"You thought it was Krystal, but actually it was really Jessica.. the unknown caller - it was also her.. she was just always by your side, Amber.. she'd always wanted to make sure that you are doing fine.."

I couldn't say anything.. I was speechless - too shocked of what I had found out.

It was.. Jessica all along, that was why the moment when I read the note that Krystal wrote - I felt.. different.. I felt like there was something missing.. Krystal's handwriting was different from the one's that I kept on receiving at my place, before.. I felt like something wrong on the note, because it wasn't Krystal, it was Jessica..

Gosh, Jessica.. I presumed that Jessica didn't visit me - even once, but the truth was, she was always just beside me from day one.

My heart clenched, a tear just escaped from my eyes.. but,

But am I supposed to believe this? Taecyeon.. "I saw.." I trailed. I was trembling as I looked up at Tiffany. "I saw Taecyeon at Show Champion recording.. I .. I saw them hugging.. h-how could you explain that?" Thinking about it again, was making me furious.

"Then?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What do you mean by--"

"Then what, Amber? What did they do next? Did they kiss after that? Did they act so intimately with each other?"

Somehow, what she asked caught me off guard. It actually didn't cross my head.. I just saw them hugging - nothing more, and the moment when our eyes met, I immediately walked away because I was so pissed, but I remember the last image of them..

"J-Jessica.." I murmured, feeling the tears that were falling through my cheek. The last image of them, I remember that she pulled away immediately.. I remember, that she tried to follow me but I just shoved her away..

"You didn't know, Amber how she felt when she found out about working with you.. You didn't have any idea what she felt, when she was around you and you didn't know what she felt, when you were treating her like your sworn enemy.."

If I could tell you, how much happiness and joy I felt when I found out that you agreed to work with me - that finally, I could be with you again, I remember that I was crying.. I was crying in happiness, Amber..

Despite that you were treating me differently, I just wanted to tell you that I wasn't mad at all.. I know I deserve it, Amber..

Before my awaiting meeting with you, my members reminded me that I would just get hurt if I accept the offer of working with you..

Honestly, Amber, I also thought of that, but the truth was.. I didn't care. I didn't care how much pain, I would get.. I didn't care if I would get hurt, because all I thought was being with you again..

I just wanted to be with you again, even though the moment when we were left alone in the meeting room, and you told me that you were better without me, even though it made a hole through my heart - even though it made me cry, I told myself that I had to endure all the pain, if I wanted to be around you again ..

And yes, Amber.. I endure all of it, even though my members would always find me crying at night, I have to bare all the pain..

And, Amber? Did you know that standing and sitting beside you at the baptism ceremony was enough for me, to make my heart thump faster? And my knees go weak? Because, the reason was, your effect on me was strong, that even a single touch from you could make me faint.. That is your effect on me, because I love you so much..

And did you know that I care for you so much? That when I found you sleeping on the couch in the dressing room, on my first day as a host, I immediately put a blanket around you because I didn't want you to get cold? And while you were sleeping, I kept on caressing your face because you didn't know how much I missed doing that to you.. I kept on saying `I love you' to you because I had been dying to say it to you..

I remember that the room was empty so I gathered up my courage to place a soft kiss on your lips and did you know what happened next? I cried.. I cried Amber because of happiness..

Did you know how much I miss you? Did you know that I never stopped thinking and loving you? I wanted to stay longer by your side while you were still sleeping, but your manager came all of a sudden, that I had no choice but to leave your side for awhile..

And my happiness grew more when I saw you standing outside the dressing room and looking for me. I couldn't contain my happiness, that I jolted up from my seat, the moment when our eyes met, and I remember that when you held our gaze, I could feel the butterflies flying rapidly in my stomach..

I couldn't get rid the smile on my face, but it soon faltered and it turned into a sad one when all of the people left and leaving us alone in the dressing room. The moment when you shot me a glare, I sensed that you didn't want to be around me and.. it hurts.

My Amber? And did you know that when you motioned me to sat beside you my heart was beating a bit faster than its normal rate? And when you moved away, like I was some kind of a disease, if youonly knew that I almost cried because it was already painful, but I just held it in, because like what I've said, right? I had to endure the pain if I want to be with you..

When you started talking, oh Amber.. I just couldn't take my eyes off of you.. I would never get tired of staring at you..

The way you move your lips, I just want to trace those with my fingers - your eyebrows, nose, cheeks - everything, but when you caught me staring at you.. all of a sudden, you got mad..

You were scolding me because I wasn't listening to you and I was just making an alibi, but if I could tell you that I was staring at you because you were just so perfect and beautiful.. would you believe me?

My Amber? If I could tell you that my love for you was genuine, that from the start I never stopped loving you.. Amber, I wasn't deceiving you, I wasn't making you fall into my trap because truthfully, I really loved you with all my heart..

But, I guess you wouldn't want to believe me because you were already blinded with your hatred towards me, and it pains me to think that, but I couldn't blame you, it was my fault..

It was already the second day of my work as a host and during our break I was surprised at Taecyeon's sudden visit..

We remained friends and he truly accepts and understand that my love for you will never die..

He asked if my relationship with you was already settled.. he was being a friend and he comforted me when I told him how hurt iwas, because you were always pushing me away..

He hugged me because I ended up being emotional and comforted me as a friend but it seems that, you misunderstand it again..

I didn't want you to think differently, that was why I followed youimmediately and wanted to explain to  you that it was just a misunderstanding, but you just shoved me away..

I was watching you closely, that during our celebration at the pub together with the staffs, I'd always sent a text message to your manger to make you stop drinking, because seeing you so devastated was breaking my heart..

You may not noticed it but I was watching you  so worriedly and when you passed out - I panicked.. your manager and I brought you to your place.

I took care of you for the whole night and I didn't want to leave you because I wanted to make sure that you were okay. I stayed by your side for the whole night, watching you sleep and admiring you while you were soundlessly sleeping..

I didn't want you to caught me in the act, it was against my will when I left at your place at exactly 8:00 AM.

I didn't have enough sleep, because after I left at your place, I went straight to our agency for our groups' rehearsals. Sure, my members did lecture me about tiring myself, but I didn't care..

All i thought was you..

During our break, I accidentally bumped into your manager through the hallways and I immediately asked him about you..

I found out that you were also there, and he said that you were having a bad headache. I grew worried, so I immediately went to the nearest pharmacy to buy a medicine.

I didn't know how I manage to stand in front of the meeting room while holding a water bottle and your medicine, all I wanted that time was to check on you if you were okay.. I wanted to see you..

I remember that I was really nervous that moment, that my whole body was trembling and my heart rate increased as I opened the door..

At first, I thought you were sleeping so I just placed the bottle and the medicine on the table, but I didn't expect that you would caught me when I was already turning to leave..

You hated it - you hated that I care for you.. I was terrified while you were asking me and I couldn't even look at you..

You didn't want to drink it, and you were saying some harsh words to me. I was just worried of you.. "Didn't I tell you to stop this already? Don't you really understand me? Didn't I tell you to stay away from me? And please - don't give me that look, that you.. That you really cared, because truthfully you didn't! You never cared!"

Did you know that it breaks my heart when I heard those coming from your lips? Did you know that I really cared for you, my Amber? Because I really love you.. or you were just blinded with you anger towards me?

I told you I was sorry.. I was sorry because I had hurt you so much, I was sorry that I made a big mistake.. And if I had the chance, I wanted to ask you, Amber would you forgive me?

After that I didn't make to our next practice. I went straight to my place, crying my heart out. I was devastated until I was surprised to see you standing by my door after three days..

In an instant, all of my sadness vanished, and my heart exploded with happiness when you visited me, but I was a bit disappointed that you would leave immediately after you'd give me the script.

I was genuinely concerned about your hangover so I asked you about it, but you got mad and my heart torn into pieces hearing such hatred coming from you. I was just really concerned, but you didn't want to believe me, instead you were thinking that I was jus faking it.. it pains me even more..

Then when you were ready to leave while me - I was weeping at the doorway, I was surprised that you kissed me..

My Amber you kissed me and I felt sparks running through my veins. Without hesitations, I surrendered myself to you.. You and I.. we made love..

What kind of a person am I? How come, I didn't know this? How come she didn't tell me about this? We could've solve this together without hurting anyone but no.. she chose to endure the pain all by herself and I was so mad at her for being like that..

"O-oh.. Jessica.." I sobbed as I buried my face into my hands. "My.. my Jessica.."

Tiffany sat beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, "S-she.. She doesn't.. she doesn't deserve all of the.. pain.. J-Jessica.. M-my Jessica.."

"Sshh.. let it out, Amber. It is okay.." I felt Tiffany's hand rubbing my back as I sobbed harder. Then all of a sudden she took a deep breath as if she was readying herself. "Amber.. There's.. There's more.."

I stopped. Sniffing, I looked up at her. What? "T-there's more?"

She sighed, nodding. "I just hope that Jessica wouldn't kill me for telling you this, but you have to know this.. and.. and.. I hope you won't get shocked.."

I just felt my heart beat faster, all of a sudden.. "Whatever it is Tiffany.. I.  I am ready to listen.."