(A/N: *ugly crying* we are here!!!! So many emotions are going flying about. Goodness gracious these kids need a vacation. Well......i hope this lived up to your expectations because for me it was kind of ......okay well I did my best >.< don't hate me haha so errrrrrrr...here we go (>,>)

P-S Viewer discretion is advi---lol JK there's just some violence but not anything too crazy because i can't write that- )

Flashback:

“Suzy”

Said girl turned her head in question, a little ‘hmm?’ in response. They were lounging around in Sulli’s room, the fur carpet was tickling the bare arms of Suzy and she had to sit up right to give her attention to the other. Sulli was sitting on her desk chair, twirling around slowly and then rotating the other way, it was giving Suzy a headache but Sulli was lost in her own world for it not to have any effect. 

“You won’t leave me right?”

Suzy was confused on why the sudden question. There was soft music playing in the room but Suzy blocked out all sounds except Sulli’s voice.

“You’re one of my bestfriends Sulli”

“You didn’t answer” The seat stopped moving and parked right in front of Suzy and Suzy moved forward and cupped the cheeks of her friend, looking her straight in the eye.

It’s probably the stress

“I would never abandon you. Even if you leave me first, I would wait for your return because I know that we have this bond that no matter how much we try to go on by ourselves and try not to break down, our weakness is each other.”

Sulli held onto her writs, her eyes looked so worn down and tired that Suzy wondered what was going on through her friend’s mind. She pulled her down so that she was also sitting on the floor. Her head was cast downward and her voice was so raspy that it seemed detached to the owner.

“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we are not alone”

Suzy pulled her friend closer until they were in a bone crushing hug. She could feel the older’s shoulders shake and all she could do was hold her close and rub her back until she stopped.

“Orson Wells”

What are you thinking about?

……………………………………………………………..

Continuation of that night:

Suzy rubbed Sulli's back. "Can you hold a proper conversation without freaking out?" She teased trying to lessen the tension. Sulli didn't respond

Suzy bit her lip I still gotta ask

"Ssul? Um...can I ask you something?" Sulli raised her head, her blank stare her answer. "Okay....um why- why Sehun?" Why would you cheat on Taemin was what I was supposed to say, AISH!

Sulli chuckled "why do you care so much that it was Sehun? Would you rather it had been Jongin? Seeing how your relationship is going" Suzy in a breath. 

"What about Taemin, you told him you loved him and then did this? How do you think he feels?!"

Sulli's face darkened "I hope he feels as much pain as I did when I found out about the kiss. It was right after I told him Suji. Right after."

"Still wasn't right"

Sulli gave a dry laugh "like you can talk. Think you're still innocent? Can't only have one boy can you? Piss off." Suzy was appalled

Why the hell does everybody know!  She ruffled her hair, trying to keep level headed. She had to watch Sulli after all. Sulli's hand came out and grabbed a shot glass from a girl walking by and took it in, throwing her head back. The girl gave her a dirty look which Suzy had to apologize for, and headed back to the bar. Suzy took hold of Sulli's wrist.

“Come on stop it. You don’t need alcohol poisoning right before the audition”

Their audition was less two weeks away and they needed to be at the top of their health in order to give it their all. Stress was killing them.

“Right! The audition~ ah well it’s not like I would’ve passed anyways” Sulli’s voice was screeching, as if she was trying to have the people surrounding them listen to her madness.

“Yah! Quiet down! Did you just bite me?!” And for sure there were fading teeth marks on the side of Suzy’s right hand.

“I’m not good enough Suzy! I heard *Hiccup*that they have only a select amount that they’ll pick. *hiccup* what if it’s down to us?! What if they can only choose one?! *hiccup* who would accept me over you?!” Taemin chose Jiyoung over me

Sulli was tearing up all of a sudden, her bottom lip was shaking “And wh-what if I pass?! I have to leave him Suzy ah! I don’t want to leave him *hiccup*because what if he finds someone else that makes him happier? All I am is a mess, look at me Suzy I’m a mess! *hiccup* N-no one should be with someone that just wants to make the person they love feel pain.” She was blubbering and Suzy was having a hard time understanding the girl “And what if I don’t pass then? Who wants to be with a *hiccup*..with a failure?”

This wasn’t like Sulli. Sulli was confident and knew what was going to happen if they passed because they were certain that they’d both pass. They talked about it before and chose not to tell anyone about it being overseas because they didn’t want to make others feel burdened. But this Sulli was full of doubts, doubts in herself and her relationship and it hurt Suzy to have her friend come to this. It was enough having herself fearing for the future, she couldn’t handle the other as well. They were each other’s support and they were breaking. 

Sulli leaped out of the booth, knocking into the table and reaching for the empty shot glass. She was drowning her sorrows with alcohol. How cliché

"You need to stop. You are already drunk" Suzy said each word slowly trying to get it through the older girl's head while pulling her back down. Sulli's eyes glazed over. Suzy sighed.

“I’m just tired” Sulli muttered as her head dipped down, almost landing onto the table if not for Suzy pushing her head on her shoulder. Her breath reeked of alcohol and Suzy had to hold down her vomit because it was just suffocating her.

“Tired of everything….there’s no point.”

Suzy’s eyebrows met in bewilderment. Sulli wasn’t one to talk so…..depressing. She told everyone her feelings and left nothing to be discovered. She was honest. So why was this the first time she was hearing this kind of talk.

Suzy rubbed her eyes, I promised them that I'd take care of you.

“I'm taking you home, come on" Sulli put up a fight but soon started leaning on Suzy as she was lead out of the club. She started mumbling words, her eyes were closed and she wasn't even trying to walk by herself, making it harder on Suzy.

"Come on Sulli! You got to at least try" They pushed pass entrance and Sulli hurled out of her arms and into a couple of girls that were passing by, knocking one down in the process. The usher had already went inside and the line to enter was gone, everyone that got in was already partying away and those who were kicked to the curb were nowhere to be seen. There were only cars blaring their horns at kids who were crossing the streets.

“!” One of the girls yelled at Sulli who was only giggling at the scene before stumbling down the block.

“Sorry!” Suzy yelled passed the duo as she grabbed ahold of Sulli who was faster than the average drunk.

“Sulli! My car is the other way!” And true enough she could just make out her car parked along the curb down the block. And as she was about to head forward they were stopped by a man, who was watching them from the brick wall of the alley, who stood in front of them.

"Where you two ladies going?" The man smirked, leading Sulli to giggle and Suzy to roll her eyes. "None of your business"

Suzy tried going around the man but having to deal with a drunk child who only wanted to slump was tricky. The man held onto Sulli's free arm that wasn't draped over Suzy's shoulder, and pulled her towards him. She tumbled out of Suzy's grasp and hiccupped. Suzy glared

"Let go of her you creep!" She was scared out of her mind but she had to think quickly; she couldn't let him take Sulli. She’s seen too many crime shows to know where that would lead to.

“Was she bothering you? Would you like to have a good time with me” His voice was rough and he slurred a bit as he spoke. He outlined the shape of Sulli’s jaw and she just nodded her head slightly because Suzy was bothering her and she just wanted to get way. Away from the club, away from Suzy, Taemin- her friends, her future. She was scared of what they would say and tell her. If she could make it or she'd fail. She didn’t want any of it.

Cars were passing by but none stopping to help Suzy as she was fighting off a possible kidnapper, probably thinking it was just another drunk fight that they wanted no part in. She tried pulling Sulli back to her but the man just shoved her aside, an obvious strength advantage, guiding the intoxicated Sulli further away. He was sliding his hand down her waist, towards the zipper of her dress and Suzy felt the vomit making its way back up at the thought. He could be close to thirty in age but the years of booze and drugs did their wonders on the man’s face and he looked about fifty with his greasy beard and all.

"Don't touch her!" She screamed and kicked the man on the leg. It was the only thing she could think of at the moment and it did cause him to pause but it wasn’t the reaction she had hoped for. He hissed but still kept on arm around Sulli. His other hand gripped Suzy's left arm tight.

"You want to come too? Is that is? I know a friend who could take care of your real well" he growled.

Suzy glanced at Sulli who looked so completely helpless that Suzy had to do something, had to get her safe at least. “I’ll keep her safe”.

It was going to be cruel but she knew Sulli would react.

“Just me” Suzy’s voice came out smooth and calm “You only need me, there’s no need for her. I mean her boyfriend cheated on her, what does that tell you?”

Sulli’s neck cracked at the jolt of her head. Her eyes met Suzy’s and betrayal was all she could read. Sulli pulled away from them, backing away slowly with tears threatening to fall.

“And it was her best friend too. She’s too naive.”

You know I don’t mean that Sulli

The man noticed Sulli moving away and made a move for her. Suzy heart raced and her arm automatically checked to see if she had anything that could help her. But all that was on her were some cash, id and her keys. Keys!

She dug into her skinny jeans’s pocket because she’s be damned if she wore a skin tight dress to a club. Her fingers coiled around the cool metal and in one flick movement she jabbed the key into his eye. He let go of her arm and staggered back in pain. Suzy clenched the sticky object in her hand willing herself not to freak out at what she just did.

"Sulli come here!" Suzy tried to get to Sulli but even though he had one eye bleeding, he still had the upper hand in strength. He grabbed Suzy’s hair when she flew by hoping to catch Sulli who was four feet away and was shaking. Her eyes showed panic but she was inching closer with her arm stretched out for Suzy to hold despite the harsh words she said. But Suzy needed to make a decision and Sulli was in no condition to help any way. She needed her away. “Don’t worry. I got her”

“GO!” Suzy screamed and kicked her leg out to Sulli forcing the girl to be pushed back into one of the night poles that was in front of the busy street. She whimpered from the pain but tried to get up. She was dizzy but her desperate need of Suzy made her step out a foot.

“GO AWAY!”

Sulli halted her step and through bleary eyes saw Suzy giving her an angry look.

Sulli don’t you dare move closer! She didn’t.

The man was pulling Suzy’s hair with only one hand because the other was holding with left eye. With nothing else to do, Suzy threw her body back into the man and the unexpected force threw them both down. His hand was now hovering above her chin and she took the opportunity to bite down and didn’t move from on top of the man withering in pain until she tasted copper. She scrambled up and kicked him once in the groin before swinging her arm back and making sure it made contact with his head. He was too much in shock at the sudden action and drowsy with his drinks to react quick enough to stop her. He didn’t get up.

Suzy brought her arm down and hissed in pain. Her rib was definitely bruised but she was okay- they were okay.

"Sulli?" She croaked out. Said girl didn't answer. She sniffed and rubbed her eyes, she was scared of what could have happen that she had begun to cry, trying to locate Sulli.

She saw her behind the pole with her foot out stretched on the busy street. Cars were hurling down the road, blaring horns and yelling at each other passing by. It was chaotic. It was dangerous to cross.

Sulli

"Sulli ah!" Sulli stopped and turned to the sound.

Suzy wanted to cry because she saw the look in her friend’s eye. The determination. The end

Suzy's body was frozen in less than a second later. Her eyes watched it all. The car, tires screeching and Sulli flying through the air. Her heart dumped into her stomach when she heard the sickening crunch as Sulli's body contacted the ground. She couldn't move, not when strangers started gathering around Sulli, not even when she heard the sirens. Her body felt warm and her sobs were deafening. Her feet moved by themselves and she found herself in front of her friend. The body lying in an awkward position, her chest not rising.

Something broke in Suzy, her promise.

She promised she'd take care of Sulli. Promised to protect her but she ultimately couldn't. She could only watch as the whole scene played out. Her hands shook as she reached out to swipe the hair from Sulli's face. "No, no, this can't be happening" her body shook violently, she rocked back and forth with Sulli's body in her arms.

“I’m just tired, tired of everything”

She had a feeling, she knew what her friend was saying but she told herself that it was just Sulli being silly. Asking the random questions she asks and being emotional like always. She thought it was just the alcohol talking, not Sulli.

“Oh no no Sulli. We love you. We love you Sulli-ah!”

She knew she couldn’t hear but she kept telling her. And she knew that if Sulli wasn’t drunk she wouldn’t have done that. If Suzy hadn’t pushed her away she wouldn’t have been near the street. If Suzy hadn’t made her feel worthless and alone in that moment, Sulli wouldn’t have stepped forward. That she would have known that Suzy was only trying to protect her, to keep her safe, that she didn’t mean anything she said.

She didn't even feel the hands of the medical team prying her off the body. Not even when they led her to the ambulance they hauled Sulli into. All she did was cry, an ugly painful cry.

I would never abandon you

Hospital:

They rolled Sulli into the hospital towards the emergency room. Her heart rate was low and she wasn't conscious. Suzy tried going through the doors shouting that she needed to go with her but they said that only family members were allowed and that's when Suzy slumped onto the wall.

Jaebum oh my god. He's family. Oh no what have I done.

And once that thought came into her mind she heard the doors bursting open and voices panicking.

"Where's Choi Sulli?!! Choi Jinri?! Where’s my cousin!" Suzy flinched at the sound of Jaebum's voice even though it wasn't directed towards her.

"Please calm down sir, the patient that just came in is in surgery right now. The doctors are doing everything they can. You can wait beside the young lady over there." The receptionist pointed in the area Suzy was in and she tried to sink down in the chair. Heads snapped towards her. They all came at once.

"What the hell happened?!"

"What's going on?"

"Is she okay?"

"You were supposed to be watching her!" Jaebum's comment cut her deep. Suzy bowed her head.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault" tears hit the tile floor. Jaebum pointed an accusatory finger at her.

"I swear if something happens to her Suzy, No matter how close we are." He didn't need to finish his sentence, seeing Jaebum this angry was frightening for everyone.

Hyeri placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sulli's a strong girl, she'll be fine. Right?" No one answered her. Taemin looked so scared, hurt, and worried that it killed Suzy to see the confident, fun loving Taemin so shattered. Like a simple flick will turn him into dust. Suzy walked to him

"Taemin ah" Suzy sniffled.

He backed away. Holding onto himself. Normally Jongin or even Sehun would wrap their arms around her, soothing her, telling her that it'll be fine-but at this moment they were both standing still. No one was going to comfort her. They were all in their own minds, trying to calm themselves down, trying to prepare themselves for the worst. No one was paying her any mind, she wasn't their priority, Sulli's well-being was. After a couple of suffocating minutes, the bright light coming from the E.R sign dimmed out and the doors opened. A surgeon was covered in blood and Suzy threw up a little.

That's Sulli's

"Is the guardian of Choi Jinri here?" the surgeon asked. Jaebum spoke up.

"Her parents are away but I've contacted them both. I'm her cousin" The surgeon nodded and a sad expression took over her face. Jiyoung broke out in tears. "We did all we could. There was too much blood loss. The head trauma was fatal. I'm sorry" The surgeon bowed apologetically and left. All the girls were crying. Sehun went over to comfort Jaebum swallowing his own tears. Jongin held Taemin back, who refused to believe it was true, from breaking down the E.R doors. After burning his throat from all his yelling, he fell to the floor, sobbing. Suzy felt dead. Like the car had hit her and is repeatedly backing up and slamming into her head.

"No" she whispered.

Krystal stood up, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "What the hell did you do Bae Suzy!"

Jaebum's red eyes focused on Suzy. "How could you let that happen to her? I trusted you! We all did" Suzy choked. The looks they were giving her made her feel cold. Isolated.

"I'm sorry. I lost sight of her for one moment and the next she was hit. I saw it happened and I did nothing. I'm so sorry" She was crying again. All the memories of Sulli leading up to the car were spiraling in her head.

"You let her die?" Jieun thought out loud. Suzy blinked through her tears

"What?" She croaked

Hyeri’s voice was soft "You didn't even try to stop her?" Suzy shook her head

"That’s not like you" Jongin said. His eyes looked so disappointed. She kept silent.

"Why weren't you watching her Suzy?" Sehun asked, his eyes were desperately screaming please say something to make it less painful

There was nothing she could say that would make this any less of her fault. She could have held onto Sulli instead of kicking her away. She could have watched her but she didn't. She could have done something else to keep her safe. There were so many things she could have done without making Sulli feel alone. It doesn't matter that she protected Sulli from him if she ultimately couldn't protect her from her death. The last words she exchanged with the girl were swirling around her head. There was no justification in her actions so Suzy once again remained silent. The rest exchanged looks.

Jaebum feet shifted away "I can’t look at you right now" Suzy blinked back tears “I have to make a call” he headed out of the building, gripping his phone tight.

Taemin was still crying on the floor and anyone who made an attempt to touch him couldn’t. He’d just crawl away. Jongin couldn't look at him because he'd recall the conversation they had about letting Sulli enjoy her night, not talk to her right away-big mistake. Jiyoung felt like her skin was being pricked all over her body, that each shock she felt when she touched Taemin was electrocuting her, reminding her the pain Sulli probably felt. And Jieun wouldn't look at anything but Taemin, she watched his face turn red and his tears drying on his face. The coughs he made had Jieun holding her breath. She told Sulli about Taemin and Jiyoung and she had to wonder that if she hadn't, would they have gone to the club that night, would Sulli be dead right now? Or would they be having a sleepover and just eating pizza until Taemin called and reassured her that it was nothing.  

Hyeri bit her red lips, her mascara was running down her face but she wouldn’t cry anymore, she had someone that needed her. Her feet turned around and she followed the steps Jaebum took outside, not baring Suzy a look.

Suzy reached out for Krystal, who was staring at the white walls of the hospital and cringing each time Taemin’s voice broke. She moved away from the tips of her fingers and pulled Taemin up “Taemin needs us right now”

“I need you” Suzy whispered to her but she shook her head.

“Tell me then Suzy! Because all I know right now is Sulli’s dead and you keep saying it’s your fault but not saying how!

-I don’t want to be near you”

She had Taemin leaning on her as she led him out with the help of Jieun and Suzy shut her eyes.

She tore them open when she heard a footstep stop before her. Jiyoung had opening and closing, not sure what she wanted to say first.

"I let you take her because you promised me you'd keep her safe. I.." Her eyes brimmed with tears "you know what the last thing she told me was?" Suzy bit her lip so hard it bleed. The second time she tasted iron. "She told me tomorrow. Tomorrow we'd talk. Tomorrow my best friend would hear me but you took that chance away from me Suzy. I just can't…" Jiyoung waved her hands in the air before turning on her heel down the hall, where the others went.

Suzy stood between Jongin and Sehun, her face begging for them not to leave her too, the taste of blood was already making her dizzy. Her fingers twitched at her sides. "Suzy, what I can't understand is how you could do that. How could this happen?" Suzy wanted to explain the whole situation but she bit her lip, shaking her head. It’s my fault

“Suzy I know you, something had to have happened. Did you guys get in a fight?"

Suzy found her voice then "and what? I got mad at her and pushed her in front of the car or something? you Oh Sehun" Sehun was horrified

"Oh my God No! I would never think that way Suzy, you know that!" His arms circled around her shoulders, an action she wasn't ready for. Suzy squeaked and jabbed an arm back. It was automatic, a defense move that was incorporated into her brain. She immediately felt guilty for causing another person pain, especially if that person was Sehun but she was also scared.

"Shh" Jongin titled her chin to him, searching her face. "I need you to trust me. Suji I need that. If you just tell me what happened I'm sure we can work through this" opened but no words came out. A death is not something we can work out

She breathed in shakily and stepped back, out of his reach. "I love you Jongin but not now, so if you could please bear with me"

"All I want for you to do is open up to me a bit more. Trust me Suzy. I don't know what happened but if-"

"If what Jongin? If we fix our relationship Sulli would be back? She's never coming back! Do you know why?! Because I couldn't keep my promise! I couldn't keep her safe that's why!" She brought her hands to her face "I'm going to have to go home with that scene playing over and over in my head! I'm going to have to go home with the thought that I killed her in my mind" Her breathing evened out again

"Suzy what happened?" He whispered "I can't" he hung is head low

"Then I can't either"

The tears slid down her face and he brushed them away, their eyes still locked, he leans down and kisses her. "Trust in needed in a relationship. You can’t help change the way everyone is staring at you because you don’t want to. You feel like this is your fault and I don’t want to think that way but you aren’t helping me. I love you Suzy but this...this one sided feeling is too much."

Sehun was still there when Jongin left. The pain that he felt on his stomach was nothing in compared to his chest. "You really can't choose between us because there's not much of a fight" Suzy's head was already pounding.

"That's not it! Sehun you can't expect me to choose between you two"

"Why not? He chose between you and Krystal" Suzy wrinkled in nose

"What do you mean?" Sehun rubbed his stomach and Suzy felt the rush of guilt surround her again

"I mean that he had the choice. The choice to stay by your side, even if you couldn't tell him anything, trust him with the truth or the choice to go to Krystal, someone that he could communicate with"

Suzy's heart stayed in her stomach "he chose her?"

Sehun sighed "and even if I choose you it won't change your heart will it?"

"I like you a lot Sehun, maybe love but Jongin"

"You love him more even if i stayed by your side." Sehun figured, he could always read her. "Even though he could be happy with Krystal and I want to be with you, you still choose him" Sehun's back faces her "I'm sorry Suji. Just not right now"

She was now left completely alone in the empty hospital wing. Each friend she had gone. They made their choice and she couldn't stop them. The smell of death was suffocating her. And sadly, she wanted to join Sulli.

Dying alone is lonely.

(Okay so the hosptial scene was bleh to me but i'd be emotional if someone just died and my friend is saying it's her fault. Like O.o whatchu mean it's your fault???!! Jaebum freaking out was >,< but i hear you cousin! You thought she's be safe and then she's dead-tough call to make now. And poor Jongin only wanted to have her trust him enough to tell him but she's still pretty shaken up to talk about it. Dangit she said bear with her Jongin!!! , and then we have Sehun feeling like Suzy would never pick him even if he stayed. Oh how wrong you are pabo!. And my baby Sulli! This poor girl- Suzy just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. If only you knew how important you are baby girl <3 haha i'm getting attached to this characters. So how was it???! Good? Bad? HOrrible? Amazing-well someone died so maybe not amazing but let me know! )