and . like why sehun why?? HYERI AH AND JIYOUNG AH? what are you guys thinking about now? And Jieun!! You did all this suspicious things just to stay in college, like what? I need an advil. I .

He so cuuuuuuuuuuuttteeeee. Love me <3