A week after the incident at our dorm, I didn't do anything but mostly cry, especially every night. I was aware, that I wasn't in myself anymore; I wasn't eating or sleeping properly, whenever my members would convince me to eat, I would always shrugged them away and locked myself in the room for hours; I barely talk, mostly I was always staring into space.. always thinking of her.. my Amber.. My life was in hell.. I was dead..

But when Tiffany told me about Amber, "Jessica.. Amber is locking herself in her place for a week now.. we couldn't reach her, because her phone is always off." I almost collapsed on the floor after hearing it from Tiffany. My world easily shattered; my heart was slowly tearing into pieces. It was my fault and I would never forgive myself. My Amber. I was so dead worried, that I immediately went to her place, alone, even though, it was already dawn.

I just sat on the floor against her door for hours. I didn't dare to sleep, because I was hoping she would come out from her house. I wanted to call her that moment, knock at her door - I desperately wanted to see her, and check if she was okay, but.. I couldn't. I didn't have enough courage to do it. I was afraid.. I was afraid, for her to shove me away..

All I thought that time, was to tell her the whole truth.. I just wanted to get back in her arms again.. I wanted to take back what I had said to her at our dorm.. I just couldn't take it anymore.. I just couldn't take that I was away with her..

I really didn't want to leave, but when Seohyun and Tiffany came there to pick and convinced me to come home - I didn't agree. I was determined to see her. "Come on, Jessica. You need energy. I know that you didn't sleep. You have to eat at least." Tiffany told me, gently forcing me to stand on my feet.

But I was stubborn. "But, my Amber.." I said weakly, pulling my arm back.

"Unnie we will come back later, we promise that and we will try to contact her, but you need to eat first. You need to have energy unnie.." When Seohyun told me about that - that we would try to contact Amber, like a kid, I obeyed..

Hours has passed and night had already come, I was getting ready to go to Amber's place again, when I opened the door and was surprised to see Taecyeon standing in front of my door. I actually didn't know, what was his purpose of his visit. "I just wanted to check if you're okay.. how are you? How's Krystal by the way?"

When he asked me about Krystal, I  actually never thought of her after what happened between Amber and I. Amber was constantly in my head all the time, that I already forgot to visit Krystal at the hospital. I sighed, thinking I was a bad sister. "Oh.. I think, I will visit her tomorrow.."

And then, the random conversation kept on going, that I wish he'd leave as soon as possible. It was just so fast, that the next I knew, he was already kissing me..

It surprised me, but then I didn't know why, I respond to the kiss and was in pleasure. I really didn't know why, but.. one thing I knew, that moment, I was thinking of Amber.. it was my Amber that was running in my head all the time, and after a few seconds, I realized what I was doing, that I immediately pushed him away from me. "What are you doing Taecyeon?" I was so mad that I didn't use an oppa to him. But later on, I realized, it was really my fault.. I shouldn't have let him kiss me..

"I.. I was just.. just.." He stuttered.

"You know, I love Amber, right? How could you took advantage of me?" I snapped.

"I-I'm sorry.." He said, hanging his head low. "You responded so I thought--"

"That I liked it?" I asked, getting mad. "I was thinking of Amber, that was why I ended up responding to the kiss.. I'm sorry to say this Taecyeon, but I still love amber and that will never change.. I know it was my fault also, but I wanted to tell you that my love for Amber will never change.. ever.." And after that I left, and I was so sure that I had hurt him, but what I said was all true. I still love Amber, and my heart will be hers forever..

But while driving to her place, I received a call from Tiffany, "Jess.." I remember, her voice was sad. "Amber.. she.. she was rushed to the hospital.. she got into an.. accident."

That moment, I felt that time stopped and my world went crumbling down in a harshest way. I was too shocked that, I lost my grip on the phone that I was holding, that it just fell on the car floor. I felt so numbed and I never felt so terrified and nervous before. Oh god.. my Amber..

I rushed to the hospital and once there, I ran towards the emergency, to found my members there, patiently waiting. I ran to Tiffany, not caring for the others. "W-where is Amber? W-where is my Amber? Goddammit! -Tiffany where is Amber?!" I was so frantic, that I ended up, shaking Tiffany's shoulders ferociously. It also didn't help that that my panic went overboard that I ended up crying.

Some of my members tried to calm me, but I was persistent. I didn't care. I needed to see my Amber. "Jessica, the doctor is still inside, but we heard, she got hit by a car.. relax, Jessica.. everything will be okay.." Tiffany told me.

She got hit by a car.. my Amber got hit by a car and I didn'tknow what is her situation right now, I thought that moment. After hearing it from her, suddenly I got scared.. I don't want her to leave me.. suddenly, my head was spinning, and all of a sudden my vision turned into black..

When I opened my eyes, I saw Tiffany, Sooyoung, Sunny and we were in a room. I didn't know that I fainted, until they told me, and was immediately admitted. But then, the first person who popped in my head was amber. I immediately asked the three about her. I badly wanted to see her that moment. "Relax, Jessica.. Amber is okay now, but.. We think, that you can see her for some other time, not now.." Confused, I asked them why.

"Some of her members are there, friends.. I heard also that her family, immediately booked a flight to visit her.. and also, Krystal is there.."

I guess, I did understand what they said. The rumor about Taecyeon and I was still on fire, and they had must assume that I really cheat on Amber..

The thought made me sad.. how could I not defend myself? - but when they told me that Krystal was also there to visit Amber, I didn't know that she was already discharged..

"But, Jessica.." And again, another sad and hesitant tone coming from Tiffany. "Amber.. she's.. Amber is in coma..'

My heart dropped. When I registered in my head what she said, I felt like god was already punishing me.. I felt like, someone shot me straight through the heart. The pain I felt was unbearable.. why this is happening to her? I hurt her.. I should be the one at her place not her.. I couldn't say anything.. I just cried.. cried.. and cried.. my Amber..

Later that night, maybe a little bit late already, I remember, I was immediately discharged and soon Tiffany told me that all of Amber's visitors were now gone - I could already visit her..

My members decided to stay with me until we head home. "Are you ready?" Tiffany asked in English, when we were in front of Amber's room. I remember that my heart was beating erratically. I didn't know, but I was nervous.. but I had to admit, I miss her.. I miss her like crazy..

I nodded, without answering. "Okay then. We will be outside, if you need us." And when she left me, standing by her room's door, my hand was trembling when I turned the knob. As soon as I opened the door, a gasped was escaped through my lips. Covering my mouth with my hands, I felt my tears were falling already, as I locked my eyes on the figure on the bed. "My.. my Amber.." I sobbed, slowly walking towards her.

My heart ached when I finally got a closer view of her. Standing by her bed, I stifled a sob, by biting my lower lip as I stared at her.

She was peacefully sleeping, but I immediately noticed the bandage around her head and the cast around her arm. There was some scratches on her left arm, and her nose was slightly broken. She doesn't look.. good. She was so hurt, physically and.. emotionally. My Amber..

Staring at her for too long was just making my heart break. Squeezing my eyes shut briefly, I rushed out from the room, then sliding my body down on the wall at the corner.

I just couldn't take it. The sight of her was too painful for me. My heart broke seeing her like that. I just couldn't take it..

Minutes later, my members found me, sobbing quietly at the corner. I remember, I was telling them, that I wasn't going to leave Amber's side, anymore, because they were forcing me to come home. But then, after a lot of effort of convincing from them, I relented..

                                            
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For those days that she was still in coma, I'd always go to the hospital with some of my members to visit her -- but.. secretly. We made sure that every time I visit her, they were already gone, and it mostly happens late at night..

But, I never complained, neither my members too, that we must go there mostly at dawn...

Every time, I would visit her, I'd always talk to her as if she was already conscious - I'd always stay there for hours - I'd always massage her right arm gently - I'd always watch her sleep - I'd always hold her hand until I leave and when my members would remind me that it was time to go home, I'd always kiss her eyes, nose and lips..

For 5 days I was doing those, until I heard from Seohyun that Amber is already awake. I was really happy. No words couldn't express how much I was happy, to know that she was finally awake, but I didn't know that the happiness I felt was only for short term, when Krystal visited me at my condo, all of a sudden..

I remember her face was so cold and I couldn't figure out why, "Is it true?" That was the first thing she asked me, when she entered my place.

I was guessing that she was talking about the rumor. I didn't answer her, I just kept my mouth shut. Somehow, that moment, I remember what the doctor told me about Krystal.

"So it was true." It was rather a bitter amusement, and again I didn't answer.

"Unnie, how could you?! I thought you love her?! Yet, you cheated on her?!" I wanted to scream that what she said was wrong. I wanted to scream on the top of my lungs that I love Amber so much, but I kept quiet, while crying silently.

"Amber.. she saw you making out with that.. That Taecyeon! Didn't you know how much you hurt her?! How could you?!" She got me on that. She.. she saw us? I.. I didn't know.. That moment, my chest was squeezing, I couldn't breath..

But what she said next, somehow scared me. "I'm sorry to say this, but from now on.. I'm going to take care of her.. I'll make her feel how much I love her.. don't think of her anymore.. I'll make sure, she will fall in love with me also.. I won't hurt her, like the way you did.." And when she left, leaving me frozen and startled of what she said, the last thing that I remembered was my members came there and found me sobbing..