A/N: Folks, after waiting for weeks.. you will now witness Jessica's POV..

 

             Notice: Her Point of view will start way back from, when Krystal went missing and Taemin had found her and brought her to the hospital. I      divided her POV into three parts and it is mostly in narration but I managed to put a few dialogues in it.. if you have some questions or confuse just ask on the comment box below.. Dialogues that are in italics are flashbacks..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn't know what to think anymore, when the doctor told me about Krystal's situation. Krystal was not well.. "I could tell that she is really depressed, Ms. Jessica. While I was asking her earlier, she wasn't even looking at me or answering my questions. She was always staring into nothing.." I stared at Krystal's sleeping figure. I was trying so hard not to cry, because I had told to myself that I'm going to be strong for this.

"It will be dangerous if she's always like that. I suppose you have a bit knowledge about some other patients who are drown too much in depression? - mostly, they are killing themselves." Fear shot me. Suicide? Tears were starting to build in my eyes and this time, I didn't held it in.

"Please don't think too much yet, Ms. Jung. Your sister's situation is not that severe, but we have to take precautions before it gets worse.. I'm not going to prescribe any meds for her, because like what I've said, she's not that worse, but I suggest you have to help her. If you know a good way to get her back, well I think that is more better.."

A.. way? To get her back? Suddenly, I remember my argument with Krystal. My.. Amber.. no.. Thinking it  again, it just made me cried harder. My brain was in a mess, I just didn't know what to think. I love Amber so much, I just couldn't let go of her. My life will be in a mess, if we were not together anymore.. but, how about Krystal? She's my sister. My baby sister. I also love her and I didn't want to leave her like that. God.. what am I going to do?

Finally, the doctor and I stepped out from the room, once my tears were already dried up. "So baby? What did the doctor said?"

I just couldn't tell her.. It was.. better this way. "Um.. I'm so tired baby. Can you.. can  you send me home right now?"

Maybe she noticed the sudden change of my mood, and my puffy eyes. "Jessi--"

Like what I've said, maybe it was better this way. "Amber.. I'm tired.. I wanted to go home."

It must be my tired voice, that she finally relented. "O-okay, sure baby."

On our way to my place, I suddenly got a text message from Taecyeon..

Hey Jessica? How are you? I heard about what happened to Krystal. Are you okay? Um.. I am free tomorrow. Do you.. want to talk about it over lunch?

I was pretty aware that he has a big crush on me. When I first found about it, I didn't feel anything. Of course, I was flattered, but that's all and besides I have Amber. She was the one I truly love, but that moment I didn't know what hit me when I agreed.

We were still not in our place, yet when I told her that I was just going to stay at our dorm. I never lied to Amber, and that was the first moment, when I did that. While I was telling her that I was just going to stay at the dorm instead, because we were going to have a performance the next day, my heart ached because I knew that it wasn't true -- that I was just lying to her.

She  was hesitant, but then I convinced her. In the end she agreed..

The moment when we were at the dorm, and she was getting ready to leave, hearing her words that were full of concern and love, I thought that, what will I do, If I let her go? If she wasn't in my arms anymore? Through these thoughts, I couldn't help but to give her a passionate kiss.

During the kiss, I couldn't help but to think, how much I love her. I really love her so much, that I am willing to do anything to be with her. I lover so much, that I couldn't imagine my life would be without her. These thoughts.. made me tear up, that was why I broke the kiss and hid my face in her neck, so that she couldn't notice. I was trying so hard to restrain my tears, by melting myself into her arms. "I love you, Amber."

"Are you okay, Jess--"

"Just say that you love me too.." I said. I'd wish, Soojung didn't chose Amber to love. I'dwish, it was just someone..

"I love you too, baby.." And I'd wish, I will hear those three words from her, forever..

She must have sensed that something was wrong with me, but I was stubborn - I told her that everything just fine..

Every lie that would slipped through my lips, and every time I would tell that I was okay, I couldn't help but to get mad at myself.. it felt like, I'd already been cheating on Amber..

Cheating.. I didn't have guts and I will never.. ever do that to my Amber. I just really love her so much..

But that night, I made a decision, that I will surely regret on the future, "What did you say, Jessica? You're breaking up with Amber? Don't you love her anymore?"

The last question from Taeyeon got me. "I love her, Taeyeon. I really love her so much. I would get nuts if we broke up. She's my life Taeyeon, you didn't know that. My life will be in hell if she'll leave me.." After Amber left, Taeyeon and Hyoyeon cornered me. They confronted me, because there was really no performance that'll happen.. I just made that up.

And just saying and thinking that Amber is not mine anymore, my heart was squeezing, as if an imaginary knife was constantly stabbing my heart. I was crying when I confessed it to them. After all, they are also my sisters, they have to know.

"Then.. Jessica, if you love her so much, why are you breaking up with her? Why do you have too meet up with Taecyeon tomorrow if you know that he really likes you. We want to help you, Jessica but you have to tell us what was behind all of this.."

Hyoyeon's gentle voice was making me cry even more. I just didn't know what to do that moment, so I told them the whole story. They were surprised when I told them that Krystal was in love with Amber for a long time, and when I told them my idea, they didn't agree with it. They didn't agree that, I am going to sacrifice my relationship with Amber just for Krystal.

It wasn't easy to make a decision like that. Even if it was against my will - even if I love Amber so much, I had to do it.. for the sake of my sister. She's still my baby sister.

I had told this about them, but then I remember what Taeyeon's advice, "Honestly, I didn't agree with this and I know you're only doing this for Krystal, but don't you think it is too much? Too risky? I mean, surely, Amber will hate you for doing this, Jessica. Making her believe that you are secretly dating with Taecyeon,  during your relationship with her -- Amber will hold a grudge on you. Don't you want to think about it at first? I think you're being impulsive."

I guess that was my mistake, I was being impulsive that I already consider sacrificing my relationship with Amber, but I already knew the consequences that time. Amber will hate me, that she won't love me anymore if I did it.

But although it pains me; even though I didn't want to hurt her, in the end, I didn't have a choice but to do my plan..

On the day, that I'd gone lunch with Taecyeon, the rest of my  members already knew about my plan. Honestly, I never expect that they were going to agree with my plan, because I knew from the start and knew from myself, that it wasn't right for me to do it. Yes, they weren't supportive with my decision, but they said, whatever happen, they'll always be behind my back and I was happy that my members were still there, despite of my wrong decision.

When I saw the article about Taecyeon and I, I didn't know that there were already some paparazzis who were watching. When I read the article, I was so mad and hate at the person who wrote it. I wanted to shout directly at that person's face that it was just a misunderstanding - that the 'lovey-dovey' they were talking about, was actually Taecyeon comforting me, because I was crying that moment. Yes, he knows, and he was surprised when I told him my secret relationship, but then he wasn't disgusted, he was supportive in the end, instead.

I was so emotional that lunch, that I didn't even touch my food.. I was so emotional, that I ended up telling him my relationship with Amber and my plan on breaking up with her.. but, I was still short to him. I didn't tell him why, I was going to break up with Amber.

The whole time, I was with Taecyeon, the only person who was running in my head was Amber.. it was just her.. it was only her..

But, I wasn't surprised, when I saw her at the dorm together with Sulli, Victoria and Luna..

I wasn't surprised, because I was already expecting her arrival, that she might've been found out about the article..

But.. I was afraid.. I was scared, that the plan I made was already happening.

When our eyes met, and her eyes landed on my hand that was on Taecyeon's forearm, my heart broke when I saw anger and hurt in her eyes. My Amber.. I wanted to tell her that what she was thinking was wrong and what she was seeing was just a misunderstanding.. I wanted to tell her, that he just did a friendly visit and comforted me as a friend.. I badly wanted to tell her that we didn't do anything wrong..

I was supposed to distance myself from him, because it pains me to see her hurting, but everything just went in a flash. Amber suddenly punched Taecyeon on the face..

I was so shocked of what she did, that I went to him first because he was the one who catches the blow, not because I like him or anything, but because he was just being a friend and he didn't do anything, but yet, he was the one getting involve at the mess that I made. "J-Jessica.. W-what.. what are you.."

If she only knew how much it pains me to see her hurting.. if she only knew, that I was just doing this for Krystal.. if she only knew, that I love her, so, so much.. if she only knew these things, everything would be back to normal, but then, I still put on my fake mask, pretending that I didn't love her, that I was dating Ok Taecyeon behind her back.

But when she asked, "W-why? W-why.. is.. is my love not enough for you?" All I ever wanted to do was to run back into her arms, kissed her on the lips, tell her that her love was making me happy - alive, tell her that she was my life, tell her that I really love her with all my heart, but in the end, I couldn't.. the mess that I made was already done, and I will regret it forever..

My heart was completely shattered into pieces when she said to me, "Don't you know that you're hurting me so much, Jessica?" And when she left, I broke down into tears. All of my dissimulation that I had build, were crashed down in just a snap of a finger and again I had turned back into a vulnerable person..