Outside the building:

The only reason she allowed herself to be dragged out was because she wanted to leave, not because of the person himself. And besides, she drove to school today………..

Her heels dug into the cement, halting her steps and causing Jongin to be pulled back. He turned to see Suzy staring blankly at him, he eyes void of any emotion, like always.

He scratched the back of his head; all anger seemed to have blown away the minute he walked outside with her next to him “If you think I don’t remember the way I uh…. Still do.” He was about to continue walking when Suzy tugged her hand out of his grasp. “Suji?”

“You’re unbelievable” Her words were haunting, chilling every bone in Jongin’s body. There was a glint in her eyes, piercing. Her purse was handed back to her once they exited the building and she was gripping the straps hard.   

“What?” They were alone out in the front of the school, it was only a little after eight at night and Suzy needed to get back home but not like this.

“You’re not walking me back home because I drove here” She wanted to leave already but she knew it wouldn’t be that easy.

Jongin was taken aback “Ahh I see, um well I’ll walk you to your car?” Each muscles in his body was tense. He had planned to think it through his head on how to bring up the topic because he was too rash just dragging her out and claiming he’ll take her home when he knew it was a stupid move. But he was already here and there was no turning back, just hurdles. To blurt it out in anger would be even more stupid, Suzy would just ignore him, and having the challenge now of not even getting the chance to ask was making his head throb. 

“Just ask already. I can tell how your jaw is hardening that it’s bugging you but you don’t want to explode on me because you know I’ll hit you. So I’ll give you the chance. Speak” Suzy was leaning to the side trying her best to come off as if she didn’t care and her blank eyes and her tired voice helped her.

“That was my song” His voice was shaky. “And I wonder how your mind can go so far to not even have any thought to how I’d feel”

Her laugh was so bitter and so forced that it hurt his ears “That song belongs to me, I wrote it and I sang it”

“Yes, for me! That was your confession song to me” What exactly was she trying to say? In a way Jongin was right and in a way so was Suzy. Suzy made the song for Jongin but that didn’t mean she couldn’t sing it anymore right?  Then again it belonged to them both.

She sighed, she understood where he was coming from, she had expected this “I know, I’m sorry but I had to sing it”

“Why?” Jongin was still upset because he didn’t see the reason as to why she had to sing it, she could have kept it herself, for them.

“As much as it was my confession song…..now it serves a different purpose”

Jongin waited anxiously. He wasn’t ready for the next words she uttered.

“It’s my goodbye song as well” Jongin blocked his ear, trying desperately to erase the voice in his head that demanded to play on max and repeat “goodbye” over and over again.

“You don’t mean that” Suzy’s shoulder’s slumped at his pitiful back. She had replayed this moment in her head the minute she was in the same room observing Jongin and Krystal back in the beginning of the school year. Even though she had pictured it differently she knew that she had to do it now. It was getting ridiculous for him to be holding onto someone who didn’t want to be held.

I’ve been alone for too long to not feel lonely.

“Why do you want to walk me home and not your girlfriend?”

Jongin gave her the same look she gave him in the practice room, one of longing and sadness but their reasons were different. He had attempted to grab her hand again but she was done playing.

“You know why, I needed to talk to you” Suzy shook her head in frustration.

“She’s not a toy” The ‘she’ was obvious

“I know she isn’t”

“Then stop playing with her feelings!” There was concern about Jongin exploding but the usual calm Suji was brushed away to make room for a new one. The one thing that she had always liked about Jongin when they were dating was how devoted he was to her, how sincere his “I love you” were to her and even if they are to another girl, he should never utter those words unless he’s committed. He’s changed. 

“Listen to me Jongin, I am not your girlfriend. That was in the past, Krystal is yours now- own up to her. As much as I feel betrayed by you all- shut up Jongin!- as much as that, I do expect some things from you all. Yes, Krystal is a -once again Jongin shut the hell up!-  but that’s just because she’s insecure and I know how she’s feeling because you made me feel the same way with her”

Her breathing was heaving, her chest was rising, and this was in all honesty the longest she has spoken in a while. All her emotions were being stabbed in her heart in different angles, in different lengths and all she wanted to do was take out at least one splinter.

“Then why did you look at me like that?” she had to strain her hearing to catch his mumble.

“You’re mistaken, ‘the look’ I had in my eyes wasn’t about you. I don’t want to have you back as a boyfriend, hell I don’t even know if I want you back as a friend if that’s how you treat her.”

She couldn’t see his face by the way he was facing the ground, yet she knew how he felt. Rejected.

“I don’t want her to feel the same way I did that month, when all you did was spend time with her and not even come in to check on me during my practice. You didn’t call because you thought you’d be disrupting me but each time I played I messed up because all I could think of was you and her laughing together. How scared I felt that you would leave me for her wasn’t stupid because it did happen.”

There were little drops hitting the pavement, the dark circles shining in the moonlight pained her even more to know that she was the reason for his tears but he needed to know he was the reason for hers too.

“Respect her because believe me I don’t want you even as a friend if you can’t do that.”

I can’t see you as a boyfriend if you can’t even do that. Besides having one would cause nothing but trouble; dead weight she didn’t want to carry. She was fine by herself, she didn’t need anyone. There was no need for someone to hold her hand and whisper sweet nothings in her ear because she wouldn’t be able to reciprocate his feelings. All she feels in her heart is guilt. No love, not even a red thread.

“Remember this Kai-shi, before I was your girlfriend I was Krystal’s bestfriend.”

She wouldn’t admit it to him but she cared a lot for Krystal, years of friendship can’t be thrown away over a summer, it’s just buried really deep. She knew Krystal cared for her too- they were practically sisters and she knows it’s her fault too as to why they’ve become like this but she didn’t expect them to turn their backs so quickly. The reason she hasn’t painted over the tree is because she wants them back, just not in the same way….just not all at once.

………………………….

It was getting annoying for him to be so blind to everything, how he could never make the right decision.

Sulli deserved better

He knew she did, she always did. He was scum compared to her but he didn’t need other people telling him that. After her he didn't feel like trying anymore with anyone else, Naeun....Naeun was just someone who had the image of Sulli that he desperately wanted to have again. A pure innocent light to bring warmth to his cold dark exterior that was hiding a scared little boy desperate for some type, any type of light. But he was wrong.

The bathroom mirror was showing a boy with messy brown hair, red eyes with dark circles outlining his pale sunken face. His thoughts were killing him inside, every single night he couldn't fall asleep without thinking of her, of how their last words were spoken in spite- well hers were. How he couldn't fix anything, how he was never given the chance to.

He couldn't take looking at the disgusting boy in front of him, the pitiful, loveless creature staring back at him with a smile trying his best not to look so worn down. There was a gleam of light coming from the counter in his bathroom where he kept his face wash, his toothbrush and his razor.

He looked from his arms back to the spot with hesitation.

....................................

Suzy's house:

There were two cars parked in her driveway, one was Yoona's and the other....

Why is he here?

She unlocked the door and walked in kicking off her shoes and hanging her bag on one of the hangers. Suzy was already suspicious as to why Yoona would let him in the house; she knows how they shunned her, she knows the hurtful words they all said to her, so why would her sister let one of them inside the house? Was it because of Hyeri? But that was an entirely different situation but maybe her sister didn't see it that way.

Suzy cautiously made her way in.

The voices were coming from the kitchen and as she made her way up she realized that there was only one voice talking and the other humming along.

Yoona was perched up on one of the chairs with her elbows resting on the island, her hands were cupping a cup of coffee and she could tell her sister was tired. It was probably a surprised to her when she answered the door and she saw him. Taemin was pacing around the table which was odd to see because as long as Suzy knew Taemin he never got nervous but then again she didn't really know any of her friends.

She stepped into the room after clearing causing Taemin's sneakers squeak at the sudden stop and Yoona's face brighten at the appearance of her.

"Suji-ah! You're back. Thank god!" Her hand patted Taemin on the shoulder as she walked to Suzy.

"The one day I stop by I get a headache."

"I'm sorry I don't know why he's here" She had sorry two times in one day; that was new.

Yoona's tired face was still livelier than her own.

"Taemin ah, do noona a favor and go to the living room, Suzy will be there soon okay?" He titled his head in comply and rushed out of the room leaving Suzy to wonder why on earth he had come over if he was so dead set on not even meeting her eyes. He had the guts to when he was yelling at me for Naeun's sake.

"Suzy...this whole thing don't you think you're being too selfish?"

Suzy blinked in surprise "Me?!"

Suzy couldn't understand how her sister after all she's been through thinks she's in the wrong. Her family was the only thinking keeping her afloat.

"I understand why you want to keep it in the dark because you don't want to relive it but Suzy think of this......as to my understanding of the past hour of listening to that boy rant- he's hurting too baby. He thinks it’s his fault too."

"He said that?" Suzy looked towards Taemin who was sitting on the couch playing with some bracelets on his left arm.

"No but it's easy to tell if you just pay attention."

Each one of her family members had a favorite amongst her friends, her mom's favorite was of course Jongin and her sister's favorite was Taemin. Suho wasn't in the country for the longest time, he had decided to study abroad when Suzy was ten, and only knew of Jaebum and Sulli but he doubted they remembered him.

"I understood when it first happened but it's been over a summer, almost 6 months, and in those six months all of you have been broken. I'm not saying to forgive him but at least talk to him"

Yoona stood her ground with a stern look and for a moment she saw her mom in her "Neh unnie"

Yoona gave a gracious smile and went off upstairs to spend the night because she was not going to drive with her head pounding but not before smacking Taemin on the head.

"You talk too much" He had a bashful smile on his face

"Thank you noona"

Suzy looked at the clock 9 o'clock. She sat beside Taemin who finally locked eyes with her. He's been crying

"Why are you here?"

He didn't say anything for a while. The fiddling with his bracelets was annoying her.

"If it's to yell at me again for saying it was Naeun then get out" She even pointed at the door practically kicking him out.

"No it’s not that. Hyeri....hyeri told me" Suzy held back at that, for Hyeri to tell him about what happened…..she didn’t know what to think.

"And you're here to apologize? Please" She could feel her sister's eyes burning through her skull

"I didn't come here to say sorry" Pssh arrogant as always, could compete with Krystal now

"It was Jaebum at first, always defending you when one of us makes a comment and I didn’t think much of it because he was always the gramps of the group, peacemaker if you wish.”

Suzy stayed silent “And now Hyeri…. I don’t know what you’ve been doing Suzy but you’re treading water.

“Why are you trying to meddle your way back in again? Why are they accepting you so openly?”

She could sense the underlying tone, the desperation, the disbelief.

"Dammit Suzy! What the hell are you telling them for them to want you back so desperately? After what you’ve done?! After you killed her?”

She couldn’t recognize him. The smiling, cocky, suave, heart breaking Taemin was gone, he had probably died the same night she had. The one at school was a façade. A well rehearsed one.

Taemin could feel himself getting hysterical, there were tears in the corner of his eyes and he didn’t want her to see that side of him, she had seen him cry before but that was when he trusted her. His movement to swiftly wipe his eyes made the bracelets on his arm slide down revealing a thin pink line on his pale wrist. Suzy eyes widened in horror.

No Taemin ah, please no   

Taemin didn’t seem to have noticed though. “Suzy, please tell me how ....." his bottom lip was trembling and Suzy couldn't keep it together for long. When she told Jaebum he lost it, he looked so dead just like Sulli did that Suzy had to spend nights in her sister's place because of the nightmares coming up again. And seeing that mark on his body, on his clean body ripped her. This was her friend for over 6 years.  

"Naeun....naeun reminded me of her, that's why I dated her." He was trying to even out his voice, trying to cover up his quiver with coughs. His head was being supported by the palms of his hands. The bracelets were still down.

"mmm" she wasn’t paying attention anymore, her heart was racing so loud she couldn’t hear and she could feel the salty tears cover her lips.

"But she's not her, no one can be as pure as she and it was a mistake to try." A single tear rolled down his cheek. Suzy broke and rushed over to him. Tackling him in hug caught him off guard and they almost fell off the couch not for Taemin’s one arm wrapping around her waist and the other one supporting them by holding onto the edge the couch.

“I’m sorry” It was the third time she said it and even though she didn’t like to do actions that would lead to her having to say that she couldn’t stop saying it. She had meant to comfort him but it turned out to be the opposite. Taemin didn’t know what to do but pat her back when she settled back down.

Her fingers gripped onto his arm, his left one and he tried to push down the bracelets when he saw that his scar was visible but it was for naught because her fingers had softly pressed down on the thin pink line.

“I will tell you…..about what happened that night just please stop hurting.”

His bangs covered the look of anguish in his eyes. He was at battle with himself, he wanted to know what happened but he wasn’t sure he could take it. He didn’t mean to make the sink in his bathroom turn red, he just wanted to stop feeling so disgusted with himself. It was only once he picked up the razor and he didn’t like the feeling because it didn’t make anything better, it just left another mark. He leaned his head on her shoulder.

“Okay”

A/N: WOOOAAAH so next chapter is completely that night. YAy! we reached it. DUN DUN DUN. HAHA i'll edit this chapter later but for now hope you enjoyed it!